| 6/15/2008 1:21:47 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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zcrgm
Windsor, ON
age: 49
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I had an experience recently where the guy came on strong and continued after we had coffee, then as soon as I showed any real interest he backed off. The last time I seen him was when we went out for coffee on my request. He asked to see me again and then never contacted me or answered any of my emails. As naive as I can still be at my age I was actually worried that something had happened to him lol
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| 6/15/2008 1:30:27 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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murano05z
Alexandria, VA
age: 54
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I'm not sure the old rules apply anymore as long as everyone is treated decently. Relationships are difficult anyway. When it all comes down to it, what difference does it make on who initiated the contact. Either way, if the relationship is good then it is good no matter who did the original pursuing. If it is bad it isn't worth trying to figure out anyway.
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| 6/15/2008 1:36:10 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 44
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it's the new millenium. we've transcended the rigid gender roles of our hegemonic predecessors.
OMG! I got so turned on at someone using "hegemonic" I couldn't read any further! 
yoo hoo......!!!!!!
uh oh, guess I should keep my mouth shut and not admit that huh?
Maybe I should sit here and wait til he thinks about chasing me around?
Oh yeah that will work!
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| 6/15/2008 2:43:33 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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sitkarains
Sitka, AK
age: 48 online now!
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GAMES? PLAYING hard to get
Well I always thought that the “Chase” was something like a dance. I am pretty old fashion in my beliefs also but there is a limit.
Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought in real life the dance went something like this. Man gives you the eye or you give him the eye, he shows he is interested you show him you are back. Then it is like one step forward his move. One step forward your move. I actually am turned off by someone that is way to aggressive excessive phone calls, emails, etc. Before I even have a chance to respond to the one’s I have. But for him to show he is interested that is special and sweet, I also understand it takes courage, I respect that. Is this a game I don’t think so, like someone else mentioned in the post, if it so easily obtained? I have to ask myself how many others got it so easily. I myself want someone that values who and what they are, since if they value themselves then I know they will value me. I know the person in my life right now values who and what he is the same as I value who I am. If I miss his call he waits or calls back, since he knows already where we stand and how I feel. He knows I am not playing a game. I also enjoy knowing that he is interested in me. I enjoy the dance of the relationship building and growing. I also use this concept in almost all my friendships and contacts. Again is it a game or is it life. I choose to think of it as life.
I think most of what this author is quoting is bunk since in my opinion there is no black and white rule book anytime we try to put a person in a box we are going to be disappointed with it. I choose to take each and every person on their merit and the situation.
Now that being said I think 99% of all the so called self help books are bunk. I think people need to do what is comfortable for them and their lifestyle. Quit listening to the so called experts. Has anyone ever sat back and thought about how screwed up most of these people are themselves but yet they can write a million dollar seller and insecure people but them up like candy.
I have to ask where the communication of two people went. I would prefer to keep going my way has worked so far so good.
Ladies, has being too assertive ever been a negative in your dating?
No actually quite the opposite. Since I pick and choose when to be assertive depending on the situation, I quite enjoy the thrill of being chased if that is the correct phrase here. Not sure if it is or not.
What year is this, and will it always be the same?
The year we all know, but deep down I don’t’ think people change as much as we expect them to. I know for a fact I can take care of myself financially, I can take care of most home repairs if not I have them on speed dial. In saying that I will also be one to stand up and say, I enjoy being woman and all that entails and I have secure enough to allow my guy to be a man in what ever format that takes.
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| 6/15/2008 3:03:08 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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danrms
Orlando, FL
age: 27
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I think all those dating "do's and don'ts" are a bunch of bs!
If you like someone and the other person has shown interest...I don't think there's anything wrong with calling the person the next day or etc....
Too many of my friends tell me I should wait a day or longer before I call...all that will do is continue that ridiculous cycle...
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| 6/15/2008 4:43:09 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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sekjst1
Lancaster, CA
age: 57
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Men like to hunt. It's in their DNA. Seriously! I have seen it over and over again. When they pursue on their own merit what they catch is considered a prize. It's just a natural condition of the sexes. Besides, I think chivalry is the best part of a man.
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| 6/15/2008 4:46:08 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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thebestman
Alpharetta, GA
age: 34
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I think all those dating "do's and don'ts" are a bunch of bs!
If you like someone and the other person has shown interest...I don't think there's anything wrong with calling the person the next day or etc....
Too many of my friends tell me I should wait a day or longer before I call...all that will do is continue that ridiculous cycle...
exactly...
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| 6/15/2008 9:09:05 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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salsalady5
Sarasota, FL
age: 48
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Thanks, but you guys have me more confused than ever.
How's this; In the beginning,the guy might be the instigator, and things fall into balance as they progress. From that point,the person who seems to be the least of the two interested should be the one to call. In other words, man or woman, if you feel you are the one more interested, let the other person set the pace. Why must this be so difficult? But what do I know?
