| 4/13/2013 3:20:34 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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Some of you are not at this point yet, but please feel free to join in with your comments.
How long did it take you to finally get over them? You know for the pain to stop, the daily thoughts of them or the "I feel sorry for me" stage?
I can say it took me about a full year to get over all the emotional cr@p.
Its weird it seems like all the memories of my 20 marriage has faded away. Its been almost 3 yrs. I guess life does go on
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| 4/13/2013 10:09:35 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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me31719
Americus, GA
42, joined Nov. 2006
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I was married for 19 years and put up with a man that cheated over and over and over and over. So, I was over him way before I filed for divorce.
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| 4/13/2013 11:50:49 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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luckylibragal
Mesa, AZ
50, joined Oct. 2011
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I was over him when I moved out!!!
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| 4/14/2013 12:43:49 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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to the ladies abive me^^^
Wow that was quick. I guess it depends in what type of relationship you had. Well some of us were heartbroken.
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| 4/14/2013 1:08:07 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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cavie59
Enid, OK
58, joined Feb. 2010
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It took me about three years to get over the betrayal. However I am still dealing with the mental crap that was heaped upon me while married. I still do not date as I have trust issues, self esteem issues, and some other things. It is hard when you hear the things I am dealing with, from the person that was your spouse. After enough years, a person starts to believe what their spouse is saying to them.
I have asked out quit a few women and have been turned down each and every time. That dose nothing but reinforce everything my ex told me.
You can not build confidence on negative results.
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| 4/14/2013 2:12:10 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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irene808
Honolulu, HI
46, joined Jan. 2013
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My heart goes out to you. Broken heart is never easy, to some people it takes a lifetime, others just give it all up. Through my understanding of relationships people are attracted to who you are. If we learn to evaluate ourselves through our past mistakes we can actually get a second chance to make it right. Give your self a lot of credit for putting yourself through it, you made it this far you know what that means. You are stronger than what you gave yourself credit for. God never gives you anything you can't handle. Don't ever forget that your soul is greater in t he eyes of God
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| 4/14/2013 3:42:23 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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taurus71socal
Riverside, CA
46, joined Oct. 2012
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Wow sum of these replies deep n harch ..poor guy ..can he defend himself?
N it takes two to tango ok
N if man did what he did ..
I wonder if woman had anytyng to do
Relationship gone sour south n gone bad
Just saying
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| 4/14/2013 6:38:54 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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63sardonicpeeps
Lodi, CA
53, joined Feb. 2013
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I accept it was half my fault. The more he treats me like dog crap on his shoe, in this process the faster I get to done after 25 yrs.
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| 4/14/2013 7:28:41 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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Man I thought only seven replies...how sad, but some of the comments I got were deep and heart felt. thanks for sharing. We all are here for different reasons, but one thing we have in common is we are just trying to move on to something better.
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| 4/15/2013 12:52:16 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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sdiztik
Angel Fire, NM
33, joined Apr. 2013
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No I still miss him  I've been divorced since 07 and I can't... Today is his bday 
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| 4/15/2013 11:12:32 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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No I still miss him I've been divorced since 07 and I can't... Today is his bday
Did he die? If so I am just talking about breakups not deaths.
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| 4/15/2013 11:43:29 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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anja_lou514
Kissimmee, FL
42, joined May. 2011
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It took me about a year to get to a good place where I really liked myself again. I knew the marriage was in a downward spiral for a couple years before we separated, but I kept trying. I spent the first six months after he moved out just getting over the fact that I had failed at one of the most important things in my life. I spent the next 6 months getting to know me again. I still struggle with certain self esteem issues, but I've been lucky. I found someone that has been extremely patient and understanding.
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| 4/17/2013 1:33:13 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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Wow this thread didn't get very far, but at least I did get some heart felt comments. So thanks.
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| 4/17/2013 1:45:47 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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sdiztik
Angel Fire, NM
33, joined Apr. 2013
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Did he die? If so I am just talking about breakups not deaths.
no we got a divorce but I regret it to this day
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| 4/17/2013 12:24:35 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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Once the divorce was going to court, I was pretty much over it. Been over a year now.
