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3/31/2015 2:21:34 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


I thought we were just FWB but now I'm confused by how he's acting. Okay so he kind of wanted to date me but I screwed up now he says he doesn't want anything with me but he now he's acting weird. I live 2 hrs away FYI (I used to live in his city and all my friends are there so I go there almost every weekend). He asks for me to spend the night quite a bit lately.He was going through something and asked me to come over to keep his mind off of things and we just chilled while he laid in my lap and I rubbed his head, no sex, he tried I said no, then later I tried then he told me no so I just slept over. I left the next morning, he calls that night to ask me to come back I said no but I'd let him know when I would be back in town. Days later before I get a chance to even talk to him he calls and ask me when I'm coming back said I wasn't sure and but then he asked, then insisted that I come that night.

He is supposed to go out but instead for whatever reason stays in with me and we fall asleep cuddling, me sleeping on his chest. I stay until 4 pm the next day, leave and hours later he calls me and asks me to come back and see him before he goes out. He goes out that night he texts me drunk and says "come to me" then starts calling me to come over I say no then he starts saying how I need to come over "because I just want to hold you as I fall asleep" then asked "wait, are you with that guy right now. I'm getting pissed, you're my girl" then said that he wanted me to go to church with him the next day and is still asking for me to come see him but I still couldn't come over. The next morning he texts me saying he wants me to go to church with him so I go (first time going with him) afterwards I say that I'm leaving and he pretty much starts begging me to stay saying he didn't want me to hang out just for 30 min just for me to leave and for me to stay. He says "I thought you wanted to spend more time together, I'm trying to and now you don't that's f*cked up". He tells me not to leave but to but do my work there instead so I could spend the night so I stay for a bit and he makes dinner, he tries to have sex I say no because I kind of was in a funky mood all day and he just asking me what was wrong said he wanted to know and that he could talk to me and then pulled me to him and he held me for a while and he kept asking me to spend the night again.

I'm confused, this doesn't seem like typical fwb behavior at least to me it doesn't. He gets jealous of other guys that I talk to. He keeps asking about this one guy in particular, tries to look into my phone, got mad because I was sending another guy a Snapchat while he was there, said "hmm you have a lot of guy friends". We even held hands (even though he was drunk) but he doesn't like to kiss much anymore which is throwing me off. My friends say they would never ask their fwb to go go to church with them, or ask their fwb to come over when they're down, and keep asking to see so much. He wants to know when I'm quitting my job (I'm trying to move up there).Even asked when he comes to my city do I want for him to see me (I said no because I just wasn't feeling how things were with us at the moment) They think he wants to be with me but is just being guarded right now because of how I kind of messed up things before and he doesn't trust me (when were initially dating a few months in, not exclusively, he found out that I was seeing 3 other guys in addition to him *not sleeping just dating* then backed off quite a bit), so he's proceeding with caution should I say. Does he truly see me as fwb or does he want more just not trying to get attached/being guarded? What's up with the lack of kissing thing? What's this guys deal?


**we met in November but I didn't have sex with him until this month**



[Edited 3/31/2015 2:22:48 PM ]

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3/31/2015 2:46:14 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
fm1960highway6
Houston, TX
39, joined Nov. 2014


First of all, that was to much to read. Next, he was drunk texting stupidly, but let the cat out the bad that he wanted more with you. Good pudding do that to weaker men who aren't accustomed.

Clarify, be upfront on how far your allowing him, prevent unsafe baby making because he wants more

3/31/2015 3:19:33 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

greeleybro
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,153)
Longmont, CO
48, joined Oct. 2013


first of all I can't make heads or tails of what you are talking about.

Please give us the short version with proper punctuation.

3/31/2015 3:24:26 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

nutragious
Stafford, TX
36, joined Apr. 2014


Bottom line is he always wanted more and the FWB should have been established from the get go before yiu had sex with him

3/31/2015 3:26:50 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

atxunderdog
Austin, TX
28, joined Aug. 2013


First off it's like this way to much information!
That being said FWB will never work out one side will always grow more attached then the other. That will push the other away. If he is asking and doing all that, then he thinks or wants more from you. The best thing to do is lay down the law. Let him know what time it is and what you want from him. If he and you are not wanting the same walk away.

