Things people have done?

11/7/2014 6:29:20 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	What are some things people have done that lowers your self-esteem? What did you do to handle your feelings? I posed these questions under relationships, but it these questions can apple to any area of your life, work, friends, relatives, etc. Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
11/7/2014 6:29:57 PM	Things people have done?
grizzlybear786 Florence, OR 28, joined Jul. 2014	Nothing. No one affects me. Not even Dixie dancer. [Edited 11/7/2014 6:30:18 PM ]
11/7/2014 6:36:27 PM	Things people have done?
missamicable Hurst, TX 55, joined Jul. 2014 online now!	I do not allow PEOPLE to affect me. I'm responsible for my own mood, health, and well-being.
11/7/2014 6:39:27 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	Quote from missamicable: I do not allow PEOPLE to affect me. I'm responsible for my own mood, health, and well-being. So are you saying you are a robot @Miss? @Grizzly, I don't believe you. @Dixie is a pretty, self confident girl.
11/7/2014 6:42:15 PM	Things people have done?
missamicable Hurst, TX 55, joined Jul. 2014 online now!	I'm not a robot, but people are entitle to their own opinion. Their opinions and behavior does not affect me. Maybe if i were dependent on them, but since i'm not THEY KEEP TALKING, I KEEP WALKING.
11/7/2014 6:51:55 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	@Miss, at our age we would keep walking. We know better than listen to someone put us down. I was thinking more along the lines of younger girls that have allowed themselves to develop low self-eteems because of pressure of society to be perfect. Or people that think to have value of any sort that they need to have a singnificant other in their life. You spoke of being dependent on someone. Even if you were, we should not let them put us down as human beings. [Edited 11/7/2014 6:53:03 PM ]
11/7/2014 7:00:05 PM	Things people have done?
icecreamsammich Abilene, KS 53, joined May. 2014	So you really already have an agenda and desired share from young women on evil men. Another twist on your all men want is sex drum that you continually beat. What if a woman were to share how she was sex shamed for enjoying sex by conservative women? What would lower my self esteem is a action I took. It would come from me and be a reflection of me, so if that was bad I would feel it.
11/7/2014 7:08:27 PM	Things people have done?
cubcougar Lucerne, CA 61, joined Oct. 2010	No Problemos Me Hoe ... Viva Cinco De Mayo Putah Pendajo Blanco Vato Loco Galleta Salada Gringo Cavassa La RAZA .. Numero Uno La RAZA .. Numero Uno La RAZA .. Numero Uno More Messicans ... Less Guns ... Obama Mama Care for you ... [URL=http://www.sherv.net/][/URL]
11/7/2014 7:17:46 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	Need to work on your reading comprehension there @Ice boy. Not once has sex been bought up by me in this thread. This is about having a good self esteem about yourself even when others put you down. Glad you said what you did though. You have bought up the perfect example, (even if it is internet) of how one person tries to tear another person's self-esteem to shreds. Good try though. Not happening.
11/7/2014 7:18:28 PM	Things people have done?
soulflight Dayton, OH 52, joined Apr. 2014	Bump what ice said. I would also add that I think you are going at it from the wrong end. I don't see self esteem as something that is broken down, it is something to be built... for men & women it's about what we didn't get in our formative yrs vs what is done to us once we are out in the big world. being vulnerable to media forces, lacking the personal skills and confidence to choose a mate that is not abusive, being hurt by the comments of people we don't even know let alone have reason to respect or accept their opinions of us. those are all things that happen BECAUSE of low self-esteem. and while they certainly can reinforce and deepen the wound, the wound was already there. As adults, that brings us all back to personal responsibility. ice has said in numerous post about another emotion but it fits here too....it's an inside job. eta: OP, you did say your motivating thought was about "girls" [Edited 11/7/2014 7:21:19 PM ]
11/7/2014 7:25:18 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	@Soul, I was thinking of my daughter. She is in her 20's and very self conscious about her appearance. She thinks that you need to look like a model in order to be beautiful to the world. I was not necessarily thinking of self-esteem issues when in a relationship with a significant other. It could be anyone you are close to. A parent, uncle, brother, sister, co worker. etc.
