| 3/25/2008 7:01:19 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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lin37
Comstock Park, MI
age: 37
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speaking from experience...alcoholism is not easy to live with or pay for. We all think we can HELP or FIX them...but the truth is they have to help themselves. by staying with them we are enabling them and perpetuating the problem. they will not help themselves if someone is always picking them up when they stumble and can't get up.
There are books about codependency and how to stop being that way. we first must understand why we are codependent before we can stop even entertaining the thought of not choosing to get involved with an alcoholic.
Just don't do it if the first place. I know they need someone too, but they latch onto us because everyone else (family and friends) have already kicked them to the curb.
This guy making your son an issue with you and him and your "relationship" is plain and simple a means of controlling you. you don't see that now, but it is. they make a point to control you and manipulate you without you knowing it. It will get worse and you will fall for it. when it runs its course and he's gotten all he can from you, he will move on to someone else who isn't familiar with his tricks.
Just trust me on this one. Run. Do NOT look back. This is a train wreck waiting to happen. If I could change one thing about myself, it would be that I left my drunk sooner and I didn't have to go through the rollercoaster ride, the the financial destitution, the jail time, the DUI's, the 3 am drive to the bar to get him, the pain of internalizing the insanity of it all, and much much more.
You know the answer. Stop defending this guy. Defend your son and keep your family intact. That is where your efforts are needed and wanted.
save yourself before you have to go through it also. i would be happy to email or talk to you about all this. If I can help one person from a situation like this, I would be worth my time on earth.
[Edited 3/25/2008 7:28:53 PM]
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| 3/25/2008 7:23:14 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 44
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Uhm - you don't need our advice.
What part of this adds up to "winner" for you?
using your words here, this man is:
1.) not concerned about you or your son or your relationship and love with your child
2.) an alcoholic (you didn't even say recovering...so...active!)
3.) emotionally abusive
4.) he wants the ability to tell you what to do, what your son should do = control & manipulate you and your child
5.) he tells you you're fat
6.) he is always right
7.) he forgets or deny's his promises - how do you "trust" him?
8.) he still is on a dating site - looking and chatting
What part of this isn't adding up for you?
You wrote these things.
You know them better than we do - so where's the question?
The question to me is - why are you asking us?
Accept what you're allowing and take it and expose your child to it
or get the hell out.
Don't whine and b*tch when the rock that's hurting your foot,
only weighs a pound,
bend over and move the rock.
None of us can come over and change this guy. Or make him go away.
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| 3/25/2008 7:52:24 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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daddyduck
Splendora, TX
age: 54
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sounds like he should be the one with the choice to make. You or the booze, and if he's abusive, doesn't sound like there is a choice to be made Why are you still there?
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| 3/25/2008 7:54:36 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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tlc4u46
Santa Barbara, CA
age: 47
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Get rid of the loser. Anyone who doesn't respect you doesn't deserve your respect.
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| 3/25/2008 8:02:46 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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smilin_bob
Broadway, VA
age: 47
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I am going to just point out a few key words in your situation.. Hopefully this will help you realize the decision you have to make..
He does not accept...
He wants...
He wants...
He tells me..
He is always right..
He says..
I am sorry.. I don't understand how you could give into this man WHO IS ALL ABOUT HIMSELF AND HIS NEEDS..
I don't care how #!$%#&@^ good he is in bed, he wants to control the situation, and you.
I encourage you to walk away and save your own dignity and the respect of your son.
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| 3/25/2008 8:06:43 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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gabisanic
Pleasant Hill, CA
age: 51 online now!
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H E L L O ! ! !
A N Y B O D Y i n T H E R E ?
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| 3/25/2008 8:07:06 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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tootym
San Angelo, TX
age: 51
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dump him- if he cares about you-he would accept your son- and if he was happy with ya- why would he need to still be on date sites--
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| 3/25/2008 8:15:19 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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dutchboy4u
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 44
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| 3/25/2008 8:16:52 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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cincin3500
Lapeer, MI
age: 35
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If you have to ask, then you need counseling. But heres the deal; just how happy do you think the two of you are going to be in 5 years, how about 15 or 20? Quit wasting time. Get happy and when you do you will find someone who doesn't drag you down. Good luck.
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| 3/25/2008 9:53:20 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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beastmaster01
Queensland
Australia
age: 39
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sounds like to me, he is very controling, it's all (he said this and he said that blah blah), TELL HIM to get lost, otherwise the way he is, will only bring you down, and make you feel sad.... you need a guy that will love all your family for good and there faults, cause we all have them. 
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| 3/25/2008 9:55:17 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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nashoba_miko
Tulsa, OK
age: 38
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RUN!! Who the hell is he to tell you to have ur son move out, that he doesnt like him?!  Tell him your son was there before him and will be there long after he is gone
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| 3/25/2008 11:19:38 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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juniebegood
Huntington, NY
age: 53
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Dump his low-life ass NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| 3/25/2008 11:21:19 PM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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gabisanic
Pleasant Hill, CA
age: 51 online now!
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juniebegood... can you be more specific, please?
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| 3/26/2008 1:41:24 AM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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74nova
Underwood, ND
age: 23
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Being a young guy myself I understand more of your sons side (though you never stated). I have personaly been around situations similar to that and I would have to say dump/leave that alcoholic peice of shit. He's a disrespecting, unwanting soak that will never change. There is a difference between having a couple or getting drunk every now and again and an alcoholic. 
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| 3/26/2008 3:59:20 AM |
Should I or shouldn't I? |
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the_woodmizer
Flint, MI
age: 51
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Run..... Dump Him........
You don't want to be a looser like he is.......
Bad......  Mistake......
You can and will do better..... 
He might be good in other area's, but look and read at what you wrote,and what would you tell yourslef to do........
Wake up and look at the package not his $$$ or his ability to satisify you.... YOUR to young and good looking to loose out on something better.....
JMO 
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