But to answer your question no that is not normal for new FWB if y'all have been FWB for a hot minute then I would have to say yes totally normal. I've only had one female that never got to that level in time.

On the cool the real question is what do you want from him??
You want to know anything else from the other side of the fence message me !

3/31/2015 3:29:27 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
kawkasian
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (14,841)
Beverly Hills, CA
35, joined Sep. 2014


(this post has been flagged as inappropriate, sorry.)

3/31/2015 3:33:03 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

cubcougar
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (17,526)
Lucerne, CA
62, joined Oct. 2010
online now!


He is an addict ... and you are a co-dependent.

Just like your dad was an addict or maybe mom .. and the other parent was the co-dependent.

You are sick .. and he is sick.

Nothing good will come of this .. and it is better to dump him and save the gas money.

Get into recovery, work on your Duck Disease issues ...

and then you will find a partner who wants to give him self to you.

This guy just wants you for a weekend diversion .. while he has other closer women he is f**king.

He lies to you constantly .. and you lick taco sauce off his swartzn**ger.

You are a Maria Shriver .. a Hillary Clinton .. a Calista Gingrich.

you be crazy b*tch and he be sick prick.

YOU can FIX this .. fix you .. so you don't have this future anymore.

But that takes a bit of work while it is easy to do.

Here .. watch the video and get an education if you WANT that.

If you want to keep doing what you are doing ..you will keep getting what you have always got.

sumbuddie wear blind sea




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Z8aotZycx0





3/31/2015 3:34:55 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

lovethelake17
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (33,635)
Henderson, NV
56, joined May. 2009


Don't you find it irritating that he's always calling you to beg you to drive two hours to come and comfort his sad feelings? Has he ever suggested he drive to you?

When did you become FWB? It doesn't sound like it started out that way. Did you establish together the parameters and limitations of your FWB relationship?

3/31/2015 3:49:33 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

blondee65
Over 2,000 Posts (2,923)
Redondo Beach, CA
49, joined Jan. 2015


Seems neither of you understand the whole FWB thing. Personally, I think the best way to have a FWB is to find someone you know you could never be more than that with and thats when you can enjoy the "benefits" of that "friendship". There shouldn't be so much drama, it defeats the whole purpose, IMO. Communication is key!
Good luck

3/31/2015 3:56:53 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
nyythawk
Denver, CO
52, joined Nov. 2010


Made it 3/4 of the way thru the 1st mega-paragraph before coming to conclusion you're BOTH playing "youngins games." (Im an old dude)

You have time to grow up though, so don't sweat it.

3/31/2015 4:07:04 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from lovethelake17:
Don't you find it irritating that he's always calling you to beg you to drive two hours to come and comfort his sad feelings? Has he ever suggested he drive to you?

When did you become FWB? It doesn't sound like it started out that way. Did you establish together the parameters and limitations of your FWB relationship?


No actually no I don't lol. I used to live up there after I graduated I go up there almost every weekend to see my girlfriends and go out with them, that's actually how we met. For example I came up to be with my gf's last weekend he asked to see me that saturday sunday and tried his luck and asked for me to see him again on Monday after I had already left lol. This weekend I was already on my way up there to stay with my gf and go out and kept asking to see me. So it just kind of works out that I'm already up there. He already asked when he comes to my city if I wanted him to come see me, but I told him no.

Well we only technically became FWB only a month ago. I met him in November but finally had sex with him only at the beginning of this month. He told me he wanted more but I kind of messed up, even said he thought we were working on towards being exclusive but long story short again I screwed up, blew him off big time in public which is when he said he thought we working on being exclusive, he kept calling me and I kept ignoring him b/c I thought he was just trying to toy with me so I guess he got angry and felt stupid...he didn't talk to me all week, I reached out, then he that's when he said this wouldn't be more than fwb now, but by then we had only had sex once.

