How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?

2/7/2015 11:48:59 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
klc218 Abington, MA 42, joined Jul. 2013	they act defensive and distant and everything turns into a fight Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
2/7/2015 11:49:50 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
unique_woman Omaha, NE 26, joined Dec. 2014	& I see
2/7/2015 11:53:40 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
dixie_dancer Kansas City, KS 26, joined Feb. 2013	It's all in your approach.
2/7/2015 11:55:53 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
klc218 Abington, MA 42, joined Jul. 2013	How do I approach Everytime I talk he gets defensive like I'm picking on him He's not happy when he's not working I'm ready to give up
2/7/2015 11:56:53 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
numbersor_only Austin, TX 55, joined Nov. 2014	Quote from klc218: they act defensive and distant and everything turns into a fight They react to being demoted from dating material.
2/7/2015 11:59:58 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
klc218 Abington, MA 42, joined Jul. 2013	So what's the answer? Walk on egg shells or walk away?
2/8/2015 12:03:16 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
numbersor_only Austin, TX 55, joined Nov. 2014	You have to just step up and profess your loyalty and support, like, you'll work it out...I'm not worried. That's all. Then leave it alone. Men are not going to want to be talking about it. Hey... more free time for sex!!!
2/8/2015 12:07:14 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
dixie_dancer Kansas City, KS 26, joined Feb. 2013	You asked what he wants for dinner and he threw the empty whisky bottle at your head? Or you made an offhand comment that he thought could be construed about money concerns and picked a fight? Or you demand he tell you what's wrong? Try this: 'honey I love you with all my heart. It hurts me knowing you're troubled. I am here to listen, just listen. I know I don't have any magical answers, nor do I have any solutions you haven't already thought of because I know how smart you are, but anytime you'd like to discuss anything, just know I am here and I want you to know you can come to me' Women always want to FIX things. Inadvertently we insult our partners intelligence by offering advice/ideas he has already thought of. When you build a habit of that, they're more and more reluctant to bring up problems because they don't want to be insulted. Depending on your nature, you may have already created this habit. It may be very difficult to reverse.
2/8/2015 12:10:52 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
klc218 Abington, MA 42, joined Jul. 2013	Thanks Dixie your advice helps a lot but there is so much more to this that I can even explain in this thread I am so confused It helps to someone to talk too don't know how to handle it or what I'm doing right or wrong ??
2/8/2015 12:12:35 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
numbersor_only Austin, TX 55, joined Nov. 2014	Quote from dixie_dancer: You asked what he wants for dinner and he threw the empty whisky bottle at your head? Or you made an offhand comment that he thought could be construed about money concerns and picked a fight? Or you demand he tell you what's wrong? Try this: 'honey I love you with all my heart. It hurts me knowing you're troubled. I am here to listen, just listen. I know I don't have any magical answers, nor do I have any solutions you haven't already thought of because I know how smart you are, but anytime you'd like to discuss anything, just know I am here and I want you to know you can come to me' Exactly, only limit yourself to just three words.
2/8/2015 12:57:38 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
luxorus Peoria, IL 36, joined Apr. 2014	big difference between laid off and laid
2/8/2015 12:59:09 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
vagmasterflash Durand, WI 49, joined Nov. 2014 online now!	I don't know. I'm not a psychologist. I just play one on tv.
2/8/2015 1:10:03 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 59, joined Apr. 2011 online now!	Obviously he was brought up with the notion....men work....manly, responsibility. etc, etc. you need to catch the right time and tell him you understand that is the mindset men are raised on and you understand all that, but being together is carrying the weight when the other can't, and in return they will carry the weight, when you can't. And by letting this bother him so much, its going to tear up what we have. then if it shines thru at the moment...hug to cement the notion and tell him, lets just work thru this together.
2/8/2015 1:21:08 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
grneyesrme Sacramento, CA 47, joined Aug. 2013	Very carefully!
2/8/2015 2:06:14 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
cavie59 Enid, OK 55, joined Feb. 2010	They see that he no longer has an income, so he is not worth their time. So they will kick him to the curb.
2/8/2015 2:45:20 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
ltlwing Williamsburg, OH 51, joined Oct. 2013	A mans pride is a tricky thing.Dixie's advice seems a pretty reasonable tactic.
2/8/2015 6:15:30 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
testsignup Springfield, VA 61, joined Sep. 2009 online now!	Since you can't give details, it's only possible to answer with generalities, however there is one very important generality to ponder: Some things are so upsetting to a person, that trying to calm them down about it is the same as telling them that it doesn't matter, and that THEY don't matter. This could be that kind of situation for him.