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| 6/15/2008 9:13:24 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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bucktail
Poynette, WI
age: 46
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RELAX,,,give it a chance to develope,,,,plant a seed and see if it grows
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| 6/15/2008 9:39:34 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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angmar
Bowling Green, KY
age: 49
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I am very new to dating. I'll zoom through the Publix parking lot with a cart full of groceries like a little kid on a scooter. But dating GAMES? PLAYING hard to get? Should I never call a guy I like? I recently met an author of a book about dating,and yes,I bought her book, and I was quite amazed with the advice. Never drive to a man's house to pick him up for a date? Don't call a guy, even if it's a missed call? Don't accept a date if he didn't call, like, two days in advance?
Gentlemen, please be honest, would you prefer to be in charge of the flow? Is the PURSUIT such an important part of your experience of dating?
Ladies, has being too assertive ever been a negative in your dating?
What year is this, and will it always be the same?
Wow!!
Did the author give any reason for this series of tests and hurdels? To be honest, if someone consistantly failed to return my calls, was reluctant to pick me up from my house (assuming we'd been dating for some time), and wouldn't consider a spontanious offer of a dinner or picnic, then they'd be telling me they're too self absorbed for me.
Your standards say alot about you, so make sure they are yours and not that of some self appointed expert who's trying to sell a book.
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| 6/15/2008 9:49:23 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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sitkarains
Sitka, AK
age: 48 online now!
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Thanks, but you guys have me more confused than ever.
How's this; In the beginning,the guy might be the instigator, and things fall into balance as they progress. From that point,the person who seems to be the least of the two interested should be the one to call. In other words, man or woman, if you feel you are the one more interested, let the other person set the pace. Why must this be so difficult? But what do I know?
I think personally you are making it more difficult that it needs to be, from what you are describing here. There is already a relationship building, so therefore, the lines of communication should be open and running.
If I felt I was more interested in someone that they were in me I would just simply ask them. At the time the relationship has developed where we are both interested, if I wanted to talk with him I would call him. In my experience a man tells me to call they mean it call. I dont' care if it is the first call and I miss it, he leaves his number I am going to call him back period the same as I would anyone else.
I have to resay like someone else has stated above Relax and enjoy the natural progression of the unfolding relationship. Everything is a chance in life, relationships are no different. We take what we put in them.
I also believe if it don't come easy then let it go. I think, that right from the beginning the lines of communication have to be open. Both parties have to feel comfortable enough to openly talk with the other person that is part of the connection.
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| 6/15/2008 10:00:50 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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tx38austin
Dallas, TX
age: 38 online now!
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I am very new to dating. I'll zoom through the Publix parking lot with a cart full of groceries like a little kid on a scooter. But dating GAMES? PLAYING hard to get? Should I never call a guy I like? I recently met an author of a book about dating,and yes,I bought her book, and I was quite amazed with the advice. Never drive to a man's house to pick him up for a date? Don't call a guy, even if it's a missed call? Don't accept a date if he didn't call, like, two days in advance?
Gentlemen, please be honest, would you prefer to be in charge of the flow? Is the PURSUIT such an important part of your experience of dating?
Ladies, has being too assertive ever been a negative in your dating?
What year is this, and will it always be the same?
New to dating????
Yeah, like everyone in jail is innocent.
I'll send you help to cross the street, K? 
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| 6/15/2008 10:06:33 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46
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I had an experience recently where the guy came on strong and continued after we had coffee, then as soon as I showed any real interest he backed off. The last time I seen him was when we went out for coffee on my request. He asked to see me again and then never contacted me or answered any of my emails. As naive as I can still be at my age I was actually worried that something had happened to him lol
Been in the same boat and couldn't work it out..............MEN can be very odd sometimes 
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| 6/15/2008 10:14:34 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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bry11ca
Buellton, CA
age: 43
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I am very new to dating. I'll zoom through the Publix parking lot with a cart full of groceries like a little kid on a scooter. But dating GAMES? PLAYING hard to get? Should I never call a guy I like? I recently met an author of a book about dating,and yes,I bought her book, and I was quite amazed with the advice. Never drive to a man's house to pick him up for a date? Don't call a guy, even if it's a missed call? Don't accept a date if he didn't call, like, two days in advance?
Gentlemen, please be honest, would you prefer to be in charge of the flow? Is the PURSUIT such an important part of your experience of dating?
Ladies, has being too assertive ever been a negative in your dating?
What year is this, and will it always be the same?
Salsa,
I have one request for ALL people . . . . when you are arond me . . . just be yourself.
Bry 
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| 6/15/2008 10:35:18 PM |
Must the man be the one to pursue? |
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rocklady
Lenoir, NC
age: 45
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Catch me if you can
That's all I've got to say
Life's short
Get into it while you can
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