I've discovered what the work place bully is!!

8/16/2013 9:57:55 AM	I've discovered what the work place bully is!!
deneez Rochester, MI 58, joined Apr. 2012	Narcissist. It's the buzz word. Read, educate yourselves, you may be dealing with one. This is so interesting to me since the majority of my background has been in Psychiatric nursing and substance abuse, that I looked hard for a true professional on the topic. You won't see them in a hospital setting for treatment because it is a personality disorder, I've taken some of the following from a self-enlightened narcissist, Sam Vaknin Vaknin was born in Qiryat-Yam, Haifa, the eldest of five children, to a Turkish mother whom Vaknin believes may have been a narcissist and a father who was a construction worker from Morocco. He describes a difficult childhood, in which he writes that his parents "were ill-equipped to deal with normal children, let alone the gifted," Vaknin reports that he has an IQ of 180.[3] He left home to serve in the Israel Defense Forces from 1979 to 1982. Between 1980 and 1983 he founded a chain of computerized information kiosks in Tel-Aviv, and in 1982 worked for the Nessim D. Gaon Group in Geneva, Paris, and New York. From 1986 to 1987 he was the general manager of IPE Ltd. in London. It was in the mid-1980s that he became aware of difficulties in his relationship with his fiancée, and that he had mood swings. In 1985 he sought help from a psychiatrist, who diagnosed him with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Vaknin did not accept the diagnosis at the time. He moved back to Israel, where he became director of an Israeli investment firm, Mikbatz Teshua.[2] He was also president of the Israeli chapter of the Unification Church's Professors for World Peace Academy.[1] In Israel in 1995 he was found guilty on three counts of stock fraud, along with two other men. He was sentenced to 18 months' imprisonment and fined 50,000 shekels (about $14,000), while the company was fined 100,000 shekels.[4] In 1996, as a condition of parole, he agreed to a mental health evaluation, which noted various personality disorders. According to Vaknin, "I was borderline schizoid, but the most dominant was NPD," and on this occasion he accepted the diagnosis, because, he wrote, "it was a relief to know what I had." So he writes from an interview: Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
8/16/2013 10:02:49 AM	I've discovered what the work place bully is!!
deneez Rochester, MI 58, joined Apr. 2012	Just to clarify, Dr. Vaknin is not a therapist or medical doctor of any sort. However, he is an expert on the subject of narcissism and a self-proclaimed narcissist. Good Evening Dr. Vaknin and welcome to HealthyPlace.com. Just so we are all clear on the subject, can you give us a brief overview of what narcissism is? Dr. Vaknin: Great to be here again. Thank you for having me and for the kind words. Hello, everyone. Narcissists are driven by the need to uphold and maintain a false self. They use the False Self to garner narcissistic supply which is any kind of attention adulation, admiration, or even notoriety and infamy. David: How does one recognize a narcissist? Dr. Vaknin: It is close to impossible and that is the secret of their astounding success. Narcissists are good actors. They are adept at charming others, persuading them, manipulating them, or otherwise influencing them to do their bidding. The narcissist's sense of self-worth is unstable (labile) so, the narcissist relies on input from other people to regulate his self-esteem and self-confidence. He focuses on potential sources of supply and engulfs them with focused attention and simulated deep emotions. Only in later encounter, as time passes and the number of interactions grows, is it possible to tell that someone is a narcissist. Narcissists are preoccuopied with grandiose fantasies unrealistic plans. They are poor judges of reality. They are bullies and often resort to verbal and emotional abuse. They exploit people and then discard them. They have no empathy and regard their co-workers as mere instruments objects, tools, and sources of adulation, affirmation, or potential benefits. David: So, in the beginning, you are saying they will get on your good side by charming you and pretending to be interested in you and what you're doing. Later, what kind of behaviors should a person expect from the: (1) narcissistic boss and (2) colleague? And I'm assuming here that the behaviors for the two might be different. About narcissism in the workplace, including how to recognize a narcissist, what personality types can work with a narcissist and how to cope with a narcissistic employer.Dr. Vaknin: Workplace narcissists seethe with anger and resentment. The gap between reality and their grandiose flights of fancy (the "grandiosity gap") is so great that they develop persecutory delusions, resentment and rage. They are also extremely and pathologically envious, seeking to destroy what they perceive to be the sources of their constant frustration: a popular co-worker, a successful boss, a qualified or skilled employee. Narcissists at work crave constant attention and will go to great lengths to secure it - including by "engineering" situations that place them at the center. They are immature, constantly nagging and complaining, finding fault with everyone and everything, Cassandras who constantly predict impending doom. They are intrusive and invasive. They firmly believe in teir own omnipotence and omniscience. They feel entitled to special treatment and are convinced that they are above Man-made laws, including the rules of their place of employment. They are very disruptive, poor team members, can rarely collaborate with others without being cantankerous and quarrelsome. They are control freaks and feel the compulsive and irresistible urge to