When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?

1/3/2014 9:40:19 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	In most of the profiles and women I have met off this site, a majority of women that say " Friends First" fit the following description: I think people have different ideas of what "slow" means and in my experience most of the time what the whole "friends first" and "get to know" and "take it slow" thing really means is "She is afraid of making the wrong decision, doing something wrong, She is afraid to have sex, She is afraid of being hurt, She is afraid of committing unless she is handed guarantees or knows a man is committed to her first. So She is going to try and control the relationship either to avoid risk or force it towards her sensibilities rather than see that she and the man aren't compatible or make concessions that the man is an actual individual rather than just a new pet. She will set boundaries and try to train the man into giving her the relationship fulfillment she wants." Control and Manipulation either consciously or unconsciously. You can come up with as many formulas or recipes for what works for you or how things "should" be, but that isn't going to make it any easier or faster in finding someone that will believe and behave within the confines of your formula or recipe rules. Mostly it will simply put blinders on her and cause greater frustration when she realizes most people "aren't her" and see the world differently in subtle ways and those subtle ways add up to big things that she can't even see. Choosing a specific way to date, or learning to respond to only one method of dating development is no different than picking a specific race, or body type, or gender. It's all just winnowing down the dating pool, and who she are compatible with. At best it gives her a false sense of control and security so that so she can feel justified in judging people, "the bad guy" for when she don't get what she wants. If she made a statement like, I would like to develop a relationship with friendship at the core I think that would be reasonable, sane and admirable... To make a statement like I want friends first and to take it slow just smacks of neurotic/psychotic dysfunction...and tells me you are a relationship disaster waiting for a hapless sucker to fall into the trap. besides. A man and Woman are looking for more than friends and a man does not want to be put in the "friend zone" and they will be if they fall for this. Women will bond to the "Friend" and that's all it will ever be, or she will bond to the "Relationship" and have a man she wants to get kinky with. [Edited 1/3/2014 9:41:12 AM ] Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
1/3/2014 9:45:16 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	First
1/3/2014 9:45:37 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 62, joined Apr. 2011	Most people know....that once you get intimate...either there is no turning back, or it will just make it harder to, or complicate things....and you are past that stage of getting to just know each other. Some say this as a way of getting to know the person first as a sorta safety net in a way. Personally I think its better to get to know each other, before it gets too deep. Haven't you ever gone into something too fast and wish you had waited?????? Sure you have. end of thread. [Edited 1/3/2014 9:46:47 AM ]
1/3/2014 9:52:32 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from bumblebee7: Most people know....that once you get intimate...either there is no turning back, or it will just make it harder to, or complicate things....and you are past that stage of getting to just know each other. Some say this as a way of getting to know the person first as a sorta safety net in a way. Personally I think its better to get to know each other, before it gets too deep. Haven't you ever gone into something too fast and wish you had waited?????? Sure you have. end of thread. And how many people as a whole wait? Not long, but date 3, no matter what, these days its about self Gratification at any cost, so the blame game results.... FACT
1/3/2014 9:54:02 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from bumblebee7: Most people know....that once you get intimate...either there is no turning back, or it will just make it harder to, or complicate things....and you are past that stage of getting to just know each other. Some say this as a way of getting to know the person first as a sorta safety net in a way. Personally I think its better to get to know each other, before it gets too deep. Haven't you ever gone into something too fast and wish you had waited?????? Sure you have. end of thread. Being honest? LOL Yeah right....... Fantasy out weighs reality most of the time on dating sites. And this is what this thread is all about.
