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5/28/2013 11:11:21 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
blackribbon
Royal Oak, MI
51, joined Dec. 2012


This is going to be hard to hear. You fill a void in her life...but at this point, that is all you are doing. If she saw this as a potential long-term situation, she would be starting to introduce you into her "real" life and not leaving you out of everything. She will not leave you until she finds someone else because being alone hurts. However, I do not see this developing into what you want as it stands and this relationship is not fair to you. Be honest and say that you would like to be invited and included in some of her life and circle of friends or else you will assume that she does not want you to enter into that part of her life and that this is not a relationship that has a long-term future...and back out gracefully.

If she says that you "don't understand"...admit that you don't but explain that you are a living breathing man that needs to know he isn't spinning his wheels. She might change if she valves you...but if she doesn't at least make an effort, realize that she might just not be "into you" as much you hope. Let her know that you are not asking her to forget her husband, however, you need to know that you matter too...and need to see some progression that you can eventually be loved as much as he is.

If she says that never will happen, walk away now and don't look back. Yes, we often will love our deceased spouses forever. However, we also are totally capable of completely loving another without taking anything away from that love. You deserve to be valued as much as her husband is and was...or else you need to spend your time and energy on someone who can.

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5/28/2013 11:25:51 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

oceanair777
Reston, VA
53, joined Feb. 2012


Stay on the path of companionship and be available without forgeting about yourself. Remember that equality is the foundation of all realtionships/companionship. Don't lose your soul trying to repair another's or you'll end up being the Living Dead!! I think you're doing a great deed being emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually available for her. I hope that she can do the same for you. Good luck to the both of you and don't focus on when's she's ready. Continue to live your life as you did before the two of you reconnected and innocently enjoy the times the two of you have had and will have. Go forward and know that what you're doing is a good thing and let her choose you. Until then, it's one day at a time and focus on what have you not done to be worthy of yourself. Peace be upon the two of you.



[Edited 5/28/2013 11:27:20 AM ]

5/28/2013 12:28:47 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

sorpstar
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (41,741)
Wayne, NJ
64, joined Oct. 2009


Here's a factor you may not have mentioned/ does she have children...within her own family her children may be blocking her from having time for her...the kids may be taking up her time or those kids maybe a handful...many kids only know one set of parents and stay closed minded, so I ask are there children from her marriage and she can't involve you yet or did you mention any in your OP...maybe you left out pertinent facts, if not It's time to get off the pot...jmo

7/23/2013 6:32:56 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

meetme28269
Over 1,000 Posts (1,687)
Mooresville, NC
71, joined Apr. 2011


You are being used,plain and simple. You have let your sentiment over rule your mind and from your posts it is obvious you have a fine mind.
You need to break away from being controlled and live your own life before you have none left.

Call me what you will,but if I were you ,I would start dating and not necessarily secretly. This would not be cheating,as you have no commitment between the two of you. If you don't want to date,just make yourself unavailable at certain key times.
She wants to go to dinner,"sorry I can't ,I have other plans". She doesn't have to know all you will be doing is watching TV or going to a movie.

Sounds like a game? Well what do you think she has been doing all this time.
I'm telling you,get away from this woman,it isn't going to get better.


7/26/2013 6:34:46 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
forward16
Charlotte, NC
69, joined Jul. 2013


Just give her some time, it's over 7 yrs for me, I have been ready to move on , n it seems, that some men don't know what they want, I think she should hold on longer, until u r really sure that you really wants to be with her, n not just to get into the bed, please don't hurt this woman.

7/26/2013 8:27:26 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

lovethelake17
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (35,556)
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009


Forward16, you could read all that was said, and still say he's just in this for sex?

Seniorific, well said, and hard won knowledge you've shared. Good luck with your move. I've moved twice since the house I shared with my husband, and you will take his memory with you, as you're making your new life and your new home yours.

7/26/2013 8:43:24 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

funnyface4him
Butler, PA
50, joined Mar. 2010


Quote from lovethelake17:
Forward16, you could read all that was said, and still say he's just in this for sex?