interfere in everyting to micromanage and overrule others. All in all, a highly unpleasant experience. David: If you work with or under a narcissist, it sounds like your work life might be a living hell. Dr. Vaknin: You would never forget it. It is traumatic and very likely to end in actual bullying and stalking behaviors. Many workers end up with PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Others quit, or even relocate. David: What kind of individual, personality-wise, is best suited to work with a narcissist co-worker or boss? Dr. Vaknin: Certain pathological personalities - for instance, someone with a Dependent Personality Disorder - or an Inverted Narcissist may get along just fine. A submissive person whose expectations are limited, moods are subdued and willingness to absorb abuse is extended would survive with a narcissist, or even thrive in such an environment. But the vast majority of workers are likely to suffer ill-health effects, clash with the narcissist, or end up being sacked, reassigned, relocated, or demoted. The narcissistic bully very often gets his way: He gets promoted, the ideas he "adopted" become corporate policy, his misdeeds are overlooked, his misbehavior tolerated. This is partly because, as I said earlier, narcissists are excellent liars with considerable thespian skills - and partly because no one wants to mess around with a thug, even if his thuggery is limited to words and gestures. And his book on relationships with the narcissist is even better! Ladies, knowledge is power, read! Unfortunately it is seen far more often with men than with woman, but recognition is the key If the shoe fits....for all of us who may have been a victim of your grandiose ugliness I say you are a sorry pimp who is beyond human help. Move on. You know who you are!
8/26/2013 12:18:54 AM	I've discovered what the work place bully is!!
sassycat492 Waldorf, MD 56, joined Oct. 2012	Too long to read.
8/26/2013 7:15:25 AM	I've discovered what the work place bully is!!
deneez Rochester, MI 58, joined Apr. 2012	Thanks for the appraisal, but its really quite short if its happening to you. Thanx anyways. Hey, afterall....I did tell them to MOVE ON, [Edited 8/26/2013 7:16:13 AM ]
8/26/2013 8:02:03 AM	I've discovered what the work place bully is!!
brownwaterz Oxnard, CA 41, joined Jan. 2009	Quote from deneez: Thanks for the appraisal, but its really quite short if its happening to you. Thanx anyways. Hey, afterall....I did tell them to MOVE ON, hi how are you good morning
8/26/2013 1:58:42 PM	I've discovered what the work place bully is!!
deneez Rochester, MI 58, joined Apr. 2012	Good afternoon. Do you have a narcissist in your life, or just dropped in to say hello? Either way, its all good. This is my final post in my own thread. I would assume anyone interested can find out a multitude of facts on this type of personality disorder, but my goal was to alert anyone with a 'difficult' person they might be working with as to exactly what they were dealing with....then its no longer such a battle....at this point, I know who they are, how to identify them, and I do not have the time to allow anymore rent in my head. I view them from the point of case study. Interesting. •Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates accomplishments, talents, skills, contacts, and personality traits to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements); •Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance (the cerebral narcissist), bodily beauty or sexual performance (the somatic narcissist), or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion; •Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people (or institutions); •Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious (Narcissistic Supply); •Feels entitled. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her unreasonable expectations for special and favourable priority treatment; •Is "interpersonally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends; •Devoid of empathy. Is unable or unwilling to identify with, acknowledge, or accept the feelings, needs, preferences, priorities, and choices of others; •Constantly envious of others and seeks to hurt or destroy the objects of his or her frustration. Suffers from persecutory (paranoid) delusions as he or she believes that they feel the same about him or her and are likely to act similarly; •Behaves arrogantly and haughtily. Feels superior, omnipotent, omniscient, invincible, immune, "above the law", and omnipresent (magical thinking). Rages when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted by people he or she considers inferior to him or her and unworthy. The language in the criteria above is based on or summarized from: American Psychiatric Association. (2000). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, fourth edition (DSM IV-TR). Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association. Sam Vaknin. (1999-2007). Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited, eighth, revised printing Prague and Skopje: Narcissus Publication. ("Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited" http://samvak.tripod.com/faq1.html) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9/27/2013 11:37:10 PM	I've discovered what the work place bully is!!
d_voted Winnipeg, MB 64, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from sassycat492: Too long to read. I am a mental defective, overtired and fading fast due to the time of night. I read it and found it to be rather informative. Even though I am all of the above I am not lazy. D
9/28/2013 5:48:07 PM	I've discovered what the work place bully is!!
lilod Aurora, IL 51, joined Aug. 2012	I read a book a few years back, Trapped in the Mirror, about growing up with a narcissistic parent. It was very interesting.

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