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8/24/2015 2:39:07 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Why are women more forgiving than men when it comes to cheating?

A mans love is more than deep, it's sacred! After the union began your sins have been forgiven and you both have a fresh new start. Violating his trust with infidelity is pissing upon holy grounds and you spat in the face of the God who brought you two together.

Women are much more forgiven in this area bcuz their love isn't as deep. Oh its real but not as deep. Thats why its so easy to make an excuse to forgive him. "Well he said its over" and "He said it was just that one time" and "He was drunk" and "He said he didn't love her, it was just sex" or "He said he didn't even enjoy it that I was better anyway!"

Plus being emotional creatures, women see the pain of losing him altogether as GREATER than the pain of infidelity. And they would rather deal with the lesser pain. That explains those crazy excuses.

NOW PLEASE... I am NOT talking the occasional man who forgives for cheating bcuz if his personal insecurities and lack of confidence or the occasional woman that'll dump his a** for looking at another woman too damn hard bcuz these are exceptional cases NOT to be confused with the norm and these cases do not speak for the majority.

Of couse some might disagree just bcuz its MY post. lol If so, wby are women more forgiving for cheating than men are? Why are men so unforgiving if not for my reasons?



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8/24/2015 6:07:56 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
mortara
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,609)
Pittsburgh, PA
62, joined Feb. 2014


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Why are women more forgiving than men when it comes to cheating?

A mans love is more than deep, it's sacred! After the union began your sins have been forgiven and you both have a fresh new start. Violating his trust with infidelity is pissing upon holy grounds and you spat in the face of the God who brought you two together.

Women are much more forgiven in this area bcuz their love isn't as deep. Oh its real but not as deep. Thats why its so easy to make an excuse to forgive him. "Well he said its over" and "He said it was just that one time" and "He was drunk" and "He said he didn't love her, it was just sex" or "He said he didn't even enjoy it that I was better anyway!"

Plus being emotional creatures, women see the pain of losing him altogether as GREATER than the pain of infidelity. And they would rather deal with the lesser pain. That explains those crazy excuses.

NOW PLEASE... I am NOT talking the occasional man who forgives for cheating bcuz if his personal insecurities and lack of confidence or the occasional woman that'll dump his a** for looking at another woman too damn hard bcuz these are exceptional cases NOT to be confused with the norm and these cases do not speak for the majority.

Of couse some might disagree just bcuz its MY post. lol If so, wby are women more forgiving for cheating than men are? Why are men so unforgiving if not for my reasons?



No so. My lady friend would not forgive me under any circumstances and I tried very hard.

8/24/2015 6:16:50 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

packersbabe920
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (35,693)
Green Bay, WI
50, joined Jul. 2013


I never went back to someone that cheated on me, he tried to come back right this day and my answer still, remains the same..

8/24/2015 6:27:05 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

cuileann
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,277)
San Antonio, TX
48, joined Aug. 2015


Do you think all women will forgive & stay with a man who cheats? I wouldn't care WHAT his "excuse" is, if a man cheated on me, we would no longer be together.

8/24/2015 6:28:54 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

jester0011
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (20,392)
Lake Waccamaw, NC
48, joined Jun. 2014


good lesson

8/24/2015 6:41:53 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
mortara
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,609)
Pittsburgh, PA
62, joined Feb. 2014


Women are the most unforgiving creatures on this earth. It matters not how good the sex was or how much she says she loves you, cheat once and she finds out, it's over. Then the women I cheated with, I had known for years.

In some ways, I am glad this happened as I was ready to give up my long term FWB for her. After this happened, my FWB and I have been closer then ever.



[Edited 8/24/2015 6:42:27 PM ]

8/24/2015 6:45:46 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

cuileann
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,277)
San Antonio, TX
48, joined Aug. 2015


^^^^I might be able to forgive, but all trust would be lost & I would not stay with him. There are many forgiving women, but no one should have to stay with someone who betrays by cheating on them.



[Edited 8/24/2015 6:46:15 PM ]

8/24/2015 6:50:20 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
mortara
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,609)
Pittsburgh, PA
62, joined Feb. 2014


Quote from cuileann:
^^^^I might be able to forgive, but all trust would be lost & I would not stay with him. There are many forgiving women, but no one should have to stay with someone who betrays by cheating on them.


