| 7/24/2010 4:35:35 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
gotirish
Pikeville, NC
53, joined Nov. 2009
|
Today, the first loaad of stuff has been delivered to Goodwill. My wife was a great collector of things. I am mixed about letting it go. My mom and sisters came down and started packing and going through stuff. I stayed outside unless they had a question about something. Overall I am very greatfull that the house is getting cleaned out. My wife and I built this house in 96, custom built for wheelchair access (didn't need those accomodations untill later years. We designed it to our tasts. After her passing the house is like a looming creaping thing weighing me down, and I just don't want to be here any more. It will go on the market in a few months, and I will be moving. There are very few things I have decided to keep, mostly photo's and a very few items.
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
|
| 7/24/2010 5:26:29 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
pearlsnlace4u
Harlowton, MT
63, joined Nov. 2008
|
I gave most of my husbands clothes to his nephews, as they don't have much and were the same size. I gave his photo album of his time in Viet Nam to the nephew he was closest to. I gave his sister his bible. All of this was done right after his burial. I didn't need his things to remind me of him as I carry those memories in my heart.
|
| 7/24/2010 7:36:05 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
sallybelle494
Adairsville, GA
72, joined Jun. 2009
|
He was gone about 2 yrs and the clothes were the last and hardest to go. I think as long as they were in the closet I could recall him. When I went to our place on the lake about 2 wks ago there were still a couple of his shirts there but he is not the smell of him no longer lingers and I can't find him except in my menory.
|
| 7/24/2010 10:33:22 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
joni1955
Ridley Park, PA
61, joined Nov. 2009
|
I had to leave most of his stuff in his apartment. (We were divorced but still close). No one would help me move anything so I just took what meant something to me.
|
| 7/25/2010 3:56:16 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
jan_ann
Lansing, IA
65, joined Jul. 2010
|
My hubby has been gone for over 5 years. I gave some things away within weeks, then all of the sudden couldn't finish. A few months ago, the rest went. Just to difficult to know what to do with everything.
I at times wonder why I am still living here, paying taxes, upkeep and of course utilities for one person. I also work in another town, considerable driving time and in the winter, I end up staying at work due to road conditions.
There are times that I wonder why I bother having a house. I seem to spend all of my time at or going to work, taxes, upkeep. But when I have a day off, I remember. It's not a house, it's home. And I still feel the love that was shared here.
They say never to sell your home for at least a year.
And it doesn't get better, it just gets different.
|
| 7/25/2010 4:09:48 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
callmeeileen
Ormond Beach, FL
65, joined Feb. 2008
|
OP, I am so sorry for your pain... when I lost my 'love of my life' I couldnt return 'home'.. it was the place that I tended to his every need, day and night, physical and emotional... Good for you that you can even make the decision to move on.. SHE will always be with you... I/we were living in Virginia when my husband passed and I guess I should have gone back to NY (being born and raised there,, with ALL of my family still there).. but I knew in my heart I had to venture out on my own.. come what may.. So I went SOUTH.. to the Sunshine state... It gives family a place to vacation and it gave me time to heal on my own schedule.. I wish you the same.. God bless
|
| 7/25/2010 9:14:49 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
allheartangel
Dunnellon, FL
38, joined Jun. 2010
|
The hardest thing for me was his stuff. My husband killed himself on a Saturday morning. I stayed at my sisters house for 3 days after that and when I returned home, my mom, (only trying to help) had taken EVERYTHING out of our bedroom and I couldn't find anything that belonged to him. I was in panic mode! I let 1 thing go at a time now. There are things that I will probably never get rid of, and thats ok too. Take your time! It has only been 3 mths. for me and it still seems like yesterday. I wish you the best of luck!!!.....Jen
|
| 7/26/2010 5:57:34 AM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
texangelfire
Krum, TX
73, joined Jul. 2007
|
Thankfully the morning after his passing, my daughter ask if she could take his clothes. She put them in her trunk. Before the memorial service she opened her trunk to his children and I open the house to them to look for mementoes. They checked with me regarding anything they took. While I was away making arrangement with my daughter a friend rearranged the furniture in the house taking his chair to a room I rarely used. Now I have moved his chair back into the living room and I am comforted when I relax in it. I understand why he loved it. Loving family and friends helped me to move on. Tomorrow it will be 5 years. For some reason this anniversary is harder than most have been.
|
| 7/26/2010 1:57:15 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
carsonguy1951
Carson City, NV
65, joined Sep. 2008
|
A few weeks after Judy died, I got my daughters together and we started with her jewelery....and then worked through her clothes and other stuff. They were very happy to have stuff of hers to keep and treasure.
