| 5/30/2012 6:15:45 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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spamulaspammy
Hays, KS
50, joined Apr. 2011
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If I were a widow, my and my son's life would be so much easier to handle. His father, my ex, is an alcoholic, drug addict and an abuser. My son would so much better off if "he", my ex, was NOT breathing anymore.
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| 5/30/2012 7:42:08 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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roxj92223
Beaumont, CA
59, joined May. 2012
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Please, oh please, don't wish that upon yourself or your son...as long as he is alive there is hope for a healthy change. It wouldn't change the pain you feel now regardless..in fact I could easily see you getting angrier because he didn't care about himself, you or your son enough to get better.
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| 5/30/2012 7:44:18 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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barb61270
De Witt, IA
65, joined Nov. 2011
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Please, oh please, don't wish that upon yourself or your son...as long as he is alive there is hope for a healthy change. It wouldn't change the pain you feel now regardless..in fact I could easily see you getting angrier because he didn't care about himself, you or your son enough to get better.
I agree. May you find peace.
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| 5/30/2012 7:47:38 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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spamulaspammy
Hays, KS
50, joined Apr. 2011
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Please, oh please, don't wish that upon yourself or your son...as long as he is alive there is hope for a healthy change. It wouldn't change the pain you feel now regardless..in fact I could easily see you getting angrier because he didn't care about himself, you or your son enough to get better.
I'm NOT angry roxj, after 20 years of abusing me, he threw our then 4 y/o son across the living room because he didn't get off the couch fast enough. I could have kiled him right then and there. I am completely at peace with the situation, but it would be a whole lot easier for our son if 'he' was not around.
Besides, how do I explain to a 5 y/o WHY he can't see daddy anymore, for fear of his getting seriously hurt?
[Edited 5/30/2012 7:49:46 PM ]
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| 5/30/2012 8:09:46 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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roxj92223
Beaumont, CA
59, joined May. 2012
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You explain always with the truth.. Abuse is never a good thing and if you have to be a "shebear" to protect your young, then you are doing the right thing. Keep in mind there are many helpful resources out there for both you and your son.
Stay safe
Rox
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| 5/30/2012 8:19:01 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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spamulaspammy
Hays, KS
50, joined Apr. 2011
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I know Rox, and I'm currently utilizing every single one of them to keep 'him' away from our son. Including taking "concealed and carry" classes.
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| 6/2/2012 8:19:53 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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24milkduds
Vallejo, CA
58, joined Mar. 2012
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I don't know..when I was in grieving counseling...some women were going through what you are saying...and although they were happy of the passing of the abuser..they still felt guilt over the fact they had wished his dying...it's a difficult situation, but being honest with your son...and just stating the fact dad is sick right now.. And isn't able to see you...good luck and I pray you find peace and a solution..
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| 6/2/2012 9:29:28 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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spamulaspammy
Hays, KS
50, joined Apr. 2011
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I don't think I'd be the least bit sorry OR sad to see him demise. It would be hard for my son,BUT, he'd get over it.
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| 6/7/2012 9:01:22 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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oldsomebeach
Crandall, TX
63, joined Jun. 2012
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I hope the dude never comes around you and your son again. Hang in there. Life will get better for yall. Just keep your cell with you and 911 on speed dial and keep your .38 loaded. Don't ever take any abuse ever again! I was married to my little bride for 30 years, 7 months, and 5 days, and she never heard me raise my voice much less my hand.
Ronny
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| 6/7/2012 9:25:33 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I don't think I'd be the least bit sorry OR sad to see him demise. It would be hard for my son,BUT, he'd get over it.
It would not be as if his hamster died. You don't "get over" a death.
People have been much kinder to you than I would be.
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| 6/7/2012 9:35:00 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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spamulaspammy
Hays, KS
50, joined Apr. 2011
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It would not be as if his hamster died. You don't "get over" a death.
People have been much kinder to you than I would be.
Oh well, love, I am just being honest here. I don't care what people think. I'm a tough ole gal and there's nothing you, or anyone for that matter, could say to hurt my feelings or make me made.
My son hasn't seen his father since October, and he doesn't want to either. And he's only 5 and has a VERY good memory. He remembers WHY his father had to leave.
He even remembers 'daddy' taking him fishing when he was 3 and having to go to the hospital for laparoscopic surgery on his knee because he fell on some thickets and one penetrated his kneecap. To this day, he won't go to that fishing hole.
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| 6/7/2012 10:46:43 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I don't really care, either, if you're mad or not.
My point is you don't go to people who have suffered a loss and say you wish it'd happened to you in some belief that it'd be easier than the lot you have--which you chose, by the way. That attitude minimizes what we feel and turns it into some kind of inconvenience. It is nothing like an inconvenience.
If you can't be sensitive to others, why expect them to be sensitive to you?