Yes cheating is cheating but sometimes guys feel responsible for an old ex and your new meaning into a relationship for about 2 months. So he feels an overnighter with an ex might cheer her up.

Well that is what happened to me.

8/24/2015 7:04:18 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (56,102)
Fort Payne, AL
60, joined Apr. 2011


I can't really answer this...because to do so....I'd to have experience in the matter.

I've never cheated...so nothing to go by there.

From what I've heard and seen in other people was basically, enough men forgive too...maybe because of that deep love, and in part too...the way many are brought up, not getting as much attention as in affection and having to bury some feelings, when in love they tend to be a little more insecure in general than women...and its not as easy to get someone and the fear of losing that love.

you'd think they'd be more inclined to forgive the first time.


But..all I've seen and heard was that there are some of either gender who's forgiven and some who didn't....how the split is...not sure.

I know when it happened to me 3 times....the relation was over.



[Edited 8/24/2015 7:04:53 PM ]

8/24/2015 7:41:41 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

grneyesrme
Over 7,500 Posts!! (7,887)
Sacramento, CA
47, joined Aug. 2013


I say it depends on the circumstance & the people involved. I've been cheated on a few times. I moved on & didn't look back. Once you cheat, you lose my trust. If I don't or can't trust you their is nothing left to fight for.



[Edited 8/24/2015 7:42:22 PM ]

8/24/2015 7:43:20 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
idliketotalk
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,596)
Punxsutawney, PA
53, joined Oct. 2013


I only read the first line. I don't necessarily agree with the premise.

8/24/2015 7:50:01 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
mortara
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,609)
Pittsburgh, PA
62, joined Feb. 2014


Quote from grneyesrme:
I say it depends on the circumstance & the people involved. I've been cheated on a few times. I moved on & didn't look back. Once you cheat, you lose my trust. If I don't or can't trust you their is nothing left to fight for.


I feel this is correct and in some cases, you do the other person a big favor by moving on. Now with my lady friend. She would not take me back under any circumstances. Although she didn't tell me she was moving to San Francisco in 20 days. That news could have saved me three hours of graveling from the moment I knocked on the door.



[Edited 8/24/2015 7:50:54 PM ]

8/24/2015 10:09:09 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

digital_knight
Grand Rapids, MI
43, joined Nov. 2012


Hmm I believe what you are saying DR . Most of this works for guys that have a 9in plus D*** and or six figure salary that's when these women will act that way . But if you an average Joe you going get treated the way most these women claiming on this tread .

8/24/2015 10:48:49 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

im2thexy
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (13,945)
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014


Not me...once and you're done...and yes I have been there and done that...I divorced him.... Once trust is gone for me...its gone for good....

8/24/2015 11:26:35 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from digital_knight:
Hmm I believe what you are saying DR . Most of this works for guys that have a 9in plus D*** and or six figure salary that's when these women will act that way . But if you an average Joe you going get treated the way most these women claiming on this tread .


Interesting.... So your saying forgiveness from women is only motivated by OTHER benefits such as sex (9in or more) or him having a 6 figure salary? I see where that might be applicable.

Ladies? Does this is any way matters or known someone who it mattered?



8/24/2015 11:32:04 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from grneyesrme:
I say it depends on the circumstance & the people involved. I've been cheated on a few times. I moved on & didn't look back. Once you cheat, you lose my trust. If I don't or can't trust you their is nothing left to fight for.


1. Can you give me an example of the circumstance it would be ok to forgive?

2. Is it possible to rebuild the trust once its been broken?



8/24/2015 11:57:30 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

im2thexy
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (13,945)
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Interesting.... So your saying forgiveness from women is only motivated by OTHER benefits such as sex (9in or more) or him having a 6 figure salary? I see where that might be applicable.

Ladies? Does this is any way matters or known someone who it mattered?




None if it matters to me...what matters is he broke my trust...and had no respect for me or our relationship....those things are priceless..sacred and cant be bought with a 6 figure salary...my peace of mind matters more...

8/25/2015 12:00:55 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

digital_knight
Grand Rapids, MI
43, joined Nov. 2012


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
1. Can you give me an example of the circumstance it would be ok to forgive?

