| 4/11/2011 11:42:25 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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meadow1978
North Kingstown, RI
55, joined Apr. 2011
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I'm dating a wonderful man who just recently ( 2 months ago ) broke off with his 2 year girlfriend and is now dating me and two others that I know of. He's totally honest with me about this fact, which is admirable. He tells me he loves spending time with me, that he thinks I'm attractive, sexy, fun, classy, intelligent etc.. I feel the same about him. We are quite honest with each other.
I am ready for a real relationship, tired of serial dating. I'm trying to be patient with the hope that he will come around to just wanting to see only me. He's in a different " place" in the dating game than I am. I have been single for years.
I'm trying really hard not to blow it by being too pushy or by asking about his other dates too much. He has slept with one of the other woman, and I have made it clear I will not be intimate with him while this is going on... I don't want to share him. He is good with this and understands. We have had 4 dates. On the second date with the other women they spent the night together.
My questions 1. What type of attitude do I need to develop to not blow this.Should I play it cool ? Be aggressive with my feelings? Sleep with him in hopes of winning him ? Or am I better off holding out and sticking to my guns .
2. Am I being a fool ?
Help !
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| 4/11/2011 11:52:43 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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cuddler1966
Metairie, LA
49, joined Mar. 2011
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You need to date someone else. Does not sound too trusting and there is maybe a couple booty calls mixed in with those dates. Seems like he is not too upset about his 2 year relationship
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| 4/11/2011 11:53:37 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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snazzybabyb
Baltimore, MD
47, joined Jan. 2011
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OK... You want to be exclusive but he doesn't. So how long are you planning on waiting for him to realize you're the best choice? Trust me... he will continue the 'serial dating/ mating' as long as he has a back-up (that's you)!!! I get that you don't want to lose him (I was in an eerily similiar situation) but.... until you walk away from him he will not realize and appreciate you are serious in your feelings for him. There is nothing wrong with anyone dating more than one at a time yet he (& the other) brought sex into and in my opinion that goes hand-in-hand with a committed relationship NOT casual dating! The longer you stay in the picture the longer he is liable to continue his serial dating/ sex, the longer you hurt! While you may still communicate with him I suggest you stop seeing him all together.
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| 4/11/2011 11:59:59 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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chrissss1
Southfield, MI
36, joined Jul. 2010
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I'm dating a wonderful man who just recently ( 2 months ago ) broke off with his 2 year girlfriend and is now dating me and two others that I know of. He's totally honest with me about this fact, which is admirable. He tells me he loves spending time with me, that he thinks I'm attractive, sexy, fun, classy, intelligent etc.. I feel the same about him. We are quite honest with each other.
I am ready for a real relationship, tired of serial dating. I'm trying to be patient with the hope that he will come around to just wanting to see only me. He's in a different " place" in the dating game than I am. I have been single for years.
I'm trying really hard not to blow it by being too pushy or by asking about his other dates too much. He has slept with one of the other woman, and I have made it clear I will not be intimate with him while this is going on... I don't want to share him. He is good with this and understands. We have had 4 dates. On the second date with the other women they spent the night together.
My questions 1. What type of attitude do I need to develop to not blow this.Should I play it cool ? Be aggressive with my feelings? Sleep with him in hopes of winning him ? Or am I better off holding out and sticking to my guns .
2. Am I being a fool ?
Help !
first off, you gave him great respect by being honest with each other, but i can see red flags on your part already. you might want a relationship, but you have accepted that hes dating and intimate with other women while dating you!!! this is the first red flag on your part, to demand you wont be intimate with him because hes with other women.. meaning that they have more invested in him than you do, sex. while you might think your being a great person for withholding sex, your setting him up to either lie to you in the future about the sex with other women!!
1> you should go with your feelings and if you like him and want him, you better act like you do and put it on him!!! hold out if you want too, give your future man away to the vixen thats willing to show him that affection!!
2> your only a fool if your fooling yourself trying to hide your true feelings about a man that you want to maybe spend your life with??
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| 4/12/2011 12:10:35 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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djjr80
Tucson, AZ
41, joined Oct. 2010
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I'm dating a wonderful man who just recently ( 2 months ago ) broke off with his 2 year girlfriend and is now dating me and two others that I know of. He's totally honest with me about this fact, which is admirable. He tells me he loves spending time with me, that he thinks I'm attractive, sexy, fun, classy, intelligent etc.. I feel the same about him. We are quite honest with each other.
I am ready for a real relationship, tired of serial dating. I'm trying to be patient with the hope that he will come around to just wanting to see only me. He's in a different " place" in the dating game than I am. I have been single for years.