Seniorific, well said, and hard won knowledge you've shared. Good luck with your move. I've moved twice since the house I shared with my husband, and you will take his memory with you, as you're making your new life and your new home yours.


I second this,

Both you ladies write so well and from the heart....

i remember approximantly 2 weeks after my husband passed away sitting down with a blank piece of paper...

I WROTE 5 THINGS I LOVED ABOUT HIM AND 5 THINGS THAT DROVE CRAZY MAD AT HIM....
LOL

I DID THIS TOO REMIND ME HE WASN'T A SAINT AND ALSO THAT HE WAS HUMAN TOO HELP ME MOVE FORWARD... HE WOULDNT BE MY PATRICK ANY OTHER WAY; AND SOMETIMES THOSE SILLY QUIRKS OF THEIRS MAKE US LOVE THEM THAT MUCH MORE IT KEPT IT FROM GETTING BORING..

GOD BLESS ALL THERESA

7/28/2013 2:10:24 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
malluv12
Bethany Beach, DE
48, joined May. 2013


hello

7/30/2013 8:28:10 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
gapeach765
Ridgefield, WA
52, joined Jul. 2013


My heart goes out to you both.I was a young widow, only 32. It's been 17 years and as much as I need someone in my life......
I would hope to find someone with your heart. So please, wait....wait for her. You will know if too much time has passed & you need to then, stay her friend, but move on romanticly.
In her grief she lives a moment at a time. 34 years is a long wonderful life together. It will take time.
Let her come to you, if she ever does talk about her late husband. If she doesn't, you can shatter your relationship by asking or pushing.
If she doesn't, trust her. If she needs you to come into "that place" (as I call it) she will let you in as she can.
Just be there for her and the Lord will reward you for it. JUST DON'T PUT GOD IN A BOX!
Your reward my come in someone or something eles. But without this time in your life you wouldn't be
ready for.
So, be a faithful, man & friend.

Keep your heart in the word.
See what God does!

8/5/2013 11:51:09 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

opwsu75
Renton, WA
64, joined Apr. 2013


I love your sweet post, gapeach765, maybe because it appeals to the guy I want to be. There is nothing like being reminded by real life how far from the mark I fall, though.

It takes my constant effort to set aside romantic desires, especially when I take her out on what feels like a date, hold hands, and receive such wonderful goodnight kisses. Somehow I need to remind myself that this isn't about winning her love and affection, but just letting her be feminine, desirable, and safe in the world.

Thanks for your message. It inspires me at a time when I really need some encouragement. I know that I will re-read what you wrote many times.

Terry

8/13/2013 3:10:42 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

deanie883
Omaha, NE
57, joined Jul. 2012


Its been 2 years next month since i lost my husband of 28 years. While I have started to date again I do feel sometimes as if Im cheating. Be patient she will see what she has in you. When she does just Follow her lead. She will have days and weeks that she can give herself to you. Then for no reason she will face a hard day, week and maybe a hard month. A song or just a drive in the car past someplace that holds meaning to her, some silly little event that she remembers from her past will come flooding back just by driving near that place. It can take her to a time in her past that she shared with him. Give her that moment to feel the joy and then the inevitable pain will follow. Support her, ask few questions because it's a sacred moment for her from a life she did not choose to lose. If you give her this time she will remember and feel blessed to have the great fortune to have another good man in her life. Cheri

8/13/2013 11:23:24 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

opwsu75
Renton, WA
64, joined Apr. 2013


Dear @mto1sgal: Thank you so much for posting a comment on THIS thread, and a hearty welcome to you!

I find little surprise anymore in reading what some folks post anonymously. Sometimes what comes through is confessional, personal, wise, kind, and just. At other times, what is said seems venomous and intended to do harm. As you say, it is ours as recipients to decide whether to react to any of it, whether we choose to be touched by something sweet or offended by an ad hominem attack. In any case, I guess the sender is in a similar boat.

For the most part, the folks commenting in this thread are, like you, doing the work. Some of the wine is still green. Over time, though...over time.

I have a tacky little saying hanging on my wall that reads, "We can't change the direction of the wind, but we can adjust our sails." Maybe because the aphorism is so saccharine, it leaves behind something easily recalled. I think it is a little like what your dear old friend told you..."Take what you need, and leave the rest."