The left over clothes were donated so someone else could benefit from them.
Stuff is just stuff.... Memories are far more important than the stuff.
|
| 7/26/2010 2:15:33 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
texangelfire
Krum, TX
73, joined Jul. 2007
|
So right Carsonguy, stuff becomes burdens. The best memories don’t need the symbols of stuff. Does that make sense?
|
| 7/31/2010 9:48:23 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
spoiledwidower
Hagerstown, MD
61, joined Jul. 2010
|
it took me months to even start. it has been 18 months and i still have a lot of her stuff, including some of her clothes. i am sure it will take me years if it ever happens in my life time to get rid of all of it. each time i get rid of something she slips a little farther away.
|
| 8/1/2010 1:59:18 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
sunnydai
Venice, FL
63, joined Jul. 2010
|
My stepchildren are from out of state, so the clothes were tried on and taken almost immediately. I had to get out of that house as quickly as I could. My husband fell down the stairs and broke his neck. I did CPR and brought him back. I got to keep him for two more weeks. The house that held so many memories for 24 years became my enemy and I couldn't sell it and get out fast enough. I still have a shirt that still has his scent and pictures. He is always there in my heart.
|
| 8/1/2010 2:06:20 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
cali1234
Exeter, CA
68, joined Oct. 2008
|
I still have some of his clothes, and have not done anything with his ashes either, they are in my back room in the sack I brought them home in.
|
| 8/2/2010 6:07:42 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
spoiledwidower
Hagerstown, MD
61, joined Jul. 2010
|
My stepchildren are from out of state, so the clothes were tried on and taken almost immediately. I had to get out of that house as quickly as I could. My husband fell down the stairs and broke his neck. I did CPR and brought him back. I got to keep him for two more weeks. The house that held so many memories for 24 years became my enemy and I couldn't sell it and get out fast enough. I still have a shirt that still has his scent and pictures. He is always there in my heart.
Funny, my wife died on our back deck in my arms and I can't sell because of it. I was unsuccessful in my attempts to revive her. I have completely the opposite reaction that you have to the house.
|
| 8/5/2010 12:49:21 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
mnscooterlover
New Ulm, MN
52, joined Jul. 2010
|
I was married to my husband for 6 years, it was a second marriage for both of us. He died in a freak accident in April 2009. I'm working on getting rid of things a little at a time. I actually hired someone to help with the clothes, etc.
I had a lot of "toys" to get rid of...motorcycles, snowmobiles, etc. that I knew I'd never use. I've boxed up mementos for my stepson which he will get when he's older. My stepson was a bit of a hoarder, he is on the autism spectrum, so I have a lot of junk to go through. I haven't touched my stepson's room yet.
I do feel guilty getting rid of some things. I know they are just things but if it was important to him I feel guilty, unfortunately, a lot of things were important. It's hard for my son too. He really connected with his step-father. It all takes time I guess.
|
| 8/5/2010 6:05:14 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
traceypalmer
Lavaca, AR
52, joined Jul. 2010
|
I still have all of it but a few items I gave to the kids. I have alot of it boxed up to give to his children when his son gets out of jail. However I still have some I can't part with yet too many memories and my walls are full of pictures of him which I am not ready to remove yet.
|
| 8/16/2010 12:24:56 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
rae682
Williamstown, VT
64, joined Apr. 2010
|
Hi My wife clothes well my daughter help me with that ,somethings i will never let go
And to...Jan Ann ...I have the samethings you do taxes upkeep,But there is one thing that stop me from walking away...It was a dream to live here in VT not Ct or Ny but here
And thats why i am still here ..It's all about a dream.
|
| 8/16/2010 1:18:50 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
connier
Nampa, ID
68, joined Jun. 2008
|
I agree rae, my husband worked very hard making sure the home was paid for so I would have my own place and I would never let him down by selling. been here 26 years now and love all my neighbors also. they still look out for me even tho it has been almost 4 years soon. it is home..
|
| 8/22/2010 3:37:26 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
fulross
Oklahoma City, OK
69, joined Sep. 2008
|
It oesn't really matter when you get rid of the things that belonged to your loved one. We all mourn in different ways, some do not need to mourn long and others need to mourn longer.
