| 1/21/2014 12:49:20 AM |
Finding yourself |
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teresalvn63
Leavenworth, KS
53, joined Apr. 2012
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how do figure out who you are without them
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| 1/21/2014 2:35:29 AM |
Finding yourself |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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I was just totally lost about that. It took a long time before I stopped seeing 'us' and my identity as who I was in relationship to him.
I can't even tell you when it happened. I think it was so gradual that I didn't notice. I just started being me.
Mind you, it's not the person I was before him, and it's not the person I was with him. It's the person I am now tempered by having loved him. It sounds fanciful, but I don't know how else to explain it.
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| 1/21/2014 9:18:11 AM |
Finding yourself |
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moonbeams73
Grand Rapids, MN
62, joined Sep. 2009
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Yeah, a new you just slowly evolves.
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| 1/21/2014 4:21:33 PM |
Finding yourself |
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whistlerblue
Lancaster, CA
60, joined Jun. 2010
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I was just totally lost about that. It took a long time before I stopped seeing 'us' and my identity as who I was in relationship to him.
I can't even tell you when it happened. I think it was so gradual that I didn't notice. I just started being me.
Mind you, it's not the person I was before him, and it's not the person I was with him. It's the person I am now tempered by having loved him. It sounds fanciful, but I don't know how else to explain it.
You did a very fine job explaining it. Thank you.
I am the person I am now because of her. The 26 years we spent together influenced who I am today. My opinions, my outlook on life, and my personal experiences in life have all been affected by my time with her.
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| 1/21/2014 4:30:55 PM |
Finding yourself |
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heart_and_soul2
Sarasota, FL
60, joined Dec. 2013
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Lake always has such a way with her words. I too, found myself--without even knowing I had found the new me. It just happened. Time can be such an enemy in the beginning--but as those further out told me--It is time that heals and makes us find happiness again.
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| 1/23/2014 3:16:04 PM |
Finding yourself |
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jrupp0604
Stoughton, MA
68, joined May. 2011
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It takes time to find yourself again, just listen to your heart 
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| 2/1/2014 10:34:46 PM |
Finding yourself |
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mr_crash
Corpus Christi, TX
49, joined Oct. 2013
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My wife made up silly words when texting or talking to me. I find I am doing it when I'm on dates or chatting online with women. They either look at me funny or correct my spelling.
It blows my mind how much she changed me.
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| 2/2/2014 12:05:16 PM |
Finding yourself |
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gdaddy47
Columbia, TN
70, joined Sep. 2009
online now!
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I realized that during our time together that I thought I had found myself. Then when she died I realized that I didn't know as much about me as I thought. When you are married you grow to depend on each other in ways you didn't even know. You thought you were strong. Then your spouse dies. Now what? Oops you weren't strong as you thought. You didn't know yourself like you thought. You didn't know your spouse like you thought. Now you're on your own.
Now you really have to learn all over again. My suggestion is get comfortable in your own skin. Learn who YOU are. Regain strength and grow strong within your self. For so many years it was her and you. Her and you were not two but one entity. Now you're own your own. Take advantage of this opportunity to learn who you are and gain strength to stand on your own. Don't fight it and sit around feeling sorry for yourself so much. You will like I did feel sorry for yourself but you have to get up and learn. It's not easy and you'll fight it but sooner or later you will stand up. God bless and take care
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| 2/23/2014 11:14:27 PM |
Finding yourself |
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24milkduds
Vallejo, CA
58, joined Mar. 2012
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Time and faith heals all...it will come to pass
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| 5/30/2014 7:42:47 AM |
Finding yourself |
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lalunamoondeer
Bartlesville, OK
53, joined Apr. 2014
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What great words of advice. Its been almost a year and a half for me. I love meeting and making new friends, I always have. As far as finding a boyfriend that aint happening. Not that I haven't had many offers and thankful for that, I just don't see myself with anyone but him. He was my one true love and soul mate. Could there be more than one soul mate out there?
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| 6/30/2014 12:08:06 PM |
Finding yourself |
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24milkduds
Vallejo, CA
58, joined Mar. 2012
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I thought that for da first 2 years after my husbands death..I had to change my old patterns and in the last year I have come into my own person, mentally, physically..I'm much happier being just me..a widow with sweet memories tucked away in my heart forever going forward embracing each day..time heals all and faith keeps you going..it will happen..
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| 6/30/2014 12:18:33 PM |
Finding yourself |
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luckylouie42
Cedar Grove, WV
75, joined Mar. 2008
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how do figure out who you are without them[/quote
you are you, you will never be who you were before, but you will move on, just be honest and truthful, and let the chips fall where they may.   :signlol
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| 7/4/2014 10:25:56 AM |
Finding yourself |
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myrasbubble
Festus, MO
49, joined May. 2014
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Step by step, = Day by day.
1st step getting out of bed...
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| 8/23/2014 1:14:26 AM |
Finding yourself |
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tasgosa
Knob Noster, MO
62, joined Jul. 2013
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The hurt lasted over 2 years....
Then...
I remembered the Promise I made to her....
And I go into each day with the determination and attitude that I have to live-up to it...
I stay upbeat, friendly and healthy....
Eager to find ~The Last One~...and make it The ENVY of all the Others...!!!
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| 8/28/2014 7:27:49 AM |
Finding yourself |
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sensuousnsassy
Republic, MO
44, joined Jun. 2014
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I was just totally lost about that. It took a long time before I stopped seeing 'us' and my identity as who I was in relationship to him.
I can't even tell you when it happened. I think it was so gradual that I didn't notice. I just started being me.