11/7/2014 7:29:12 PM	Things people have done?
soulflight Dayton, OH 52, joined Apr. 2014	I wasn't talking about relationships either. I only mentioned that as one example. look, I'm not trying to say parents suck. I am one and I see what my own children have become and I know that some of their challenges in life have come from the programming of parents who were generally clueless. lol hindsight... I just think that these external influences are less detrimental if a healthier self-esteem is in place [Edited 11/7/2014 7:29:37 PM ]
11/7/2014 7:29:24 PM	Things people have done?
b2cold Bark River, MI 22, joined Mar. 2014	Nothing any more
11/7/2014 7:42:17 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	Quote from soulflight: I wasn't talking about relationships either. I only mentioned that as one example. look, I'm not trying to say parents suck. I am one and I see what my own children have become and I know that some of their challenges in life have come from the programming of parents who were generally clueless. lol hindsight... I just think that these external influences are less detrimental if a healthier self-esteem is in place @Soul, I agree. Even with child left in my house I strive to give him a healthy self-esteem despite his disablity of dysleixa and adhd. It is a challenge to balance him understand that he has to deal with his problems but get him to realize that he can cope with them and come up with strageides to compensate for it so he can learn. The problem comes in when he was in school and other children and even his teachers did and said things to make him feel stupid. I can more than relate to him since I also have the same problems. As I have gotten older I have delveloped as sense of humor with my goof ups. lol But growing up back in an era when educators and people in general had very little tolerance for disabilities, you did have people treat you as a second class citizen.
11/7/2014 7:46:14 PM	Things people have done?
claudius5 Petaluma, CA 65, joined May. 2009	My father did more to effect my self esteem than anyone else. I do believe it starts with parents. I also had to deal with racism and being considered second class; but I rose above it. I took responsibility for moving myself forward. [Edited 11/7/2014 7:49:14 PM ]
11/7/2014 8:02:26 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	Quote from claudius5: My father did more to effect my self esteem than anyone else. I do believe it starts with parents. I also had to deal with racism and being considered second class; but I rose above it. I took responsibility for moving myself forward. Great attitude! It is indeed difficult as a child to rise up above being treated second class. I actually had an English teacher in 5th grade that would throw erasers at me if I made a letter backwards. Can you imagine? Or the looks people give you when you do something backwards. As I became older, I realized that we are all unique. Special. And we all make mistakes. I decided the best gift I could give myself, is to be able to laugh at my goof ups and develop a sense of humor. I now tell my son, "Don't apologize for what you have." It is what it is. Move forward with your life and do the best you can." I admit as a mother I do worry about how he will be able to function in a world of technology with the problems he has.
11/7/2014 8:09:44 PM	Things people have done?
grizzlybear786 Florence, OR 28, joined Jul. 2014	Quote from ms_holland: So are you saying you are a robot @Miss? @Grizzly, I don't believe you. @Dixie is a pretty, self confident girl. Dixie hates me.
11/7/2014 8:13:27 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	Gee, I wonder why @Grizzly, you being such a mature man and all.