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.



[Edited 8/13/2013 11:23:51 PM ]

9/4/2013 8:37:28 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
vickie_s
Winter Park, FL
58, joined Jul. 2013


The best advice I could give you is to not put pressure on her. Tell her that you will be there for her for anything she needs and if she ever wants to talk you are available. In the meantime make sure you are truly listening to what she is saying. If she sees that you are not listening and remembering things she says then she will not talk because she will think that you are only interested in her physically and not mentally or emotionally. If she wants anything physically she will let you know. Desire does not go away. It's sad but it takes time. I also believe that on your end and for your sanity you can ask her what it is she wants from you. Tell her to be upfront about what she wants and needs. You both should know for sure what you are dealing with. Even though she is grieving she still has a responsibility to you to make sure you are clear about where you stand.
I met a man after my husband died and was with him for 2-1/2 yrs but could not fall in love.I stayed with him anyway because basically it was just a physical relationship. He wanted to get married and I knew I could not love him. Because of guilt I gave it up after 2-1/2 years. It wasn't fair and I felt bad because I was there physically but not mentally or emotionally. It was not fair to him. All I'm saying here is to make sure that whatever is happening between the two of you that both of you know about it.

Vickie

9/5/2013 4:42:54 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
laura6914
Silver Creek, MS
70, joined Oct. 2012


I lost my husband of 27 years. Also lost a good friend of 10 years. She can love a gain if the chemistry is there. I honestly think she can't love you. I have loved and it wasn't returned. This is painful. You just have to go on and cut your losses and take a break. If she don't love you some one else would really appreciate you. It is no fun being lonely and not feeling loved. But it is better than being in a relationship where the love isn't returned

9/15/2013 7:07:43 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

opwsu75
Renton, WA
64, joined Apr. 2013


Laura, thank you for being frank. It's incredibly humbling to see how easily my ego pushes its way to the head of the line and advises me like some provocateur to assertively pursue self interests over those of the woman I love.

I grew pretty frustrated, as anyone reading this thread can tell, wanting to reach her in her private grief so that I could comfort her, wanting for our relationship to progress rather than stall, desiring love in kind for the mountains I had piled up for her. I was direct with her, and she felt pressured. I backed away when I realized how selfish I was becoming. I told her that I thought we both needed a little break, but I guess that was a chicken way of dealing with the perceived distance she was putting between us. Like you, Laura, I felt she was just not interested in me.

We stopped communicating for a couple of months. I managed to collect myself and began to accept reality. Meanwhile, I think she began to feel something that caused her to reach out to me. She invited me to a concert and included me on an invitation she sent to several alumni to attend a football game. She was keeping the door open, and a couple of days later she asked if I could meet her for a walk with her dog that afternoon. A week after that, she sent me a picture of a rose blossoming in her garden.

In the past month, she and I have been to dinner several times, movies, walks, taken a bike ride, gone to a couple of concerts. She has made herself available and shown interest in continuing our relationship, don't you think? She's holding on in her own way, it seems to me.

What role her widowhood plays in this, I'm not sure. Most of what seems to be happening, at least on the surface, fits the pattern of normal relationship stuff. Yet she is dealing with a new, possibly scary world for her, full of possibilities and solutions to this loneliness she feels.

9/15/2013 1:01:23 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
kalebhackett5
Gretna, VA
24, joined Aug. 2013


How do I get girls to talk to me

9/16/2013 11:21:27 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

softltouch
Denver, CO
48, joined Sep. 2013


Just be patient and very protective that is something we truly miss everyday do not smother or compete against her memories
Then when the time is right and warm whisper these words in her ear

I was not your first love
I may never be your best love
But one thing I can do and that is be your final love

Look her in her eyes and gently kiss her on the lips
don't wait for a response just say it kiss her and let it go and enjoy her company from then on

10/7/2013 8:02:31 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

opwsu75
Renton, WA
64, joined Apr. 2013


Quote from seniorific:
OP; You didn't say how you felt about her reaching out to you again after a 2 month break. After you collected yourself and began to accept reality, as you said, how did your feelings toward her change? Are you now accepting her efforts to reach out to you again because you still have feelings for her? or are you now going along with her so as not to hurt her feelings? I think it is just great if you both have discovered there is something there worth pursuing and certainly don't want to throw cold water on the situation. However, I sensed in your wording some confusion on your part and am hoping that upon examination of your own reasoning and feelings, that you will be able to see where this all fits in with your future. Wishing for the absolute BEST for both of you!


