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| 5/16/2008 10:46:51 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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shyfellow
Belmont, WV
86, joined Nov. 2007
|
OK, This is my last one for today. 
LITTLE JOHNNY STRIKES AGAIN.....
A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students
to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my
granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to
use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to
see Rock City and I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I
wanted you to use the word "fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated
because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage
the word "fascinate", so she called on him.
Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten
buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."  
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 5/16/2008 10:50:14 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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I'll just bet Little Johnny is now running for President!
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| 5/16/2008 12:25:38 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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shyfellow
Belmont, WV
86, joined Nov. 2007
|
I lied....Here positively is my last joke today:
Little Johnnie Strikes Again!
Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her mother, "Little Johnny showed me his wiener today."
Before the mother could raise a concern, Little Sally went on to say, "It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked, "Really small, was it?"
Little Sally replied, "No......salty!"
Mom fainted. 
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| 5/16/2008 12:51:17 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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Had to have been Monica Lewinski! LMAO!
and this IS my last one for the day......I think........
Subject: Memorial Stone
> Edward died. His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral.
>
> As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sarah turned to her
> oldest and dearest friend. ' Well, I'm sure Edward would be
> pleased, she > said.
>
> ' I ' m sure you're right, ' replied Jody, who lowered her voice and
> leaned in close. 'How much did this really cost? '
>
> ' All of it, ' said Sarah, 'Forty thousand.'
>
> ' No! ' Jody exclaimed. 'I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000? '
>
> Sarah answered, ' The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to
> church. The
> whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The rest went for the
> Memorial Stone. '
>
> Jody computed quickly. ' $34,500 for a Memorial Stone? My Gosh,
> how big
> is it? '
>
> 'Four and a half carats. '
[Edited 5/16/2008 12:57:09 PM ]
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| 5/16/2008 1:29:14 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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shyfellow
Belmont, WV
86, joined Nov. 2007
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LMAO!!
What a send off!!   
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| 5/16/2008 1:31:56 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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tee-hee!
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| 5/16/2008 9:48:15 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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read the jokes every day.there are some really good ones.deli i like your quickies.todays joke. what do you call a rooster with erctile dysfunction? a boneless chicken.
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| 5/17/2008 5:37:26 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
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Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.
1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes by rolling them into a typewriter to type on them.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was then heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.
6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.
7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of friends," the customer replied. When told "Egghead" was a software store, the man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."
8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.
9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses shouldn't be taken personally.
10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring that the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens." The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.
11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked "What power switch?"
12. True story from a Novell Net Wire SysOp: Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a "cup holder"?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped; it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotion, like at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!
Another well-known one that I can add is the true tale of the user who called up complaining that the instructions said to load the four diskettes into "Drive A" but he couldn't possibly get more than two in.
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| 5/17/2008 5:39:28 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
|
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============
Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech s upport: Would you click on 'start' for me and...
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
===============
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says ' Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it...
===============
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah... thank you!
===============
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
===============
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: ;That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah... that one does work...
===============
Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
C ustomer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars...
================
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support: How may I help you?
C ustomer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
===============
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'
===============
And last but not least....
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: 'P'... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!
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| 5/17/2008 5:51:36 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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hma02
Chico, CA
78, joined Mar. 2008
|
31 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life:
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead
. 2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.
7. You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.
8. You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the phrase "digital compression." Everyone understands what you mean, and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to explain it.
9. You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own social security number.
10. You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number," since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.
11. You sign Christmas cards by putting  next to your signature.
12. Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than
13. You back up your data every day.
14. Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and you return with a rest for your mouse.
15. You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.
16. On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.
17. The thought that CD could refer to investment finance or music rarely enters your mind.
18. You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses hand-drawn pie charts.
19. You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit hall in advance. However, you cannot give someone directions to your house without looking up the street names.
20. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.
21. You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more information about the product it is selling.
22. You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and three-and-a-half inch sizes.
23. Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.