3/31/2015 4:08:56 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
pleaser304
Texas City, TX
35, joined Sep. 2014


You should find one guy to date and stop being a hoe before you catch AIDS woman

3/31/2015 4:10:41 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from pleaser304:
You should find one guy to date and stop being a hoe before you catch AIDS woman


And you should stop being an ignorant ass. I didn't sleep with anyone else. I'm a young single woman, I can date as many men as I please. That's why it's called DATING you dope.

3/31/2015 4:27:09 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from nutragious:
Bottom line is he always wanted more and the FWB should have been established from the get go before yiu had sex with him


If that's the case then why not just speak up about what he wants now?

3/31/2015 4:42:44 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

packersbabe920
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (36,952)
Green Bay, WI
50, joined Jul. 2013
online now!


Seems like both of u is playing the cat & mouse game
And didn't see friends, with benefits from my point of view

3/31/2015 4:43:01 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
unique_woman
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (11,662)
Omaha, NE
27, joined Dec. 2014


this is one of the longest posts Ive seen here in the forums on this site.

3/31/2015 4:43:55 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

xray6
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (18,445)
Jacksonville, FL
27, joined Mar. 2012


EVERYONE WAS supposed to start their post with

FIRST OF ALL

3/31/2015 4:44:12 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
unique_woman
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (11,662)
Omaha, NE
27, joined Dec. 2014


Quote from packersbabe920:
Seems like both of u is playing the cat & mouse game
And didn't see friends, with benefits from my point of view


I agree

3/31/2015 4:45:18 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

cubcougar
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (17,526)
Lucerne, CA
62, joined Oct. 2010
online now!


(this post has been flagged as inappropriate, sorry.)

3/31/2015 5:43:24 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
candy0426
Over 7,500 Posts!! (9,445)
Newtown, PA
47, joined Aug. 2014


I don't think you wrote too much. I kinda needed it to understand.

FWB do not look at your phone or complain about your "guy friends" or call you to hang out when your with your GF's or take you to church.

You not wanting more made him realize that he does want more. It's Classic behaviour. You running over there basically whenever he wants and bailing on your GF's pretty much signifies that you want more as well.

Sit down and ask him. I don't know why so many people are just afraid to talk. But let him know to back off on the jealousy and looking at your phone. I have a hole in my bedroom door from the last guy I dated (exclusively) because he was so jealous.

3/31/2015 6:28:43 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

lovethelake17
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (33,635)
Henderson, NV
56, joined May. 2009


You do have to sit down with him and talk to him about both your expectations and what it is you're looking for with each other. It does sound as if both of you want more than just a FWB or at least you did at some point.

Why don't you want to see him if he is in your town? What is "I just wasn't feeling how things between us"? (truly, that sounds kind of classic avoidance and guarding behavior on your part because you'd probably have met up with any friend who was in town, even one you weren't all that tight with.) Why do you think he was toying with you, and so you ignored him? What is it you did to mess things up before, and was that when you did want more?

As for the kissing thing? Are we talking in general? Or something much more specific?

I don't think you have any kind of FWB relationship with this guy. It's more like neither of you wants to step out of your own comfort zones to define what it is and what you want.






I agree with you. Casually dating others is not a bad thing. It's what dating is. But you have to be honest and up front about it, and not lead others to believe you're only dating them. Dating casually is how you determine who you want to focus on and become exclusive with, if indeed that's what you want to do at some point.

3/31/2015 9:35:03 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
queenflocka1
Houston, TX
28, joined Feb. 2015


Thank you! Exactly!!!
Quote from fm1960highway6:
First of all, that was to much to read. Next, he was drunk texting stupidly, but let the cat out the bad that he wanted more with you. Good pudding do that to weaker men who aren't accustomed.