10/7/2013 8:04:35 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

opwsu75
Renton, WA
64, joined Apr. 2013


Quote from redecorate:
Thank you!! You are a great guy, I have had great support from my husbands golf buddies. They all turned into brothers I never had the chance to have in my life.


What do you think about this?

It is probably true in my case that my sweetheart set out to enlist me as her trusted friend and a safe companion who could step into that brotherly role redecorate mentions. That first spark of romantic interest on her part was probably more about her testing the waters than about me--a test she needed to perform in order to see how she would do. Of course, I wanted to believe otherwise.

I know that it was a HUGE deal for her. Luckily she picked the right guy...someone who truly loves her. Yet being with a new lover, no matter how sweet, must stir up huge longings for the absent spouse. On many levels the widow's life goes on as a continuation of what came before; however, when it comes to accepting new love, she must first step out of the sacred temple that she shared with her husband. Until she can do that, I believe she'll find it very difficult to start anew.

A brother is in safe territory--a relationship with boundaries that can exist without having to let go.

Lord, I don't want my friend to let go of what she loves most. I just want her to get to a point where she can envision having the kind of romance that doesn't require her to let go of what is hers forever, but which makes it possible for her to celebrate life in all of its dimensions. Does this make sense?

We are doing great again. I've changed. I think she sees that. I have learned to accept this relationship for what it is AND continue to take her out on entertaining and romantic dates as much as she will allow. She's been very receptive and dear and lovely. I wouldn't give up her friendship for anything. She would deserve my complete respect regardless of her situation, but especially during a time in her life that is tender.

I went to a Josh Groban concert the other day, and his rendition of "To Where You Are" was gut wrenching. I couldn't help but think of all of you. Bless you, each and every one of you.

Terry



[Edited 10/7/2013 8:07:19 PM ]

1/1/2014 11:54:13 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

gdaddy47
Over 7,500 Posts!! (9,373)
Columbia, TN
69, joined Sep. 2009


I agree with grayfox. Quote: "If she can't/hasn't gotten over a death after that length of time, she might want to get some counseling. Thinking about something everyday only leads to reinforcement of the loss." You probably need to tell her that you'll be there for her but you're moving on. I'm afraid she may be using your goodness to give herself an extended grieving time. She needs to start dealing with it and quit using you. Don't end up wasting this time when you may never get what you want, which is her. Your mere presence may be enabling her "grieving".



[Edited 1/1/2014 11:55:08 PM ]

1/10/2014 10:25:07 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
singlelifesweet
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,584)
Waterford, CT
60, joined May. 2012


Quote from wsu75:
Well, I am not a widower, but I have spent the past year with a remarkable woman who lost her husband of 34 years just twenty months ago. She and I were friends in college, and she contacted me six months after Dave died in hopes of finding a companion to provide her some respite from grieving. I remain by her side, but not just as her friend. I love her.

This time should be all about her, and my focus should be devoted to her care, but I desire her, too, and having feelings of desire in this situation prevents me from loving her selflessly.

She knows I am crazy about her, and while she doesn't discourage me, she clearly is not yet available. She asks me to wait. I think she feels that someday she may be ready. I'm not sure she's convinced of it though. I think she truly cares for me, and she finds the companionship fun and positive.

Do you have any advice for me? What can I do in my position that nobody else can? Flowers and cards and candy and doing things together seem superficial. Are they enough? My friend is very private about her grief and doesn't like to talk to me about it. Are there words that I can speak that might get her talking about her husband, her marriage, and their times together? Do you think it's a good thing for me to try to do? Is there some way I can signal my interest in hearing stories of her marriage? Is there something else I can do besides wait?