2/8/2015 6:25:39 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
extortionegos Hayward, CA 37, joined Apr. 2014 online now!	Dump him after you Google and find potential jobs that's hiring. Print out all the information and hand it to him. He will rip, kick, and laser eye those ripped up piece of paper on fire. Then your get the hint
2/8/2015 10:31:19 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
dukiesdad2013 Lyndeborough, NH 50, joined Feb. 2013 online now!	I am confused you are worried that he is upset so you join a dating site too look for answers. do you think a site named dateHOOKUP is going too relax his nerves when he finds this out?
2/8/2015 11:07:27 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
extortionegos Hayward, CA 37, joined Apr. 2014 online now!	Job readiness courses
2/8/2015 11:17:10 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 56, joined May. 2009	If it were me, I would not rise to the bait. If everything turns into a fight and he's defensive, I'd lay really low and not react to it. Let him do what he will, and handle how he's feeling the way he needs to, and as long as he doesn't become abusive, I'd not engage in a fight with him. No doubt he's feeling like a failure. A lot of us do when we lose our job, for whatever reason we do, and we have to process our feelings and work through it. He's probably lashing out at the one person he trusts because he feels safe enough to act badly, knowing you'll understand and love him anyway. Even if it is hard and you feel like you're walking on eggshells. How is he when he's not going through something like this? Just remember, this is a temporary thing.
2/8/2015 11:17:41 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
bouze Durand, MI 54, joined Jul. 2010 online now!	Quote from klc218: they act defensive and distant and everything turns into a fight 1: HANG IN THERE ! Put your hand in his hand or on a shoulder look in his eye's ! give him a " SOFT HUG.." And just say I'm NOT GOING ANYWHERE . WERE GUNNA BE O. K. It's me and you, WE'LL BE FINE... Then a nice SEXY OUTFIT AND GREAT SEX THAT NIGHT WILL MAKE IT MUCH BETTER... Just sayin snicker sncker..
2/8/2015 11:22:15 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
bouze Durand, MI 54, joined Jul. 2010 online now!	Quote from dukiesdad2013: I am confused you are worried that he is upset so you join a dating site too look for answers. do you think a site named dateHOOKUP is going too relax his nerves when he finds this out? OOOooch ! ! ! Good point, that's gunna be a problem. Didn't look at it that way ! WOW...
2/8/2015 12:12:53 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
stan2811 Yreka, CA 69, joined Nov. 2003	A mans sense of well being, and sense of purpose, is to provide. Without a job to be able to provide, he is just a little lost right now. If things were good before the lay off, then they will return when he finds work. If it's worth waiting for, just be patient, this won't last forever
2/8/2015 12:18:30 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 56, joined May. 2009	Quote from dukiesdad2013: I am confused you are worried that he is upset so you join a dating site too look for answers. do you think a site named dateHOOKUP is going too relax his nerves when he finds this out? She didn't just join. She joined a year and a half ago and this is her first thread.
2/8/2015 12:21:25 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
groo_wanderer Litchfield, CT 40, joined Dec. 2014	Women are gold diggers who usually leave a man right after he gets laid off.
2/8/2015 12:26:04 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
extortionegos Hayward, CA 37, joined Apr. 2014 online now!	Drink and do drugs with him. He will open up
2/8/2015 12:41:42 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
packersbabe920 Green Bay, WI 49, joined Jul. 2013	He's acting that way, cause he probably can't understand why he got laid off, u gonna have to be the bigger person and not argue with him and as long as he don't start getting violent with u, just bare with him
2/8/2015 12:44:37 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
dukiesdad2013 Lyndeborough, NH 50, joined Feb. 2013 online now!	Quote from lovethelake17: She didn't just join. She joined a year and a half ago and this is her first thread. I never said she just joined but the fact she is in a relationship and on here a year and a half makes it worse knowing she is always keeping her options open. computers and online dating are destroying marriages and eliminating social contact people just sit in there little corners and pretend they are socializing
2/8/2015 1:01:12 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
extortionegos Hayward, CA 37, joined Apr. 2014 online now!	The damage has been done. You can't fix it. So when is the next paper view fight?
2/8/2015 1:07:01 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
dasnixter Jessieville, AR 55, joined Jul. 2010	Dump the bum, tell him you'll consider taking him back after he goes back to work. And, in the meantime you're going to sleep w/guy that works.
2/9/2015 8:02:26 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
b4icuruthe1 Worcester, MA 48, joined Mar. 2014	Buy him a shovel and a roof rake and tell him to go get busy making easy money and work off that frustration.