Yes, sometimes its like turning off a light switch.
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| 5/1/2013 12:05:13 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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tcretiredhippie
Durand, WI
59, joined Apr. 2012
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Gotten over who?
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| 5/2/2013 12:05:28 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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Gotten over who?
Your ex lover, wife, girlfriend or boyfriend. Or whom ever did you wrong. I meaning did post in the divorce forum.
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| 5/3/2013 2:01:15 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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ronleeseberg
Mauston, WI
50, joined Jan. 2012
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I am over and done with the whole thing, have been as soon as the judge dismissed the courtroom.
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| 5/3/2013 11:31:40 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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zack5152s
Houston, TX
46, joined Feb. 2013
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Never get married a gain .she cleaned me and my kids money. They just do not care. They care a bout the money. All the money went to the lawyer after 15 years hard work. We end up with nothing.
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| 5/3/2013 11:39:42 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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Never get married a gain .she cleaned me and my kids money. They just do not care. They care a bout the money. All the money went to the lawyer after 15 years hard work. We end up with nothing.
So I take it you are over her now
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| 5/3/2013 6:13:42 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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alicia1031
Temecula, CA
29, joined Oct. 2012
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It's been over a year. I still have some thoughts here and there. When things get rough and I.need a friend I was so use to him being my best friend and husband. I mourned the end of the marriage. that took almost a year. The loss of him being my friend...still getting over it.
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| 5/3/2013 11:39:29 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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brad2713
Amarillo, TX
31, joined May. 2013
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That's about how I am still have a hard time at times
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| 5/4/2013 10:48:47 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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I mourned the end of the marriage. that took almost a year. The loss of him being my friend.
It is a loss, not like a death, but its a loss. You have to take the time it needs to get over it. I was with my husband for a long time, basically from 22 to 40 yrs old. And that kind of connection doesn't just go away over night. So yes you have to mourn the loss. (This of course is if u had a decent relationship).
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| 5/4/2013 12:32:40 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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love2bbq
Iowa City, IA
57, joined Mar. 2011
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rather it was a good marriage or bad divorce or death, you need time to heal. everyones healing time differs, as you know some just take minutes and others years. but the one thing you have to remember is dont let your healing get in the why you want to live your life.
with that being said and knowing people the way i do i must explain myself.
dont mess up a date with someone by saying i still love my ex and i aint over him yet.
live in the moment and if you start to cry and he/she asks why just say i was thinking of a loved one at the moment. that is more understanding then i was thinking of the ex. we always seem to be in competition with our past. the past is history look towards the future and find your new happiness. dont throw away the history learn from it so not to make the same mistakes twice. but learn to make life history.
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| 5/4/2013 2:50:58 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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jamie197933
Indianapolis, IN
38, joined Jan. 2013
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It took me.while when my husband.left but.once.u.realize.they were verbal abusive u do.in.time get.over that person
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| 5/4/2013 8:46:44 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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alicia1031
Temecula, CA
29, joined Oct. 2012
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It is a loss, not like a death, but its a loss. You have to take the time it needs to get over it. I was with my husband for a long time, basically from 22 to 40 yrs old. And that kind of connection doesn't just go away over night. So yes you have to mourn the loss. (This of course is if u had a decent relationship).
My husband was a jekel Hyde... But he was deployed a lot of our marriage so I didn't see the cheating. For me, it was a loss because the day before he was telling me we should.go here on our vacation and showing me a house he wanted us to buy... It was a loss off dreams,hopes. However, It Took me a long time to not feel all men would do the same thing. I do miss being able to run to him when my grandmother died or when I took.care of my aunt dying of cancer. I think everyone moves on at different rates. The stages of grief can take time. However, I had help and went to a counselor to help me see the patterns I have in my relationships.
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| 5/4/2013 10:06:57 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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glassslipper442
Cleveland, OH
66, joined Aug. 2011
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After nearly 20 yrs being divorced from this c***p, I think I am over it. However sometimes it still hurts. Not as bad as it was during & after the divorce, but still.
