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7/22/2013 8:48:58 PM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  

funnyface4him
Butler, PA
50, joined Mar. 2010


I have a very special friend that lost her spouse of 25 years 4 weeks ago. She's hurting pretty bad, she's not ready yet too go on here, but I have printed out a few things in here and she has said they have helped her weary soul...

I need a little bit of help in helping her go through this, their love was very very strong and as we know, the more we love them, the longer the days are too get thru and also her heart is hurting more than she ever deserves... she has a heart of gold so can anyone here please leave her a few words of encouragement or help in letting her know she's not alone???

She is also raising her 9 year old grandson and doing a beautiful job of it, so if anyone has any words of encouragement advice,,, etc..... please feel free too share that also.....

Not nudging anyone forward but lovethelake; brian, banjo and so many others here I know you all have the biggest hearts and lovely words too back them up....

I'll step aside know and let you all work your magic as you throw out your heartstrings and help her find a little bit of comfort as only those in this forum know how.......

He passed away after fighting a very hard courageous battle with cancer. .......

Love ya..... Theresa!

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7/22/2013 9:07:40 PM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  

funnyface4him
Butler, PA
50, joined Mar. 2010


I'm going too print these off for her,,,,in about a week ..,,, thanks all I know you all literally saved me more than once....

theresa

7/23/2013 7:19:47 PM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  

funnyface4him
Butler, PA
50, joined Mar. 2010


Quote from notstayinglong:
Diane, I lost my wife Jini in an instant a bit over 3 years ago and this group helped me see the way through the loss and onto a new life. You are lucky to have a friend like Theresa...she helped me (and many others) more than she may know. Over time you will see things about yourself that you never might have seen and in time you will start to create a new normal. It won't happen right away and you do have to make that decision to move forward. Never stop loving what you had but don't stop living because of what you've lost. Honor the memory of 25 years of happiness and always remember the ones we have lost would want us to be happy again as soon as we are ready. If you read this again in a month or two it may mean something different to you. Nothing wrong with that...just means you are adjusting and over the months to follow different things will become more important to you.
Best of luck to you and know you are not alone.
Peace be with you...Bryan


Thank you bryan

7/23/2013 8:44:31 PM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  

funnyface4him
Butler, PA
50, joined Mar. 2010


Thank you Judy, you have a beautiful way with words. I haven't met you yet in this place some of us call home, some of us call it our safety net, some of us just come here too know we aren't alone. But now that i have seen inside your heart I see your a very wise lady with a heart of gold.

I find it amazing how after our loved ones passed away how some of us are able to accomplish things we never imagined we ever could..

I have been told that when our loved ones are given their wings a part of us dies with them but a part of them goes on too live within us, I myself find it comforting too think that they provide us that strength too stretch our wings a little farther tooo..


Good night and God bless you and your family

7/23/2013 8:52:34 PM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  

funnyface4him
Butler, PA
50, joined Mar. 2010


That's funny you mentioned about hearing things.....

My son has my husbands ashes at his house, he asked if he could have them there so when my beautiful granddaughter was born he could watch over her, they are in a beautiful grandfather's clock hidden inside, pretty fitting right???

Well the say they hear noises at times and they both hear them, they always say dad knock it off, and they stop, they find it amusing but comforting...

I think you have something there....

Love Theresa

7/25/2013 8:39:04 AM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  
barb61270
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (10,955)
De Witt, IA
64, joined Nov. 2011


I saw this in another thread and believe the advice is very sound. We all grieve a bit differently. Let yourself grieve at your pace in your way in your time.

This is from Senior "As for me, it's been two years since I lost my husband of 37 years, and I still miss him very much. I have gone to a couple of grief support groups and found them very helpful. Here is a little of their advice:
1. Don't try to push your feelings aside and pretend they don't exist. You have to face your feelings and work your way through them in order to start healing. Don't be afraid to let the tears flow as tears are very healing.
2. Don't expect to "get over" your grief. You don't get over it, you just work your way through it."

The hardest part for me to embrace (and yet the most healing) is my life will never be what it was or what I thought it would be. It has been five years as a widow. I am more content today and accepting of my life as it is today. Please understand that I did not want to be a widow and would not wish it on anyone. I had hoped to date again. So far, not happening. I have found new friends that I have a good time with. I started a new career that I love (massage therapy). I miss my husband, I refuse to dwell what is no longer. This journey will be life long.

7/25/2013 8:51:41 AM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  
barb61270
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (10,955)
De Witt, IA
64, joined Nov. 2011


Quote from barb61270:
I saw this in another thread and believe the advice is very sound. We all grieve a bit differently. Let yourself grieve at your pace in your way in your time.

This is from Senior "As for me, it's been two years since I lost my husband of 37 years, and I still miss him very much. I have gone to a couple of grief support groups and found them very helpful. Here is a little of their advice:
1. Don't try to push your feelings aside and pretend they don't exist. You have to face your feelings and work your way through them in order to start healing. Don't be afraid to let the tears flow as tears are very healing.
2. Don't expect to "get over" your grief. You don't get over it, you just work your way through it."

