| 11/18/2014 11:11:08 AM |
Time for funnies |
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shawnee_b
Edmonton, KY
62, joined Apr. 2010
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Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave side service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing.
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| 11/18/2014 10:03:43 PM |
Time for funnies |
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countrytime50
Stanford, KY
52, joined Sep. 2014
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Heard that one before except it was a young preacher doing a funeral.
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| 11/19/2014 9:43:53 AM |
Time for funnies |
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shawnee_b
Edmonton, KY
62, joined Apr. 2010
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Heard that one before except it was a young preacher doing a funeral.
Surprised you could remember with your senility.
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| 11/19/2014 11:19:27 AM |
Time for funnies |
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countrytime50
Stanford, KY
52, joined Sep. 2014
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 what was I laughing about?
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| 11/19/2014 12:49:04 PM |
Time for funnies |
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shawnee_b
Edmonton, KY
62, joined Apr. 2010
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I'm not sure either.
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| 12/1/2014 9:22:31 AM |
Time for funnies |
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sankie1
Irvine, KY
69, joined Dec. 2011
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Two boys sneaked into the cemetery to steal the pecans. The tree was thought of as a shrine and was off limits. To insure each would keep the secret they decided to divide the pecans equally. "One for you, one for me" as they filled the buckets.
This old man hobbled past the cemetery everyday on his daily walk. He came shuffling along and heard "one for you, one for me". He threw his cane down and ran back to town. He collapsed on the bench in front of the hardware store gasping for air. He looked like he was about to die. When asked what was wrong he replied. "I was walking past the cemetery and heard God and the Devil dividing up the souls. "One for you and one for me" and when I heard one say "now when we get those nuts down by the fence we'll be finished", I knew I would be next.
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| 12/1/2014 9:24:08 AM |
Time for funnies |
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sankie1
Irvine, KY
69, joined Dec. 2011
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Guy went into the bar and ordered a martini. He took the olive out and laid it aside. Ordered another and did the same thing.
One guy looked at the guy and asked why he was saving the olives.
His reply "well my wife sent me out to get olives".
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| 12/1/2014 4:19:51 PM |
Time for funnies |
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shawnee_b
Edmonton, KY
62, joined Apr. 2010
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Guy went into the bar and ordered a martini. He took the olive out and laid it aside. Ordered another and did the same thing.
One guy looked at the guy and asked why he was saving the olives.
His reply "well my wife sent me out to get olives".
Good idea!
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| 12/3/2014 8:15:02 AM |
Time for funnies |
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sankie1
Irvine, KY
69, joined Dec. 2011
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A street salesman walked into a toothbrush factory to apply for a job. The HR manager looked him over and said to himself "NO way can this guy sell toothbrushes. He's ugly, and has a speach defect". Rather than deny him straight off he decided to give him a case of toothbrushes and then when he couldn't sale any he'd give up on his own.
The guy took the case of toothbrushes and left. A couple hours later he was back asking for another case. The HR manager was shocked. "Did you sale all those toothbrushes already?"
Yep, sure did.
HOW?
Well I sat up my table on the street and when someone walked by I asked if they'd like to sample my chip and dip. They did and said "OOH, this taste like chit".
He replied "It is, now wanna buy a toothbrush".
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| 12/8/2014 3:55:17 PM |
Time for funnies |
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cartoon69
Paducah, KY
54, joined Jun. 2009
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Man went up to a bar and said
"Hey jackass, give me a drink"
Bartender gave him a drink.
When he finished he ordered the same way.
After several drinks anothetpatron asked the bartender why he let him talk to him like that ?
The bartender said. (Sounding like a jackass)
"Heee aww hee aww hee awww waYs calls me that.
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| 12/16/2014 8:11:48 AM |
Time for funnies |
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sankie1
Irvine, KY
69, joined Dec. 2011
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Country boy needed to go into town and despised the idea. Seems everytime he went someone always found reason to make fun of him. BUT....he needed to stock his winter supplies and had no choice. So he put on his best pair of bibbed overalls and flannel shirt. Even polished his boots.
Upon entering main street he noticed some guys digging a huge hole in front of the courthouse. He watched for awhile wondering what was going on. The mayor strutted up the street in his Italian loafers, stopped to inspect the hole, then turned as if to leave. The country boy asked "what are they digging that hole for?"
Mayor replied, "Gonna bury every SOB in town".
The old country fellow scratched his head for a minute then turned to the spiffy mayor.
"But who is gonna cover you all up?"
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| 12/16/2014 7:08:23 PM |
Time for funnies |
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vida60
Norman, OK
56, joined Jul. 2012
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I loved all the funnies, thanks for the laugh 
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| 12/20/2014 9:42:49 AM |
Time for funnies |
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sankie1
Irvine, KY
69, joined Dec. 2011
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If it were intended that I bend over more, the floor would be sprinkled with diamonds.
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