| 12/3/2012 8:38:06 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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singledad1958
Senatobia, MS
59, joined Nov. 2012
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I was asked about some things by a lady (I thought things were going good) about my departed wife and why I moved. And for the record: She passed of natural causes.
Now I am blocked by the woman I was interested in with no explanation just left to wonder.
I am about to give up and be like those grumpy old man you see in the nursing home.
As a nurse I took care of a gentleman that lost his wife when he was in his late 40’s in an auto crash. (This was back when my wife was alive). He told me the only way to find a woman after surviving your wife is to have lots of money. Maybe he was right.
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| 12/3/2012 9:41:21 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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falsedawn
Tacoma, WA
39, joined Apr. 2012
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I wouldn't say condemned. I think being a widow depending where you at with you grief can be toxic. There are are things you may have said the could have brought red flags to that woman.Some people just don't know what to say or how to react about death. You may be holding your wife on a pedestal that she felt she could never compete with. I'm know for me some men wanted to prey upon me for being a widow. I think I have also done somethings to drive men that I liked away by my grief. I'm still very toxic not sure I'm ready to love or be loved yet. But I don't think you need money to find it again your heart needs to heal. And maybe save that conversation of how it happened till a later point.
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| 12/3/2012 10:46:18 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I think saying you have to have money in order to attract someone is terribly misogynistic. You didn't have to have it to attract your late spouse. I think your patient was wrong.
It takes time, you know. Did you find your spouse your first time out of the gate? Shouldn't there be some work involved in finding the person with whom you'll spend the rest of your life? Are you really going to give up after talking to one woman?
Who knows what that woman's problem was. It may not have had anything to do with you, and it may have. Maybe she did feel as though she'd be competing, whether or not you ever implied that. Maybe she felt as though there was something else she didn't like. Maybe it was as simple as you saying you liked cats and she doesn't.
Some people find it easier just to stop all communications, some people feel as though they have to block someone, too.
I wouldn't waste a lot of time worrying about her. I know it's perplexing but it's likely she won't be the last to do it. You won't like everyone you meet, either. They might just say one thing that bothers you or raises a red flag and you'll end things, too. Perhaps you'll be a little more sensitive when you do it, though. (A lot of women, I think, do it that way, to avoid getting nasty and mean comments and replies when they end things.)
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| 12/3/2012 3:02:47 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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singledad1958
Senatobia, MS
59, joined Nov. 2012
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You could be right. I tried dating again the end of 2010. I knew I was the problem and just bid all a good bye before I dumped my profile. And now that I think about the last conversation I had with this woman the subject of my being a Marine seemed to change her mood some. But I have talked to several on hear that want to know how much I make. My red flag.
So I have been adding things to my profile to cut down on the door slamming.
Well I do have to get ready to take my girls to the Christmas parade tonight. Thanks again for writing on my post. Just needed to hear another’s thoughts. Have a good day and excellent Christmas
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| 12/3/2012 3:16:08 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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realoldtimers
Toledo, WA
66, joined Aug. 2012
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You could be right. I tried dating again the end of 2010. I knew I was the problem and just bid all a good bye before I dumped my profile. And now that I think about the last conversation I had with this woman the subject of my being a Marine seemed to change her mood some. But I have talked to several on hear that want to know how much I make. My red flag.
So I have been adding things to my profile to cut down on the door slamming.
Well I do have to get ready to take my girls to the Christmas parade tonight. Thanks again for writing on my post. Just needed to hear another’s thoughts. Have a good day and excellent Christmas
I have ran in to the same problem I got block I am not going to let people that don't want me for me like you I am retired army but it seems that money is importent to some and like you this is not what us widows want.
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| 12/3/2012 9:25:19 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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newdirection6
Wellsville, OH
63, joined Nov. 2007
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I ran into problems like that. They ask if I own my home. Big mistake to say yes. He wanted to move in. What did your husban do? He was a cop. Wow he thinks $$$$$. There is a lot of scamers on here. You just have to be careful how you answer questions.
I met a good guy on here a couple years ago. We were togeather for over a year and he was going to move here. Well God had other plans for him. He past away. So here I am again looking. I found a nice guy from this site a couple months ago. He was divorced, we talked on the phone,,we met...we are still talking. I get to meet the family for Christmas. I can't wait it just might work out. Who knows what will happen next.
P.S. you got to take the walls down and get to know a person. Just don't give too much info about yourself.
