| 12/2/2013 9:20:53 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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older_rh_sc
Rock Hill, SC
55, joined Dec. 2012
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Some people try to help, with their 2¢ worth of gribbish. With hospice coming. I know folks are about to come and start saying things like. I'm here for you or my personal favorite "you in my prayers" translate I ain't giving you sh*t. Misses been fighting cancer for almost 2yrs. And not one preacher (hers or mine) has ever come over to the house. (Btw) small churches. Widow group y'all post have been a big help to me THANKS.
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| 12/3/2013 8:19:07 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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miss_mistylight
Franklin, GA
54, joined Sep. 2013
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I know what your going through, and I know how it hurts. My husband was only down 2 months before he passed.
I was a go to church all the time type person, but something happened after my husband passed and I have only been a handful of times since. And I think its because the church would say they were praying, but a visit and maybe pray with my husband, no never happened.
just take it one day at a time.
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| 12/3/2013 11:10:54 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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older_rh_sc
Rock Hill, SC
55, joined Dec. 2012
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Thanks. Seems like the ones who kept me sane thru this so far are some folks I don't really know at this bar I go to on Friday after bowling. They listen, give their honest opinion. And serve me a cold beer. And won't let me drive home drunk if that happens.
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| 12/3/2013 12:52:37 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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jrupp0604
Stoughton, MA
68, joined May. 2011
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I can feel your hurt, and pain. I lost my dad, and husband last yr. It is so hard to go on some times. I guess you have to keep busy, and try to laugh with friends more often. The hurt will lessen as time goes on. 
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| 12/4/2013 7:44:43 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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lookin4ones
Hurst, TX
57, joined Oct. 2010
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I understand what you are going through.
Taking care of a terminally ill person could be challenging.
Take one day at a time and do the best you know how. 
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| 12/5/2013 11:16:55 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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What a crock of BS, OP -- pardon my straightforward response.
But ... what the hen are you whining about?
Does your spouse go with you on your Friday outings?
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| 12/5/2013 1:31:07 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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older_rh_sc
Rock Hill, SC
55, joined Dec. 2012
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What a crock of BS, OP -- pardon my straightforward response.
But ... what the hen are you whining about?
Does your spouse go with you on your Friday outings?
1.How people act like they care.
2. in times of need, you really see who are true friends.
3. A lot (not all) preachers ain't sh*t.
4. this is a good group to vent frustration.
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| 12/5/2013 3:25:35 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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newlady2
Goldsboro, NC
78, joined Apr. 2008
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*G seems like cup knows the person who posted aboved me ..
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| 12/5/2013 3:34:51 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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1.How people act like they care.
2. in times of need, you really see who are true friends.
3. A lot (not all) preachers ain't sh*t.
4. this is a good group to vent frustration.
 ... Then please allow me to say that it really pisses me off no end when all that phony malarkey hits the threads ... only seeking to soothe their own pitiful woe-is-me crap ...
At least you have the verve to express your frustrations in public, OP, and seek advise from others who may have gone through some of the same stress that you seem to be experiencing.
Good for you for speaking out. It does no good to keep it all bottled up.
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| 12/7/2013 1:48:30 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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mr_crash
Corpus Christi, TX
49, joined Oct. 2013
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No one in my family or friends ever lost a wife or husband. So yes the we know what your feeling sounded empty to me. I was glad everyone was around my house leading up to the end I wasn't alone. Just be there but don't try and tell me you know.
As for pastors none came till the day she passed but the Bikers for Christ were a fixture in the house the whole time.
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| 12/7/2013 3:13:21 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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vida60
Norman, OK
56, joined Jul. 2012
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some people don't go around after the passing because they don't know what to say and/or they're afraid they will say the wrong thing, I know, cause after my hubby passed, people stopped coming around, I got use to it, a hand full of family kept me going, guess that is nothing to whine about, if only one friend is there for you, then, that's all that matters.
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| 12/7/2013 5:07:02 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
67, joined Jul. 2008
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I know all too well what you're speaking of OP. My late parents were faithful members of a church for 37 years.
When my Dad got Alzheimer's the entire church (except for two neighbors) totally abanded them. No phone calls, visits, nothing. It was as if my parents had died.
This broke my parent's hearts and lead to speeding up the downward spiral of their health........
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| 12/9/2013 11:53:03 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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| 12/10/2013 12:56:11 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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sharonipa
Coos Bay, OR
72, joined Mar. 2011
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Some people try to help, with their 2¢ worth of gribbish. With hospice coming. I know folks are about to come and start saying things like. I'm here for you or my personal favorite "you in my prayers" translate I ain't giving you sh*t. Misses been fighting cancer for almost 2yrs. And not one preacher (hers or mine) has ever come over to the house. (Btw) small churches. Widow group y'all post have been a big help to me THANKS.