2. Is it possible to rebuild the trust once its been broken?







What I just stated is the circumstance to forgive . I have not seen any other reason why a woman would forgive . Unless there is kids in the mix .

8/25/2015 12:16:10 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

digital_knight
Grand Rapids, MI
43, joined Nov. 2012


The majority of women out here in the world will not leave . Hell look at Clinton Kobe

8/25/2015 12:16:12 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  
oppsii
Over 1,000 Posts (1,158)
Saint Matthews, SC
45, joined Aug. 2014


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Why are women more forgiving than men when it comes to cheating?

A mans love is more than deep, it's sacred! After the union began your sins have been forgiven and you both have a fresh new start. Violating his trust with infidelity is pissing upon holy grounds and you spat in the face of the God who brought you two together.

Women are much more forgiven in this area bcuz their love isn't as deep. Oh its real but not as deep. Thats why its so easy to make an excuse to forgive him. "Well he said its over" and "He said it was just that one time" and "He was drunk" and "He said he didn't love her, it was just sex" or "He said he didn't even enjoy it that I was better anyway!"

Plus being emotional creatures, women see the pain of losing him altogether as GREATER than the pain of infidelity. And they would rather deal with the lesser pain. That explains those crazy excuses.

NOW PLEASE... I am NOT talking the occasional man who forgives for cheating bcuz if his personal insecurities and lack of confidence or the occasional woman that'll dump his a** for looking at another woman too damn hard bcuz these are exceptional cases NOT to be confused with the norm and these cases do not speak for the majority.

Of couse some might disagree just bcuz its MY post. lol If so, wby are women more forgiving for cheating than men are? Why are men so unforgiving if not for my reasons?



I don't know about other women, but I don't deal with any man cheating. I'll walk away or fade out of his life altogether rather than deal with a man who is a player/cheater. why should i waste my time when I deserve a man's full attention if we are in a committed relationshi? If he's cheating- then he deserves to have his freedom to bed all the women he wishes.. He just WON'T BE BEDDING ME ANYMORE.



[Edited 8/25/2015 12:17:02 AM ]

8/25/2015 12:59:48 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from digital_knight:
The majority of women out here in the world will not leave . Hell look at Clinton Kobe


Well I'll be damned if you don't have a point there my friend. lol Money, power and fame WILL and always do change a womans mind on that subject. lol

8/25/2015 1:05:36 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from oppsii:
I don't know about other women, but I don't deal with any man cheating. I'll walk away or fade out of his life altogether rather than deal with a man who is a player/cheater. why should i waste my time when I deserve a man's full attention if we are in a committed relationshi? If he's cheating- then he deserves to have his freedom to bed all the women he wishes.. He just WON'T BE BEDDING ME ANYMORE.


Hey Oppsii!
This may be true under normal circumstances. But with someone you could never replace in a lifetime like a very powerful and influential man, I'm sure the consideration would be different. No?

8/25/2015 4:00:27 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  
mortara
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,609)
Pittsburgh, PA
62, joined Feb. 2014


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Interesting.... So your saying forgiveness from women is only motivated by OTHER benefits such as sex (9in or more) or him having a 6 figure salary? I see where that might be applicable.

Ladies? Does this is any way matters or known someone who it mattered?



No, with some women, nothing on this earth will move them to forgive. That IS the way they are and they should be treated accordingly.

8/25/2015 9:53:30 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  
4uijack
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (11,541)
New Port Richey, FL
80, joined Aug. 2013


Women can be bought and others have an emotional hangup and think they can't do any better.


Things I've seen. j/s

8/25/2015 2:03:19 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

cuileann
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,277)
San Antonio, TX
48, joined Aug. 2015


Quote from im2thexy:
None if it matters to me...what matters is he broke my trust...and had no respect for me or our relationship....those things are priceless..sacred and cant be bought with a 6 figure salary...my peace of mind matters more...



8/25/2015 3:33:11 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
mortara
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,609)
Pittsburgh, PA
62, joined Feb. 2014


EXACTLY!!!!!

8/25/2015 4:29:07 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
oppsii
Over 1,000 Posts (1,158)
Saint Matthews, SC
45, joined Aug. 2014


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Hey Oppsii!
This may be true under normal circumstances. But with someone you could never replace in a lifetime like a very powerful and influential man, I'm sure the consideration would be different. No?