Mind you, it's not the person I was before him, and it's not the person I was with him. It's the person I am now tempered by having loved him. It sounds fanciful, but I don't know how else to explain it.
Exactly!! Very well put lake!!
I like the me I am now, after having loved and been loved by a great man. I've grown and changed as a person and a woman. I've so much to share now because of that relationship.
Even now, facing all the 5 year anniversaries my heart aches, loneliness creeps in, but.... Knowing who I am now I can face it head high, even though tears will fall, I'm doing as he asked me... "Not dwelling and living in his death. Smiling and laughing though it hurts."
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| 8/28/2014 9:34:18 AM |
Finding yourself |
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24milkduds
Vallejo, CA
58, joined Mar. 2012
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The first two years I just didn't care, I was so depressed..the recent 14 months I've tried so hard to get my life back and in so many ways I have, but god thru me another curve ball, a road block and here I sit wishing my husband were alive to get me thru..it's a tough tough road...wish I had the answer!
Keep your head up..it will come
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| 8/28/2014 12:09:49 PM |
Finding yourself |
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gdaddy47
Columbia, TN
70, joined Sep. 2009
online now!
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how do figure out who you are without them
You just answered your own question. Now, without them you WILL find out who you are and what you're made of. I sure did and it's a good thing. You finally get your strength back and stand up for yourself. It will happen. God bless.
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| 9/3/2014 4:38:55 PM |
Finding yourself |
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rdbrown1
Norfolk, VA
61, joined Jul. 2014
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I lost my wife 2 months ago and I have lost over 10 lbs and have resorted to microwaving dinners or just not spending time home or ordering out. We were companions for 17 yrs and we did everything together. I have made some friends and have some good helpful people at work. If it weren't for friends and family and God, I would have not made it. The first couple of weeks were the worst. I still get choked up when I go to the company therapist. I watched her die in front of me. THe breath slowly leaving her body. Her mouth attempting to get a breath. Waiting forever for the EMS who weren't able to revive her for lack of electrical heart activity. Her body on the cold floor. Eyes fixed with no life in them. Sitting next to her lifeless body in the ER wanting her to wake up saying everything was alright. How will I make it through the holidays? I walk around like a zombie going through the motions. Trying to feel as little as I can.
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| 9/3/2014 8:45:31 PM |
Finding yourself |
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lovethelake17
Henderson, NV
58, joined May. 2009
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It will take awhile for you to leave behind the memory of her last few moments. But rest assured it will fade for you. The holidays will be tough, but the only thing you can do is get through them.
I was where you are with the eating thing. You have no motivation or desire to fix food so you grab the convenient and easy. That will get better, too.
**
Milkduds, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope things get better. I know exactly what you mean about hitting a roadblock and wishing that he was here to get through it with you, just like all the times before. You drew your strength from him then, and you need to again. I feel for you. I've been there, and no doubt, I'll be there again.
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| 9/5/2014 5:00:10 PM |
Finding yourself |
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gdaddy47
Columbia, TN
70, joined Sep. 2009
online now!
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You hang in there Sunshine. You will make it. We all did. Easy? No. But you will make it. Hang with friends and family. God really helps.
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| 9/7/2014 6:33:20 PM |
Finding yourself |
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billyytt
Dearborn, MI
46, joined Jul. 2014
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Just know that being with your spouse and loving them as much as we all have already tells us who we are. And that we are great people . And yes they helped make us whom we are and that hurt that we all feel is also who we are . My wife passed away a year and a half ago . I find that doing the things that I wasn't used to doing around the house, or doing things independently that I wasn't used to makes me proud and I can look up and I know she's looking down and smiling at me. Just be the great people we all are and we find out that we've known all along. Op we all will heal and just be you. Everything else will work out. Hugs to you all and all your posts help me also
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| 9/16/2014 7:39:35 PM |
Finding yourself |
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vida60
Norman, OK
57, joined Jul. 2012
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I lost my wife 2 months ago and I have lost over 10 lbs and have resorted to microwaving dinners or just not spending time home or ordering out. We were companions for 17 yrs and we did everything together. I have made some friends and have some good helpful people at work. If it weren't for friends and family and God, I would have not made it. The first couple of weeks were the worst. I still get choked up when I go to the company therapist. I watched her die in front of me. THe breath slowly leaving her body. Her mouth attempting to get a breath. Waiting forever for the EMS who weren't able to revive her for lack of electrical heart activity. Her body on the cold floor. Eyes fixed with no life in them. Sitting next to her lifeless body in the ER wanting her to wake up saying everything was alright. How will I make it through the holidays? I walk around like a zombie going through the motions. Trying to feel as little as I can.
Only time will make this memory bearable, I walked in and found my husband deceased, it was twenty years ago this past August and I can still recall everything I said and did, every little event of the day or even the week before hand I can recall every little detail, that is if I stop and think about it, keep yourself busy, it is fresh in your mind, so right now, keep yourself busy, it's not like you'll ever forget anything about that sad event, but as for now, keep your body and mind busy and it will help, let time help you, don't rush into anything, but don't sit still for too long or the memories will hold you down, don't worry about forgetting, because you will never ever forget.
Good luck
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| 9/17/2014 10:17:11 AM |
Finding yourself |
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tasgosa
Knob Noster, MO
62, joined Jul. 2013
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Pg. II....
Just a couple days before she passed....we had the
"Will you Remarry, after I'm gone..??" - talk....
***
"You're too good a man to live the rest of your life ALONE....
_Promise Me_ that you'll find someone new...that you can  love as much...
and as Well...
as you have  Loved ME!!!"
****
No Pining....
No Shrines...
No Lies...
No Drama...
No Kidding...!!
That's ALL I'm staying alive for...!!!
 
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