Whether or not you wish him dead is not the point. That you felt you have to come to a widow/ers group and wish you were a widow so that your life would be easier--when you have no idea what it's like or what it means or what it entails, is the point.
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| 6/7/2012 11:08:07 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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iminarut
Westboro, WI
55, joined Sep. 2010
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My point is you don't go to people who have suffered a loss and say you wish it'd happened to you in some belief that it'd be easier than the lot you have--which you chose, by the way. That attitude minimizes what we feel and turns it into some kind of inconvenience. It is nothing like an inconvenience.
If you can't be sensitive to others, why expect them to be sensitive to you?
Whether or not you wish him dead is not the point. That you felt you have to come to a widow/ers group and wish you were a widow so that your life would be easier--when you have no idea what it's like or what it means or what it entails, is the point.
Precisely...especially the last paragraph.
 Kathy
Pammy, I do wish the best to you and your son...
Bryan
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| 6/8/2012 12:51:52 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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spamulaspammy
Hays, KS
50, joined Apr. 2011
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Love, when I started this thread, I was REALLY pissed after spending time in the county clink for letting 'him' see our son. The S.O.B. called the cops on me for breaking the restraining order, after both lawyers agreed he could for a day.
I did regret it after the fact, for starting it here. But I can't change it's location.
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| 6/8/2012 1:02:25 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I understand your anger. I understand why you want him dead. He sounds like, well, a waste of skin.
He saw his son, then called the cops on you. What a sick and twisted man.
Another friend of mine is dealing with something along the lines of what you're dealing with and it astounds and sickens me that there are people like that out there.
But we hear that kind of sentiment more than you'd think, from people who are just ticked off at their exes for one reason or another. They have no sense of what it feels like to hear that, nor what it is to be a widow/er. I think sometimes they think it's a joke or they're just being facetious.
I guess it rubs me the wrong way. It made me be harsh.
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| 6/8/2012 9:31:17 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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spamulaspammy
Hays, KS
50, joined Apr. 2011
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To Love and anyone else who took offense:
I'm sorry  forgive me.
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| 6/8/2012 11:41:13 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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iminarut
Westboro, WI
55, joined Sep. 2010
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I'm sure we all will forgive you...I know I do. We just want you to know, even though you have these feelings now, if and when he is gone you will have feelings you forgot were there sneak up on you when you least expect them to. After all, you did have a life with him before it got bad.
Best wishes...
Bryan
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| 7/4/2012 8:53:46 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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falsedawn
Tacoma, WA
39, joined Apr. 2012
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I understand your anger. I understand why you want him dead. He sounds like, well, a waste of skin.
He saw his son, then called the cops on you. What a sick and twisted man.
Another friend of mine is dealing with something along the lines of what you're dealing with and it astounds and sickens me that there are people like that out there.
But we hear that kind of sentiment more than you'd think, from people who are just ticked off at their exes for one reason or another. They have no sense of what it feels like to hear that, nor what it is to be a widow/er. I think sometimes they think it's a joke or they're just being facetious.
I guess it rubs me the wrong way. It made me be harsh.
Trust me I had gone through what the original poster complained about and I would never wish what we are going through on anybody. I live very far away from my family and about an hour away from my husbands. After the coroner called I was in shock and alone I called my husbands mother in the middle of the night, after that phone call they were coming up to be with me and the kids because they were scared I'd do something stupid to myself. She wanted me to call my mother and stay on the phone until they arrived. I wish that I never made that call because one of the first thing my mother had said to me was to bad your father never did this, your father never paid a dime and now you'll get social security for the kids because he was man enough to end it. Our relationship had always been strained but after my husbands death and having time to reflect on many of the things she said in the aftermath I realized if she were anyone else in world I would have nothing to do with her cold hearted, calculating, self serving ways and the fact that I could vent to my husband about her was the only thing that had saved our relationship.
The death of an abuser will not end your suffering but it will shine a light to the fact that they probability aren't the first to abuse you more likely they aren't going to be the last if you don't take steps to make change from within.
[Edited 7/4/2012 8:54:42 AM ]
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| 7/5/2012 5:05:36 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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tinkiekitty
Bakersfield, CA
61, joined Jun. 2012
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When I started reading this thread I was getting angry ...but read on and do feel better since you have apologize for starting it pammy.
Its clear that you have every right to be angry and worried for your son.
I hope you get the help you and your son needs.
We are here in the Widows Group because we love and wish our loved were still with us.
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| 7/5/2012 9:13:11 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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newdirection6
Wellsville, OH
63, joined Nov. 2007
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There is so many times it was me who died instead of my husban. The past 6 years has been total hell. I meet someone they stay a while in my life then leave to go back to an ex. or they feel guilty. I am so tired of the games people play. I guess it is not suppose to happen that I will be single till the day I die.