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| 12/4/2012 10:06:33 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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whistlerblue
Lancaster, CA
60, joined Jun. 2010
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I ran into problems like that. They ask if I own my home. Big mistake to say yes. He wanted to move in. What did your husban do? He was a cop. Wow he thinks $$$$$. There is a lot of scamers on here. You just have to be careful how you answer questions.
I met a good guy on here a couple years ago. We were togeather for over a year and he was going to move here. Well God had other plans for him. He past away. So here I am again looking. I found a nice guy from this site a couple months ago. He was divorced, we talked on the phone,,we met...we are still talking. I get to meet the family for Christmas. I can't wait it just might work out. Who knows what will happen next.
P.S. you got to take the walls down and get to know a person. Just don't give too much info about yourself.
Good luck, ND!
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| 12/4/2012 10:35:02 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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pingeye2
Savannah, GA
65, joined Jun. 2011
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I was asked about some things by a lady (I thought things were going good) about my departed wife and why I moved. And for the record: She passed of natural causes.
Now I am blocked by the woman I was interested in with no explanation just left to wonder.
I am about to give up and be like those grumpy old man you see in the nursing home.
As a nurse I took care of a gentleman that lost his wife when he was in his late 40’s in an auto crash. (This was back when my wife was alive). He told me the only way to find a woman after surviving your wife is to have lots of money. Maybe he was right.
It takes two. And, effort by both.
One didn't want to put forth the effort perhaps. Which is good, saved you time, heartache.
Move on.
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| 12/5/2012 3:20:45 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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heart_and_soul7
Sarasota, FL
60, joined Nov. 2012
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The loss of one we love by death--is so different than those who have lost by divorce--
We are not condemned--we need to come to terms that sometimes bad things happen to good people-We do not need to understand it--we just need to accept it.
Anger and bitterness are two things we must let go of--Or we are destined to be alone for the rest of our lives.
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| 12/14/2012 7:31:47 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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northgared
Dallas, GA
48, joined Dec. 2012
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I know how you feel lost my wife in June my dad in august its been a hard year and I'm left behind to deal with it just want to give up but can't it ain't in me I. Still alive but don't have aclue what to do other than take it day by say
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| 12/15/2012 11:20:44 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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kelleydl
Sierra Vista, AZ
49, joined Dec. 2012
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Wow that made a lot of sense thank you! toxic thats me i have kids and they come 1st...we well never be loved the way he loved us that sucks so much..
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| 2/21/2013 12:46:31 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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marlotho
Slippery Rock, PA
61, joined Aug. 2012
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I was asked about some things by a lady (I thought things were going good) about my departed wife and why I moved. And for the record: She passed of natural causes.
Now I am blocked by the woman I was interested in with no explanation just left to wonder.
I am about to give up and be like those grumpy old man you see in the nursing home.
As a nurse I took care of a gentleman that lost his wife when he was in his late 40’s in an auto crash. (This was back when my wife was alive). He told me the only way to find a woman after surviving your wife is to have lots of money. Maybe he was right.
i made sure no one wanted me for my money don't have any. i am not looking for a man with money-- i want someone with what i consider good looks(tall and dark isn't my thing), good personality, someone i can connect to. i am not having good luck. i was seeing a guy and all he talked about was his money and how he could take care of me for the rest of my life. but no amount of money made up for the way he started treating me. verbal abuse and then he started degrading me. no thank you
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| 2/21/2013 2:36:16 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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share_n_love
Fort Wayne, IN
62, joined Dec. 2012
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I wouldn't say condemned. I think being a widow depending where you at with you grief can be toxic. There are are things you may have said the could have brought red flags to that woman.Some people just don't know what to say or how to react about death. You may be holding your wife on a pedestal that she felt she could never compete with. I'm know for me some men wanted to prey upon me for being a widow. I think I have also done somethings to drive men that I liked away by my grief. I'm still very toxic not sure I'm ready to love or be loved yet. But I don't think you need money to find it again your heart needs to heal. And maybe save that conversation of how it happened till a later point.
Excellently put my friend. 
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| 2/21/2013 9:10:39 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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newdirection6
Wellsville, OH
63, joined Nov. 2007
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 Well here is my update....after the new year he went home(he lives 2 hours away) he called and wanted to move in...we have known each other for 3 months..Wow after 3 months.. then I said how about move in about in the spring..I just wanted to be sure he didn't want me just for my house. Yes he did have a job. Well he dumped me. Was I wrong by not letting him move in after 3 months??? I wonder if I made a mistake.