The hardest part for me to embrace (and yet the most healing) is my life will never be what it was or what I thought it would be. It has been five years as a widow. I am more content today and accepting of my life as it is today. Please understand that I did not want to be a widow and would not wish it on anyone. I had hoped to date again. So far, not happening. I have found new friends that I have a good time with. I started a new career that I love (massage therapy). I miss my husband, I refuse to dwell what is no longer. This journey will be life long.



I edit this and somehow got lost the author of the quote is seniorific. Best wishes

7/25/2013 12:58:09 PM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  

lovethelake17
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (35,556)
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009


Diane, when I first came to this site I had no clue it was a dating site. I had Googled grief support and this came up and I looked around it. I must have been so deep in grief that I never noticed the name.

But it turned out to be the best thing. This group of people, on this website, got me through many a long, lonely night. I sat and read all the posts and finding that others understood and had gone through it, and came out the other side was strength giving, at a time I had none.

You and I have something in common. My daughter was 7 when her dad died, and the thought of raising her without him, and of her losing him, not only physically, but in her memories, too, bothered me more than anything else. It was just so damn unfair.

The whole thing is just so damn unfair.

But I have gotten through the worst of it, and am moving forward into my new--while it isn't what I had envisioned--future, with my daughter by my side, and we're happy again. You will feel happiness again, and not feel guilty for it. It'll be tinged with the knowledge of loss which, maybe, makes it all the more poignant and welcome. Or maybe it's more that surviving this, moving forward, embracing a future you didn't want, honors the person who loved you, walked next to you, and gave you a good base to know love.

It will take time, as cliched as that is, it will take time. Right now, you're in the worst of it. But you will move through it. Know that, and take the time you need to take.

10/23/2013 10:44:48 AM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  

ldyinred54
Buford, GA
62, joined Jul. 2013


Quote from seniorific:
Diane, I know you have a "tough row to hoe" ahead of you. I have been working through my grief for two years now and I can honestly say, it doesn't go away, but it does get easier. I found grief support groups were a BIG help to me! The best people to talk to are the ones who have walked in your shoes. Others may think they understand and try to say the things they think you need to hear. However, they can never really understand and relate to you unless they have been there. I would highly recommend a grief support group. The one that was the most help to me was sponsored by Hospice. What great, caring people they are!
One of the things I learned from them was not to push my feelings aside and pretend they didn't exist. They have to be confronted and worked through in order for you to begin healing. Don't try to hide your tears or keep them from flowing as tears are very healing. Getting angry and yelling out loud, preferable to an empty room or empty car parked near the airport so you can yell as loud as you want and no one but you will know, can be very healing.
I can also tell you that when you work your way through your grief and find reconciliation, you will find you are a much stronger person than you ever would have believed you could be! I have found myself being able to accomplish some things on my own that I never would have dreamed of even trying before!
Lastly, but not leastly, Be nice to yourself and always remember that your husband would have wanted you to move forward and to experience all the best that life has yet to offer you!
God Bless!
Judy Your such a sweet Lady Judy. Bless you.
Theresa! Sometimes friends are what keep you going and you sound like a good friend.

10/23/2013 1:07:12 PM Diane we are thinking of you, god bless  

miss_mistylight
Franklin, GA
54, joined Sep. 2013


First and foremost I am so very sorry for your loss, my heart hurts for you. i understand as only another sis/bro widow can, supports groups are wonderful, here, facebook and some churches. Please find support, you will need it.
Some of the ladies I meet have made quilts from their husbands clothing. Others made gifts for the kids from daddy's favorite shirt, etc..
I had my love cremated part of ashes made into a heart and placed in a big bear. My rugbear goes everywhere I go.
I also made notes, to write seemed to help a lot, a way to get it out. I go back now and read those words and wonder how did I live through so much pain? I also am in therapy and have to take medication for the depression and now panic attacks.
life is and will be forever changed from now on, life has no rule books and no how to's on grief, as love is different, so is this process.
we die also, the biggest part of me went with him, to be kind to oneself is hard when don't know who you are.
I have screamed in the middle of a storm, where my screams were safe from other ears, tears soaked me as the rain did, sobbing not even knowing how to breathe.
Lost my home, health and my husband in a year. And life was suppose to go on? I ran to nowhere, had no home just floating waiting. But never knew what I was waiting for. i wanted my life back, that life is now a memory, and I try to find a good memory a day and honor his memory.
I found a old card I had given him and new words were wrote in his hand, DON'T GIVE UP! i did things out of character, and still have a very hard time concentrating, it is said a widow has attention span of a nat, so its ok, to not be okay.
May you find comfort from your grandson and love flow through you, take one day at a time, please don't be pushed are rushed into any major decision's, take your time, you need it. Much love coming your way <3