Hope it'll go away eventually.
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| 5/5/2013 10:21:01 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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I agree that everyone is different in the "letting go" process. And for the one poster who said "it was the loss of hopes and dreams", that's so very true. We think our lives are going in one direction and then BAM, its stops instantly.
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| 5/27/2013 10:06:25 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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tcretiredhippie
Durand, WI
59, joined Apr. 2012
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Gotten over who?
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| 5/28/2013 2:33:52 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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lee012167
Wilkes Barre, PA
51, joined May. 2013
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Once I made the decision to not reconcile, it was like a weight was lifted. I am over him, but not over the loss of the hopes, dreams and plans we had for our future and our family's future. Even though he is the guilty party he is very bitter and I hope that eventually he realizes what that bitterness is costing him in regards to his children. I still hope to at least be able to share our childrens major events and eventual grandchildren in a civil manner.
It told me a lot when I realized I missed my "ideal" future more than him.
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| 5/29/2013 3:06:11 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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ms_de_81
Fort Valley, GA
36, joined May. 2013
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It took me about a year and a half almost two. I was over the relationship asap but the feelings of belonging to another took a while. I have never been a bed hopper so and my love runs deep. So it took some time. But its been three years now since I signed my papers and I'm ready.
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| 5/31/2013 12:22:07 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pdforone
Litchfield, OH
66, joined Jul. 2010
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I was over them before booting them, which made the decision to do so that much easier.
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| 5/31/2013 6:26:56 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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april429
Bolivia, NC
42, joined May. 2013
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I think I finally have. I'm still not fully recovered financially, but I've recently gotten back in the driver's seat of my life and taken control.
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| 6/1/2013 9:41:52 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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supanatral
Wilmington, NC
48, joined Jun. 2012
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I see alot of women commenting on this...it takes "some" men a while too especially when you did the right thing & gave all you had to make it work.
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| 6/1/2013 10:15:20 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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redeyeddevil84
Odessa, TX
33, joined Jun. 2013
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Been a couple months and I am trying to get over a 7 year marriage but she still lives with me, uses my vehicle, pretty much nothing has changed except I get to watch the kids while she goes out with her new "freinds". Kinda hard to get over someone that is right in ur face and practically rubs her new life in your face.
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| 6/1/2013 1:41:13 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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Gee redeye you will never move on when she is taking advantage of you. Wow some women are horrible. I hope you find the strength to continue your life even if she's still in it. Take back your truck and tell her to fu*k off. But of course being a dad to your kids is important. Thanks for posting good luck.
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| 6/1/2013 6:36:14 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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dmajyk9
Live Oak, FL
57, joined Dec. 2012
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Nothing to get over, I was never into him. The longer it lasted the worse he became, drinking, drugs. He paid for the divorce, I gladly signed the papers for free. It didnt deter him from following, stalking, harassing me another four years, but beating the crap out of him behind my mother's church, stopped him from bothering me! Hallelujah!
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| 6/2/2013 7:16:16 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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txdee44
San Antonio, TX
54, joined May. 2012
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Funny, it's taken about a year for me as well. Doesn't hurt any more, I rarely think about him and once the courts get their head out and finally break that last chain that says I'm totally free soon I'll be saying, "what was his name again?" lol
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| 6/5/2013 4:36:37 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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I'm totally free soon I'll be saying, "what was his name again?" lol
Good for you!!
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| 6/5/2013 4:59:03 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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jandt8786
Oklahoma City, OK
30, joined Jul. 2012
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I divorced my wife of 11 years when I caught her with a 400lb man the confusion of why she cheated especially with that gets to me I make over 60 k had a nice 6pk was 208 lbs with 16 in arms cut I just don't get where her running off with that came from. Am I over her yes I divorced her in under 3 hrs of finding out Bc no matter what I can never fix desperate
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| 6/9/2013 12:08:22 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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~~OP~~ If one weren't "over them" would there have been a divorce?
