| 7/5/2015 9:37:02 PM |
Which is worse? |
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mr_imperfect
Melrose Park, IL
55, joined Sep. 2011
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Haven't posted in this group in forever. I'm not trying to reopen wounds that may still be fresh for some but I was wondering.
Is it worse to lose your mate suddenly and without warning or is watching them suffer through a long illness or lingering in a coma for years after an accident knowing there is nothing you can do to help worse.
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| 7/5/2015 11:13:37 PM |
Which is worse? |
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becqrz
Austin, TX
47, joined Oct. 2014
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That's a tough one.
My hubby had cancer and passed within 3 months of his diagnosis.
In a way, we got to say goodbye. Although, we really didn't talk about. He tried to at one time, telling me if something happened to him, for me to move forward. Told him, I didn't want to talk about it and teared up.
If he would have died suddenly, there would be no closure.
But then seeing him from his healthy self to helpless was extremely difficult.
At his funeral mass, the Father mentioned how we were fortunate to have these last three months with him, where others don't get the time we had.
Either way, it's hard to say or not say goodbye.
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| 7/7/2015 2:07:13 AM |
Which is worse? |
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24milkduds
San Francisco, CA
58, joined Mar. 2012
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I was my dads caregiver for ten years and in his last 2 years I watched him
Suffer from COPD and could do nothing for him...I cried more while he lived...he was a strong stubborn man..I feel blessed to have spent my time with him, listening over and over to his life stories...then 4 years ago I lost my husband to a tragic accident whilst he was on a fishing trip...he had been gone only a few days when I received the news...this sir I would say is worse!
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| 7/14/2015 8:23:47 AM |
Which is worse? |
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janet5360
Pittsburgh, PA
64, joined Dec. 2013
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Not knowing is by far worse. I was lucky to have spent the last few months with my honey even though they were sad ones. We were both ready when he passed and for that time I am grateful. My father had a massive heart attack at work and was brain dead when he was revived and put on vent for three days. I was left with only time to make medical decisions and no goodbye.
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| 7/14/2015 9:46:06 PM |
Which is worse? |
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may456
Brick, NJ
72, joined Oct. 2014
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My husband died suddenly without warning,the day before he passed we were shopping and really having a good time laughing and having fun ,then the next morning I hear a crash in the bathroom my husband laying on the floor ,I tried to revive him but couldn't he was already gone.so sad and so missed ,not a day goes by that I don't think of him and wonder what went wrong.
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| 7/20/2015 4:39:01 AM |
Which is worse? |
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lynn7171
Carthage, MO
45, joined Oct. 2014
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I would say suddenly is worse. I would have loved to had a chance to say goodbye.. Get our affairs in line..make a will. Make sure I told him I loved him. Been there with him to hold his hand. As it is he died in a fatal car accident and along. I was nowhere near and was waiting on him to return to us. No goodbye nothing just a call he was dead. The worse..I still can't believe he is never going to walk through that door again to me and our five year old daughter, which he would of been able to say goodbye if he knew that he was going to pass.
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| 7/24/2015 12:48:21 PM |
Which is worse? |
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sherigrafx
Miami, FL
66, joined Mar. 2014
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I lost my boyfriend of 18 years with a phone call from the police while he was on the job
saying that he was unconscious and non responsive. I rushed to the hospital but he never regained consciousness. They had him on life support for 3 days and then said he was brain dead so they pulled the plug and he died 2 days later in hospital hospice.
I would say it was easier from him to go that way than to linger in pain but you are so right that there wasn't any closure. I was numb and in shock at first, then the crisis of
living without him, the anger of it all and then acceptance and forgiveness. It will be
2 years Sept. 18th and I am still grieving.
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| 7/25/2015 12:24:47 PM |
Which is worse? |
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thoma12
Lake Ozark, MO
69, joined Feb. 2011
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Such a sad story I can understand fully how you feel . I lost my wife 4 and 1/2 years ago to brain cancer she fought for 18 months. Id say being able to take her to radiation and chemo and staying with her helped me when she passed
Tom
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| 7/29/2015 2:03:52 PM |
Which is worse? |
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chadhesh36
Thayer, IN
39, joined Mar. 2014
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Not knowing is worse i think necause one day they are ther doing there normal routine and the nextday tthey're gone you don't get to say good by or spend that time with them if you know they are going to pass away.
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| 7/31/2015 12:14:44 PM |
Which is worse? |
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Melmaxxx
Indianapolis, IN
50, joined Nov. 2014
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In my opinion, there is no "worse way". I have chatted with several widows and widowers in my 5 1/2 years of being in this club and with all the different ways, it is simply different for everyone.
I lost my husband very suddenly and without any past medical issues. An aneurysm in his heart, they were able to perform surgery and fix but he was brain dead from the time spent down in surgery.