Clarify, be upfront on how far your allowing him, prevent unsafe baby making because he wants more


3/31/2015 9:55:51 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
lovetodoit
Over 2,000 Posts (2,082)
Buffalo, MO
60, joined Sep. 2011


Ok fwb get FEELINGS sometimes , it is awkward. What u have to do is figure out what u really want also. If u want to keep fwb situation tell him. He Will either rock out with his c*ck out or he'll bail.Good luck

3/31/2015 10:05:04 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from lovetodoit:
Ok fwb get FEELINGS sometimes , it is awkward. What u have to do is figure out what u really want also. If u want to keep fwb situation tell him. He Will either rock out with his c*ck out or he'll bail.Good luck


Wait if I tell him I want to just keep it as fwb he might bail? What guy would ever bail on fwb? Lol

3/31/2015 10:08:38 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

freckleyez
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (10,811)
Perrysburg, OH
35, joined Oct. 2014


Quote from candy0426:
I don't think you wrote too much. I kinda needed it to understand.

FWB do not look at your phone or complain about your "guy friends" or call you to hang out when your with your GF's or take you to church.

You not wanting more made him realize that he does want more. It's Classic behaviour. You running over there basically whenever he wants and bailing on your GF's pretty much signifies that you want more as well.

Sit down and ask him. I don't know why so many people are just afraid to talk. But let him know to back off on the jealousy and looking at your phone. I have a hole in my bedroom door from the last guy I dated (exclusively) because he was so jealous.


This Xs 10

4/1/2015 1:38:54 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

norwegianwood64
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,174)
Fort Payne, AL
51, joined Jul. 2014


LOL...you both turned each other down in the same night....that is a first. You both sound nuts to me.

4/1/2015 2:38:04 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

lucky_1million
Pewaukee, WI
48, joined Jun. 2013


Sorry. If you are NOT working towards a serious relationship, I would call what you have some form of Friends with Benefits relationship.

You can do all of the normal dating stuff, cook diners, and even be exclusive with a FWB. You can have feelings for each other and feel a bit jealous at time too. The difference is that your relationship is not very serious. You are not planning on building a future with this person. It's a temporary relationship... maybe a part time relationship where you see each other once a week or less. You can keep all of your other friends. The emotional investment is less than a serious relationship.

Of course, going to church and saying no to sex and the lack of passionate kissing... that's moving things towards being more friends than lovers.

4/1/2015 3:09:00 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
ilovepoodles55
Schererville, IN
54, joined Feb. 2015


It's time to hold your head up high and walk away. If you are asking questions in a dating forums what you are wanting is to be validated.

Yes something is terribly wrong. The longer you stay the more your self esteem will be damaged. You deserve to be treated with dignity.

The sooner you walk away the sooner you can find someone emotionally healthy.

Good Luck to you OP.



4/1/2015 5:30:14 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (56,317)
Fort Payne, AL
60, joined Apr. 2011


""""
**we met in November but I didn't have sex with him until this month**""""

that sound strange to me for a fwb.

waiting that long to have sex.

4/1/2015 6:41:07 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

testsignup
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,209)
Springfield, VA
62, joined Sep. 2009


* This is a great example of how people use a term incorrectly to describe something, and then expect what they apply it to to BECOME that.

* According to what I see here, the guy didn't want to have an FWB situations at first. He accepted it after that was all he thought he could get, but did so resentfully.

* The only version of so-called Friends With Benefits I've ever seen work out, were with people who made no emotional association at all about having sex. It was the same to them as jogging, or taking a shower, or mowing the lawn. They could do it with anyone, and not feel any emotional connection to the person. That way, when someone they had sex with occasionally had sex with someone else, they didn't care.

* Get it out of your head that "no one turns down FWB." That comes from the same idiotic thinking that says "all males want sex with no strings," and "it's all about easy sex for me, and all about money for women."

Actually, more people turn down or bail out of FWB situations than willingly enter into them or remain in them.

* Watch out for the things people tell you when they are disappointed. You know how a five year old will say they hate something that you tell them they can't have, because they are angry and petulant? That behavior doesn't change much after their voices get deeper. They just use fancier words.