1/3/2014 9:57:05 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 62, joined Apr. 2011	Dude, I'm not always right and have made some mistakes in relations. On here, I try to shed some light that sometimes people have caused their own delima's and don't realise it....in reality, though it may not seem like it, in an attempt to help or enlighten. Your always griping and blaming the women. and I bet you've been the cause of some of your own demises too. You can spend the rest of your life like this....or get it together. and I never said that people stick to that notion....but its how they want to try to be. [Edited 1/3/2014 9:58:03 AM ]
1/3/2014 9:58:19 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	I I have friends first in my profile. But, basically, there are some personal reasons why I say this, and they are things that I can only tell someone I'm interested in having sex with and I'd rather not say on public forum. But the things I can say are, that this is on my profile as a buffer to keep away the guys who message me saying 'wanna fk?' I do not want to decide to fk someone I've never met in person. Upon meeting someone in person, if I get along with them, they pass the sanity check and the hygiene check, I might have sex with them right away. But chances are, I wouldn't. Sure, I may be afraid of things like getting pregnant by a man I may not ever see again or getting an STD from him. I think those are good reasons for developing trust with a sexual partner...seems rather reasonable to me. I'm not trying to establish trust/friendship so that I can manipulate him into a relationship, but Im pretty much trying to keep myself from harm.
1/3/2014 10:00:33 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
1darksavior Brooklyn, NY 56, joined Mar. 2011	we over think the man or woman thing men and woman know if the want to be with each other almost right away !, saying i want to be friends first is crap and you post is true op . and means they should not be dating because they are not ready to open up their heart for love i found that not having sex did not make the pain of rejection any less , dating someone for 4 months only to find out it will go no where hurts worse than being used for sex .
1/3/2014 10:01:21 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from lauralynn22222: First so says yet another women in her profile and in the forums. "I live alone, with 2 cats. " Speaks for itself
1/3/2014 10:01:41 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	I'm not looking for a commitment from a guy when I say I want to be friends first...a commitment would be nice and preferred...but if we have sex for fun with no commitment, thats fine with me.
1/3/2014 10:04:00 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from 1darksavior: we over think the man or woman thing men and woman know if the want to be with each other almost right away !, saying i want to be friends first is crap and you post is true op . and means they should not be dating because they are not ready to open up their heart for love i found that not having sex did not make the pain of rejection any less , dating someone for 4 months only to find out it will go no where hurts worse than being used for sex .
1/3/2014 10:04:41 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from lauralynn22222: I'm not looking for a commitment from a guy when I say I want to be friends first...a commitment would be nice and preferred...but if we have sex for fun with no commitment, thats fine with me.
1/3/2014 10:07:28 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	Quote from simple_man2013: so says yet another women in her profile and in the forums. "I live alone, with 2 cats. " Speaks for itself uhhh yea, this is a dating site, meaning women sometimes talk about their lives in their profiles, what they do, what they have, what they like, etc...I have 2 cats, not 20...I actually have a roommate now, just haven't updated my profile...my roommate is a friend that was having a hard time, so I offered a place for them to stay....I'm ordering my crazy cat lady kit right now. Lol [Edited 1/3/2014 10:10:30 AM ]
1/3/2014 10:12:50 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
1darksavior Brooklyn, NY 56, joined Mar. 2011	Quote from lauralynn22222: I'm not looking for a commitment from a guy when I say I want to be friends first...a commitment would be nice and preferred...but if we have sex for fun with no commitment, thats fine with me. see i respect this but most womn no dam well they do not want to date or even have sex but want to string some a-hole along for months.
1/3/2014 10:13:33 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from lauralynn22222: uhhh yea, this is a dating site, meaning women sometimes talk about their lives in their profiles, what they do, what they have, what they like, etc...I have 2 cats, not 20...I actually have a roommate now, just haven't updated my profile...my roommate is a friend that was having a hard time, so I offered a place for them to stay....I'm ordering my crazy cat lady kit right now. Lol You have a double standard in your profile I live alone, with 2 cats. I can do fwb, but friends first, benefits later. It is either one or the other and in reality they are both the same thing... FWB = Friends with Benefits. Friends First Benefits later... [Edited 1/3/2014 10:14:48 AM ]
1/3/2014 10:17:00 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	Quote from 1darksavior: see i respect this but most womn no dam well they do not want to date or even have sex but want to string some a-hole along for months. yea because all women think the same way
1/3/2014 10:20:18 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from 1darksavior: see i respect this but most womn no dam well they do not want to date or even have sex but want to string some a-hole along for months. Exactly Free Meals and a someone to be a sounding board to talk about her past relationships hoping you will give her the answers. In most cases, she will be fuking the "Bad Boy" at some point, and you will be just a Friend and nothing more.... or You will never even go with women like this.... FACT
1/3/2014 10:20:51 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	Quote from simple_man2013: You have a double standard in your profile I live alone, with 2 cats. I can do fwb, but friends first, benefits later. It is either one or the other and in reality they are both the same thing... FWB = Friends with Benefits. Friends First Benefits later... how is having cats a double standard? Lol plus, I already explained why I have 'friends first' on my profile in a previous post here.