We all have a responsibility to ourselves to move on to find a new life.
I watched my husband die alittle each day with cancer, even after all of the treatments it was useless. During this time we talked many times and he told me how he wanted me to move on. I it is never easy for any of us not matter how long we were married or how short. Marriage and love is found in our hearts not in materialistic things. I think when we mourn to long we begin to use it as a crutch not to move on and let me say I did my share, took me mine years. Yes I got rid of many of my husbands things but I gave them to his brothers and nephews that wanted them and needed them. The majority of things went to his son. The love my husband and I shared is still in my memory and in my heart. Take it just one day at a time because we all handle these things differently just don't let this turn into a crutch and stop you from living. Just remember thru us our spouses continue to live with our memories and not with our heartaches. Heartaches can turn into resentment just be careful this does not happen to you because then we loose the love for those dear ones that have left us here to continue on. It is our responsibility to continue on to keep the memory alive for our loved ones and his loved ones. Do what is best for you, do not worry about what others think, they are not you and there are no rules for putting the past behind us because you will always love that lost one. I prayed for my spouse to leave me to go to that better place where there is no sickness and pain. I would have never wished my loved one to remain for me to continue to live each day with pain and misery.......
I was a child
I was a woman
I was a wife
I was a widow
and now I am single,
I have come full circle and now ready to look for a new life.
|
| 8/22/2010 3:52:27 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
57, joined May. 2009
|
What a wonderful way of putting that, Fulross.
You've given me an idea for a thread, thanks.
|
| 8/22/2010 5:48:47 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
peeps57
Sarasota, FL
58, joined Jul. 2010
|
All his clothes are still hanging in the closet. I plan on going through them sometime....His dresser is almost empty. I sold his truck and am in the process of closing the business.
My daughter is expecting in February. I want to make a quilt for the baby out of his clothes. I really need to get motivated. (Besides a girl can always use the closet space.)
Got rid of the cancer stuff as soon as I came home from the hospital. Threw them in a trash bag. (It felt good at the time.) I have the memories, they will never go away...Toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, all gone...His clothes..why is this so hard?
Crystal
|
| 8/22/2010 6:13:04 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
57, joined May. 2009
|
My daughter doesn't want daddy's toothbrush gone, so it's still in the holder in the bathroom...and that, after a move. I had left the towel he used for his last shower hanging, and would smell it, hoping to still smell him in it.
We don't have very much of his stuff left. I weeded out things all through his illness and then after his death got rid of more. When my daughter and I moved from the house, got rid of nearly all of the rest. We kept some t-shirts and the toothbrush.
Some of the getting rid of stuff, initially, was something we were doing together anyway and I just kept doing it, sort of as a catharsis and sort of for when he got better and would come home, it would be easier.
Then when he died it became a way of working through it, and I knew I could not move all of it again. (We had recently moved there and most of our things were still in boxes.)
It was both necessary because I had no other choices but to get rid of things, and it was also sort of healing.
However, I know I made choices I would not have made had I not had to do what I did as fast as I did.
[Edited 8/22/2010 6:13:31 PM ]
|
| 8/22/2010 9:56:18 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
maggie275
Mount Juliet, TN
69, joined Aug. 2010
|
My Dear husband has been gone since March of last year. His closet is "haunted" to me and can't go in there. His tools are untouched also. I drive his car and it was difficult at first. Life will never be the same but one must go on for whatever reason. We were soulmates and had a great life together for almost 30 years. We loved to golf, travel and go dancing and I miss those things. Memories are good, but are sweet sorrow.
|
| 8/22/2010 10:22:50 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
sxbrune
Cincinnati, OH
60, joined Aug. 2010
|
My husband died in 2006, and the day after he died, I gave away his clothes, only because we had a daughter who was 13 at the time, and I was afraid she would be going back to his things instead of moving on. That was a huge mistake. She looked for his cologne the next morning because the sent reminded her of him. I do still have his photos, furniture and keep-sakes for her to have when she is ready, but I should have let her grieve. When the time is right, you will know it. Don't push it.
|
| 8/23/2010 5:14:38 AM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
thebard58
Hermiston, OR
57, joined Jul. 2010
|
Still haven't!