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| 2/21/2013 10:47:37 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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barb61270
De Witt, IA
65, joined Nov. 2011
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I think you did the right thing. You stood up for your comfort level. Sounds like his agenda was different than your agenda. Relationships are built on mutal consideration. Three months is a very short period of time. In many ways still in the honeymoon phase of a relationship. I am sorry you are experiencing this disappointment.
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| 2/21/2013 1:18:08 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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utsw
Salt Lake City, UT
53, joined Apr. 2012
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I think you did the right thing as well. If he wanted to move in now he should still want to in the spring, tells me he was after something else. Sorry, keep your chin up and keep looking. Hopefully we will all find another special someone.
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| 2/23/2013 1:55:22 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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360gingersnap
Madera, CA
31, joined Feb. 2013
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I wouldn't give up have faith ...someone is out there for you,.
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| 4/10/2013 10:24:59 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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laughlivelove22
Fargo, ND
56, joined Feb. 2013
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Condemned seems to be a good word for me as well. Although, I still carry my husband on a pedesdal (sp) and I seem to run off men as well. But, I'm really tired of men wanting just sex. What happened to courtship, friends, just doing things, to be with someone and not be so lonely??????? I'm old fashioned but open minded, but not until I meet the right one. I just found this forum; wish I had found it sooner. It's been 6 years since my husband died in my arms, at our house, from Leukemia. We had a perfect marriage....seriously! I have dated but it's just not the same. Don't get me wrong, I don't want someone else to be my late husband, but he had those qualities that I require and look for, in a man......................respect, honesty and loyalty. I haven't found many with all those traits. Call me being too picky?? You darn right I am! I don't have to settle for less. And, unless you've lost a spouse or significant other, you can't relate to the pain!
But, I would like to find someone again. Not necessarily marriage or living together but to have those traits I mentioned above. Friends are always the best way to start and if nothing else happens, well, then, you made a new friend. Great!
Guess our time will come eventually; they say anyway. Not sure if I believe that one.
Funny, you are in Mississippi?! I was born in Jackson. Took a wrong turn many years ago and ended up here in North Dakota. lol. But, relocation is possible for the right reasons. hahahahaha.
Anyway, I probably haven't helped you much, but if you ever wanna talk more, let me know. And, hopefully, anyone reading this, doesn't take anything personally. These are just my thoughts. Thanx, Renee.
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| 4/10/2013 12:19:08 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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marlotho
Slippery Rock, PA
61, joined Aug. 2012
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renee you are right most men just want sex. 1 guy asked to meet me we went to a place he bought me an ice tea he had coffee. he then wanted to go to my apartment( his grown daughter lived with him) i said this is the first time we met his response was we are adults. never saw him again. but i don't care. the day my husband died he told me "you are special don't settle for less than you deserve"
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| 4/10/2013 12:26:14 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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sunnydee7777
Clermont, FL
67, joined Aug. 2011
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Well said ladies
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| 4/10/2013 4:01:06 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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woodyc62
Whittier, NC
55, joined Jan. 2013
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I don't feel condemned but more aware of how my faith has guided me thus far and is it worth my soul to live in the moment. I know the path well you are speaking of. I had to force myself to speak or write my thoughts out to keep from falling back into darkness. When I started it I had no one to talk to and I carried so much anger. I realize as time has passed it is me living in the moment and I was getting stuck and dragged backwards. I made a promise to continue living as I am left to put my life back in some type of order. If there were away to instantly be cheerful and happy all the time we wouldn't grow.
In my humble opinion when we feel those moments we need to stand confident knowing we are a child of God. May we not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith and use those gifts of that faith to pass on the love that has been given to us. Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow our soul the freedom to sing, dance and love. It's there for each and every one of us.
[Edited 4/10/2013 4:02:01 PM ]
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| 4/10/2013 7:51:11 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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laughlivelove22
Fargo, ND
56, joined Feb. 2013
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Marlotho: glad you didn't see that guy again. He was a jerk and he didn't deserve you!
