How long does it take?

3/8/2014 3:09:00 PM	How long does it take?
linda66125 Edison, NJ 62, joined Apr. 2013	okay, I hope people answers back. when does the pain go away after losing a husband? it's been three years now and I can't move on. i try and i guess i feel guilty. i know life goes on, but when i look at men on here i compare them to my husband. i know i want to meet someone to have coffee with and laugh. how badly i want to laugh. so many someone has advice for me....much appreciate it. Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
3/8/2014 4:41:20 PM	How long does it take?
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 58, joined May. 2009	First, you have to stop comparing new men to your late husband. It isn't fair to anyone, not them, not you, and not your late husband. No one can say when the pain will lessen. I don't say go away, because it won't totally go away. There will be days when it comes back, and other days when it's not so noticeable. But in time it will be something in the background, but only if you let it. Sometimes we nourish our pain, rather than working through it. It is only you who can make yourself ready and open again to meeting someone new. I read your profile, and we've all had to deal with scammers and people wondering how much money we have, and those who just want to hit it and quit it. Really no different (except maybe the money part) than anyone getting out into the dating pool again. Our profiles used to have a field in which we gave our status, you know, widowed or divorced, etc. The site got rid of it, I think mainly to keep scammers off widow/ers butts. I think if I were you, I'd drop some of what you say in your profile. I've found that when you say you don't want something, it seems to pull all those kinds of people out of the woodwork. You are moving forward, you are not forgetting the man you spent most of your life with, but you are moving towards your new future. Move into it with the same sense of hope you had when you met your late husband. Why should a new man get any less of your hope than he got?
3/8/2014 4:58:42 PM	How long does it take?
linda66125 Edison, NJ 62, joined Apr. 2013	thank you and your so right.
3/9/2014 8:11:15 AM	How long does it take?
linda66125 Edison, NJ 62, joined Apr. 2013	sorry for you loss. and it does suck....I guess god had other plans for our spouse's
3/9/2014 1:21:42 PM	How long does it take?
needsome1kind Pecatonica, IL 35, joined Jan. 2014	I agree with lake...I too saw myself nourishing my pain and not working through it. But once I realized what I was doing to myself and worked on the moving forward and working through things the daily pain I felt started to go away and i have more good days than bad now. The pain will probably never completely go away, things will pop up in daily life that just pushes the button and makes you long for what was stolen from you. When I have those days I have a good cry, yell at him, tell him I love him whatever it is that is building inside of me. But when I am done having my tantrum, I remind myself that he always wanted me to be happy, he thrived to make me happy, and that he would never want me to dig a hole to hide in and drown myself in. And it is not fair to anybody, including yourself, to compare all other men to him. Trust me, I feel like a hypocrite for saying this because I struggle big time with this one too. We want them back so bad. We've already found the person we want to spend the rest of our lives with...would be so much easier to have them back or someone just like them. But unfortunately that is not going to happen. Instead, I try to hold onto the qualities in him that made me happiest and try to look for the qualities, not his replacement.
3/11/2014 10:46:12 AM	How long does it take?
meetme28269 Mooresville, NC 71, joined Apr. 2011	It's difficult,when first widowed,to not compare the living with the dead. Holding those alive to an idealized standard will hold you back from living what remains of your life. I was married for nearly forty years to a wonderful woman,who in retrospect,was a human being. I recall some really wonderful times and some not so good,altogether a normal human experience. This does not mean I disrespect our relationship nor that I love her less,just that she was a human ,not an idol on a pedestal. My standards weren't lowered but my expectations became realistic,happiness became more attainable.
6/14/2014 8:08:57 AM	How long does it take?
myrasbubble Festus, MO 48, joined May. 2014	Are you living the way you would want him to live? Sometimes he would tell me if I died before you.... At the time I would get pissed, hurt and stomp away saying I kissed a lot of toads to get you buddy I don't think your replaceable.. Then the word cancer entered and he told me I was to love on. He needed to know I would not whither away an give up. It was important to him. Bit by bit, step by step thus, I am here, its a start.
8/2/2014 10:41:38 AM	How long does it take?
tasgosa Knob Noster, MO 62, joined Jul. 2013	It took over 2 years of Pure Misery...!!! Luckily, my Son ~Rescued~ me from myself...and gave me a second chance to look back at what K wanted me to do....from our "Will you remarry , after I'm Gone..??"-talk:... ******** "You're Too Good a man to live the rest of your life , alone.... I want you to _Promise_ to find someone New... that you can love as much... and as Well as you have loved ME!!!" It's just 'History', now.... I just want to live-up to my Promise...!!!!
8/2/2014 10:48:07 AM	How long does it take?
gdaddy47 Columbia, TN 69, joined Sep. 2009	I know people who WILL NOT let go just for the sake of "drama". If you can't or more likely won't let go and proceed with your life then don't worry about dating. Simple. Got to get real and put on the big girl panties. Men are the same way in a lot of cases. Just won't let go and then complain about it. I believe some people just like the attention they think they are getting. Harsh? Maybe.
10/4/2014 12:33:29 PM	How long does it take?
hansome58 Chicago, IL 62, joined Dec. 2012	hi linda im david im 59 going to turn 60 this month, have been a widow for 16 yrs . theres know time frame when it comes to grieving you will always remember an never forget what you,ve gone through, everyone is different when it comes to grieving. I didn,t go or do anything about the first yr then I had decided to start doing the things I used to enjoy ,it wasn,t the same that's for sure an it took some time to get back into it but you can,t stop living hun. I know its difficult to start over at our age but at some point you need to ask yourself do you want to feel depressed for the rest of your life or do you want to be happy once again an would your spouse want you to be unhappy because he or she is gone ,no so you need to go to single events ,single dances, an stuff like that to get you started hun . I feel for your lose but think about yourself an what your spouse would want you to do. im still alone but I have tried the dating scene an just don,t like the way women are today, its all about what you have an this security thing for them . I,ve seen a lot of golddiggers out there so beware ,its not just women it men as well hun so good luck in finding happiness.
10/12/2014 9:58:27 PM	How long does it take?
marlotho Slippery Rock, PA 61, joined Aug. 2012	No one can say how long. Just keep moving. You will get hurt don't let it stop you. I think I may have met my second love. It's not that he looks, acts, or reminds me of my Tom. It is how he treats me and makes me feel. When I am with him the pain goes away and sad but true I don't think of Tom.
10/13/2014 3:17:04 PM	How long does it take?
heart_and_soul3 Sarasota, FL 59, joined Aug. 2014	^^^ Good for you-
10/17/2014 5:09:26 PM	How long does it take?
makeusmile34 Pickens, SC 38, joined Apr. 2013	I have only my experience to speak from,but:You may hear some who do not get it say you will get "over" this.Truth is that over does not come.You must take your time and go through. When i walked out of that hospital;there was no balloon waiting.Only a deep dark tangled forrest...and a dull machette. I made it..anyone can.
10/24/2014 7:40:41 AM	How long does it take?
rainydaze26 Columbus, OH 52, joined Nov. 2013	Know that whoever appears in your life was sent to you by him & be open to meeting new people.
11/1/2014 8:07:49 AM	How long does it take?
starr_so_happy Perry, IA 33, joined Jun. 2014	Be strong. .like you have been
11/16/2014 2:38:34 PM	How long does it take?
flyfish77 Conyers, GA 51, joined Jul. 2014	it wont work when no one can reply or talk to you,i lost my wife 14 months ago, an slowly it gets a tad better, most people an there coldness really suck when compared to the love we had for 23 years,but,i press on,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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