No.


There many powerful & influential men on the face of this earth... why in the heck would I believe he'd be the only one I'd ever meet. Now, granted, our heart wants what the heart wants but the truth of the matter is we are very capable of loving more than one person in our entire lifetime.

We often have little crushes on people. They either evolve into something more(committed relationships) or they don't. If acting upon a crush and it doesn't evolve(even when we'd like it to)... Then if it does and he cheats on the relationship and the woman leaves sure, we feel a sense of hurt/sadness/pain etc. but people "do" eventually get over the heartache, move-on and do become enamoured with a new crush repeating the process- being capable of loving again, are we not?

So, having this^ in mind... Why in the fuq would I ever stay with a man who's behavior exhibits he is incapable of keeping his willy in his knickers? When I know there ARE men who wish/like being in such committed relationships? It's a total WASTE of one's life & time... and I prefer not too waste "MY" time pursuing such dysfunctional shitheads when I can give him his freedom to pursue all the women he wishes. As I, myself, pursue a greater happiness in being "FREE" of him.


btw: Hey, doc-


backatcha



[Edited 8/25/2015 4:32:36 PM ]

8/25/2015 9:26:16 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from oppsii:
No.


There many powerful & influential men on the face of this earth... why in the heck would I believe he'd be the only one I'd ever meet. Now, granted, our heart wants what the heart wants but the truth of the matter is we are very capable of loving more than one person in our entire lifetime.

We often have little crushes on people. They either evolve into something more(committed relationships) or they don't. If acting upon a crush and it doesn't evolve(even when we'd like it to)... Then if it does and he cheats on the relationship and the woman leaves sure, we feel a sense of hurt/sadness/pain etc. but people "do" eventually get over the heartache, move-on and do become enamoured with a new crush repeating the process- being capable of loving again, are we not?

So, having this^ in mind... Why in the fuq would I ever stay with a man who's behavior exhibits he is incapable of keeping his willy in his knickers? When I know there ARE men who wish/like being in such committed relationships? It's a total WASTE of one's life & time... and I prefer not too waste "MY" time pursuing such dysfunctional shitheads when I can give him his freedom to pursue all the women he wishes. As I, myself, pursue a greater happiness in being "FREE" of him.


btw: Hey, doc-


backatcha


But powerful and influential ppl are NOT like buses. One don't come along every 15 minutes. Monica Lewinsky will NEVER sleep with another President of the United States. lol.

Cmon now! You know that power and fame override most morals.

8/25/2015 9:42:11 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

digital_knight
Grand Rapids, MI
43, joined Nov. 2012


Let's not forget about the women who purposely sit around waiting on a guy who is already married to another woman and she refuses to move on to another available man. I know some men does it as well but I find more women will do it for longer period of time .

8/25/2015 10:07:43 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

stamina1975
Over 2,000 Posts (3,516)
Madison Heights, VA
39, joined Apr. 2012


I will mention a simple reason. A cheater can forgive a cheater... It's as easy as that. Makes things look kind of hopeless right!

Anyway... Then there are those who are dumbstruck by love and forgive for it's sake. Hope is also powerful, in that things can be fixed. The downfall when the deed/s all aired out and the dust settles is that it's never going to be the same afterwards and exit strategies linger in the back of peoples minds.

Going into relationship-survival mode basically, cut your losses and invest in a better future. The merry go round continues...

There is a reason why some things can be forgiven, but you don't go taking people back for those reasons. Playing with fire is an option that should be reserved for circus acts, some people should realize you have to be an independent thinker regardless of emotional ties. Once the boundary is crossed, a person will have to forgive themselves for making a bad choice and be prepared for the chance they may have to experience the same pain again with that person.

People generally cheat because they're unhappy with who they are with in some way. I can forgive for that, but the relationship is done. No second chances with that one I'm afraid.

8/26/2015 12:46:10 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

pickygirl72
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (15,587)
Phelan, CA
44, joined Sep. 2011


You cheat I move on.
I do not put up with that shit.