1/3/2014 10:24:39 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	. [Edited 1/3/2014 10:25:59 AM ]
1/3/2014 10:25:28 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from lauralynn22222: how is having cats a double standard? Lol plus, I already explained why I have 'friends first' on my profile in a previous post here. Thats because your alone with 2 cats but want your cake and eat it too. At least your honest.... More than I can say for the majority of the bitter hens in the forums.
1/3/2014 10:27:37 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	If women only want a friend to think things over, and someone to just talk to, then why doesn't she either find a lesbian or just a woman to talk girl things over with? Or a GAY guy who has no interest in her sexually but will listen to her problems and just be a "Friend" A lot of women seem to want their cake and eat it to. On one hand they want "Just A Friend" Male most of the time. But on the other they want a boyfriend they are attracted to and can get kinky with. So whats the solution? Get a friend (GAY, or Lesbian) or someone who is not interested in you romantically or sexually and never will be. Then When your ready, just have some fun, let your hair hang down and enjoy it. Never expect a relationship or love with someone you have never met or only have known for a short time. Putting unrealistic expectations and stipulations on someone before you sit down to discuss making it exclusive always fails. And lastly, never believe that something is just going to happen. It takes two people communicating. It all depends on what you want and can live with at the moment be it an FWB. A friend, lover or whatever your heart desires. There is nothing wrong with sex. In fact it relieves stress and you know longer think about things using hormones or emotions. Just an opinion [Edited 1/3/2014 10:28:44 AM ]
1/3/2014 10:31:20 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	Quote from simple_man2013: Thats because your alone with 2 cats but want your cake and eat it too. At least your honest.... More than I can say for the majority of the bitter hens in the forums. I've always owned pets, what's the problem with them? I live alone, indicating I'm supporting myself...indicating that I don't live off my parents or the government. I want my cake and eat it too? You're being way too vague, your metaphor makes no sense
1/3/2014 11:01:05 AM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	Quote from lauralynn22222: yea because all women think the same way oops, my bad, u said most, not all, apologies
1/3/2014 2:21:03 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Its even worse than when someone says "friends First" in their profile. The problem with this site, as appears to be the problem with internet dating in general, is that people’s expectations are far too high. The truth is, everyone is riddled with flaws and we should take the bad with the good, or not at all. also A majority of women are only "Here For The Forums" or are only seeking "Attention Online" and not looking to meet anyone. How can anyone say "I have "Friends Online" A photo and words on a screen are just that and you really do not know who is who. The truth is it is just words on a screen and it could me a man posing as a women or vice versa. In real Life, the only way to call someone a Real Friend is to meet them and share time together. Virtual friends are simply that and nothing else... People can be who they want to be online.... Only when you meet, can a true friendship be formed. FACT
1/3/2014 2:42:55 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from virgo_sunshin: She may mean that she doesn't want to move to fast before she gets to know you. I've said that, but mostly with men who were in serious relationships for a long time and I didn't feel enough time had passed. It's more like "We'll wait and see..." Some women want to know it a man is going to stick in there first before she runs around calling him her boyfriend. I think people have different ideas of what "slow" means and in my experience most of the time what the whole "friends first" and "get to know" and "take it slow" thing really means is "She is afraid of making the wrong decision, doing something wrong, She is afraid to have sex, She is afraid of being hurt, She is afraid of committing unless she is handed guarantees or knows a man is committed to her first. So She is going to try and control the relationship either to avoid risk or force it towards her sensibilities rather than see that she and the man aren't compatible or make concessions that the man is an actual individual rather than just a new pet. She will set boundaries and try to train the man into giving her the relationship fulfillment she wants." Control and Manipulation either consciously or unconsciously. You can come up with as many formulas or recipes for what works for you or how things "should" be, but that isn't going to make it any easier or faster in finding someone that will believe and behave within the confines of your formula or recipe rules. Mostly it will simply put blinders on her and cause greater frustration when she realizes most people "aren't her" and see the world differently in subtle ways and those subtle ways add up to big things that she can't even see. [Edited 1/3/2014 2:43:17 PM ]
1/3/2014 3:00:23 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
mrlickzher Owensboro, KY 39, joined Mar. 2013	Great guy checkn in..Good afternoon to all the beautiful ppl..