24. You own a set of itty-bitty screwdrivers and you actually know where they are.
25. While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a nine-year-old.
26. You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question instead of feeling compelled to make something up.
27. You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
28. You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
29. You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different opinions about which is better: the track ball or the track pad.
30. You understand all the jokes in this message. If so, my friend, technology has taken over your life. We suggest, for your own good, that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku. And don't use a laptop.
31. You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never get around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people face-to-face.
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| 5/18/2008 9:15:07 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
|
WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who wants to listen all day long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs for more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
and always be my very best friend.
_______________________________________________
MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar
on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and hunting.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a crap.
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| 5/18/2008 12:24:19 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
|
A man is sitting at the bar in his local tavern, furiously imbibing
shots of whiskey. One of his friends happens to come into the bar and
sees him.
"Lou," says the shocked friend, "what are you doing? I've known you
for over fifteen years, and I've never seen you take a drink before.
What's going on?"
Without even taking his eyes off his newly filled shot glass, the man
replies, "My wife just ran off with my best friend." He then throws
back another shot of whisky in one gulp.
"But," says the other man, "I'm your best friend!"
The man turns to his friend, looks at him through bloodshot eyes,
smiles, and then slurs, ..."Not anymore! HE is!"
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| 5/18/2008 12:32:57 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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MERCI, MERCI
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| 5/18/2008 12:38:19 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
|
MERCI, MERCI
je vous en prie!
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| 5/18/2008 2:43:25 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
|
i even checked google! i don't know what "je vous en prie!" means!
[Edited 5/18/2008 4:51:42 PM ]
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| 5/18/2008 3:03:33 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
|
There was a lot of discussion on another thread about Obama's calling a tv reporter sweetie. Some maintained it was just a slip of the tongue. When I read it, I thought of these. Now THESE are slips of the tongue !!
1. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - 'This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother.'
2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - 'Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him.'
3. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - 'And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!'
4. Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - 'Ah, isn't that nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford crew.'
5. US PGA Commentator - 'One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ..... Oh my god!! What have I just said??'
6. Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on 'Time Team Live' said: 'You'd eat beaver if you could get it.'
7. A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, 'So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?' Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!
8. Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: 'Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69 yesterday.'
9. Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: 'There's nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this. '
10 Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: 'Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets.'
11. Michael Buerk on watching Philippa Forrester cuddle up to a male astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: 'They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts.'
12. Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fanny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: 'Some weeks Nick likes to use Fanny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself.'
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| 5/18/2008 6:25:20 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
|
It's the summer of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue.
Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a duck tail hairdo.
When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and inviteshim in.
'Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?'
He says. 'That's cool.' says Bobby.
Back in the Day...........
Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do Bobby replies
politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a
drive-in-movie.
Peggy Sue's father responds, 'Why don't you kids go out and screw?
I hear all of the kids are doing it.'
Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says 'Whaaaat?'
'Yeah,' says Peggy Sue's father, 'We know that Peggy Sue really likes to
screw; why, she'd screw all night if we let her!'
Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the
plans for the evening.
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her
saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while
Dad is saying, 'Have a good evening kids,' with a small wink for Bobby. About 20
minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams
the door behind her and screams at her father:
'DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST !!!!!!!!
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| 5/18/2008 8:19:41 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
|
todays joke; a guy goes out on a blind date.he takes the girl to a carnival.he asks her what she would like to do?i want to get weighed she said,so they went to theweighing booth and they guessed her weight.they walked around awhile and the guy said what would you like to do now.i want to get weighed she said,so they went back to the booth.naturally the guy knew how much she weighed.they walked around a little more and the guy asked her again what she wanted to do,again she answered i want to gey weighed.he thought tis girl is strange and took her back to her apartment.he dropped her off and she went inside.her girlfriend asked her how the date went.[it was wousy she replied]
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| 5/19/2008 10:00:42 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
|
4 guys sitting around having drinks and one of the men had to use the rest room.
The three others talked about their kids.
The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a company at the bottom.