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| 4/22/2013 5:38:39 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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lkn2lvu
Rosamond, CA
54, joined Apr. 2013
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I'm obviously new here. I wanted to ad My personal experience, to all of Yours. The love of a lifetime, passed away from cancer. I had 21 years of hell with the first wife, divorced, Ms. Perfect a few months later. I was an instant father of 4 now instead of 2. After the growing pains, and raising them all, the beauty of this woman kicked into high gear. My worst day with her, was better than all the good ones combined from the first. For 6.5 years, We adored one another, every second a loving memory. She wanted Me to move on quickly, since she said "I spoiled You with love so much, that as I die...I see You following. You need to be around for the kids sake,You'll see Me again" So here I am, rebuilding My business in a very harsh economic environment, after using every penny on her care. I'm getting by financially, but that is My point. Out of possibly 100 contacts/replies I have been asked My income level. I'm not on this earth to "take care" of someone. That job falls to the couple as a team, not the one or the other. I am told I'm good looking, so I don't have trouble attracting potential mates, but as soon as the income question comes up, and I politely refuse to answer...they are gone. My wife was a model caliber beauty. I am used to a womans beauty inside and out. The only ones now interested in Me are the one night stands, or ladies that are neither physically or emotionally compatible. However when I raise My income level to ,$50,000 yr plus, suddenly I have plenty of potential mates lined up. I've experimented on several pay and free sites, all with the same repeatable conclusion. The vast majority of woman, in the age groups of 35-52 are looking to be taken care of financially. Since this is repeatable, it becomes fact, scientifically meeting the tight unyielding rigors of reproducible evidence. Whick serves to prove the OP was correct in his assumption, that it comes down to the almighty dollar, not love. Which is a travesty to say the very least! The vasy majority of ladies I run into want either sex (which is awesome in a relationship) or cash flow. I was taught to deeply love, adore, cherish and totally respect My mate by My lost beauty. I suppose now, I'm left with My excellent memories of how it is supposed to be. Although I am lonely, I will not settle, although My heart yerns for love, I will not dillute what I have learned...and I would rather be alone and die of a lack of nuturing love, than become someone elses ATM machine. I see a hail storm coming My way from this post, but at least I held My integrity and honor intact to speak the truth.
The OP of the thread is indeed, exonerated!
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| 4/22/2013 7:32:47 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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meetme28269
Mooresville, NC
71, joined Apr. 2011
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ND6, you absolutely made the correct choice. In my opinion ,in the spring might have been too soon. You need time to know someone before making a life changing decision like that.
Hang in there,your prince will come into your life.
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| 4/22/2013 10:02:41 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I think that we have to be careful to not come to a conclusion based on not very much evidence.
I say that only because if you get more hits because your income is higher it does not stand to reason that those women only want you to take care of them. It may be true for some but it's not true for all.
I say that because it may be that they want to make sure you have money for you and your children and your roof and all that. Maybe some of those women have come across men who don't have jobs and no inclination to get one. Maybe some of those women have come across men who want to move in right away and have you take care of them.
It happens to both genders.
I can see someone wanting who they're with to have an income and ignoring those whose income doesn't seem enough to take care of themselves.
It may not be fair but we all have to look out for ourselves.
Personally, I don't put in an income. I don't know why anyone does. Who knows if it's the truth? I'd guess that for the most part it is not.
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| 4/22/2013 6:42:53 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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lkn2lvu
Rosamond, CA
54, joined Apr. 2013
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Actually I chatted with a few of them about it. They said, at this point in life, they were married for love the first time, now it's about money. I should have included that tid bit of information. Not one was worried about Me and if I made enough to sustain My lifestyle, instead they were looking to stay home and live off of My income alone, and have Me sustain their lifestyle. My first wife worked and sucked up My 6 figure income like a hoover, My second wife worked until she couldn't any longer because her cancer had grown so much, of course We didn't know it was cancer. She actually saved Me money and refused to be like as she said "The rest of these tramps" lol I have multiple endeavors going all at the same time, and in this world recession, it is is very difficult to sustain an income that will accommodate a lavish lifestyle. I used every last resource in an vain attempt to save her life. And I found what she already knew...that Love is the most important thing in life. Not money, the kind of clothes You wear, the home You live in, travel ect... I'm pretty good at poking holes in things, and it has been Mine and a few friends experience, that the majority of ladies, looking for men online, are all about the money! My second wife used to tell Me, she'd live in a tent with Me. Now make no mistake, this woman was a runway model and envied by all her friends and everywhere We went together, her beauty created a firestorm of attention. The way she treated Our world is together how it is supposed to be. But alas...We do not live in a perfect world. I'm not sure, if I will even find another with even a few of her fine qualities. And I'm not sure I'm looking for that. I experienced something that very, very few humans ever get the rare opportunity to experience. I am grateful for all that she taught Me, and the incredible, indescribable love she lavished on Me daily. She made Me in love...with Love. I'd very much like to experience that again, and if I even do find love again, rest assured, no matter what I bring in every month...She will be the core of My life and reap whatever it is I can lavish on her, in addition to love! However, I have no intention of being someones bank account nor ATM machine. And neither should any person. It's about love, not wealth!