1/3/2014 3:19:03 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
mrlickzher Owensboro, KY 39, joined Mar. 2013	Lmmfao..I checked into the wrong thread.
1/3/2014 4:24:55 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
cattoaster Indianapolis, IN 36, joined Nov. 2013	It means just like it sounds.
1/3/2014 6:21:19 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from ironman1964: Most women who say that are the ones who fall in love in 5 minutes. That is why they put that friends crap on their profile. They are compensating for mistakes they have made in the past. You can come up with as many formulas or recipes for what works for you or how things "should" be, but that isn't going to make it any easier or faster in finding someone that will believe and behave within the confines of your formula or recipe rules. Mostly it will simply put blinders on her and cause greater frustration when she realizes most people "aren't her" and see the world differently in subtle ways and those subtle ways add up to big things that she can't even see. You cannot say someone has boundaries when actual feeling develop. As with anything else, you have to submit and take a risk. A woman can bond to a Friend or to a man she want to get kinky with. Waiting on them to make up their mind after a date or 2 shows that it is not fair to a man that has feeling for her for more than friends.
1/3/2014 6:27:17 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from cattoaster: It means just like it sounds. I disagree and it should be discussed in person. I have many friend and do not go on a sating site to find a friend in Real Life. I personally do not want a woman just for "Friends" If a man or a woman is looking for more then it either happens or it doesn't. A woman knows in as little as 15 min if she want more than friends with a guy. Its a fact. But in a forum, many will never admit it. Also If she made a statement like, I would like to develop a relationship with friendship at the core I think that would be reasonable, sane and admirable... To make a statement like I want friends first and to take it slow just smacks of neurotic/psychotic dysfunction...and tells me you are a relationship disaster waiting for a hapless sucker to fall into the trap. Being put in the friend zone it bull shit
1/3/2014 10:42:20 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
lauralynn22222 Glendale, CA 36, joined Jun. 2010	so i just took the time to read your profile and it says "Lets be friends and get to know each other." Ummmm, ok, so what does it mean when you say you want friends? [Edited 1/3/2014 10:42:39 PM ]
1/6/2014 4:14:43 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from jjoneshardrock: wow.. has anyone ever heard the phrase the best relationships are when you are best friends as well as all the rest...nowadays with so many fake people..sex is easy... having and building a friendship is what takes time and effort... and what's up with labels like... boyfriend...girlfriend... the word friend is at the core... good luck peeps!! While your melting in the Hot guys arms from his kisses and sex, tell him you want to be just friends,,, another bitter hen lieing in a forum to make herself look like a nun... Women say Friends as an excuse.
1/6/2014 4:42:37 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from saginawmale57: If a woman says sex is easy and anyone can do that......then why is she making such a big deal out of it and saying lets be friends first? Usually a woman will post that honesty crap when they have dated a couple of guys who they really liked but the guys did not want to be exclusive. I have seen this over and over. Hey ladies...just because a guy says he wants a relationship on his profile doesn't mean he wants one with you. It does not make him dishonest if he decides to date someone else.