8/26/2015 12:57:59 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

thebaddestlove
Sacramento, CA
32, joined Feb. 2012


Woman are not more forgiving. I am not at all. My ex found out the hard way that i don't forget or forgive

8/26/2015 10:24:23 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  
mortara
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,609)
Pittsburgh, PA
62, joined Feb. 2014


Again Love=Forgiveness and Forgiveness=Love.

8/26/2015 5:22:24 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

renee398
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,615)
Chilhowie, VA
36, joined Jan. 2015


You can forgive someone and still not take them back after they cheat. You can love someone at the same time your walking away from them also.

8/26/2015 6:33:49 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (56,102)
Fort Payne, AL
60, joined Apr. 2011


Sorry Doc...but I have to disagree here.

I think in general (only) that men do fall deeper, and less often too.

I think its not because of a gene difference, but the fact because as little children men typically got less love type attention to become manly, he doesn't get it from siblings as much and girls can hug each other and its kosher, but men rarely do that, at least in this country.

So all this does create a subliminal love void, in a sense an insecurity of sorts, but its not often on the surface, but underneath it....meaning subliminal.

It often surfaces when he falls in love and gets that kind of attention from her, he was more deprived of when a child being taught to be manly...the void is being filled.

I think this is why in general men tend to focus their love in less different directions than women as much or as good, because women get it from more different directions and always did...where as the men didn't.

Its also harder for a man to get someone to replace her.

And I think because we experience some of the things women are mostly still protected from doing, and some of these things are hard or hardships...except for how they are with children, we have more compassion....bad experiences can create compassion, because you don't want others to go thru it...maybe that why some men have a hard time breaking up with a woman....I don't know.

Either way, if men love deeper because of the love void, and its harder to get someone new, and you throw in the compassion aspect....wouldn't it make sense men are more prone to forgive or shine the first time someone cheated on them.???

If that's the case, then its likely the women who are less secure, would be the type of woman more likely to forgive or accept that first time cheating too.

See the point?

Some of the above may explain why its seems easy for women to just suddenly end things in a less compassionate way, or so it seems...and move on better.

you know what I mean.



[Edited 8/26/2015 6:36:11 PM ]

8/26/2015 11:51:09 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from digital_knight:
Let's not forget about the women who purposely sit around waiting on a guy who is already married to another woman and she refuses to move on to another available man. I know some men does it as well but I find more women will do it for longer period of time .


True and its this silly competition women have between them that opens the door to forgiveness a lot wider bcuz their focus is LOCKED on beating that other women that they pay NO attention to what he's done or doing.

@ stamina:
You have a valid point. Its the emotions you were referring to that makes them more forgiving. Its mre deeper than you explained.

8/27/2015 12:01:26 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from renee398:
You can forgive someone and still not take them back after they cheat. You can love someone at the same time your walking away from them also.


Very intelligent statement you made here. I agree and Kudos for pointing it out. But unfortunately this is how society has "redefined" what forgiveness is.

"To let you back in, to pretend as if NO offense has taken place, void of any and all consequences.

This is how forgiveness is NOW defined in society now.

8/27/2015 2:43:28 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

cuileann
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,277)
San Antonio, TX
48, joined Aug. 2015


Quote from renee398:
You can forgive someone and still not take them back after they cheat. You can love someone at the same time your walking away from them also.



8/27/2015 3:05:28 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

soulflight
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,882)
Baltimore, MD
53, joined Apr. 2014


Neither men nor women love more deeply than the other..that is not a valid statement. They may express that love differently and there do appear to be trends regarding that expression that follow gender lines but how deeply is not gender specfic.

However, there is quite a bit of information out there about who cheats, why they cheat and how often reconcilliation occurs.

There is substantial data supporting the assertion that women will take back a cheating man more often than a man will take back a cheating woman. It doesn't have much to do with how "deeply" a person loves, rather, it's about why and when people cheat.

Men are more likely to simply give into to their physical desires and can more easily/readily compartmentalize that activity as not having anything to do with their committed partner. They love their partner, they just choose to get their rocks off. ..and yes..as much as women don't like the inferrence, if she is not providing the sexual intimacy he wants he will find it elsewhere BUT in many cases is still quite content to be married to the woman he loves.