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| 4/23/2013 2:06:47 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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mkjpol
Huntersville, NC
73, joined Jan. 2011
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Well here is my update....after the new year he went home(he lives 2 hours away) he called and wanted to move in...we have known each other for 3 months..Wow after 3 months.. then I said how about move in about in the spring..I just wanted to be sure he didn't want me just for my house. Yes he did have a job. Well he dumped me. Was I wrong by not letting him move in after 3 months??? I wonder if I made a mistake.
I understnad what you are saying, and I think you did the right thing.
I had a guy that wanted to get married after we dated for 2 months. LOL ! 2 months is not enought time to know if you want to get married.
When I suggested that we should give it more time, things changed, he changed.
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| 4/23/2013 2:17:45 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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mkjpol
Huntersville, NC
73, joined Jan. 2011
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Actually I chatted with a few of them about it. They said, at this point in life, they were married for love the first time, now it's about money. I should have included that tid bit of information. Not one was worried about Me and if I made enough to sustain My lifestyle, instead they were looking to stay home and live off of My income alone, and have Me sustain their lifestyle. My first wife worked and sucked up My 6 figure income like a hoover, My second wife worked until she couldn't any longer because her cancer had grown so much, of course We didn't know it was cancer. She actually saved Me money and refused to be like as she said "The rest of these tramps" lol I have multiple endeavors going all at the same time, and in this world recession, it is is very difficult to sustain an income that will accommodate a lavish lifestyle. I used every last resource in an vain attempt to save her life. And I found what she already knew...that Love is the most important thing in life. Not money, the kind of clothes You wear, the home You live in, travel ect... I'm pretty good at poking holes in things, and it has been Mine and a few friends experience, that the majority of ladies, looking for men online, are all about the money! My second wife used to tell Me, she'd live in a tent with Me. Now make no mistake, this woman was a runway model and envied by all her friends and everywhere We went together, her beauty created a firestorm of attention. The way she treated Our world is together how it is supposed to be. But alas...We do not live in a perfect world. I'm not sure, if I will even find another with even a few of her fine qualities. And I'm not sure I'm looking for that. I experienced something that very, very few humans ever get the rare opportunity to experience. I am grateful for all that she taught Me, and the incredible, indescribable love she lavished on Me daily. She made Me in love...with Love. I'd very much like to experience that again, and if I even do find love again, rest assured, no matter what I bring in every month...She will be the core of My life and reap whatever it is I can lavish on her, in addition to love! However, I have no intention of being someones bank account nor ATM machine. And neither should any person. It's about love, not wealth!
@lkn21......Not all woman are after money. Many woman today have their own money.
You need to realize, there are just as many men out there today looking for a woman with money, as there are woman looking for a man with money.
Just weed them out, and you will be fine. Look for red flags. The red flag is always there.
And remember, there are just as many woman out there that are NOT after you momey as there are ones who are.
Good luck to you.
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| 4/28/2013 7:28:29 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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bayoulady2
Leesville, LA
66, joined Feb. 2013
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No you aren't!! There is someone out there for you and me don't give up! The one who blocked you for no reason wasn't worth your time! I lost my husband 2yrs. ago.
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| 4/28/2013 9:14:43 PM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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duchessa
Yonkers, NY
64, joined Aug. 2008
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No you aren't!! There is someone out there for you and me don't give up! The one who blocked you for no reason wasn't worth your time! I lost my husband 2yrs. ago.
Well, the fact she blocked him w/o an explanation may be seen as rude...but not necessarily she is a person "not worth his time"; the lack of an explanation doesn't mean she didn't have a reason to stop talking to him.
Who is not to say she didn't want to be involved with a guy who has kids....or that the distance was too great?
Again, she should have given an explanation.
[Edited 4/28/2013 9:16:52 PM ]
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| 4/30/2013 11:04:48 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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rennwench
North Highlands, CA
46, joined Nov. 2012
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I was dating a fellow widower, we were both out about 3.5 years. After a month of things going really well, (I thought) he informed me I was too much like his deceased wife in a good way. He could not deal with all the memories even though they were good because he felt he was living in the past and wanted a new and different relationship. Go figure.
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| 4/30/2013 11:05:59 AM |
Are we condemned? I seem to be. |
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rennwench
North Highlands, CA
46, joined Nov. 2012
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BTW, I get scammers all the time and guys interested in my financial situation. Funny thing is I am a paycheck to paycheck person. That is why I decided long ago when I re-marry I will willingly sign a pre-nup so the man knows I am in it for love and definitely not for money.
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