He studied Business and began to climb the corporate ladder, became president of the
company.
He's so rich, he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for Christmas
The second guy said, 'Damn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy.
He started working for a big airline, went to flight school to become a pilot.
He became a partner, where he owns the majority of its assets.
He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet as a Christmas gift.
The third man said: 'Well, that is terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became
an engineer, started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire.
He also gave an expensive Christmas gift to his best friend: A 30,000 square foot mansion.
The three friends congratulate each other just as the fourth returned from the rest room and
asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?'
One of the three said: 'We're talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons ...
What about your son?'
The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.
The three friends said: 'That's a shame .. what a disappointment.
The fourth man replied: 'Nah, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him.
And he hasn't done too badly either. Just this Christmas alone he received a
beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from
his three boyfriends.
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| 5/19/2008 4:06:15 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
|
I've often been asked, "what do you old guys do now that you're retired?"
Well, I have a friend who has a chemical background and one of the things we enjoy most is turning beer, bourbon, and martinis into urine.
And, we're pretty damn good at it!!"
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| 5/19/2008 10:07:57 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
|
I PREFER TURNING SENIOR BLONDES INTO TEENAGERS!
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| 5/20/2008 5:26:55 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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shyfellow
Belmont, WV
86, joined Nov. 2007
|
I PREFER TURNING SENIOR BLONDES INTO TEENAGERS!
Rick,
You could at least share the formula with us more inexperienced fellas on just how to go about TURNING SENIOR BLONDS INTO TEENAGERS!   CROSS MY HEART, PUT MY HAND ON MY A$$ I WON'T INFRINGE ON YOUR TERRITORY!!!  
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| 5/20/2008 6:46:13 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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Always have to check out the jokes. Just like looking at the cartoons first in The New Yorker magazine.
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| 5/20/2008 9:14:07 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
|
todays joke; a guy in the back of a crowded elevator said"ballroom please".a woman standing next to him said"i'm sorry,i didn't realize i was crowding you"
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| 5/21/2008 6:42:15 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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todays joke; a guy in the back of a crowded elevator said"ballroom please".a woman standing next to him said"i'm sorry,i didn't realize i was crowding you"
OMG,Wilbur! I had to read this one twice!
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| 5/21/2008 11:44:03 AM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
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Priceless, Wilbur
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| 5/21/2008 3:07:29 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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todays joke;a little military fun.two generals were discussing sex,one said it was 75%fun and 25%work,the other said it was 60%fun and 40%work.they couldnt agree so they called in a private and asked his opinion.it must be 100%fun he said,because if there was any work to it you would have us doing it for you.
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| 5/21/2008 3:12:32 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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delidelite
Blaine, OH
80, joined Apr. 2008
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todays joke;a little military fun.two generals were discussing sex,one said it was 75%fun and 25%work,the other said it was 60%fun and 40%work.they couldnt agree so they called in a private and asked his opinion.it must be 100%fun he said,because if there was any work to it you would have us doing it for you.
heh,heh,hehh
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| 5/21/2008 4:11:36 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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rickls1935
Fort Wayne, IN
82, joined Jun. 2007
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SORRY, SHY! I'd love to help you but words don't work!
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| 5/21/2008 5:01:18 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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Grandmas can be wrong too
Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been
Playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the
House and asked her, 'Grandma, what's that called when two people
Sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'
She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell him the
Truth.
'It's called sexual intercourse, darling.'
Little Tony just said, 'Oh, OK,' and went back outside to play with
The other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, 'Grandma, it
Isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's
Mom wants to talk to you.'
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| 5/21/2008 9:40:04 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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good one sunray
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| 5/22/2008 1:30:39 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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confucius say "man who take shower all washed up"
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| 5/25/2008 7:53:17 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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poleshift
Charlottesville, VA
80, joined Jan. 2008
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Bluedahl - I can't remember all of the details, but I remember reading that coins
that were minted in early years were scored. So a shave and a haircut Two Bits, then
Two pieces were broken off of the coin. What the coin value was?, don't know. Maybe somebody can fill in the blanks.