Women, on the other hand, tend to cheat because they lack something emotional and they seek to fill that void. When a woman steps out in that manner, she has often already "ended" the current relationship in her mind, so reconcilliation is unlikely.

in other words, men "step out" and women "step away"

obviously this doesn't apply to all men or all women though it has remained somewhat consistant in numerous surveys and psychological studies.. this is just one aspect of relationship dynamics, one very tiny aspect

8/27/2015 3:17:03 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

soulflight
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,882)
Baltimore, MD
53, joined Apr. 2014


Another thing about cheating...it's the lie that hurts...or so people say but why is that what hurts? I submit that what really hurts is having your judgement shown to be "less than perfect", that's what really throws us for a while. We no longer trust our ability to "read" people but we translate that into not trusting others or deciding all men/women are untrustworthy.

The other part of the "hurt" is sheer embarrasment..knowing that others knew before we did and believing they think we are fools.

Which oddly enough, leads us back to Inni's thread about feeling like a failure and doing so simply because we thinks OTHERS view us that way. Bottom line, if someone betrays your trust and you are unwilling to give them trust again..move on, and move on knowing YOU are not a failure.

8/27/2015 3:30:00 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

iheartidiots
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (16,254)
Grove City, OH
38, joined Feb. 2012


My love is sacred. Look, I was cheated on in both of my long-term/marriage.

The longterm one, I was young and dumb. I thought if I forgave him, he'd never do it again. I was wrong.

My marriage, well we were better off friends so we both did a disservice to ourselves in terms of marrying. I did tell him, go ahead cheat, just don't divorce me bc I truly loved him. He was my best friend.

I hurt him. I hurt him alot. Bc I wasn't emotionally there. I was distant. So I know I hold the blame for it all. If only I could go back...

I see your point and I'm guilty of all of these. But no more. Bc I worked on myself and I know I am deserving of a faithful man.

Once a woman can learn to fix herself, then she's set.

8/27/2015 3:48:36 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from soulflight:
Neither men nor women love more deeply than the other..that is not a valid statement. They may express that love differently and there do appear to be trends regarding that expression that follow gender lines but how deeply is not gender specfic.

However, there is quite a bit of information out there about who cheats, why they cheat and how often reconcilliation occurs.

There is substantial data supporting the assertion that women will take back a cheating man more often than a man will take back a cheating woman. It doesn't have much to do with how "deeply" a person loves, rather, it's about why and when people cheat.

Men are more likely to simply give into to their physical desires and can more easily/readily compartmentalize that activity as not having anything to do with their committed partner. They love their partner, they just choose to get their rocks off. ..and yes..as much as women don't like the inferrence, if she is not providing the sexual intimacy he wants he will find it elsewhere BUT in many cases is still quite content to be married to the woman he loves.

Women, on the other hand, tend to cheat because they lack something emotional and they seek to fill that void. When a woman steps out in that manner, she has often already "ended" the current relationship in her mind, so reconcilliation is unlikely.

in other words, men "step out" and women "step away"

obviously this doesn't apply to all men or all women though it has remained somewhat consistant in numerous surveys and psychological studies.. this is just one aspect of relationship dynamics, one very tiny aspect


Stop generalizing. If generalizing is wrong you get no free pass to do when it suits you.

8/27/2015 3:55:27 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

soulflight
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,882)
Baltimore, MD
53, joined Apr. 2014


https://www.time4learning.com/readingpyramid/comprehension.htm


http://spers.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/50-activities-for-developing-critical-thinking-skills.pdf

8/27/2015 4:05:15 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from iheartidiots:
My love is sacred. Look, I was cheated on in both of my long-term/marriage.

The longterm one, I was young and dumb. I thought if I forgave him, he'd never do it again. I was wrong.

My marriage, well we were better off friends so we both did a disservice to ourselves in terms of marrying. I did tell him, go ahead cheat, just don't divorce me bc I truly loved him. He was my best friend.

I hurt him. I hurt him alot. Bc I wasn't emotionally there. I was distant. So I know I hold the blame for it all. If only I could go back...

I see your point and I'm guilty of all of these. But no more. Bc I worked on myself and I know I am deserving of a faithful man.

Once a woman can learn to fix herself, then she's set.