Managed to give away a few of the clothes (she had "different" taste, and ranged all the way from size 4 to about 12).
All the nik naks are still here. Can't decide whether to have a yard sale, drop them off at the local charity, or put on E*bay. It's ironic, just a few weeks before she died, she brought home more stuff from yard sales, goodwill, and
I said "Honey, we already have a storage unit, almost full, and the house is full of that kind of stuff. Why in the world are you getting more?"
She replied "I know. But it makes me happy." with a big silly smile.
Me:"OK sweetie, if it really pleases you so much, I guess we'll find some room"
Her:"I suppose it really isn't fair though. If I don't make it, you'll be stuck trying to figure out what to do with all this stuff!"
Bamm... gone 2/22/2009
Anybody out there collect rabbit paraphernalia? I hate to divide up her collection.
|
| 8/25/2010 10:07:35 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
1951countrygirl
Sherman, TX
58, joined Mar. 2010
|
I still have everything. People have told me to go through things and get rid of it, I can't. Hospice took a few shirts and made teddy bears out of them for the kids and I(we had 6). My bear has been to the birth of our 7th grandchild. He wanted to be at the birth and we felt that this way he was. Soon our youngest daughter will marry and my bear will be there. And it seems good for his radio name was teddy bear. Oh and the shirts that was taken, Each child had their picture taken with their dad. and the shirt that he was wearing at the time became that childs bear. Our children ages at his passing oldest born 1977 and the 6th was born 1986. their bears are always near by them.
|
| 8/26/2010 7:27:33 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
texangelfire
Krum, TX
73, joined Jul. 2007
|
10 days ago I took the last of his things 700 milesthat I thought his son would want. Had a wonderful time with my stepson and his family. In the box was the flag. I wanted his only grandson to eventually have it. He is only 3 and born after D*ck's death. This was the first time I had seen him. It was a fantastic couple days with them. I will return.
|
| 9/5/2010 11:53:28 AM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
newlifewanted
Jacksonville, FL
57, joined Aug. 2010
|
I lost me husband almost 4 months ago. I finally am now going thru some of his stuff. I think the movation is that my daughter is getting married in November and family is coming to stay with me. It is very hard to go through his belongings, especially things that meant alot to him and not especially to me. I am just going through alot of paperwork right now and boy is there alot of it. Every day seems to get alittle easier.
|
| 9/5/2010 12:32:50 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
57, joined May. 2009
|
You know what I found kind of sad? When I was going through my husband's things, I found things I had no idea of its significance to him. Some things I had never seen, or if I had, I didn't remember. It just saddened me. I wish I knew and I wish I had listened and/or questioned him more. I guess you just think you have all the time in the world.
Just before we met his aunt died. She was the last of her generation and his last link to it. He cleaned up her estate and brought many of her things home with him, intending to take his time going through things. But like always, life got in the way and he probably only got about three fourths of the way through it.
Our house was large enough to store stuff...so we did. You know how that goes.
And dang it, we moved that stuff twice!
When I moved into my new place, it does not have the room to store all that so I've been going through it. I found a lot. Lots and lots of things, among them picture albums that I don't know if they were hers or his mothers or a mixture or whose. But there were pictures of him as a little boy and it was such a treasure. I wish we could have sat down together and gone through them and he could have told me stories.
I saved the pictures he was in, and tossed the rest. Throwing pictures bothers me. I don't like seeing them in antique stores, either. It feels like you're throwing out people...or that you don't care anymore. Odd, I know, and I know it's not what I'm doing, but there you are.
|
| 9/5/2010 2:49:06 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
cali1234
Exeter, CA
68, joined Oct. 2008
|
I threw too much away and gave away too much within the first weeks....I was mad, now I regret it...It is better to wait awhile before doing anything with their belongings......
|
| 9/5/2010 3:50:56 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
57, joined May. 2009
|
I agree. There are things I wish I still had.
|
| 9/5/2010 4:00:39 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
2irish11
Norwich, CT
59, joined Aug. 2010
|
My sister was here for the funeral and stayed a little while afterwards...she made and helped me clean out the closets and drawers...it was very cathartic for me...slowly I'd see something that i just didn't want in my new/old life and store it in the attic or barn...figuring I decide later if I wanted t keep it....during that first summer....I built stone retaining walls around the pool Jenny made me put in...then expanded the pool deck...the giggler's have loved it...that fall I put new windows in downstairs....not just replacements....new jams and all...13 opening went...and 11 went back in....during that winter I painted the entire downstairs....in the summer I changed the house color....then I put new granite countertops in the kitchen...During this time I had new carpets put in the bedroom...and I'd changed the sheets (new ones...silly) and bought a new comforter set...
