| 1/23/2014 5:13:33 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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razzeldazzel619
Santee, CA
42, joined Nov. 2013
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“Men who rescue women and who are drawn to borderline woman have been programmed from childhood to derive their sense of empowerment and self-worth this way, but authentic self-esteem is not dependent on needing to be needed.” Shari Schreiber, M.A.
Women who qualify for a diagnosis of bpd are generally very sweet and romantic. They are also known for their heightened sensitivity. For many men it is these qualities that makes them so appealing. They often make great friends and can be very exciting women to date.
However, the purpose of this article is not to extol the many virtues of borderline women as friends or as casual dates. It is to assist the single man who is looking for a serious long-term relationship in identifying if the woman whom he is dating might have borderline personality disorder.
If this is the case, then he is likely to be in for a tumultuous and often confusing ride, probably not what he had in mind when he went on that online dating site. Incidentally, online dating sites are notorious for their abundance of both borderline women and men.
Here are Twelve signs that the woman you are dating may be suffering with borderline personality disorder:
1. She makes you feel incredibly special and says things to you that no woman has ever said before. (It is called idealizing or idealization and it’s a psychological defense mechanism normally used by children on their parents.) The fact is that she does not really believe that you are any more special than anyone else is.
2. She buys you very nice, even expensive gifts, very early in the relationship.
3. She quickly begins using the word “love”, often within the first few dates. (It is not real, although she may believe it is, real love does not happen in a week as most emotionally healthy people know.)
4. She makes her ex-husband or ex-boyfriend out to be a bad person, even abusive. (She is most likely exaggerating. In truth, any man who was married to or in a relationship with a borderline woman would certainly have plenty of reasons to be angry, frustrated, confused, and even hurt.)
5. She talks about how her ex cheated on her. (Maybe he did and maybe he did not, but it is just as likely that she cheated on him. Borderline woman are more likely than the average woman to be promiscuous and to cheat in relationships. The reasons are complex and a borderline woman can often justify her own cheating.
6. She had sex with you on the first or the second date. (It may have been an attempt to grab your attention or to try to control you.)
7. She drinks to excess and perhaps uses drugs? (alcohol, prescription drugs, and "recreational drugs" are one of the quickest, most available and efficient ways for those with bpd to soothe their deep emotional pain and anxiety.)
8. She gets very jealous when you talk about other women, even your female friends. (Borderline women are very insecure and they view the other women in your life as a threat. They often develop something called “delusional jealousy” and will imagine that their partner is being unfaithful)
9. She is an amazing lover who will do whatever it takes to please you in bed. (Sex is almost like a weapon for a borderline woman, she will use it to get control of you and secure you. Borderline women also seem to enjoy sex more and are generally more promiscuous. It is believed that the close intimate contact fills the emotional emptiness inside of them.)
10. She is incredibly moody, with periodic bursts of extreme anger, sometimes called borderline rage. (Mood instability is a common clinical feature of borderline personality disorder. Her moods can swing very rapidly, often within hours, from gloomy and depressed to happy to anxious to angry.)
11. She has a very difficult time with compliments. One of the underlying issues with bpd is a sense of being defective, unworthy, and unlovable. Women with bpd generally have low self esteem which borders on "self loathing"; a kind of hatred of oneself. As a result they will often doubt and question the sincerity of your compliments.
12. She has problems accepting blame or apologizing. This is certainly not true of all women with bpd, but it is for many. It is a trait that is common to both narcissists and borderlines; accepting responsibility for their actions. If you are dating a borderline woman and happen to be on the receiving end of her, "inability to accept blame", it can be quite remarkable.
Despite Hollywood's often dramatic portrayals of borderline women (i.e., Fatal Attraction, Single White Female, Obsession, etc.) these women are not evil and in general are not out to hurt anyone. They are sensitive and generally very kind people who are truly just looking for love like everyone else.
However, because of the nature of the disorder and the fact that the borderline essentially feels unworthy, defective, or unlovable, she will often be the cause of her own undoing.
Source material: bpdfamily.com; APA 2000; Psychiatric Times.
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| 1/23/2014 5:33:01 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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iheartidiots
Grove City, OH
39, joined Feb. 2012
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This thread will most def get you laid. Kudos to you...
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| 1/24/2014 3:51:16 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
61, joined Apr. 2011
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I have no clue(yes I do)...but you basically described most of what I've run in to on dating sites.
But, I think it may go beyond borderline though.
[Edited 1/24/2014 3:52:42 AM ]
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| 3/5/2014 8:25:00 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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iko526
Coal City, IL
49, joined Jan. 2014
online now!
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You have described my ex to a tee! Every thing you mentioned in this post has happened, and is still happening. She can't take responsibility for her actions, nothing is ever her fault and you are right in she very jealous and believes that every woman I talk to, I had been cheating her with, When in fact she was the one that cheated on me back in '06 and told me 7 years later that she had no regrets at that time and it still doesn't bother even now. That alone wrecked our marriage. I'm not perfect by any means so it does take two. But I had remained faithful for 22 years, and she was not, and didn't care about it or my feelings when I found out, she lied about every thing regarding it. I can not longer trust her, she lies about every thing all time about every thing.
"She is incredibly moody, with periodic bursts of extreme anger, sometimes called borderline rage. (Mood instability is a common clinical feature of borderline personality disorder. Her moods can swing very rapidly, often within hours, from gloomy and depressed to happy to anxious to angry.)"
This paragraph says so much about my ex, its very scary! Serious emotional out bursts and violence towards me all the time. throwing things at me, shoving me into things, "Oh sorry, I didn't see you there...", running into me in front the kids and yelling at the time. "you were in my way", to make her look like she was innocent.