I'm trying really hard not to blow it by being too pushy or by asking about his other dates too much. He has slept with one of the other woman, and I have made it clear I will not be intimate with him while this is going on... I don't want to share him. He is good with this and understands. We have had 4 dates. On the second date with the other women they spent the night together.
My questions 1. What type of attitude do I need to develop to not blow this.Should I play it cool ? Be aggressive with my feelings? Sleep with him in hopes of winning him ? Or am I better off holding out and sticking to my guns .
2. Am I being a fool ?
Help !
You could revisit this Relationship later when he's rebounded and ready for a relationship. But for now he's shaking the dust and cobwebs off. He's honest So let him go for now, he'll remember you since you have respect for yourself.
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| 4/12/2011 12:14:21 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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gcastliv
Phoenix, AZ
37, joined Apr. 2011
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Ima be real honest with you...never settle for less! If he cannot give you what you deserve and want then he needs to go.
It's easier said than done but if you settle then in the long run you'll be the one to be left miserable becuz you're not happy
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| 4/12/2011 12:19:04 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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lioness_nikki
Lakeside, CA
37, joined May. 2008
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trust me...you're wasting your time!!!! I just got out of one of those situations and it doesn't work!
Another thing I've learned...he's got you where he wants you. There might be something "wrong" emotionally with the other women, but they have sex with him. So he will see them for sex, and "hang out" with you and get his companionship needs met by you.
So you need to dump him, or start seeing other men and let him know that. And if one of the other men wants to see you exclusively, you break it off with him and DO NOT see or speak to him!!!
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| 4/12/2011 12:22:09 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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bigbazborn
Valencia, CA
51, joined Oct. 2009
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Date me. I'm monogamous.  
Here is my simple suggestion: Be HONEST . . . with yourself.
Does this work for you on "some" level? Are you willing to try HIS game and date others until you find someone who is "ALL IN"? Only you know the answer.
Bry 
Well, we do to . . . put this clown in the friend zone and go get you some REAL LUVINS. 
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| 4/12/2011 12:29:54 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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keyboardkat
Oklahoma City, OK
41, joined Feb. 2011
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trust me...you're wasting your time!!!! I just got out of one of those situations and it doesn't work!
Another thing I've learned...he's got you where he wants you. There might be something "wrong" emotionally with the other women, but they have sex with him. So he will see them for sex, and "hang out" with you and get his companionship needs met by you.
So you need to dump him, or start seeing other men and let him know that. And if one of the other men wants to see you exclusively, you break it off with him and DO NOT see or speak to him!!!
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| 4/12/2011 12:35:35 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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meadow1978
North Kingstown, RI
55, joined Apr. 2011
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Thank you all for the advise. I appreciate it.
Good luck to you all 
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| 4/12/2011 1:04:05 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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claudius5
Petaluma, CA
66, joined May. 2009
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You only have had four dates and already you want it to be exclusive. From what you have written about being tired of serial dating is that he is the first real prospect to come along that you really have an interest in and you want it all now. He is being honest with you because he doesn't want you to accuse him later of leading you on and you taking out your anger on him because it doesn't happen the way you would like. He is not ready to settle down or make a commitment and even if you were intimate with him, it would not change things. If you really want more then you need to cut your losses before its too late. You are not a girl anymore and it is time to wake up and smell the coffee and also recognize what is really going on with you and your own complicity.
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| 4/12/2011 5:46:31 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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countryboy73160
Depauw, IN
56, joined Jan. 2011
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I think you need to walk away before you get more emotionally involved than you already are.If he was truly honest with you he would not have other women on the side,let alone sleep with someone else.Sounds to me like he is a player and not a keeper.
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| 4/12/2011 5:52:35 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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gjlover
Grand Junction, CO
52, joined Aug. 2010
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This guy is on the rebound, so maybe it is good that he is dating around. If he focused on one woman, that could be problematic, for both of them in the long run. I would not be in a hurry to tie him down even if you were the only one dating him.
Have you even talked to this guy about how you feel?
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| 4/12/2011 5:59:19 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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cdn_iceman
Etobicoke, ON
52, joined Dec. 2010
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He cant be too wonderful if he's banging others, look what you call honesty is just his way of manipulating the situation and your emotions.
He wants to see what he can get away with you, I doubt he's as honest to the other women, no woman with more than a modicum of intelligence would even consider this type of arrangement or competition.
He knows your self esteem is low and he wants to see how far he can push you, what you need to do is kick him to the curb and look for someone who is READY to commit, he's not looking to commit, you said he just got out of a 2 year relationship and he's already has women lined up.