2/9/2015 9:12:34 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 56, joined May. 2009	Quote from dukiesdad2013: I never said she just joined but the fact she is in a relationship and on here a year and a half makes it worse knowing she is always keeping her options open. computers and online dating are destroying marriages and eliminating social contact people just sit in there little corners and pretend they are socializing Is the sky falling, too, Chicken Little? You have no idea of what's she's doing, whether it's "keeping her options open" or not bothering ever being on the site.
2/9/2015 9:47:59 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
dukiesdad2013 Lyndeborough, NH 50, joined Feb. 2013 online now!	Quote from lovethelake17: Is the sky falling, too, Chicken Little? You have no idea of what's she's doing, whether it's "keeping her options open" or not bothering ever being on the site. If your not on the site close out your account simple. if you tried to think like a man about the things that might bother and upset them you might have one. and yes the sky is falling I have about four feet of it in my yard right now.
2/9/2015 10:24:50 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 56, joined May. 2009	Some people don't bother closing it out because they stop thinking about it after they've found their mate. Some don't because it's no longer important. Others don't because while they're no longer looking, they enjoy reading what others have to say and like to interact. I've been with my guy for over four years now, and we're both still on the site, though he rarely gets on. We live together, and he's usually right there next to me when I am online here. My point was is that you don't know her circumstances, and you don't have to. She doesn't have to know yours either. The only ones who need be concerned with their reasons for what they do are the ones directly affected. If he was OK with it, then that's all that matters. There is no automatic "you must drop the site as soon as you start dating" thing. It's up to the two to decide, and no one else. If this were only a dating site, and there were no forums, then I can see your point. Except none of us know if she just ignored this place or not. Like I said, I think a lot of people just fade away and don't bother taking time to actually delete. Sorry about all the snow. I guess this isn't the time to mention how nice it's been here.
2/9/2015 10:56:04 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
dukiesdad2013 Lyndeborough, NH 50, joined Feb. 2013 online now!	Quote from lovethelake17: Some people don't bother closing it out because they stop thinking about it after they've found their mate. Some don't because it's no longer important. Others don't because while they're no longer looking, they enjoy reading what others have to say and like to interact. I've been with my guy for over four years now, and we're both still on the site, though he rarely gets on. We live together, and he's usually right there next to me when I am online here. My point was is that you don't know her circumstances, and you don't have to. She doesn't have to know yours either. The only ones who need be concerned with their reasons for what they do are the ones directly affected. If he was OK with it, then that's all that matters. There is no automatic "you must drop the site as soon as you start dating" thing. It's up to the two to decide, and no one else. If this were only a dating site, and there were no forums, then I can see your point. Except none of us know if she just ignored this place or not. Like I said, I think a lot of people just fade away and don't bother taking time to actually delete. Sorry about all the snow. I guess this isn't the time to mention how nice it's been here. OK I see you are the type of person that can justify explain or find a reason for every action. People have to take responsibility for what they do. and my original post ( that you turned in to a personal vendetta ) Is this guy is already up set and hurting and if he finds out she is on a dating site or public forum questioning if she should dump him how do you think that is going to play out.
2/9/2015 12:02:19 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
naturebiy Mc Kenzie, TN 39, joined Jul. 2011	Does the guy get unemployment, and what kind of work does he do? There is many ways to help the situation... if all the details is laid on the line. Is there kids in the home.. Are you guys over your head in debt.. Does he have a clean drivers licence. .education..or job skills to compete in the job market. Sometime stress can lead to depression..in where a person becomes a distant or not so distant time bomb... If a person loses hope... Than it is a long struggle. You do not ask a easy question not knowing all of the circumstances.
2/9/2015 12:28:25 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
dixie_dancer Kansas City, KS 26, joined Feb. 2013	How do you know he doesn't know she still comes here for the forums? Mine knew that up front. In fact he sometimes signs into my account to see all the drama.
2/9/2015 12:57:20 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
boyinneed Miami, FL 50, joined Aug. 2011	Old days walk down to the union hall... Middle days buy him a newspaper... Now days turn computer on and type Employment...
2/9/2015 2:51:02 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
archer513 Cincinnati, OH 40, joined Dec. 2014	His self worth is diminished. His pride is hurt. Just give him some space and be supportive. Be optimistic. Hopefully,he'll do the same in your time of need. Men need space sometimes. Don't take it personnal.
2/9/2015 2:59:19 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 56, joined May. 2009	Quote from dukiesdad2013: OK I see you are the type of person that can justify explain or find a reason for every action. People have to take responsibility for what they do. and my original post ( that you turned in to a personal vendetta ) Is this guy is already up set and hurting and if he finds out she is on a dating site or public forum questioning if she should dump him how do you think that is going to play out. No, personal vendetta here, Dukiesdad, just trying to show you a different perspective (are you new to this discussion thing?) And I don't try to justify everything everyone does. But your way is not the only way everything has to be, because everyone is not the same. You have no idea of how they conduct themselves and what they've determined to be important to them and not important and how they've come to their conclusions and reasons for things. Evidently it's different than what you would do and what you would want. So be it. Here's a "justification" for you. Maybe she's uncomfortable talking to her friends (who may also be his friends) because they know him and may judge him in a way she doesn't want, or because they all know each other and she feels their business should be kept out of their conversations, or maybe she just likes the anonymity of speaking to strangers who have no stake in it.