We are divorced now and her mood swings are out of control yet to day. She mentioned to me that shes is not an any med at this time and I think my jaw hit the ground.
The last time she went off her meds was the undoing of her Dr and all hell broke loose.
I got the blame for every thing wrong in her life, and she left me, and took took the kids.
Not even a month apart and she was hooking up with any one she could find and is still going like that to this day. I got very hurt and got an lawyer and had her served.
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| 3/5/2014 9:16:26 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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riflessivo
AlmafuerteStaffordshire
United Kingdom
42, joined Jan. 2014
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Urm right, women are naturally sensitive creatures. How you view that sensitivity is entirely your right but to urm diagnose a woman and look for signs because of something you read is unrealistic.
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| 3/5/2014 9:26:36 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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early_frost
Lebanon, CT
52, joined Sep. 2013
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I have not googled any of this text but I am 100% certain I will find the article somewhere with the genders reversed. Any takers?
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| 3/5/2014 9:28:23 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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early_frost
Lebanon, CT
52, joined Sep. 2013
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I have not googled any of this text but I am 100% certain I will find the article somewhere with the genders reversed. Any takers?
Damn, I was wrong. This was written by a dude, for dudes.
Is there a Cosmo for men?
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| 3/5/2014 9:33:40 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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zimzane2
High Point, NC
55, joined Jan. 2013
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Only a licensed practical psychologist should comment.
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| 3/5/2014 10:16:48 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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onihafu
Fort Smith, AR
32, joined Sep. 2013
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Whelp, describes my ex point for point.
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| 3/5/2014 4:32:18 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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cabanaariefedd
Norcross, GA
27, joined Dec. 2012
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What about all the crazy a** men out there! Oh right this is about women
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| 3/5/2014 5:49:07 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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lookin4him2012
Boone, NC
47, joined Jan. 2012
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What about all the crazy a** men out there! Oh right this is about women
it always is
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| 3/5/2014 7:20:46 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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driver406
Saint Paul, MN
64, joined Oct. 2009
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The ol WHITE KNIGHT syndrome! Come in and rescue the damsel in distress, but you can't save her if she doesn't want to save herself. You're just doing an exercise in frustration with a babe who really is not available for a successful relationship. Let her alone to work things out for herself and blame everything on everyone but herself. Meanwhile you find someone with her ducks in a row and take up with her.
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| 3/5/2014 8:08:58 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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pickygirl72
Barrow, AK
45, joined Sep. 2011
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I think some but not all women have all those you mention. That is a serious issue and there is really no medicine that can help. It takes an understanding of ones issues to control those behaviors.
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| 3/5/2014 9:33:13 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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2011david
Springfield, IL
44, joined Feb. 2013
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I lived with my girlfriend/wife for 12 years. We are now divorced because of her mood swings. People with mood swings, depression is part of symptoms. This is coming from a psychiatric doctor!! They told me in my ex's case, she has a hard time dealing with daily stress, "bills, work,household problems" which lead to medication for her mood swings/depression. She has a compulsive spending problem. Buying materialistic items to make her feel good at that time. Days later she comes to her senses and returns the items. This isn't a problem just with women. It could happen to men.
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| 3/6/2014 4:18:35 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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happylauren
Crown Point, IN
54, joined May. 2013
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It doesn't matter what kind of mental illness label you stick on a difficult person they are all the same. They are emotionally unhealthy and it is best to avoid thar type of person. I've learned the hard way that you can't help or fix broken people. The only person you can change or fix is yourself.
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| 3/6/2014 5:05:51 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
61, joined Apr. 2011
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^^^^^^^yep....exactly.
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| 3/6/2014 5:30:40 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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happylauren
Crown Point, IN
54, joined May. 2013
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^^^^^^^yep....exactly.
Thank you Mr. bumble Bee.
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| 3/7/2014 5:28:24 AM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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my2sunshine
Pulaski, NY
49, joined Apr. 2013
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I am sensitive!
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| 3/7/2014 5:21:20 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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stringopearls
Huron, SD
59, joined Jul. 2009
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As OP mentioned, some people are attracted to and even enjoy people with BPD. Listing the traits will not stop the attraction.
Some people are deceptive. However, not every one has negative motives for their actions. Unless a person knows the individual's motives, listing traits is of no value.
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| 3/7/2014 8:21:06 PM |
Does She Have Borderline Personality Disorder? |
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c2j2012
Holt, MI
35, joined Apr. 2013
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The article posted is just the icing on the cake and does not get into the REAL story behind serious BPD.
BPD is more common in women than it is men.
BPD is a LEARNED mental instability resulting for a traumatic upbringing or life experience at a young age. There is NO CURE, and very little treatment options because of the nature.
BPD does not stop at mood swings and depression. Oh no... We're talking more serious here. The self loathing leads to cutting, threats of suicide as a control mechanism, fear of abandonment, major eating disorders, many mind games, a love for frivolous lawsuits.
If she thinks you're leaving her, she might pull a fake pregnancy, fake illness such as cancer, or suicide threat to convince you to stick around.
If she has decided she is done with you, get ready. I know of a diagnosed BPD that needed to get out from her underwater mortgage with her long time BF when he declared he was leaving her. So, she filed false domestic violence allegations against him in hopes to obtain a court order declaring she could no longer live in their shared home in hopes that she could convince the mortgage company to remove her off the mortgage. He went to jail over it, racked up a good $10,000 in legal fees to defend himself, lost his job and the home eventually went into foreclosure over it.
But, I hear the sex is great! 
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