I would wave buh byeeeeeeeeeeeee to this one and keep fishing.
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| 4/12/2011 6:01:26 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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pdforone
Litchfield, OH
65, joined Jul. 2010
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Just me? when I booted my exes I had no intention of hooking up in a relationship with the first lady that showed an interest. Kind of like walking into a store and buying the first item you see? Maybe he wants to explore for a while and find the best match?
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| 4/12/2011 6:16:27 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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bbw47reader
Frederick, MD
54, joined Jun. 2009
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Get out. You're not up to it.
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| 4/12/2011 7:47:57 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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dwarks
Belgium, WI
41, joined Feb. 2011
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I would tell him to f off if one girl is not good enough for him then he don't deserve ya
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| 4/12/2011 7:55:10 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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maggieblends
Perrysburg, OH
59, joined Apr. 2011
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I wouldn't date a guy who is dating others. Thanks for the honesty but no thank you.
He obviously is on the rebound. Lucky it was only 4 dates.
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| 4/12/2011 8:56:27 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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pinpanther
Trenton, MI
42, joined May. 2010
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sound to me that hes trying to play the field, u should cheat on him n even the score
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| 4/12/2011 9:00:58 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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djjr80
Tucson, AZ
41, joined Oct. 2010
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sound to me that hes trying to play the field, u should cheat on him n even the score
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| 4/12/2011 9:43:08 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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pepgirl
Bridgewater, MA
50, joined Jul. 2010
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Move on he's not going to commit after just leaving a 2 year relationship!
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| 4/12/2011 9:43:35 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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vickyxoxo
Lakeland, FL
26, joined Mar. 2011
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OP
if you want to keep him, be patient. dont sleep with him in hopes of keeping him because that never works. if you DO sleep with him, sleep with him because you want to.
im glad you refuse to share him, but consider the fact that he is fresh out of a serious relationship. he may not be ready to jump into another one. so even though he says all those nice things about you, he might not want to be exclusive for a while.
it seems you two are on different pages, and he may be content with sleeping around. you may be better off moving on. you shouldn't put yourself through all that worrying about who he's sleeping with and dating. plus if he's doing these women with no condom, he can put you at risk for serious stuff if you sleep together. and you can never be sure if he's telling the truth about wearing a rubber, because most men lie and tell the truth later.
i think you should wait it out, if you really like him that much. but you never know how long you will be waiting.
now that he is free to have multiple women, he may find it hard to go back to a monogamous relationship.
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| 4/12/2011 9:49:19 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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jammil
Valdosta, GA
33, joined Apr. 2010
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You all do know that there are single guys too that aren't dating, right? If the guy you're dating won't be exclusive and is dating THAT many women at once there's a really great chance that there's that many guys NOT dating. (It's in my experience that often women date one at a time and men often date many at a time.)
In any case, a person who dates many (poly-daters) should only date other poly-daters. A person who only dates one at a time (mono-daters) should only date other mono-daters. It helps balance the risks of hurting others.
Example: One man dates many women. (see thread) When he goes exclusive with ONE of the women who are only being exclusive with him, the exclusive women now have to start over. If they were also dating many others, they'd still be in the hunt. (There would also be a lot less BORING nights for a lot of others in my opinion as well.)
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| 4/12/2011 9:50:22 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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miranda1983
Dallas, TX
33, joined Apr. 2011
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I'm sorry but he doesn't like you enough to be exclusive. He would if he did. U deserve better! Someone who wants only u and shows it to the world! I would tell him to go his way...if he realizes ut value he will stay if not he will do u a favor and go..we have to love ourselves like God lovez us
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| 4/12/2011 10:45:14 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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pasquo2
Nashville, TN
53, joined Jan. 2011
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so you want him to be exclusive with you after only 4 dates?
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| 4/12/2011 10:53:08 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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ubadmonkey
Kirkjubæjarklaustur
Iceland
95, joined Jun. 2010
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At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and what you want 
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| 4/12/2011 10:54:04 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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bbw47reader
Frederick, MD
54, joined Jun. 2009
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so you want him to be exclusive with you after only 4 dates?
Are you kidding? She wanted him to be exclusive before their first date.
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| 4/12/2011 11:04:45 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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rodneyg668
Seattle, WA
43, joined Jan. 2008
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I'm dating a wonderful man who just recently ( 2 months ago ) broke off with his 2 year girlfriend and is now dating me and two others that I know of. He's totally honest with me about this fact, which is admirable. He tells me he loves spending time with me, that he thinks I'm attractive, sexy, fun, classy, intelligent etc.. I feel the same about him. We are quite honest with each other.