11/7/2014 8:15:08 PM	Things people have done?
grizzlybear786 Florence, OR 28, joined Jul. 2014	I don't care. It's my birthday and I'm drunk. [Edited 11/7/2014 8:15:56 PM ]
11/7/2014 8:20:17 PM	Things people have done?
cubcougar Lucerne, CA 61, joined Oct. 2010	Dixie hates me as well dude ... Well when you hate your Dad ... you also hate all guys ... your son ... and your Higher Power. hate your Dad you gonna have divorces, affairs and dead children. hate your Mom you gonna be an addict. I don't get taco sauce on my swartzn**ger and I don't want a Calista Billary Shirver wife to lick it clean. I bad mouth ... what ever Dixie loves ... and Dixie hates me too. I offer to pour her koolaid so the her Virgin Mary that cheats on her husband for baby sex with the Ghost of her Father in Heaven ... and that just twirls her nutters. oh well ... In another country she would be tossing virgins in to Volcanos for her Father Earth to pop cherries ... and have His Speartip get the Chosen People first ... as the ones further away from the Volcano God .. get killed later as they are atheists, blasphemies, non believers ... I am sure you have heard the drill. sumbuddie wear blind sea
11/7/2014 9:11:46 PM	Things people have done?
love2kiss8 Columbus, OH 23, joined May. 2013	I once was in a relationship and my then bf sparked me it really lowered my self esteem. He also had me eating waffles daily it was kinda weird I felt bad every time . [Edited 11/7/2014 9:12:18 PM ]
11/7/2014 9:21:37 PM	Things people have done?
jimmco Monroe, NY 52, joined Sep. 2014	That only happens if you let it. And that ain't gonna happen over here.... I don't think so.
11/7/2014 9:43:20 PM	Things people have done?
driver406 Saint Paul, MN 62, joined Oct. 2009	All the mean words that come from a woman's scalpel sharp tongue.
11/7/2014 10:11:12 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	@Driver, words really can hurt, especially from those we care about.
11/8/2014 9:12:55 AM	Things people have done?
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 59, joined Apr. 2011	Quote from ms_holland: @Soul, I was thinking of my daughter. She is in her 20's and very self conscious about her appearance. She thinks that you need to look like a model in order to be beautiful to the world. I was not necessarily thinking of self-esteem issues when in a relationship with a significant other. It could be anyone you are close to. A parent, uncle, brother, sister, co worker. etc. Her problem with that is the same catalyst for most women. The makes of womens products...the use hot models to make them feel like they need to look better....etc. The reasoning for this is to make more money. Its just likely more previlant these days, because commercialism has gone to new levels.. and the younger generation is different...they are a bi product of the world left to them. and who left them a world like this? Perhaps they are partly the culprits. Your her Mom....and I know its hard to teach when you say one thing the world says another....unless you refered to men all the time by their looks. But you should have taught her better....just sayin. Nothing better to teach kids...than give them some hardwork to do. They learn a lot from that. Self Esteem, accomplishment, a whole host of things....and I mean HARD work. Sounds to me like she was spoiled a bit.
11/8/2014 9:28:21 AM	Things people have done?
stamina1975 Madison Heights, VA 38, joined Apr. 2012	I have no self-esteem. There now, all fixed. Feelings? There's a box for that somewhere in the basement of I don't care.
11/8/2014 9:32:20 AM	Things people have done?
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 59, joined Apr. 2011	Quote from soulflight: Bump what ice said. I would also add that I think you are going at it from the wrong end. I don't see self esteem as something that is broken down, it is something to be built... for men & women it's about what we didn't get in our formative yrs vs what is done to us once we are out in the big world. being vulnerable to media forces, lacking the personal skills and confidence to choose a mate that is not abusive, being hurt by the comments of people we don't even know let alone have reason to respect or accept their opinions of us. those are all things that happen BECAUSE of low self-esteem. and while they certainly can reinforce and deepen the wound, the wound was already there. As adults, that brings us all back to personal responsibility. ice has said in numerous post about another emotion but it fits here too....it's an inside job. eta: OP, you did say your motivating thought was about "girls" I agree with this to a point. However, some when kids faced mental abuse from a parent....and that effects how they take a lot of things from there on out. but, in time if things work out....they can overcome this....but there will always be some scars there. Typically, if a person didn't endure this...things in the rest of the world...doesn't tend to effect them as much. But, if something keeps happening with the same pattern....and if that person doesn't come to proper terms with it. Lower self esteem can take over....I've seen some women resort to strictly sex....when the underlining cause was thinking they are not good enough for a relation....so... But I still think...everything comes from that initial start....unless its just a temporary thing. and I'm not suggesting the op was abusive either....her daughter is just caught up in this....because of commercialism...and that her generation effixuates more on things...the previous generation didn't as much. [Edited 11/8/2014 9:34:27 AM ]
11/8/2014 9:36:33 AM	Things people have done?