4/1/2015 6:52:00 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from bumblebee7:
""""
**we met in November but I didn't have sex with him until this month**""""

that sound strange to me for a fwb.

waiting that long to have sex.


That's what my friend said too. Saying a guy isn't going to wait 5 months to sleep with a girl just to only end up as fwb but who knows *shrug*

4/1/2015 7:13:58 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from testsignup:
* This is a great example of how people use a term incorrectly to describe something, and then expect what they apply it to to BECOME that.

* According to what I see here, the guy didn't want to have an FWB situations at first. He accepted it after that was all he thought he could get, but did so resentfully.

* The only version of so-called Friends With Benefits I've ever seen work out, were with people who made no emotional association at all about having sex. It was the same to them as jogging, or taking a shower, or mowing the lawn. They could do it with anyone, and not feel any emotional connection to the person. That way, when someone they had sex with occasionally had sex with someone else, they didn't care.

* Get it out of your head that "no one turns down FWB." That comes from the same idiotic thinking that says "all males want sex with no strings," and "it's all about easy sex for me, and all about money for women."

Actually, more people turn down or bail out of FWB situations than willingly enter into them or remain in them.

* Watch out for the things people tell you when they are disappointed. You know how a five year old will say they hate something that you tell them they can't have, because they are angry and petulant? That behavior doesn't change much after their voices get deeper. They just use fancier words.


Hmm interesting. So in regards to the last part, if he were to say he doesn't want a relationship that would be him being angry and petulant because it doesn't seem like I want a relationship? Sorry just trying to wrap my head around what you've said lol.

4/1/2015 8:13:22 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
kawkasian
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (14,841)
Beverly Hills, CA
35, joined Sep. 2014


Quote from jebrooks1988:
That's what my friend said too. Saying a guy isn't going to wait 5 months to sleep with a girl just to only end up as fwb but who knows *shrug*


Why do you assume he's waiting?...just because you're not having sex with him doesn't mean he isn't with others

4/1/2015 8:21:02 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from kawkasian:
Why do you assume he's waiting?...just because you're not having sex with him doesn't mean he isn't with others


No I think what they meant was a guy who waits for 5 months, sleeping with other girls or not, wouldn't want just purely sex, if he had only wanted sex he would've bailed within those 5 months because I wasn't giving it to him.

4/1/2015 8:26:00 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
kawkasian
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (14,841)
Beverly Hills, CA
35, joined Sep. 2014


Quote from jebrooks1988:
No I think what they meant was a guy who waits for 5 months, sleeping with other girls or not, wouldn't want just purely sex, if he had only wanted sex he would've bailed within those 5 months because I wasn't giving it to him.


Understood, but guys will do that...I know a guy who has been sniffing around a woman for 20yrs (no joke) and said to me one drunken night "One day I'm going to tap that ass"

There really isn't any 'waiting around', it's not like your life stands still while waiting for someone to give it up...there is nothing lost by waiting and at the same time enjoying the persons company. 5 months is nothing.



[Edited 4/1/2015 8:26:36 AM ]

4/1/2015 8:32:04 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from kawkasian:
Understood, but guys will do that...I know a guy who has been sniffing around a woman for 20yrs (no joke) and said to me one drunken night "One day I'm going to tap that ass"

There really isn't any 'waiting around', it's not like your life stands still while waiting for someone to give it up...there is nothing lost by waiting and at the same time enjoying the persons company. 5 months is nothing.


Wow, that's dedication lol. Well I'm not sure about your friend but this guy had stated that he had wanted more with me but things went downhill, mainly because of me.

4/1/2015 8:43:27 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

iheartidiots
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (16,402)
Grove City, OH
38, joined Feb. 2012


He's confused. I'd leave him.

4/1/2015 8:45:43 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from iheartidiots:
He's confused. I'd leave him.


Even if I just wat fwb?

4/1/2015 8:46:53 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

iheartidiots
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (16,402)
Grove City, OH
38, joined Feb. 2012


Yes BC he clearly doesn't. He wants more.