This was the worst thing I've experienced so far in my life, but to say it would have been better for him to die a lingering death?....I think not.
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| 8/5/2015 6:20:51 PM |
Which is worse? |
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lookinforatxgir
League City, TX
48, joined Sep. 2014
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For me, it was loosing my son, 19 y/o suddenly in an aircraft 3 days before Thanksgiving. Then my sweet wife to a traffic accident four days before Christmas. One Month apart from each other So I'll say sudden was worse in my case.
[Edited 8/5/2015 6:22:26 PM ]
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| 8/14/2015 4:37:40 AM |
Which is worse? |
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share_n_love
Fort Wayne, IN
61, joined Dec. 2012
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I have 23 yrs in Critical Care, I told the Docs who trusted me with their other patients that my husband had cancer 'somewhere'. They told he and I that he had gallstones but because of his heart condition [which was sudden] they could not operate. He died 28 days later but NOT from gallstones but cancer in the liver which had metastisized from his lung. I later found out the type of cancer he had was the result of him being exposed to Agent Orange in NAM.
'Quick' is the worse for me...
P.S. He was 55
[Edited 8/14/2015 4:38:39 AM ]
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| 8/21/2015 11:15:24 AM |
Which is worse? |
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caco12
Lancaster, CA
39, joined Oct. 2014
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My husband was diagnosed in February and gone by May. Although it was painful watching his health decline, we were blessed to have that time. When he was first diagnosed we were told if left untreated he could have gone at any time. Now...looking back I Wish we had stopped treatment sooner than we had. All in all our last weeks together were a precious ...and that I would never change.
[Edited 8/21/2015 11:16:09 AM ]
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| 8/28/2015 9:28:54 PM |
Which is worse? |
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acads
Saint Paul, MN
61, joined Feb. 2011
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My mom and my wife died of the same thing, GBM, very aggressive stage four brain cancer. My mom passed away days after starting treatments, it was hard to lose her that quickly but boy she avoided a lot of the pain and suffering that my wife went through. I would opt for quickly a thousand times over.
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| 9/1/2015 10:38:47 AM |
Which is worse? |
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flyfish77
Conyers, GA
51, joined Jul. 2014
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MINE TOOK ABOUT A YEAR,JUST LIKE THEY SAID,,ITS ALL BAD pERIOD........
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| 9/7/2015 8:42:23 PM |
Which is worse? |
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watcher64
Jesup, GA
70, joined Aug. 2010
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I've had to bury two wives in my lifetime. The first one was instantly in an auto accident. Never had the chance to tell her goodbye nor how much I loved her. The second one, doctors turned her over to Hospice, predicting she would not last 6 weeks. They were wrong, she held on for almost two years before the Lord finally called her home. Helplessly watch a once vivacious woman slowly waste away, in my opinion was the hardest. Sure, I did have the time to repeatedly tell her how much I cared, waking up in the morning and find her laying beside me cold will haunt me forever.
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| 9/21/2015 1:08:49 PM |
Which is worse? |
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flyfish77
Conyers, GA
51, joined Jul. 2014
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yes it does,im tryin to move on,but no one equals her,i took care of her till the very end,an thought i was gonna die too, but,shes perfect,in heaven with god now, and maybetoday or 30 years,etc,i know i,ll see her there.
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| 10/28/2015 12:59:16 PM |
Which is worse? |
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gdaddy47
Columbia, TN
69, joined Sep. 2009
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There's no answer to your question.
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| 10/28/2015 1:18:10 PM |
Which is worse? |
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hawkapache
Boise, ID
59, joined Mar. 2008
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I lost my wife of 31 years to a drunk driver on Christmas morning coming to see me in the middle East. My daughters were in the back seat when she was run over by a semi driver who was drunk and over the limit. .341. which is smashed. I lost her without ever seeing her for 3 months. That was in 1996.
I have moved on but that day will always be fresh in my mind. Have a great day all, and all who have lost a wonderful person just think, they are with God and all the Angels, smiling and laughing enjoying what He gives to each one of them.
Live is so precious. Now you are here and now you aren't. Nobody knows when or where this will happen. He takes you when you least expect it. I am in a chair and not doing well, but at least I breath and thank God each day I am above ground. I am so blessed to be alive in this world.
Happy Halloween everybody. I have a ton of sweets for the kiddo's. Everyyear they come to my apt and get it from me. I dress up with my dress Green's, answer the door with it on. I mostly get saluted which brings a smile to my face. Col ret. Hawk...
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| 10/28/2015 5:32:57 PM |
Which is worse? |
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janet5360
Pittsburgh, PA
64, joined Dec. 2013
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What a sad story. I admire your courage to share it with others.
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