Why does the Ocean roar?. If your Bottom was covered with crabs, I believe you would roar also.
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| 5/25/2008 7:57:20 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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Pole, you were reading my mind, or maybe what I wrote. Thank you. Got some more?
On second thought, that joke might give me nightmares. (Shiver, shudder, lol)Can you think of one that brings up more pleasant images?
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| 5/25/2008 8:04:21 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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poleshift
Charlottesville, VA
80, joined Jan. 2008
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Blue - I was responding to the very early part of this thread, about 2 bit ladies and values there of.
Did you hear about the young boy that was dreaming about eating a large marshmallow, and discovered his pillow was gone?. 
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| 5/25/2008 8:08:16 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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newlady2
Goldsboro, NC
78, joined Apr. 2008
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Laughing
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| 5/25/2008 8:09:53 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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newlady2
Goldsboro, NC
78, joined Apr. 2008
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Pole .. How could two pieces be broken off a coin?? Confused here ..
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| 5/25/2008 8:17:47 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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poleshift
Charlottesville, VA
80, joined Jan. 2008
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I will look into it more, other than I know the coins were scored like candy.
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| 5/25/2008 8:33:21 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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newlady2
Goldsboro, NC
78, joined Apr. 2008
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Laughing very very hard Praise Be
Pole you are a Master mind
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| 5/26/2008 5:35:05 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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where do you go to find a man who is really commited? a mental hospital
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| 5/27/2008 4:10:36 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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todays joke; a new bride just back from her honeymoon was talking to a friend.how was your honeymoon the friend asked.it was awful said the bride."in and out,up and down",in and out,up and down,all night long".if you get married and go on a honeymoon dont get a room next to an elevator.
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| 5/27/2008 4:34:44 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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jeanniegirl
Troy, NY
81, joined May. 2008
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i just want to say i enjoy the jokes of the day some of them are so funny
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| 5/27/2008 4:49:46 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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Jeannie--nice to hear from you.
Thanks Wilbur.
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| 5/27/2008 5:04:19 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
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You are too funny, Wilbur, but I think the one I found so funny was the guy who asked the gal if she was free and she said,no, but she'd be reasonable.
Put me in the floor.
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| 5/27/2008 5:12:23 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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glad evryone likes this thread.had another one for today but got a senior moment and forgot it.i should remember in time for tomorrow.the one about the guy asking if she was free is one of my favorites too lady.
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| 5/27/2008 5:25:58 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
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Q: Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?
A: Because he didn't want to fall into the hot chocolate.
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| 5/27/2008 5:52:00 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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Pole dear laddy the coins were i belive were Spanish pieces of eight, where the coin was marked of by it's minters in eight equal sections . thus two bits =.25parts...4bits=.50 parts, 6bits=.75 parts & 8 bits= the whole coin . you can count on me but, always late in these forums so I'm the Joker of the day
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| 5/27/2008 6:13:05 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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bluedahl
Rewey, WI
84, joined Feb. 2008
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Ah, another elephant joke. Love it, love it.
Thanks fish. I feel so educated now. I always like to learn things.
Did you guys see Pole's list under the other thread. I laughed so hard. Such fun we have here.
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| 5/27/2008 6:15:56 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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poleshift
Charlottesville, VA
80, joined Jan. 2008
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A group of couples were discussing vacations coming up, but there was one couple in the group that appeared to be dejected. They were asked how long had they been married, and the lady replied. 40 years. Why the long face?. Well it was like this, on our honeymoon, I conceived and gave birth to a son. On our 10th anniversary vacation, we went and visited New York and the Twin Towers. I conceived and had Twin Sons. On our 20th anniversary, we went to Pittsburg saw the Pirates play at Three Rivers Stadium, I conceived and had Triplet Sons. On the 30th, the same deal at the Quad Cities, I conceived and had Quadruplet sons. Where are you going this year?