You know what makes you so attractive other than your obvious physical beauty? Your being able to admit what mistakes you made without flipping the blame on him. A good "real" man would cherish you for who were, are and will be. I too made mistakes that I've learned from that made me a better man.

I cheated once upon a time. But what I learned was it DOESN'T make things any better for me and its a waste of time I could never get back and its stressful as hell. I learned that if things are not working its best to cut your losses and leave. So I would never cheat if with someone else.

So "Once a cheater always a cheater" is bullshit to me. But I'm not implying that bcuz I learned my lesson that EVERYBODY ELSE has or will. That remains to be seen.

8/27/2015 5:54:03 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

iheartidiots
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (16,254)
Grove City, OH
38, joined Feb. 2012


I believe that as well...that saying is bullshit.

And thank you.

Far too many women and men blame the other party instead of looking at themselves. It takes 2 to make a relationship work. And I know I failed.

A part of me knows I may never find love again but I'm hopeful. Bc I know me now. And I've fixed me. We're all not perfect. But if we can accept others for who they are instead of expecting how they should be, we'd be better off. And alot more happy couples.

8/27/2015 7:14:19 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
fibeman86
Dayton, OH
29, joined Feb. 2015


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Why are women more forgiving than men when it comes to cheating?

A mans love is more than deep, it's sacred! After the union began your sins have been forgiven and you both have a fresh new start. Violating his trust with infidelity is pissing upon holy grounds and you spat in the face of the God who brought you two together.

Women are much more forgiven in this area bcuz their love isn't as deep. Oh its real but not as deep. Thats why its so easy to make an excuse to forgive him. "Well he said its over" and "He said it was just that one time" and "He was drunk" and "He said he didn't love her, it was just sex" or "He said he didn't even enjoy it that I was better anyway!"

Plus being emotional creatures, women see the pain of losing him altogether as GREATER than the pain of infidelity. And they would rather deal with the lesser pain. That explains those crazy excuses.

NOW PLEASE... I am NOT talking the occasional man who forgives for cheating bcuz if his personal insecurities and lack of confidence or the occasional woman that'll dump his a** for looking at another woman too damn hard bcuz these are exceptional cases NOT to be confused with the norm and these cases do not speak for the majority.

Of couse some might disagree just bcuz its MY post. lol If so, wby are women more forgiving for cheating than men are? Why are men so unforgiving if not for my reasons?



I've never cheated before, but I have been cheated on. The sad thing is that she always claimed to be cheated on ALOT by her ex before me. Hmm, fishy? I think all those times of "him" cheating were really her.

F**k that dirty b*tch, no b*tch shall even so much as kiss/hold hands with a guy, let alone f**k a guy and me be anywhere near ok with it. I'm not down with open relationships or cheating, ever, period... A hoe gotta go

8/27/2015 10:47:01 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


^^^^ I feel you brah. Whats mine is mine and nobody elses.

8/28/2015 10:37:41 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  
ladyseekinggent
Over 2,000 Posts (2,671)
New Milford, NJFreiland
Austria
42, joined Aug. 2010


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Why are women more forgiving than men when it comes to cheating?

Of couse some might disagree just bcuz its MY post. lol If so, wby are women more forgiving for cheating than men are? Why are men so unforgiving if not for my reasons?



I think men do not forgive as easily because they believe there are two kinds of women,
[1] a girl they would take home to see their parents
[2] a girl that they would have sex with [discretley or openly]

However, a man's first love is his mother whom he has love and respect for. Usually the woman he picks to be his wife is someone he knows his mother would love and respect therefore he would love and respect her also. If he loves and respects her and then she cheats on him he would lose that feeling, not trust her anymore because of the shock of it all and then feel betrayed.
===================================

However our newer world is pushing for the more sluttier bride so to speak.....a girl that a man can have sex with either discretely or openly that at the same time they would want their parents to see and accept as their choice...so PART II of men not forgiving women so easily who cheat on them is now in question.

8/28/2015 10:54:17 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

pagal17
Over 2,000 Posts (2,352)
Lancaster, PA
50, joined May. 2012


I will forgive. I will also never trust him again so it is definitely over. I was cheated on once and walked away the moment I found out.
I am a stickler for loyalty.
Some ppl are conditioned by experience. That may be all they know and have learned it is acceptable. Kinda like a batter spouse syndrome.