I'd built this home before I'd met Jenny...it had become her home...and now it's the giggler's and my home...an almost full circle...
|
| 9/5/2010 4:16:53 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
57, joined May. 2009
|
What a great way to do it, Irish, and a great attitude about doing it.
I think a lot of us sort of keep our home as some sort of shrine without even realizing it. It's as if you threw off those thoughts and plowed ahead and made the future yours.
It's sort of how I felt when I left the home we shared and moved into a home for just my daughter and me. We were forging ahead in a life that, for now, includes only us. It helped push us along in healing, I think. I know for certain that I was well on the way to shrine-dom in my house. lol....(should I once again type my allusion to Miss Havershim?)
|
| 9/5/2010 4:29:15 PM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
lillycat1
Lawrenceville, GA
62, joined Aug. 2010
|
When my first husband died people almost immediately starting asking about what I was going to do with stuff - AND suggesting who it should go to. I could not believe that I was grieving my husband and they were all worried about STUFF! These were things that he and I had bought or collected over the years. A few things had been given to us from family. Someone wanted some old tools his dad had given him 20 years before - and that he had sold or given away himself 10 years prior!! Fuss and worry over old stuff. I finally pulled his brother aside and told him - I would give every penny I have and every stitch of things I own, including the clothes on my back, to have him back, even for one hour! Make it stop about the stuff. I don't want to hear any of it. He did make them stop. He, too, loved his brother very much and I think he would have given away all his possessions to have him back too!
I then took my time with his personal items and then got rid of other things or changed things slowly over the next several years.
My second husband came with almost nothing. He was divorced and did not want his children to see half the house go out the door with him when he left his cheating ex wife. I kidded him that all he contributed to the mix was his clothes, a VCR re-winder, a chest of drawers and an exercise bike. But over 20 years we built a lovely home together and no one would think of asking for any of it now. I gave away many of his personal things to his children and grandchildren. I will give away more as I go through them this next year. I will keep what is most precious to me.
I am doing a lot of things like Irish. I re-upholstered a chair, refinished my kitchen cabinets, made an unused room into a family room for the boys and me, moved a lot of furniture around and bought new bedding for the master bedroom. I had to make it mine somehow. I am going to put in new kitchen counter-tops someday and also some new wood flooring where we now have old carpet. I have some outdoor and landscaping projects as well. These are things that we might have done anyway, but I am doing them for me and the kids because it is my home now, not just because it WAS our home.
|
| 9/6/2010 1:06:18 AM |
When did you get rid of your loved one's stuff? |
|
all_thumbs
Lake Wales, FL
67, joined Aug. 2010
|
Colleen passed away about 1 ½ years ago and I still have most of her stuff.
Unfortunately when she passed away there wasn’t anybody to stay and help me go through her things. I did give away some of her jewelry but because she was so petite it won’t fit the daughters or granddaughters.
Colleen died suddenly from a series of strokes but she had already been diagnosed with dementia. Shortly after her death I was going through her pocketbook and wallet for her credit cards so that I could have the accounts closed. What a minefield I stepped into. I kept coming across slips of paper with her name, our address, and our phone number because she was afraid that she wouldn’t be able to find her way home from a walk around our neighborhood. She had already given up driving because of her fear of not being able to find her way home. Our doctor said it was common for dementia patients to try to hide the extent of their loss from loved ones.
I have no nearby family to help so it is up to me to check everything. I plan on giving her clothing to our church thrift shop. It is just taking a lot longer than anticipated. And to make matters even more fun she also hid some of her better jewelry around the room. It took me a month to find the pearl necklace that she hid and I believe that there might be some money still hidden somewhere in the master bedroom and bath.
|