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Yep, you were right 1,000 island nation park.
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| 5/27/2008 6:49:13 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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poleshift
Charlottesville, VA
80, joined Jan. 2008
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This Mexican dirt farmer, Jose, wanted so badly to see his brothers play, and with little income snuck across the border in Texas, saw the game, and came back. He was asked what happened. Well they game me the best seat in the stadium where I could see it all. On the top of the flag pole. And before the game started they entire crowd and players, sttod up, turned toward me, and sang "Jose, can you see?". 
[Edited 5/27/2008 6:54:00 PM ]
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| 5/27/2008 6:53:45 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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fisherman75
Aurora, MO
84, joined Mar. 2008
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That was extra funny Pole, Can any one here tell me why Jersey cows don't produce as much milk as the Holsteins ?.... nope ,it's not the size of their udders... it's simply because the farmer hasn't SPOTTED them yet... if this went over your heads check out dairy cattle on the web... maybe a picture is worth a thousand words
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| 5/27/2008 7:02:52 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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poleshift
Charlottesville, VA
80, joined Jan. 2008
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Does that mean that Brown Swiss, are used for Swiss Cheese. Or maybe Chocolcate milk.
Three gross jokes, sorry if I offend anyone.
How do you make a Bull Sweat?. Give him a tight Jersey.
A bull was attracted to a Brown Swiss, in the next pasture, and in an endeavor to get to the Cow, had an altercation with the barbed wire fence, and lost his genetilia. His response, How, now Brown Cow?.
What do you call a Bull who masturbates?. Beef Stroken Off. 
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| 5/28/2008 1:55:09 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
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Q: You are stuck in an elevator with a tiger, a lion and a lawyer. You have
a gun with just two bullets in it. What do you do?
A. (upfront apologies to any honest attorneys here)
A: Shoot the lawyer twice to make sure he's dead.
[Edited 5/28/2008 2:05:08 PM ]
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| 5/28/2008 2:05:37 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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ladygodiva2
Granbury, TX
82, joined Apr. 2008
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Q: What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
A: Quatro sinko
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| 5/28/2008 5:30:08 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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todays joke; two married men were discussing their sex life. the first one said "me and the wife allways use he doggie position when we make love".the secondone said "we use the doggie trick position".what is that the first man asked.the second man replied "i stand up and beg,and she rolls over and plays dead"
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| 5/28/2008 5:36:59 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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OLD LOVE
A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth.
He tries this a few more times with no success.
All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yells to her husband, 'You need a piece of tail.'
The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, 'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite!'
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| 5/28/2008 5:39:52 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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wilbur35
Latrobe, PA
83, joined Apr. 2008
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i will have to remember that one sunray.
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| 5/28/2008 7:38:19 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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poleshift
Charlottesville, VA
80, joined Jan. 2008
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Husband comes home earlier than usual. The wife is at home with her lover. She quickly takes a garbage bag, meets the husband in the hall and says:
- Honey, could you take off the garbage while you are dressed?
Husband takes the garbage and goes out. Lover quickly goes up the stairs and then goes out unnoticed, thinking how smart his lover is. When lover comes home his wife meets him in the hall and says:
- Honey, could you take off take off the garbage while you are dressed?
He takes the garbage and goes out thinking how stupid his wife is because she is at home all the day and can't find the time to take off the garbage.
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| 5/28/2008 7:51:35 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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newlady2
Goldsboro, NC
78, joined Apr. 2008
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laughing..no comment tho..Thanks pole *s
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| 5/29/2008 7:17:04 PM |
Joke of the day | Page 2 |
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sunray37
Fort Dodge, IA
80, joined Oct. 2007
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What a quiet group tonight.Think it's time for a new joke
A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, " How many women can a man marry ? "
" Sixteen, " the little boy responded.
His cousin was amazed that he knew the answer so quickly,
" How do you know that ? "
" Easy, " the little boy said.
" All you have to do is add it up, like the preacher said:
4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer. "
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