1/6/2014 4:45:33 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from saginawmale57: If a woman says sex is easy and anyone can do that......then why is she making such a big deal out of it and saying lets be friends first? Remember this is a Forum.... These women are only here to get advice and attention, Its just another game to play to occupy them and their anti social life,,,
1/6/2014 5:01:55 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
gamerman17 New York, NY 30, joined Apr. 2010	She basically either wants to she if the friendship can turn into something more than a friendship and after time, she can grow to love you or she's unsure of your intentions and want to test to see how much of a friend to her in an non-romantic way before she makes that decision to turn that non-romance into romance and love. Can be highly frustrating for a man who wants something established and meaningful in the time that they know each other to basically being reduced to playing the waiting game, assuming the woman is harboring romantic feelings for the man but is too afraid to show it......gamer
1/6/2014 5:05:42 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
snhgirl Scottsboro, AL 46, joined Nov. 2008	Quote from virgo_sunshin: She may mean that she doesn't want to move to fast before she gets to know you. I've said that, but mostly with men who were in serious relationships for a long time and I didn't feel enough time had passed. It's more like "We'll wait and see..." Some women want to know it a man is going to stick in there first before she runs around calling him her boyfriend. I agree with this response!
1/6/2014 5:07:10 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
plantkeeper Alexandria, VA 53, joined Apr. 2011	She's in no hurry to do you...
1/6/2014 5:31:44 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
tasgosa Knob Noster, MO 62, joined Jul. 2013	She just wants to see if a male can pay attention to a conversation long enough to determine if he's interested in More than One Thing..!!! After 20 or 30 minutes , she asks...: "What color are my Eyes?" He says...: "Cleavage! -UHHH...I mean...U-mmmmm....Green! NO! Blue!...No Hazel!!" " D'Ohhhhh..!!!"
1/6/2014 6:45:50 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from snhgirl: I agree with this response! Typical response in a forum... To make a statement like I want friends first and to take it slow just smacks of neurotic/psychotic dysfunction...and tells me you are a relationship disaster waiting for a hapless sucker to fall into the trap. Women will bond to the "Friend" and that's all it will ever be, or she will bond to the "Relationship" and have a man she wants to get kinky with. [Edited 1/6/2014 6:46:55 PM ]
1/6/2014 7:33:52 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Beware of these two virgo_sunshin: plantkeeper They are only here to bull shit and believe all men in the forums are desperate and pigs. Stop commenting on them and just ignore. I will post others latter
1/6/2014 8:42:18 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
driver406 Saint Paul, MN 65, joined Oct. 2009	Probably put her on the back BACK burner and find something better to do. There's no point running on the treadmill with some babe and never getting anywhere. It's like she's annoucing you'll be "just friends" forever and we know where that leads.
1/6/2014 9:50:07 PM	When She Says " I want to be "Friends First"?
simple_man2013 Dothan, AL 59, joined Aug. 2013	Quote from jjoneshardrock: ok the b!tch is out... I try being NICE.. EVER HEARD THE WORD BEFORE? TRY IT!!. it may actually get you somewhere...the reason I say sex is easy..IS BECAUSE IT IS!! You don't have to know or even like someone to f$ck them.. all there needs to be is a little bit of chemistry... a bitter lying woman??.... seems you're the bitter one not me... at least I give people a chance to get to know me... if they hit me with penis pictures first. I even reply.. I say thanks but not right now in my life... if I wanted penis and no strings fun sex I would go back to swinging and sls...I'm NOT looking for nsa sexual fun... been there done that.. don't know what I want but I know enjoy meeting new people and making friends.... so no LYING here!! So says the single mom spent most of that concentrating on.my children. They are.older now (14 and 10) This means a guy will be number 2 and only a friend and nothing else. I say run from these women fast. They will not be happy until they are married again, or finding some chump to support her bastard kids. No matter what she says in a Forum..... FACT Fact and FACT........

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