8/29/2015 12:43:59 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from pagal17:
I will forgive. I will also never trust him again so it is definitely over. I was cheated on once and walked away the moment I found out.
I am a stickler for loyalty.
Some ppl are conditioned by experience. That may be all they know and have learned it is acceptable. Kinda like a batter spouse syndrome.


BAMM! There it is! I believe this thats why women are more prone to forgive a cheater, the social conditioning (or shall we say brainwashed) ALONG with being emotional is a double whammy! And that handfull who isn't are special cases, they don't speak for the norm.

8/29/2015 1:30:13 AM A Lesson For The Ladies  

my2sunshine
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,525)
Pulaski, NY
49, joined Apr. 2013
online now!


I'm trying to figure out what the lesson here is!

Someone fill me in?

8/29/2015 4:16:05 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from my2sunshine:
I'm trying to figure out what the lesson here is!

Someone fill me in?


Well you're a master reader and scholar right? You have he answers to everything else both foreign and domestic, human and alien.

And you can't seem to read a simple post and know what its about? Are you kidding? Everyone else seem to get it and was able to properly comment without confusion.

But the only one living who was there when when Adam and Eve was created can't figure it out.

Thats so sad.





8/29/2015 5:17:35 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

my2sunshine
Over 4,000 Posts! (5,525)
Pulaski, NY
49, joined Apr. 2013
online now!


So Adam and Eve cheated on each other and only Eve forgave Adam?

I don't really get how you think...I learned no lesson!

I do see a lot of questions about cheating and forgiveness....but they are not lessons!



[Edited 8/29/2015 5:18:11 PM ]

8/29/2015 5:28:03 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

lareveur
Over 2,000 Posts (2,001)
Sun City, CA
31, joined May. 2013


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:Why are women more forgiving than men when it comes to cheating?

^ Because we end up f**king your brother. Peace of action achieved.

8/29/2015 5:42:55 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (56,102)
Fort Payne, AL
60, joined Apr. 2011


Quote from my2sunshine:
I'm trying to figure out what the lesson here is!

Someone fill me in?


There's a hidden new recipe hidden deep between the cracks of the thread here.

I finally deciphered it myself and tried it out for lunch today.

It was great!!!!

8/29/2015 5:43:51 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (56,102)
Fort Payne, AL
60, joined Apr. 2011


Quote from my2sunshine:
So Adam and Eve cheated on each other and only Eve forgave Adam?

I don't really get how you think...I learned no lesson!

I do see a lot of questions about cheating and forgiveness....but they are not lessons!


Who'd they cheat with?

I thought it was just them two in the beginning.

8/29/2015 11:14:33 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from my2sunshine:
So Adam and Eve cheated on each other and only Eve forgave Adam?

I don't really get how you think...I learned no lesson!

I do see a lot of questions about cheating and forgiveness....but they are not lessons!


Did Adam and Eve cheat on each other and she forgave him? I don't know! Why don't YOU tell us... You seem to know everything else.

But as far as the thread? I'm sorry, I can't help you honey. You lack the same readinv comprehension skills souflight was talking about if you can't read a simple thread and understand what its about. Or read other ppls responses of (concept association) and figure it from that.

And I feel that trying to explain this will only further your weak attempts at sarcastic rhetoric which would only waste my time. When there are legitimate post from those who truly want to discuss the topic. If you insist on an answer msg me and I will explain.

But will not turn my thread into the circus with this "clown like" rrrrecitation you're relentless when pursuing.

8/29/2015 11:20:35 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from bumblebee7:
Who'd they cheat with?

I thought it was just them two in the beginning.


There was also the serpent. Who Eve (like most women) are seriously influenced by to this very day.


8/29/2015 11:21:33 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

inni_dreamz
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,476)
Pasadena, CA
52, joined Nov. 2012


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Why are women more forgiving than men when it comes to cheating?



Not always.

8/29/2015 11:48:45 PM A Lesson For The Ladies  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,839)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from inni_dreamz:
Not always.


I'm only saying in comparison to men they are more forgiving. Not that they are always or All women are.

And I'm NOT saying, suggesting or implying that All men are not forgiving. lol

I'm simply saying that women are more forgiving than men and was asking for opinions why?