I will have to wait. She needs time to figure out how she wants to live the rest of her life. She doesn't know how much time she needs. She says that she is coming out of fog, but I sense that she doesn't know whether she can date again or even know what moving forward in life looks like to her. She must face so many questions: Does she feel that dating is cheating? Can she give herself fully to someone new? Is she going to be able to reassure someone new that she can love him right along with the man she lost?

Have you had an experience with someone who came into your life a little too early, before you were ready?



She went to you and you haven't let her down. How could she do anything but fall deeper in love with you everyday?

1/29/2014 9:28:53 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

opwsu75
Renton, WA
64, joined Apr. 2013


Quote from singlelifesweet:
She went to you and you haven't let her down. How could she do anything but fall deeper in love with you everyday?


Some people say the nicest things.

Thanks for the sentiment, singlelifesweet.

I am no Casanova by any stretch, but I have never worked as hard at courtship as I have during these past couple of years. I don't think dating is comparable to the kind of relationship building possible when both parties want more. I'm used to mutual desire being the given. Struggling or waiting her out, on the other hand, feels as one-sided as it is.

As much as I tell myself that she and I continue to inch closer together, when I test that theory by telling her how much she means to me, she closes up like an Anemone.

I cling to her gentle acts of kindness, how she kisses me so sweetly, grabs my hand, enjoys our time together, even occasionally taking the initiative to suggest something fun we could do together. But increasingly I get hung up on trying to find the way forward, because she seems ready. I start to want more rather than live in the present.

It is like having a kernel of un-popped corn left in the pan: no matter how much heat is applied, she isn't going to open up.

Tragic that love can calcify into nothing more than a game of strategy. When it does, joy is removed and replaced by what is at best a Pyrrhic victory. By the time she lets herself fall in love, I will be a long way into my grieving over what might have been--a scenario so classic it has become hackneyed.

Love shouldn't be this difficult for any of us. At some point we count the cards as if that's what it was all about all along. I find it sickening to watch what began in Love's timeless universe become base, narcissistic, and temporal. Such a tragically fruitless harvest for all of the emotional energy, time, and money spent on both sides.

How could she do anything but fall deeper in love with me everyday? Maybe that glacier has been sliding my way, but it seems to keep itself frozen.

2/12/2014 11:55:34 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
venus336
Oxford, CT
67, joined Jan. 2014


I'm wondering if a couples therapist might be able to help you. She obviously still has issues that are in the way. And it may still even be the normal process. But if she refuses to go, it might be an indication that she does NOT want to be in a romantic relationship. I am widowed 5 years, and it's just in the past year that I'm feeling whole again. And now and then I still have my moments-- but they are fewer and don't last as long. You might also want to read John Gray's 'Mars and Venus on a Date'. It describes the 5 stages of dating, and the ways men and women think differently. Good luck. You are a great guy and you deserve to have your love returned.

5/19/2014 1:47:17 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

opwsu75
Renton, WA
64, joined Apr. 2013


For every year, two months to recover: that's what one careless person advised. Such ridiculous, juvenile advice! I know it was intended for teens who are wondering how long it takes for girls get over boys or vice versa. What's even more ridiculous: I did a quick, cold calculation. Two months for every year? Let's see, 34 years X 2 months/year = 5 years 8 months. Hmmm, maybe it isn't so ridiculous? Only 2 years 2 months to go.

Oh wait, applying this same formula to her current situation means she could get over me in a little over four months! Not wanting to sell myself short, still I seriously doubt it would take her that long to "get over" me. I'd have better luck as an organ donor. Sheesh!



[Edited 5/19/2014 1:49:01 AM ]

9/18/2014 8:59:32 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
never713
Sugar Land, TX
41, joined Aug. 2014


OP, I read this whole thread. Where are things now? One thing that stood out from your post. You kept mentioning you two were in a relationship and your expectations on how you should have been regarded. You said you were dating, but in the details you described what happens between friends. You may have considered yourself in a relationship but she didn't.