4/1/2015 8:54:59 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

archer513
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,817)
Cincinnati, OH
41, joined Dec. 2014


The fwb thing usually has a shelf life. Someone catches feelings...unless you're both sociopaths

4/1/2015 8:55:41 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

italianroyalty
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (13,655)
London
United Kingdom
21, joined Jul. 2014
online now!


Quote from jebrooks1988:
What's up with the lack of kissing thing? What's this guys deal?



Did you just give him head? It could be why

4/1/2015 9:07:04 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

greeleybro
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,153)
Longmont, CO
48, joined Oct. 2013


Boobs pics please...

4/1/2015 11:45:36 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

lucky_1million
Pewaukee, WI
48, joined Jun. 2013


Quote from jebrooks1988:
No I think what they meant was a guy who waits for 5 months, sleeping with other girls or not, wouldn't want just purely sex, if he had only wanted sex he would've bailed within those 5 months because I wasn't giving it to him.


It sounds like you two are Friends with Benefits... not just "fuk buddies". There is room for friendship within the equation.

If you are not having much sex, you are just friends with fewer benefits.

If he is falling in love with you and he really wants a relationship instead of a FWB... this is a one-sided FWB. You want a FWB. He doesn't but is merely going with the flow because this is what you want and he wants to be with you.

It's not a great situation for him to be in. He should get out of it so he doesn't get hurt. Maybe that's why things are scaling back to being just friends.

4/1/2015 11:48:32 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
kawkasian
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (14,841)
Beverly Hills, CA
35, joined Sep. 2014


It sounds like you two are Friends with Benefits...

Did you read the thread title? ...."Confused by my friends with benefits..."

4/1/2015 11:51:44 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from kawkasian:
It sounds like you two are Friends with Benefits...

Did you read the thread title? ...."Confused by my friends with benefits..."


Never said that we weren't fwb...just confused about what's going on with him. I thought we were just fwb but it doesn't seem like he's acting as such...

4/1/2015 11:54:02 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

lucky_1million
Pewaukee, WI
48, joined Jun. 2013


Why be confused?

It is what it is.

If he wants more... then he'll need to find someone else.

4/1/2015 11:56:46 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from lucky_1million:
It sounds like you two are Friends with Benefits... not just "fuk buddies". There is room for friendship within the equation.

If you are not having much sex, you are just friends with fewer benefits.

If he is falling in love with you and he really wants a relationship instead of a FWB... this is a one-sided FWB. You want a FWB. He doesn't but is merely going with the flow because this is what you want and he wants to be with you.

It's not a great situation for him to be in. He should get out of it so he doesn't get hurt. Maybe that's why things are scaling back to being just friends.


No we do have sex...we only just started to only this month after seeing each other since November. I thought we were just fwb but him saying "you're my girl" (granted he was intoxicated), constantly calling me to see him, saying he just wants to hold me while he sleeps, wanting me to just be there with him because he was upset about something and wanting me to spend the night with him (no sex), me trying to leave him and getting a little upset saying I thought you wanted to spend more time together and that's what I'm trying to do blah blah blah ,and wanting me to go to church with him just doesn't seem fwb-ish to me lol. The way he's acting is just throwing me off...

4/1/2015 11:58:59 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from lucky_1million:
Why be confused?

It is what it is.

If he wants more... then he'll need to find someone else.


I'm confused because my friends seem to think that he wants to be with me. I guess I'm just being stupid lol because I'm not seeing what they're seeing.

4/1/2015 4:46:43 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

testsignup
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,209)
Springfield, VA
62, joined Sep. 2009


Quote from jebrooks1988:
Hmm interesting. So in regards to the last part, if he were to say he doesn't want a relationship that would be him being angry and petulant because it doesn't seem like I want a relationship? Sorry just trying to wrap my head around what you've said lol.


What I'm pointing out is that it COULD be that he's just saying that because he's angry. There's no easy way to be sure about stuff like this. It takes time, and listening, and often experimentation (which you've been doing), and even after all that, many times the only thing you can be sure of, is how YOU feel.