'Fair weather friends' is what they are called, those who are there when times are good, and not when times are hard. Consider it a learning experience.
It's so hard, not just losing someone we love, but watching them suffer. I guess we all know that that's just part of life, but it's such a hard lesson when it hits home.
It gets better in some ways (I guess  ), at least we eventually adjust to it, or accept it. I finally learned to let go of the resentment I felt for those who weren't there for me in my time of need (family, mine and his). I don't need that ugly feeling eating away at me on top of everything else. We definitely aren't alone...people all over the world feeling the same as we are, and often worse. Hang in there, it does get a little better with time. Hugs for you .
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| 12/13/2013 12:52:24 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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nhi123
San Diego, CA
98, joined Oct. 2013
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I know only too well what you are going through. I lost my husband not long ago to cancer that he had been batteling with for 2½ years. The last 3 to 4 months of his illness was the worst.
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| 12/13/2013 8:10:23 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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ldyinred54
Buford, GA
62, joined Jul. 2013
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People who say call me if you need anything . No one seems to care that much.When I was young a woman alone could get help from neighbors not now days. My mother calls my mother in law 1 friend and my kids. Oher than that no body wants to see me hear me or help. Sad but the truth is we are just alone on this horrible journey.
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| 12/19/2013 9:22:50 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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tasgosa
Knob Noster, MO
62, joined Jul. 2013
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My wife was always open, honest and sincere....
She wasn't concerned with her own passing....
More that _I_ find someone new...to Continue the sharing...as I did with Her..!!
Fifteen years later...~thrumming fingers~...and I'm finally starting to Consider
feeling my age..!!
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| 12/22/2013 7:31:00 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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LIVE! ... as if it is the last day of your life.
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| 12/26/2013 1:45:03 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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24milkduds
San Francisco, CA
58, joined Mar. 2012
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I respect both Hospice and My Catholic Church...when my parents were in the End Stages..hospice was a big help and our family priest visited (not everyday or week) but none the less came...gave last rites and funeral service...you must remember you do need to make that initial contact/call..they don't read minds!
It's tough being a caregiver..I know, I was my fathers caregiver for 10 years...and you know what, I have no regrets..and neither will you..
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| 1/14/2014 6:13:46 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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garedneck13
Conyers, GA
68, joined Dec. 2013
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Why does it seem i have walked that road many times... They are only friends when they need something, kids call only because they want something, Good neighbors when they are needing from you... You are a good church member till you dont have as much to put in the tything plate ot it make a noise from what you put in it.... Everyone stares at you...no more barn raising or neighbors  when you are sick..u r on your own... helping others.
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| 1/18/2014 2:10:21 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Don't get into the habit of being an enabler.
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| 1/19/2014 10:27:37 AM |
People and toward the end of life |
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gdaddy47
Columbia, TN
69, joined Sep. 2009
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I have to say that when my late wife and I found out she had breast cancer, our congregation rallied around brought food, sent cards, made calls and numerous visits. Every weekend we could always count on visits. Then when she died, it was 6 months later that people from church were checking on me. For 3 months I rarely cooked because people were still bringing food. Great people.
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| 1/19/2014 6:15:46 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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newlady2
Goldsboro, NC
78, joined Apr. 2008
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gdaddy, some people feel uncomfortable but many will try to help even if in the smallest way.. Like coming over just to let yu talk your head off alsmost-- I had a couple of friends who let me hav e that privelege ..( I have No family anywhere close)
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| 1/19/2014 7:44:45 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I have to say that when my late wife and I found out she had breast cancer, our congregation rallied around brought food, sent cards, made calls and numerous visits. Every weekend we could always count on visits. Then when she died, it was 6 months later that people from church were checking on me. For 3 months I rarely cooked because people were still bringing food. Great people.
I'm so glad you had that.
We had just moved to our new city, I had been here about two months, my husband a few months longer, so we didn't really know anyone yet.
I found myself wishing that we knew people and had friends and family close so that my daughter and I would be surrounded by that kind of warmth and support. In fact, I had some ulterior motives in addition to just needing to talk when I talked with the priest at my daughter's parish school. I kind of thought he'd spread the word or something....
I know at the church we used to be there would have been some reaching out, even if we had been new there, too.
So, OP, I get it. You get a lot of empty words and platitudes from people who don't know what to say or what to do.
I know that the priest I mentioned before was hurtful in a lot of what he said, and didn't do. He never even asked if he could go see my husband, pray for him, or administer last rites.
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| 1/23/2014 3:28:58 PM |
People and toward the end of life |
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jrupp0604
Stoughton, MA
68, joined May. 2011
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When i lost my loved ones, there was no one there to even hug me. So then i kept all my sadness in side. Felt like my heart was broken in half. And wondered if i could ever trust a man again. After abuse and controlling in my life. Something you try to forget, but is always in the back of your mind 
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