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 59, joined Apr. 2011	My father was abusive mentally...and I had a self esteem issue from that. but I overcame that. As far a women, or the racism I've experienced...things like that. I didn't let that effect me...actually, those had the opposite effect. [Edited 11/8/2014 9:37:04 AM ]
11/8/2014 9:55:25 AM	Things people have done?
imagoogman63 Cullman, AL 50, joined Aug. 2014	Married into a psycho family that sucked the life out of me.
11/8/2014 11:16:27 AM	Things people have done?
anton998 Cincinnati, OH 27, joined Sep. 2013	I didnt sign up for therapy. Damn u man, now I have to share my feelings. I didnt really want the ice cream grandpa im sorry, I dont want your popsicle.
11/8/2014 11:45:51 AM	Things people have done?
testsignup Springfield, VA 61, joined Sep. 2009 online now!	I find that the whole issue of Self Esteem gets confused, when it's talked about in this way. The crux of it is this: when I was young and just starting out, I thought that I had to learn from everyone around me, what was right, and what was wrong. That I needed to put up with and accept unpleasant treatment from some certain people, and that it was okay to object to the same treatment by other people. Later, as I learned and suffered and progressed, I came to recognize that when I put up with crap from people who I thought had the correct authority, but who others did not, those others would declare that I had low self-esteem. Social norms play a big role in this. It used to be claimed and believed by many, that it was a sign of HIGH self esteem, when a woman completely subjugated herself and her desires to please a man. Same thing for males subjugating themselves, either for a certain woman, or for a leader of some sort. And self-esteem isn't always a good thing. After all, the people with the highest self-esteem, are the sociopaths. To answer the question as posted, I could talk about the people who did bad things to me, and who I let get away with it, and became depressed, and blamed myself for, for a long time. But in a way, those people and the horrid things they did, eventually led to my having much higher self esteem. Because when I DID finally see through them, I realized that I was a far better person than they ever were. But if what you really meant to ask was, who did the most damaging things to me, that made my life feel the worst for the longest time, I could answer directly: anyone who I THOUGHT actually cared about me, who proved later to be selfish and entirely callous about my life and my feelings, definitely caused me the deepest emotional wounds. What would cause me to think less of myself, wasn't the fact that someone abused me. It was that the other people around me, who I thought were my friends, agreed with the ABUSER, that I deserved what happened.
11/8/2014 6:02:09 PM	Things people have done?
smthgabouther Wilmington, DE 95, joined Dec. 2012	I'm very sensitive so my feelings are always getting hurt, but I dish it out too, so I guess I get want i deserve.
11/8/2014 6:42:27 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	@Test, I have never understood why people felt the need to abuse other people. It just is not right.
11/8/2014 7:42:34 PM	Things people have done?
irishmoematic Flemington, NJ 51, joined Jun. 2014	@soul...well said & I agree 100%
11/8/2014 7:45:19 PM	Things people have done?
flyfish77 Conyers, GA 49, joined Jul. 2014 online now!	no way,,this is planet earth an you are affected whether you admit it or not, tuff enuff,,???
11/8/2014 11:02:02 PM	Things people have done?
ronleeseberg Mauston, WI 48, joined Jan. 2012	I can write people off fairly easy if they play games so, I do not get down on myself if I get burned.
11/9/2014 12:29:16 AM	Things people have done?
ymia_dikhed Gresham, OR 41, joined Dec. 2011	I've been hurt so many times in my life for me to lose confidence in the love of another but yet still chose to Love because I am me. If I was to say what they have done then it would be only fair to say what I have done.