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| 7/5/2012 10:51:53 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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trailtrs1
Annandale, VA
64, joined Apr. 2012
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Agree on this statement. It was a cheap was to try to get sympathy from those who you have no idea about. 
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| 7/5/2012 11:03:48 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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gushystuff84
Tampa, FL
33, joined Jun. 2012
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I don't wish that on anyone. My fiance of five years recently passed away, leaving me with three children ages 8, 2, and 1. As long as that man is alive, there is always hope. My children don't have a choice bc they will never see their father again. I don't even know where or how to move forward with my life, it's really rough ladies.
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| 7/6/2012 4:29:49 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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Gushystuff, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it is to have three small children when you lose their father.
Mine was 7 when her dad died, and it's hard enough with one.
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| 7/6/2012 9:12:42 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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notyomum
Avon Lake, OH
56, joined Jun. 2012
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My son has not seen his dad in 7 years. We have concentrated on being a happy family and have not allowed anger over dad's problems control our lives. I had to get a restraining order 7 years ago, but realized I am in control of providing a happy life for my child. It can be done.
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| 8/1/2012 3:39:57 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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blackup33
San Bernardino, CA
40, joined Jul. 2012
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Wow you sound scary if I was him I would be scared for my life and the first thing i would do is make sure that child is mine you need god and counseling who the f**k r you to determine a persons faith know one is perfect not even you he may be a acholic drug user Ect but what is your excuse if it is his child love your for child enough to let him love his dad
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| 8/1/2012 3:46:05 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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blackup33
San Bernardino, CA
40, joined Jul. 2012
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You get no sympathy from me you sound possisive and dangerous and they need to take your son from your care
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| 8/2/2012 8:40:05 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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mistyragan
Dresden, TN
55, joined Jul. 2012
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you are that unhappy walk out that door, dont wish someone dead, there are places you can go for help,
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| 8/19/2012 12:40:42 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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laciesmiles
Hayward, CA
66, joined Mar. 2012
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I was so shocked to see this title. I would give anything and everything to have my husband back. But I read what you said .. and feel you could maybe label it differently. Like you could move and get far away? I understand why you said it but doing it in a widow/widower thread does kind of hit the heart. I remember hearing from someone that they were glad their wife was dead .. I felt if your life was that horrible why didn't you leave? When your partner/spouse/love of your life dies your heart really feels like it's breaking ... but to wish you were a widow .... I wouldn't have said to all the people that still have the pain, grief of their love one dying. It's something I'll never forget. But I feel I learned from his death to know when to have a "discusssion" and is it really worth it .... I sure had a lot of things going through my brain as I sat at his bedside in the ICU. I believe I would be a better partner/wife if I'm ever blessed to find another man to enter my life .... but I'm sure my heart will still hurt .... but love can really help mend a broken heart ....
I do wish peace and hopefully you will be able to find another way to get distance from him and your child will be safe. May you find what you are looking for
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| 9/2/2012 12:20:51 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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runzwithscizzor
South Padre Island, TX
52, joined Jul. 2012
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| 9/27/2012 10:16:20 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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freaklkme68
Cincinnati, OH
49, joined Feb. 2011
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I wish I wasn't.... in fact addiction takes over an makes decisions for your spouse .. not trying to give him an excuse by all means stating facts. Addiction is a m f er. This is how I lost mine 3 years ago today. My daughter is lost without her dad. .
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| 9/27/2012 5:35:20 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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joybirdhappy
Scottsburg, IN
68, joined Jun. 2011
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i have had 2 divorces and one death believe death is much worse so much un said u never ready to say good by and once gone u cant even call them up and tell them how u feel good or bad
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| 9/27/2012 8:30:50 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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magicallady1
Manassas, VA
69, joined Aug. 2012
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My husband died @44, he was an alcoholic...I joined AL-ANON....He never went to AA...I was VERY angry too, in fact, anger was the only EMOTION I could feel !!
AL-ANON helped me be a better person...I left him...3 years later he was dead !!...BUT...my ANGER was soooo much better !!...You talked of CONTROL...Alcohol CONTROLS US & THEM !!...STEP 1)..We admitted we were POWERLESS over alcohol-that our lives had become UNMANAGEABLE...If ya wanna be a BETTER PARENT to the children, join AL-AL-ANON...AND...the children have a programs too !! (ALA-KID & ALA-TEEN)
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| 9/29/2012 3:41:39 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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truckergeo
Las Vegas, NV
52, joined May. 2011
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Your in The Wrong Form..... There is the Divorce form! my Ex Was A b*tch about me seeing my kids and said alot of shit that wasn`t true! Your Ex may be all that you say if so there will be proof and he should be in jail....How many times did you call the police? He thru a 4 year old And You have a police report on this.. He would be in jail...You Were With him for how long?First its his child too...If he hurt him the court will see to it he will not see him.....Beware of what you say around your son...You Get One Mother and one father ........Don`t ever forget that! Why did you date him?.....Did you meet him in a bar?.... There are a lot of drunks there!