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| 6/10/2013 12:27:58 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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glassslipper442
Cleveland, OH
66, joined Aug. 2011
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I think she meant emotionally
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| 6/10/2013 10:36:24 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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julia0597
Dover, NH
49, joined Apr. 2013
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yes
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| 6/21/2013 12:14:12 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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Most have to realize life does go on without the ex. And remember they are ex'es for a reason.
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| 6/26/2013 2:36:41 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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trinkel
Chipley, FL
31, joined Jun. 2013
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I have only been separated 4 months. But I have gotten over all the bad that he had done. Life is to short to hold a grudge, and I take responsabilty for my part of the problems. I can say I am not over him though. We were only married 8 years but thats all I have known for the past 8 years. I don't know if I will ever be over him. I married because I was in love, and I am still in love even after the bad.
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| 6/26/2013 8:54:51 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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dangetsnone
York, PA
59, joined Jul. 2012
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~~OP~~ If one weren't "over them" would there have been a divorce?
I can answer this. Yes there would be a divorce being one wants it and the other does not and when it comes to that, the one that wants the divorce wins. When an attorney says it is over and a therapist says it is over, it is over no matter what you want. I am still "not over them" and it has been 14 years and as the therapist stated, he feels it takes a year for each year a person is married to get over a person. So yes, one can be divorced even when "not over them".
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| 6/27/2013 1:39:49 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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he feels it takes a year for each year a person is married to get over a person.
Holy cr@p, so I have to suffer 17 more yrs, lol. Was married 20yrs and he walked out on three yrs ago. I am over my ex and have no ill will towards him. He has a gf and they are happy. And we are better being apart.
[Edited 6/27/2013 1:41:16 AM ]
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| 6/27/2013 8:39:51 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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dangetsnone
York, PA
59, joined Jul. 2012
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Holy cr@p, so I have to suffer 17 more yrs, lol. Was married 20yrs and he walked out on three yrs ago. I am over my ex and have no ill will towards him. He has a gf and they are happy. And we are better being apart.
Ok, here is the thing about what is being said : "He has a gf and they are happy" Instead of "I am divorced and over him and do not think about him or the women he chooses to be with."
The other one: " And we are better being apart." Again you refer to the both of you instead of the me factor which means you are not over him.
I am not saying it is wrong, for it is a natural thing to do being as the length of time you and he spent together as partners. I mean really, can you just not think about the person after living together and being so intimate?
The "Hole cr@p. so I have to suffer 17 more years, lol." Well, if one chooses to call it that, then yes.
If one truly is true to themselves, how can one just turn off a person they have been so involved with? I often question how it must have been for her after she left and would say the things she did. If she was really true to her words, why did she allow herself to grow weak and die? Why did she choose to live in a way that did not make her a better person? To live in lies and deceit?
Yes, I will question life. I will question the things I did wrong. I will hold myself accountable for what I did wrong. To get over someone takes courage to truly look at oneself. I also realize, they are questions I can not get answers to.
So I wish to not get over them? Of course not. So I must work on me to make it happen. Or I can choose to close my mind of it like the majority of people choice to do and act. I do not wish to be an actor and tip toe around. I want to be me that is free to speak frankly and openly when appropriate. It is so easy to focus on the others and not oneself.
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| 6/28/2013 2:49:43 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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@dangestone. Sure I still think about memories I had with my ex, but why do I need to dwell on it? Yes he is happy and yes I just told everyone, why not tell the world. We BOTH are happy and we are BOTH better off with someone else, that's the truth. I have nothing against my ex, we parted as friends and walk our seperate paths.
So the question was are you over them already? And my answer is YES.
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| 7/18/2013 10:33:54 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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wallbanger85
Plattsmouth, NE
31, joined Jun. 2013
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I will admit even though she cheated multiple times and left me for someone else who left her. There will be certain things that I will miss. After 13 years and two kids there will be. We are still great friends but I was over her in about 6 months. I have two kids to care for. Hanging in the past doesn't change anything. So its better to move on.
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| 7/25/2013 3:25:56 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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I thank those who posted so far. Some of you had some well that out answer. I hope this thread continues and more of you post. 