11/9/2014 12:33:20 AM	Things people have done?
kungfu_candy Los Angeles, CA 26, joined Aug. 2013	I don't mind rejection since I'm seasoned in it, but I hate it when I'm made a last or second resort. A guy I'll show interest in will allow me to fluff up his ego so that he can go pursue someone else and once that girl deflates his shit and steps on his self-esteem he comes crawling back to me like I've been sitting around twiddling my thumbs, waiting for him. It doesn't lower my self-esteem so much as it slightly hurts my feelings because I'm always forced to further insult them and send them on their way because I feel like I'm being disrespected. I had a guy who disrespect the hell out of me call me a month later to tell me his grandfather was dying and he didn't know what to do. I told him to bother someone he actually had respect for. That really hurt me to do so. I don't want to be a heartless b*tch but I don't believe in compassion and mercy for any aggressors.
11/9/2014 12:46:24 AM	Things people have done?
kaosth3ory38 Reno, NV 38, joined Jul. 2014	I think this topic is appropriate for relationships. Its relationship that affects our self esteem the mosfg, all types of relationships. A lot of how we are as adults started when we were children. Personally Ithink women struggle with self esteem because of things like television and barbie. We expect ourselves to live up to ridiculous standards.
11/9/2014 2:01:12 AM	Things people have done?
amusicluvr Salem, OR 62, joined Nov. 2013	NOTHING that anyone else says, or does, can lower YOUR SELF esteem. ONLY YOU can lower your self esteem. YOU can choose to let others convince you to lower your self esteem, but that is YOUR doing. Others can call you stupid, or ugly, or whatever, but only YOU can believe that you are such.
11/9/2014 2:10:21 AM	Things people have done?
amusicluvr Salem, OR 62, joined Nov. 2013	Quote from ms_holland: @Soul, I was thinking of my daughter. She is in her 20's and very self conscious about her appearance. She thinks that you need to look like a model in order to be beautiful to the world. I was not necessarily thinking of self-esteem issues when in a relationship with a significant other. It could be anyone you are close to. A parent, uncle, brother, sister, co worker. etc. This is YOUR fault for not having taught her differently when she was younger. It is also her fault for choosing to believe what others say. I like, love, and respect, myself even when others do not like, love, or respect me. I know that if others do not like me, THEY are the ones who are missing out on the wonderful time they could be having with me. I have no reason to feel bad because others choose to be stupid enough to pass up the fun they could be having as my friend. My self esteem comes from within me. So it is with everyone. If others call you "stupid", YOU choose to believe, or disbelieve, them. If you believe them, and feel stupid, it is YOU making you feel stupid. Tell your daughter to follow my example, and not care what others say, think, or do. She has the power to build, or crush, her own self esteem, and she can't blame anyone else for her decisions.
11/9/2014 2:12:24 AM	Things people have done?
amusicluvr Salem, OR 62, joined Nov. 2013	Quote from imagoogman63: Married into a psycho family that sucked the life out of me. BS. YOU LET THEM suck the life out of you, so it was YOU that threw away your life.
11/9/2014 6:33:44 AM	Things people have done?
cavie59 Enid, OK 55, joined Feb. 2010	Quote from ms_holland: What are some things people have done that lowers your self-esteem? What did you do to handle your feelings? I posed these questions under relationships, but it these questions can apple to any area of your life, work, friends, relatives, etc. It help when you no longer have to worry about what others think. I know what type of person I am. As for feelings, I no longer let them bother me. My feelings are just that, MINE. I do not take them out for people any more. Feelings are for the weak.
