Forward16, you could read all that was said, and still say he's just in this for sex?

Seniorific, well said, and hard won knowledge you've shared. Good luck with your move. I've moved twice since the house I shared with my husband, and you will take his memory with you, as you're making your new life and your new home yours.

Thank you!! You are a great guy, I have had great support from my husbands golf buddies. They all turned into brothers I never had the chance to have in my life.

Well, I am not a widower, but I have spent the past year with a remarkable woman who lost her husband of 34 years just twenty months ago. She and I were friends in college, and she contacted me six months after Dave died in hopes of finding a companion to provide her some respite from grieving. I remain by her side, but not just as her friend. I love her.

This time should be all about her, and my focus should be devoted to her care, but I desire her, too, and having feelings of desire in this situation prevents me from loving her selflessly.

She knows I am crazy about her, and while she doesn't discourage me, she clearly is not yet available. She asks me to wait. I think she feels that someday she may be ready. I'm not sure she's convinced of it though. I think she truly cares for me, and she finds the companionship fun and positive.

Do you have any advice for me? What can I do in my position that nobody else can? Flowers and cards and candy and doing things together seem superficial. Are they enough? My friend is very private about her grief and doesn't like to talk to me about it. Are there words that I can speak that might get her talking about her husband, her marriage, and their times together? Do you think it's a good thing for me to try to do? Is there some way I can signal my interest in hearing stories of her marriage? Is there something else I can do besides wait?

I will have to wait. She needs time to figure out how she wants to live the rest of her life. She doesn't know how much time she needs. She says that she is coming out of fog, but I sense that she doesn't know whether she can date again or even know what moving forward in life looks like to her. She must face so many questions: Does she feel that dating is cheating? Can she give herself fully to someone new? Is she going to be able to reassure someone new that she can love him right along with the man she lost?

Have you had an experience with someone who came into your life a little too early, before you were ready?

For every year, two months to recover: that's what one careless person advised. Such ridiculous, juvenile advice! I know it was intended for teens who are wondering how long it takes for girls get over boys or vice versa. What's even more ridiculous: I did a quick, cold calculation. Two months for every year? Let's see, 34 years X 2 months/year = 5 years 8 months. Hmmm, maybe it isn't so ridiculous? Only 2 years 2 months to go.

Oh wait, applying this same formula to her current situation means she could get over me in a little over four months! Not wanting to sell myself short, still I seriously doubt it would take her that long to "get over" me. I'd have better luck as an organ donor. Sheesh!