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| 8/1/2013 10:24:27 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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brownsuga58
San Leandro, CA
65, joined Mar. 2011
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After 14 yrs of marriage I knew after the 5th yr that it was headed nowhere... I stayed additional 9 yrs to give it 110% like I had in the past.. He never took advantage of the time so left and file for divorce.. One of the best decision I made... 110%? What a fool he was!!
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| 8/1/2013 3:28:04 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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ashley_willyard
Johnstown, PA
27, joined Jul. 2013
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I am 23 my divorce will be ove no later then September I need to know if there is any good men out there still that don't lie cheat or beat on woman
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| 8/2/2013 12:52:24 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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I am 23 my divorce will be ove no later then September I need to know if there is any good men out there still that don't lie cheat or beat on woman
You probably need counseling to heal your wounds so you won't keep picking the abusive men over and over. Good luck.
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| 8/4/2013 2:44:54 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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lookin4him2012
Boone, NC
49, joined Jan. 2012
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I was over him when I moved out!!!
ditto! except HE moved out and I am still in our 4BR 2400 sq ft home with the children. 
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| 8/10/2013 9:50:11 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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them? you have a lot of these loves do you?
if it's real love honey, you don't get over that one for a while
I was married 20 years, I only had one "them".
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| 8/10/2013 9:53:14 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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pickygirl72
Picher, OK
46, joined Sep. 2011
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ditto! except HE moved out and I am still in our 4BR 2400 sq ft home with the children.
Well I lived in our house for 2 yrs without paying the mortgage before the bank came knocking. So count your blessing you have a great home. I am now renting a room with the dog. But its still better than living in my car.
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| 8/11/2013 2:09:53 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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cavie59
Enid, OK
58, joined Feb. 2010
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I was married for 17 years and the day I found out about my ex's cheating was the day I stopped caring. I still feel the betrayal ten years later.
Do I feel sorry for myself? Not at all, as she opened my eyes a lot about women. I now keep my emotions in tight check. I will not allow them to show for any reason.
I have been single so long I honestly do not remember what it is like to be with someone. Maybe on day it will happen, but I am not going to hold my breath.
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| 8/11/2013 11:33:23 PM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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ukbird5
Huntington Beach, CA
42, joined Aug. 2013
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Absolutely happy as a
Piggish in muck now he is gone never been so grateful to have been cheated on I had no idea how unhappy I was til he left me then I was omg wot a tithead he was
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| 8/14/2013 2:30:10 AM |
Have you gotten over them already? |
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d_voted
Winnipeg, MB
64, joined Sep. 2008
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The Elk
Standing on the frozen tundra in the early spring – gutted. The air is warm during daylight but still bitter cold at night. That’s when the loneliness is harshest.
The strong legs that helped one glide effortlessly over unpredictable and treacherous terrain now quiver, moving haltingly – seemingly without purpose or direction.
Instinct says, “Move on!” while reality knows there is little point.
Through flared nostrils deep gasping breaths with no lungs to contain the air exaggerate the emptiness. Eyes once sharpened to the smallest detail are now clouded over and stare vacantly. Numb to the sounds of the wind, unable to process the smells, tongue dry and swollen, the trachea dangles inside the cavity where a heart once beat.
Daytime is almost bearable but night brings on the frost, deep into the cavity where the organs once played their imperceptible tunes in concert with each other. Their music was not even noticed until now that they are gone.
There are too many nights before spring takes hold to dare to hope.
The raw interior is exposed to the elements and easy prey for the predators. “Move on!” instinct cries while reality screams in silent despair.
Betrayal, abandonment and rejection are triplets. Each can wield a razor sharp blade. I am gutted. Don’t tell me to “Move on!” Instinct told me that.
D.L. April 21, 2010
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
The separation was April 1, 2007 and the divorce papers served a year later.
I am not sure if I have answered your question.
Do I long for someone to love again? Perhaps
Do I expect it to ever happen? Not likely - have no idea where to start or ?????
D
PS: excuse the frankness - I have a painting that goes along with the literary effort also.
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