If after everything is said and done (quite literally), if you are unhappy despite all the right things being said, and the supposedly right things being done, then the best you can conclude is that something is wrong somewhere. Sometimes the best you can do, is to go in the direction you want things to go, and see if the other person comes with you.

4/1/2015 6:05:43 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

ltlwing
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,656)
Winchester, OH
52, joined Oct. 2013


Good grief!...that just too messed up for me.I am not good with mixed messages...You need a vacation girl....a long vacation from that guy.

4/1/2015 6:16:25 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from ltlwing:
Good grief!...that just too messed up for me.I am not good with mixed messages...You need a vacation girl....a long vacation from that guy.


Haha I do! I keep saying the same thing but my friends keep saying I'm the one who's giving mixed messages and he's just reacting...who knows...this is making my head hurt lol.

4/1/2015 7:45:34 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
boston76911
Fort Lauderdale, FL
39, joined Mar. 2015


Never be confused lol

4/1/2015 7:47:33 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from boston76911:
Never be confused lol


I'm trying not to but his actions are throwing me off lol

4/1/2015 7:49:25 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  
boston76911
Fort Lauderdale, FL
39, joined Mar. 2015


Well that's little ddifferent lol put him in his place

4/1/2015 7:54:27 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

love2kiss8
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,358)
Columbus, OH
24, joined May. 2013


Sounds like a clinger and a needy guy you sure want that? He tells you to come now and you jump. Do whatever you want if you want him tell him asking random people on DH only someone he knows not sure how much that will help.

4/1/2015 8:01:19 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from love2kiss8:
Sounds like a clinger and a needy guy you sure want that? He tells you to come now and you jump. Do whatever you want if you want him tell him asking random people on DH only someone he knows not sure how much that will help.


No it's not quite like that. He asked me last Monday after I went back home and said if I wanted to come back that night I could, told him no so he asked when I would be back in the area and that I would let him know, before I even got a chance to call and let him know he called me days later and called and asked. After I left Saturday after being there almost 24 hrs. later he called me again early that evening and wanted me to come back told him no b/c I was already out with my girls. Then he called me later that night and said he wanted me to come over but I said I was tired and didn't want to come over. I saw him that Sunday but after church I said I was going to leave and he kept begging me to stay and spend the night, stayed a little longer but told him that I was going home and he still asked me to spend the night lol, so no I don't "jump" when he asks me to come over. Probably should have clarified that in the original post.

4/1/2015 8:26:54 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,003)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


I got halfway through and KNEW that OP was a young girl. Just based on the back and forth.

Your playing games OP and now you got him playing too. You know if you wanna fu€k em or not. What was the point in telling him NO then ask him for some later that night?

Thats the silly young shit I'm talking about.

4/1/2015 8:29:10 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

jebrooks1988
Houston, TX
27, joined Mar. 2015


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
I got halfway through and KNEW that OP was a young girl. Just based on the back and forth.

Your playing games OP and now you got him playing too. You know if you wanna fu€k em or not. What was the point in telling him NO then ask him for some later that night?

Thats the silly young shit I'm talking about.


B/c I wasn't feeling well so I went to go lay down...

4/1/2015 10:49:57 PM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

ronleeseberg
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (10,875)
Mauston, WI
49, joined Jan. 2012


Too much to read, I will wait for the movie, or see it on Jerry Springer.

4/2/2015 12:08:53 AM What's going on with him? Confused by my friends with benefits...  

cubcougar
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (17,526)
Lucerne, CA
62, joined Oct. 2010
online now!


Quote from ltlwing:
Good grief!...that just too messed up for me.I am not good with mixed messages...You need a vacation girl....a long vacation from that guy.


I dunno ..she real crazy.

What part of he is just a 'Tool', a 'F**k' , a 'D*ck' ... a 'Swartzn**ger' to use .. that she don't understand.

F**k Buddies you get leave in one second ...

there is no deal.

She is nuts.