2/9/2015 3:10:23 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
kawkasian Houston, TX 47, joined Sep. 2014	Well first I'd be wondering why I was 'rooming' with a guy.
2/9/2015 3:27:13 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
lookin4him2012 Boone, NC 46, joined Jan. 2012	Quote from klc218: How do I approach Everytime I talk he gets defensive like I'm picking on him He's not happy when he's not working I'm ready to give up then give up. If you aren't married and you have no children together then why stay with someone like that? You can't make him happy.
2/11/2015 1:13:53 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
amusicluvr Salem, OR 62, joined Nov. 2013	OP - Leave until he gets another job. Better yet, leave for good, and find someone who is mature enough to handle his frustration without taking it out on you.
2/11/2015 1:17:25 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
amusicluvr Salem, OR 62, joined Nov. 2013	OP - He has been cheating on you. Now that he is broke, his gal on the side is avoiding him, and doing someone else. That will always upset him, no matter what you do, or don't do. Dump him, and find someone new.
2/11/2015 2:00:41 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
pickygirl72 Phelan, CA 44, joined Sep. 2011	There pride is shattered. Let he take a breath and give them some space to figure stuff out. But hopefully they do not turn lazy and inactive. Good luck
2/11/2015 2:21:07 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
pickygirl72 Phelan, CA 44, joined Sep. 2011	^^^^wow damn typo's
2/12/2015 11:42:29 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
ctr916v2 Roseville, CA 51, joined Nov. 2014 online now!	Quote from klc218: So what's the answer? Walk on egg shells or walk away? the answer is, f**k his brains out at every opportunity and talk later. :-p
2/12/2015 10:09:33 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
reverend_chill Boca Raton, FL 41, joined Jan. 2014	You need to run the pants test.. Stand 4 feet away take your pants off if he doesn't get a hard on, you need a new guy. Sorry.. but he might be a dud..
2/12/2015 10:17:17 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
driver406 Saint Paul, MN 62, joined Oct. 2009	DDUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You rip him and humiliate him because it makes you feel superior even if it isn't his fault, but a guy identifies with his job even if he hates it. To lose his job is to lose his identity, not to mention his income and you'll be sure to mention that frequently won't you? You ought to support him if you love him and give him a lead if you find one with decent pay and benefits.
2/13/2015 12:31:33 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
ladiebugg55 Redding, CA 79, joined Jun. 2012	Just let him know you're there for him because that's what true friends do..let him vent because after all, he did lose his job..that's unnerving for most of us..be a better listener than an advice giver until he's working again..don't walk away..
2/13/2015 7:14:39 AM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 59, joined Apr. 2011 online now!	^^^^^that's good advice. Similar to what I first wrote....I added that its a blow to his ego and man like foundations and to talk and explain, its okay, and that you'll work thru it together. give him the support and love that he needs.
2/13/2015 12:06:53 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
oppsiidazi Orr, MN 45, joined Oct. 2014	Not sure why I need to handle anything. I mean, that is his 'loss' not mine.
2/13/2015 2:06:16 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
extortionegos Hayward, CA 37, joined Apr. 2014 online now!	I will man up. Then cry while hugging her hips
2/13/2015 3:28:56 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
imnotonlock Houston, TX 36, joined Jul. 2014	Quote from klc218: So what's the answer? Walk on egg shells or walk away? Walk away. The problem is more likely his ego than your behavior. Men have to feel like men in and of themselves. Losing the job damaged his self-esteem and only he, through his own actions, can restore that. You will die a death of a thousand cuts trying to repair a man's broken spirit for him.
2/13/2015 6:06:05 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
ladybugruth58 Patton, PA 56, joined Feb. 2014	the problem isn't being laid off.. we all enjoy a vacation. its when the unemployment checks run out that the money problems escalate.. so encourage him to look for employment, go back to school, early retirement. its a new beginning.
2/13/2015 7:00:02 PM	How do you handle problems when a guy gets laid off?
journeyman327 New Orleans, LA 39, joined Nov. 2010	Encourage him to Really Look For Work , He can't be Lazy about that . Is that why he gets defensive??? If so he may not be who you thought he was . You have to eat and pay the bills , not relying on someone else .

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