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Forums: Dating General Discussion: Must the man be the one to pursue?
6/13/2008 9:07:11 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

salsalady5
Sarasota, FL
age: 48

 I am very new to dating. I'll zoom through the Publix parking lot with a cart full of groceries like a little kid on a scooter. But dating GAMES? PLAYING hard to get? Should I never call a guy I like? I recently met an author of a book about dating,and yes,I bought her book, and I was quite amazed with the advice. Never drive to a man's house to pick him up for a date? Don't call a guy, even if it's a missed call? Don't accept a date if he didn't call, like, two days in advance?
Gentlemen, please be honest, would you prefer to be in charge of the flow? Is the PURSUIT such an important part of your experience of dating?
Ladies, has being too assertive ever been a negative in your dating?
What year is this, and will it always be the same?
6/13/2008 9:12:07 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46

 Wow who is the author of that book and where do I get a copy??? I can't agree with her more. From some advice given to me by a very attractive male friend of mine in Australia (who I've known since school) let the man chase you. If he is interested he will continue chasing you............if not he wont. It's not rocket science. I do, however feel sorry for the guys that are really shy but they need to lift their game I suppose.

The trick here is to go after the girl you want guys before it's too late.



[Edited 6/13/2008 9:12:26 PM]
6/13/2008 9:28:18 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

808_sm
Honolulu, HI
age: 40 online now!

 I hate to admit it, but the book is right. It with anything in life, no matter the value if it is obtain too easy it will be worthless.

Perfect example...If you won a million dollars how would you spend it? If you saved a million dollars, how would you spend it? 99 out of 100 times you spend it alot wiser if you saved it. Look at the list of lottery winner. Most of them are broke.

Make a man earn your trust and love and he'll treat you a lot better. Give it to him on a platter and you'll be creating men bashing threads in a few months.
6/13/2008 9:44:31 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

ak2washington
Kent, WA
age: 52

 I disagree.

I've always been told, No means No. If she says no the first time, you leave her alone. If she's playing hard to get - then she's PLAYING. Women say they don't like game players and yet their whole personna is based on it. Be mysterious, play hard to get, etc.

It may be our job to ask first - but if you're interested, say YES!

As far as women asking guys first - why not? I wouldn't think less of you. I don't care who's in charge of the flow. If we like each other, who cares who started it. You're together.

Women on DH wink and send emails first - is that different?

Edit: This is gonna get interesting.



[Edited 6/13/2008 9:47:03 PM]
6/13/2008 9:49:37 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46

 Well obviously if she says no the first time, you dont pursue her silly. We are talking about if she has hinted or said "yes" then follow it up.............. SO ak2 here is my answer - YES

6/13/2008 9:52:09 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

salsalady5
Sarasota, FL
age: 48

 Oh my,
Now I see why online chats become so appealing. A lady in Australia, a gentlemen in Hawaii?
I am so used to being straight forwarded , I just don't feel I can play these games. I feel a good guy would see right through them...
6/13/2008 9:57:17 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

ak2washington
Kent, WA
age: 52
Quote from flowergirl62:
Well obviously if she says no the first time, you dont pursue her silly. We are talking about if she has hinted or said "yes" then follow it up.............. SO ak2 here is my answer - YES


LOL, Flowergirl - you so got a nasty email coming. At least you didn't stick your tongue out at me again.

6/13/2008 10:01:12 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46

 salsalady my advice to you is lighten up and enjoy these threads.............you said you were new so perhaps start off in the games threads and then come back to these............
6/13/2008 10:01:59 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

harley9482
Fort Wayne, IN
age: 25

 Personally, I find it ignorant and barbaric for the guy to be expected to always always always be the chaser, especially thanks to all the potholes that have been created thanks to the sexual abuse and such situations. If the woman wants to get with the guy, than she should be the one to chase the guy. Men, especially like me, want the woman to show near, if not the same amount and desire for the get-together. It's not fair, and to the educated mind, no less sexist, for the man to be expected to do all the chaseing. Furthermore, too many girls complain exhaustingly about the guy chasing a girl. If a woman wants equality with the man, then the woman needs to equally respect the man, and if she just happens to be in the momentary position of needing to, or being the one wanting to chase the guy, then she needs to do the pursuit. If you are a woman, who wants equality with men, then you need to show near equal effort toward initiation and progression of the relationship.
If you happen to be a woman who wants and demands a man to always be the one in pursuit, then maybe, with any due respect, you should opt to mimic the somewhat stereotypical role of the classic woman, by going and to healthy limits, submitting to the man, oherwise, if a guy shows interest and attempts to pursue you, then you owe him the acknowledgement by trying to pursue him no less.
6/13/2008 10:06:38 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

tiredlogger
Booneville, MS
age: 37

 my advice is burn the book because in todays society men and women allike get tired of the chase quickly with work family and friends and all the husstle life can put on a person if u play the chasin game it will be you who ends up lonely and by urself if you like the guy then you should let him no it period dont forget it takes 2 to make a relationship work so go for it
6/13/2008 10:07:46 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

snshl2b1
Atlanta, GA
age: 46

 it's the new millenium. we've transcended the rigid gender roles of our hegemonic predecessors. you can pretty much do whatever you want. if you're into traditional roles wait around for him to pursue you, the guy who sweeps you off your feet will probably also share those values.

if you want to drive to his house and serenade him with your big guitar, lots of open-minded guys would totally get off on that. if it were me i'd probably invite you in, cook you the most delicious meal you've ever had and give you a nice relaxing massage.

i'm pretty outgoing, and i still find it intimidating to ask someone out. i feel really sorry for super-shy, introverted guys, there aren't a lot of women out there who are willing to break the ice. personally, i love being pursued. i appreciate direct communication and honesty, and i value the self-confidence it takes to put yourself out there.
6/13/2008 10:08:51 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

fredricko
Pico Rivera, CA
age: 49

 think it all depends on which one man/woman has greater attraction for other one,have seen some women that are interested in guy and flirts,gestures,comments,till guy notices then he decides to pursue or not,also have seen men do same thing till woman responds,but in reality if both are interested in one another should express yourself,dont hold back can get confusing and may send wrong message, chasing the other party away,
6/13/2008 10:11:48 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

mcy_rider
Grand Island, FL
age: 40

 I pursue when I like someone. Women can do the same
6/13/2008 10:12:46 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

jill46
Davenport, IA
age: 46

 I met a man I bought a kitchen table from that he had in the paper. Its been about a month. I felt an instant attraction, but I don t know him. I called him back a couple times with some stupid ?. I m to shy to just come out with it. Its so much easier online when I know your looking too.
6/13/2008 10:12:48 PM Must the man be the one to pursue?  

chopperbabe
Selah, WA
age: 47

 I've done the pursuing and have found that nothing came of it. Now when a male pursues me I will take the time to get to know the person to see if we indeed have some common interest.

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