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5/18/2013 5:16:28 AM |
Grief Heals From The Inside Out! |
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woodyc62
Whittier, NC
55, joined Jan. 2013
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I'm 20 months out after losing my wife of 28 years. I've leaned not to deny my grief and not to be embarrassed by it. Losing a spouse strikes pain to the deepest part of your spirit. Deep emotional anguish is a normal part of this tragic life experience. When your spouse faces a prolonged death, much of your grief work is done before her death. I'm told this is known as anticipatory grief.
When your spouse is snatched from you suddenly, death deprives you of the opportunity to say the loving and intimate things to each other that tend to ease your parting. Inevitably this aggravates the grieving process and often gives rise to regrets. However, when your spouse’s death occurs gradually over a period of weeks or months, you have opportunity to prepare for final separation. I did not want her to feel alone, so we talk about what was happening to her. She needed to express what she was experiencing, and I needed to let her teach me what it was like to experience death. So, we talked … long and often.
I am grateful for the time my wife and I had to prepare for our inevitable separation. Even though marriage vows remind couples that death will inevitably part them, most couples seem to forget that once they are married. Couples live as though they will always have each other. The first big adjustment for me to make to my spouse’s death was getting used to the fact she is gone, and I am alone.
I begin my journey being embarrassed to cry when ever I felt like it. At times, I would be seated in a restaurant with friends when my grief suddenly overwhelmed me. Right there in public I began to sob. Remember,the wounds of grief are healed from the inside out. Trying to be strong only traps you longer in your pain. As time passes my bouts with grief has become less intense and occur less frequently. This is what I am told you know you are healing.
There are good days and bad days. The fact you are no longer included in social events for married couples begins to bring this reality home. In most cases, failure to include you in the group is not intentional. These social changes may be more awkward for men than women. Women tend to be more socially skilled than men. They are more likely to exercise the initiative to get together with other single or widowed women for enjoyable times, such as lunch or shopping. Because men are less likely to initiate fellowship they can suffer from loneliness and this seems to be the one of the reasons why some men rush into relationships with women so soon after their spouse has died and the results may be disastrous, premature marriages. Men would be wiser if they mixed socially with other guys for several months after the loss of a spouse.
We are not promised tomorrow, so, taking it minute by minute, moment by moment until we are strong enough to endure it day by day is the lesson I've learned on this journey we call life.
Take Care! God Bless!
[Edited 5/18/2013 5:19:36 AM ]
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5/18/2013 2:05:33 PM |
Grief Heals From The Inside Out! |
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sunnydee7777
Clermont, FL
67, joined Aug. 2011
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5/19/2013 5:20:30 PM |
Grief Heals From The Inside Out! |
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woodyc62
Whittier, NC
55, joined Jan. 2013
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Thanks sunnydee
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5/19/2013 6:25:37 PM |
Grief Heals From The Inside Out! |
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duchessa
Yonkers, NY
64, joined Aug. 2008
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woodyc62
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5/19/2013 6:26:46 PM |
Grief Heals From The Inside Out! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Grief heals from the heart.
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5/19/2013 8:05:14 PM |
Grief Heals From The Inside Out! |
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funnyface4him
Butler, PA
50, joined Mar. 2010
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Unfortuantly for me I was never a social butterfly, my happiness started and ended with my husband, and ironically I still does..... when I say we did everything together, we did everything together...... I used too walk 7 1/2 miles too his work just too be able too see m a 1/2 hour earlier ....
Maybe deep down we knew something......... maybe God gave us that inner tuition.... he's been gone over 3 years 4 months and I still don't go out with girlfriends or friends.
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5/20/2013 4:38:39 AM |
Grief Heals From The Inside Out! |
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woodyc62
Whittier, NC
55, joined Jan. 2013
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I understand funnyface4him
The Master knows what lies ahead of us. God has guided us toward certain decisions and warned us against others, for our benefit. We are prone to push ahead and ignore God’s warning but he has continue to respond yes, no or not yet, but when we trust God with the answers, God will rejoice with us in our successes and when we fail to head God, he will grieve with us and then urge us to keep moving forward, never forgetting the lessons we have learned.
For me I go to God daily for a fresh supply of hope and strength. Everyday problems can drain my reserves but God offers me new hope every morning. I am confident of God’s Love, assured of his power, and strengthened to confront each day’s problem.
My you turn to the Giver of Hope and He bring you peace and comfort.
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8/6/2013 2:35:40 PM |
Grief Heals From The Inside Out! |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I know you already know that cutting, liquor, and pills aren't an answer. Please don't lose yourself in them. Have you spoken to anyone? Talked to your doctor? While I know I just said pills aren't the answer, maybe you do need some prescription medicine help.
It's only been two months, though, and you're still in the deep despair and the dark hole, and it doesn't seem like you'll ever be normal again. But you will. It takes time. I know that's trite, but it's true.
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