11/9/2014 1:43:11 PM	Things people have done?
testsignup Springfield, VA 61, joined Sep. 2009 online now!	Quote from ms_holland: @Test, I have never understood why people felt the need to abuse other people. It just is not right. Well, it IS "just not right," but I know why they do it. People who abuse others are often rewarded handsomely in our society. Abusiveness masquerades as strength for some, decisiveness for some, and intelligence (or at least cleverness) for others. For many more, it is simply that THEY LIKE THEMSELVES better when they get away with some form of abuse. Just observe all the trolls and abusive people posting here, for examples of that. They don't care that no one thinks they are intelligent or correct, and they don't care that they never convince anyone to change their minds about anything. They just enjoy patting themselves on the back for every "zing" they imagine they've gotten over on a victim, and they fantasize that they are "winning" something by doing so.
11/9/2014 2:02:52 PM	Things people have done?
kaosth3ory38 Reno, NV 38, joined Jul. 2014	Quote from amusicluvr: NOTHING that anyone else says, or does, can lower YOUR SELF esteem. ONLY YOU can lower your self esteem. YOU can choose to let others convince you to lower your self esteem, but that is YOUR doing. Others can call you stupid, or ugly, or whatever, but only YOU can believe that you are such. I disagree. Especially since parents affect a persons self esteem when we are babies. Although we have a choice later in life how we deal with situations that lower our self esteem, we are influence by people we choose to let into our lives. I don't view anything in life to be black & white, there are shades of grey in everything.
11/10/2014 11:03:54 PM	Things people have done?
ms_holland Danville, AL 51, joined Mar. 2014	Quote from amusicluvr: This is YOUR fault for not having taught her differently when she was younger. It is also her fault for choosing to believe what others say. I like, love, and respect, myself even when others do not like, love, or respect me. I know that if others do not like me, THEY are the ones who are missing out on the wonderful time they could be having with me. I have no reason to feel bad because others choose to be stupid enough to pass up the fun they could be having as my friend. My self esteem comes from within me. So it is with everyone. If others call you "stupid", YOU choose to believe, or disbelieve, them. If you believe them, and feel stupid, it is YOU making you feel stupid. Tell your daughter to follow my example, and not care what others say, think, or do. She has the power to build, or crush, her own self esteem, and she can't blame anyone else for her decisions. Actually @Am, I will excuse your lack of knowledge on the subject with regrards to my daughter. I would squarely place the blame on her step mother who put her down as a child and continued to do so as she became older. I sat down and talked to her one day about it and asked her why she allowed her step mother to put her down now that she is an adult. I have done everything I know to counteract this woman's behavior. Offered encouragment and love. The sad fact is that alot of us do place our self-worth on how people treat us.
11/10/2014 11:20:41 PM	Things people have done?
cubcougar Lucerne, CA 61, joined Oct. 2010	ahhh .. the Rich, Creepy Old Guys named Donald that kill my children ... and my family ... maybe http://whatsdown.terradex.com/#4/38.75/-89.12/ Here you go guys ... Spill Sites ... Weapons and Munitions Piles ... Ground Water Plumes ... Environmental Toxic Protection areas on LAND !!! nothing in the Gulf of Messico ... Nothing on the West or East Shore ... Nothing on the Great Lakes ... but they are there. The Niagara River and the East River are suppose to be so toxic nothing lives in them ... http://whatsdown.terradex.com/#4/38.75/-89.12/ So go check out your house .. your kids school ... it is on the map. At one web site ... and you get to see it from the sky with Drone Camara accuracy ... from space of course. See where the poisons are ... 24 hours a day ... killing you. Red Rum Alert ... sumbuddie wear blind sea
11/11/2014 2:04:23 AM	Things people have done?
ladiebugg55 Redding, CA 58, joined Jun. 2012	Quote from ms_holland: What are some things people have done that lowers your self-esteem? What did you do to handle your feelings? I posed these questions under relationships, but it these questions can apple to any area of your life, work, friends, relatives, etc. I'm a strong person and confident with myself..people can annoy me, get me angry but no one has the power over me to lower my self esteem..

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