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| 9/29/2012 5:03:27 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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takenbyone
Sarasota, FL
60, joined Sep. 2011
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You know what--you make me realize that a loss is a loss--just try to be positive-
[Edited 9/29/2012 5:04:28 AM ]
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| 10/9/2012 11:31:49 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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marlotho
Slippery Rock, PA
61, joined Aug. 2012
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guess what i am a widow if you got a problem go to another site i loved my husband. i miss him with all my heart. you have no idea the pain we go through
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| 10/18/2012 6:01:34 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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justme41111
Pratt, KS
46, joined Sep. 2012
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Why would you say that?? I am a widow of just the same kind of man, He abused me mentally physically and emotionally. He was an alcoholic and abused perscription pills. Never once did I wish he was dead. NEVER. There was a good person in there or I would not have married him. I tried to help him as much as I could but he was hurting inside and so depressed that he took his own life. If your ex is so bad just stay away from him. That is aweful to wish someone dead.
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| 10/22/2012 7:42:37 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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chilln49
Indian River, MI
54, joined Aug. 2012
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You will regret those words one day! You need to remember it is the disease doing this to all of you. And if he could fix it I am sure he would! My husband died from cirosis of the liver. He gota bit edgy towards the end but he dealt with things in his own way and the alcohol was used for his pain as well as his addiction. I wish he was still here with me so I could nag on him some more about drinking.You understand things so much more when they are gone and I guarantee you that you WILL regret those words! How anyone can be so cruel and say those words about wanting someone dead is beyond me!
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| 10/22/2012 8:32:18 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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realoldtimers
Toledo, WA
66, joined Aug. 2012
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I don't wish being a widow to anyone the pain you go thru is unbearable. Divorce can be easier I been divorce 3x I have been a widow 2x. My exes that I divorce mentely, phyiscaly I shore don't miss them.
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| 10/22/2012 10:51:50 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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bamagirl0723
Theodore, AL
44, joined Oct. 2012
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I lost my first husband 10 years ago today. I still miss him terribly....I wouldn't wish this on anyone. My daughter still asks about her dad everyday.....no child deserves this.
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| 10/23/2012 8:18:06 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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sagaras
Casa Grande, AZ
55, joined Sep. 2012
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I don't really care, either, if you're mad or not.
My point is you don't go to people who have suffered a loss and say you wish it'd happened to you in some belief that it'd be easier than the lot you have--which you chose, by the way. That attitude minimizes what we feel and turns it into some kind of inconvenience. It is nothing like an inconvenience.
If you can't be sensitive to others, why expect them to be sensitive to you?
Whether or not you wish him dead is not the point. That you felt you have to come to a widow/ers group and wish you were a widow so that your life would be easier--when you have no idea what it's like or what it means or what it entails, is the point.
EXACTLY AGAIN!
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| 12/7/2012 6:09:10 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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falsedawn
Tacoma, WA
39, joined Apr. 2012
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I think many on here would agree that coming in to the widows group and comparing it to or wishing to be one of us is bad form.
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| 2/6/2013 5:02:48 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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txgal23
Lampasas, TX
65, joined Apr. 2009
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If I were a widow, my and my son's life would be so much easier to handle. His father, my ex, is an alcoholic, drug addict and an abuser. My son would so much better off if "he", my ex, was NOT breathing anymore.[/quote
 
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD WISH DEATH ON SOMEONE..NO MATTER HOW BAD THEY ARE YOU CAN ALWAYS BE OUT OF THEIR LIFE IF YOU SO CHOOSE TO BE..I'D LOVE TO HAVE MY HUSBAND BACK...NO MATTER WHAT..
[Edited 2/6/2013 5:03:16 PM ]
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| 2/6/2013 5:25:50 PM |
I wish I was a widow |
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digitaldog
Grove, OK
68, joined Dec. 2010
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To Love and anyone else who took offense:
I'm sorry forgive me.
Ohh My Dear sweet Ms. spamulaspammy ,
Does all this mean you'll lift that restraining order, 
forget about that " incident " 
with me and your credit cards, 
and not give my new address to that
sneaky, mean, trouble-makin parole-officer..??
and you'll let me come and live with you....
YIPPIE...!!!!!
___ ___
 -XoXoXoX-
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| 2/17/2013 5:05:54 AM |
I wish I was a widow |
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share_n_love
Fort Wayne, IN
62, joined Dec. 2012
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It would not be as if his hamster died. You don't "get over" a death.
People have been much kinder to you than I would be.
I agree. How cold for her to say such a thing. Why did she stay with him until her son was 4 in the first place? 
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