sankie1
Irvine, KY
69, joined Dec. 2011
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This is for support to those who have rec'd the dreaded diagnosis of cancer and/or for those who have loved ones that are battling with it.
When the diagnosis is given there seems to be two types of patients. Those that put the final stamp on their life immediately and those who are too stubborn to lay down. Seems those who can't get their arms around it are the ones who have the hardest battle and seem to make whatever deadline that has been set on their life (either by the oncologist or by themselves). Those stubborn cuss's are the ones that make it through. Not saying there isn't a time required to get it in perspective to move forward because it's a mental WHAM regardless of personal strength.
I've also seen the people who are closely associated to the patient have a very hard time also because they just don't know how to handle the news. What the patient doesn't need is to see pity in someone's eyes or be swamped with huddling. Being sympathetic is one thing but to wear it like a cloak when in their presence only contributes to their staying on the bottom. Sure, there's depression, anxiety, darkness ahead because basically their future has been taken from them. At the moment at least. There are stages (as in any grief and a cancer patient does grieve for their own life) that one must work through. The biggee is anger and once you reach that point the battle is on and you are back in control. My first comment to anyone who tells me they have rec'd the diagnosis is "to throw a hissy, get it out of your system, take charge and don't give in".
You are your heart and mind and if you don't allow it to control your mind, then it can't have you. Live each day as it is. If you get up in the morning and feel good, then live it for all it's worth. Don't worry about what tomorrow will be because you have wasted a good day of your life. None of us know that tomorrow will even come regardless of the situation so don't mark off your future because you have to battle this diagnosis.
There is a book that everyone should read. Published 1992 and the title is: Final Gifts. It was written by Hospice nurses Maggie Calahan and Patricia Kelley and is about "understanding the special awareness, needs, and communications of the dying" I can say personally that it will open a world of understanding on the subject and is highly recommended that you read it.
Any comments you may have in this matter may be a big help to another so please contribute your experiences. Thank You.
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godsbutterfly1
Woodlyn, PA
62, joined Dec. 2010
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I lost two friends to cancer last year and my landlord. What I saw in these people was strength. One friend would throw herself into her work and volunteering. While dealing with cancer, she still helped give out turkeys at Thanksgiving. I was blessed to be with her.
The other friend, a member here, was focused on her family. I actually met her in person. I can't begin to tell you the strength she had. First of all, she was dealing with MS, then the cancer. Her main fear was what her family would do without her. I told her that they would be alright but I'm not sure that was what she wanted or needed to hear.
My landlord insisted on still being in his office at his construction company, right up until the point that his kids wouldn't allow him to be anymore.
As for me, I'm not sure how I would respond to the diagnosis. I know I would be scared, as I'm sure these people were at times, though they rarely if ever mentioned it. Instead of fear, I saw a determination to do what they felt they needed to, for others.
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saddestangel7
Santa Clara, CA
55, joined Apr. 2011
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Initial diagnosis May 2013 Cholangiocarcinoma aka Bile Duct Cancer; rare and aggressive.
Memory of that moment was how sad the doctor sounded when she told me.
Can't remember how long it took to sink in, days or weeks?
Too overwhelmed with appointments preparing for surgery, then radiation and finally chemo.
December 2013 chemo is finished and I'm in remission.
April 2013 is when I finally have my energy back.
All through the above process my docs commented on my positive attitude for someone so sick. My cancer is late stage.
July 2015 test show cancer growing but nothing on scans. Months on end the lab results show growing cancer cells and scans show nothing. I'm having anxiety issues over the unknown.
February 2016 a mass is found. Not cancer, unrelated to my lab results. New problem that put me in the hospital to save my left kidney. It takes til July to schedule surgery. During surgery the illusive cancer is found that was hidden from scans. Inoperable cancer long ways away from the initial area from 2013. Not a good thing at all.
September chemo begins. Present day I'm still going to chemo. It's having no effect on the still growing cancer. Few options exist for treatment. I don't tolerate chemo well. It's possible I might have to stop chemo and just see how the disease progresses. Quality of life decision.
My attitude is still positive. I don't dwell on my cancer. Everyday there is a reason to smile and laugh. It's up to God when my time here on earth is done. But til that time I won't give up on me.
That's my Big "C" story.
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