So where are you now? Did you meet someone new? - Samantha
Quote from opwsu75:
For every year, two months to recover: that's what one careless person advised. Such ridiculous, juvenile advice! I know it was intended for teens who are wondering how long it takes for girls get over boys or vice versa. What's even more ridiculous: I did a quick, cold calculation. Two months for every year? Let's see, 34 years X 2 months/year = 5 years 8 months. Hmmm, maybe it isn't so ridiculous? Only 2 years 2 months to go.

Oh wait, applying this same formula to her current situation means she could get over me in a little over four months! Not wanting to sell myself short, still I seriously doubt it would take her that long to "get over" me. I'd have better luck as an organ donor. Sheesh!


9/18/2014 6:56:01 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
marlotho
Slippery Rock, PA
61, joined Aug. 2012


You are not helping her. She needs to grieve on her own. Six months after he died she contacted you why? She didn't want to be alone going out to dinner, movies, shopping etc. by herself but that is part of the healing process to be lonely. We all have gone through it and still experience the loneliness. That is what gets us to search for a new love.
She is not lonely she has you back off after 3 months then give her a call to see how she is doing do not meet with her just let her know you are there but not a crutch.

10/15/2014 1:28:17 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  

opwsu75
Renton, WA
64, joined Apr. 2013


Samantha (Never713), thanks for asking how things are going. I should be asking how things are going with you.

The latest from me: in classic Kubler-Ross fashion, acceptance has pretty much replaced all of the kinetic energy spent in the other stages of the process. I am returned, older, to where I was before all of this started. Oh no, I didn't change my mind: I became accustomed to the way things were and still are. Maybe I stopped trying to change reality.

The two of us have gone to dinner a few times, to a movie, to a baseball game, to a birthday party thrown by her daughter; however, the frequency has dropped off.

I can work myself up into a private mess whenever I want; that's always an option.

Mysterious works, these ways of God.

10/16/2014 2:04:54 AM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
ljauthor
Auburn, WA
69, joined Jul. 2012


I am a widow and can tell you that it is extremely difficult "breaking out" of the mold you were comfortable in for many years, with never a thought that one day you might entertain thoughts of a life with someone else.

She needs you to be a sounding board, an interested party, a feedback friend even if you do nothing but nod your head and agree with her, and give her a friendly hug to let her know you care.

It is a very slow process but here are a few things that may help further along your own personal relationship with her. Build memories together - ask her to pick out a movie to go see and take her. Take her to dinner somewhere she's never been before. Engage in activities different that those of her and her deceased husband.

She is likely filled to the brim with emotions and grief of the actual death. Give her reasons to live - ask her about her own bucket list - her personal wish list of all things she wished she could do. Be there at her side every step of the way.

Tell her she is your future, and that you are helping her to put to rest her past. However, don't say anything like "other widows are ready for life again in just a few months time." That's fine for some, but she may be more emotionally fragile. We're not breaking in a horse here, we're mending a heart that has been forcifully ripped apart!

If your relationship is such that you kiss, make certain your kiss is special. Ask her outright "was this the kiss of your husband?" Depending on how she answers, then do the exact opposite! Did he cook for her? Then don't. Did he avoid helping with household chores - then roll up your shirts sleeves and dig right into those chores, and with a smile.

I knew in my heart that I was well onto my way of healing when I realized that I wanted a new man to touch me again and to make love to me. I wanted that to happen and it felt like it would erase the touch of the deceased husband and I claimed my body back again, and also gave my body freely and willingly.

Erase the bad, embrace the good. It took me five years to be . . . ready.

Hope some of this helps. Just don't quit and give up on this dear lady. She was once one man's treasure.

10/18/2014 12:20:11 PM I am the first man she's dated since losing her husband. Any advice? | Page 2  
believing1
Tacoma, WA
64, joined Sep. 2011


Myself I have lost two husbands to cancer. Give her more time. Twenty months is nothing after that many years. I believe that she is very lucky to have a man like you around, even if you end up being only a friend. I have many male friends that came into my life at my hard times. You also need to take care of your needs. If you have the opportunity to live your life, do it and allow her to know that you are still there for her.
Myself it was almost.three yrs before I became serious again. And the longest of these two was five days short of five yrs. Bless you for being there for her .