I am ready for a real relationship, tired of serial dating. I'm trying to be patient with the hope that he will come around to just wanting to see only me. He's in a different " place" in the dating game than I am. I have been single for years.
I'm trying really hard not to blow it by being too pushy or by asking about his other dates too much. He has slept with one of the other woman, and I have made it clear I will not be intimate with him while this is going on... I don't want to share him. He is good with this and understands. We have had 4 dates. On the second date with the other women they spent the night together.
My questions 1. What type of attitude do I need to develop to not blow this.Should I play it cool ? Be aggressive with my feelings? Sleep with him in hopes of winning him ? Or am I better off holding out and sticking to my guns .
2. Am I being a fool ?
Help !
OP I think that I can help you with this, but I have a question myself, is your fellow an acknowledged polyamourist? Or is he just playing the field.
in return, my take on it......
1-If you are comfortable with things and willing to wait while he figures out what he wants then cultivate an attitude of patience, enjoy your time with him and don't sweat what else he has going on. I wouldn't suggest being aggressive with your feelings, be upfront and honest of course, but once you've shared them don't push it, it's almost a given that if he isn't ready for that change he will retreat from you. I don't think that introducing sex into your relationship with him to try and win him over would be very honest, introducing it because that is what you want would though. Stick to your guns on the sexuality part of it, unless you truly to feel a change of heart about it and can honestly go there with a glad heart.
2-Nope, unless you stay past the point of being happy, if you're miserable and still flogging away at it then you definitely should reconsider things, but if you're content then no you are not being a fool.
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| 4/12/2011 11:05:55 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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pasquo2
Nashville, TN
53, joined Jan. 2011
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Are you kidding? She wanted him to be exclusive before their first date.
lol!
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| 4/12/2011 11:07:15 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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colonel89
Charlotte, NC
63, joined Jan. 2011
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Send your pic to my email. I may be willing to help you forget all about the loser you're being played by now.
Thank you in advance.
paul 
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| 4/12/2011 11:16:09 PM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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voicecrying
Keene, TX
57, joined Feb. 2011
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I'm dating a wonderful man who just recently ( 2 months ago ) broke off with his 2 year girlfriend and is now dating me and two others that I know of. He's totally honest with me about this fact, which is admirable. He tells me he loves spending time with me, that he thinks I'm attractive, sexy, fun, classy, intelligent etc.. I feel the same about him. We are quite honest with each other.
I am ready for a real relationship, tired of serial dating. I'm trying to be patient with the hope that he will come around to just wanting to see only me. He's in a different " place" in the dating game than I am. I have been single for years.
I'm trying really hard not to blow it by being too pushy or by asking about his other dates too much. He has slept with one of the other woman, and I have made it clear I will not be intimate with him while this is going on... I don't want to share him. He is good with this and understands. We have had 4 dates. On the second date with the other women they spent the night together.
My questions 1. What type of attitude do I need to develop to not blow this.Should I play it cool ? Be aggressive with my feelings? Sleep with him in hopes of winning him ? Or am I better off holding out and sticking to my guns .
2. Am I being a fool ?
Help !
Honey
You're 2 yrs younger than I am and you don't see the red flags? The fact that he has spent the night with 2 women already should be a great big red flag. How many other women has he slept with? Those 2 women probably don't know anything about you. When they are gone, he will be convincing you that there is no one else while he is having sex with you but I promise there will be one or two out there somewhere on reserve that he will never tell you about just in case you leave.
My advice to you is to move on and don't play by the same rules that the rest of the dating world is playing by. Sex before marriage is for un-paid wh*res. In today's world, especially if you're meeting someone on line, it's wise to do a background check on someone before you get to serious about them. (And keep it to yourself)
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| 4/13/2011 12:21:07 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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hye_man
New York, NY
48, joined Jun. 2010
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U have nothing, not even a friendship…. U r being used and degraded.
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| 4/13/2011 9:30:39 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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vermont34
Rutland, VT
40, joined Jan. 2010
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hes a player and he sleeps with you and other women.dont you owe your self more than that?
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| 4/13/2011 9:32:47 AM |
Dating a man who dates others. What to do |
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cowboy1971
Alexandria, VA
45, joined May. 2007
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There is a difference between "dating" and "dating exclusively"
Once the "are you dating other people?" conversation happens and you both agree to elevate the relationship to "exclusive". That is when dating others becomes wrong.
but, until that conversation happens....dating others is permitted.
take care
cheers...
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