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| 9/9/2009 4:38:41 PM |
Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go | Page 2 |
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lynnmarrie
Fort Lauderdale, FL
61, joined Aug. 2009
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I thought those were pretty cute, thanks for sharing them.
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| 9/10/2009 10:58:41 AM |
Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go | Page 2 |
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python66
Warren, OH
75, joined Jan. 2009
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Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking space. She'd bump the car in front, then back-up and strike the car behind her. This went on about 2 minutes.
I walked over to see if I could somehow help. My offer was declined though. She said, "Why have bumpers if you're not going to use them once in a while?"
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| 9/13/2009 9:20:01 PM |
Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go | Page 2 |
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bleweyes2
Minneapolis, MN
64, joined Aug. 2009
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What's Your Religion
I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. I immediately ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"
"Why shouldn't I?" he said.
I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"
"Like what?"
"Well ... are you religious or atheist?"
"Religious."
"Me too! Are you Christian or Jewish?"
"Christian."
"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
"Protestant."
"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
"Baptist."
"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
"Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God."
"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"
"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"
To which I said, "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.
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| 9/14/2009 8:36:52 AM |
Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go | Page 2 |
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python66
Warren, OH
75, joined Jan. 2009
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---------------------------
Getting Married
A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday
morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call
the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the
congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the
names of the couple that were to be married. To cover his
forgetfulness, he requested, "Will those wanting to get
married please come to the front?"
Immediately, nine single ladies, six widows and two single men
stepped to the front.
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| 9/14/2009 9:04:23 AM |
Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go | Page 2 |
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knightnyte2
Spring, TX
64, joined Jul. 2007
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Most people hate to parallel park. The other day, I saw this woman trying to get out of a tight parking space. She'd bump the car in front, then back-up and strike the car behind her. This went on about 2 minutes.
I walked over to see if I could somehow help. My offer was declined though. She said, "Why have bumpers if you're not going to use them once in a while?"
python, that was very funny to me. As a part time job, I work for the Texan football team as security. My normal position for the past 3 years has been in the clubs and suites area, 50 yard line, guarding the cameras on each side at the 45 yard lines. haha. Last year, season ticket holders paid $275/seat/game for their tickets. Those without season tickets, paid $325-$350/game ticket. So, I was paid to watch the games where others paid big bucks for their seats.
This year, the company I work for was given an opportunity to 'guard' the tailgaters out in the parking lots. This turned into parking the cars during the first game. We were intended to meet and greet folks in the parking lots, but those in charge of parking were insulted because we were hired to do a job they weren't doing. Most of there crews just walked off the job leaving us to do the parking. That turned into a nightmare for us, but oh well. The past 2 games, we did alright. Leading to the incident I'm about to share.
Parking spots are a serious item to sports stadiums. At Reliant stadium, there are 26,000 paid parking spaces each game. Those spaces sell for $22-$100/space. The particular lot I work sells for $38/space. Only 2 small lots sell for more, $45 and $100, but they get some extra benefits.
I was amazed how some drive. When those who pull in park over the lines, we have to make them back and pull up several times to get within their paid space. If they do not want to pay an extra $38 for the extra spot they take up, their car is towed. No if's and's or but's.. there is a man that drives the lot and calls a wrecker to tow the car to another area of the parking lot, usually one of the ones on the outside of the parking areas. They get to walk 1/2 mile instead of the 50 yards to and from the stadium.
One particular incident, a man and wife show up in a Mazaritti. This gent, eases the car into his spot (crazy to bring an auto like that to park in a lot where you do not know who will park next to you). He eases the car forward to be flush with the rear line. He clears it and the attendant signals ok. Keep in mind, we do not stand in front of cars to give them the 2' more..etc. Well, I guess this guy decides he wants to pull forward more. I cannot even guess why this guy didn't see the rear of the car in front of him start to rise, and the front end of his expensive car start to lower itself. He keeps inching forward though. He does stop when the vehicle in front has scratched itself about 1/2 way up his hood making a horrible screeching sound. It's like he or his friend/wife.. etc, could not hear the noise. By the time one of our guys got to him telling him to stop, the damage was done. He sees what's happening, then puts it in reverse and backs up until the cars clear.
This is the funny part. They get out, he walks to the front of the car, sees the damage, shrugs and he and his guest walk away. There was no damage to the car in front, only paint on the bottom side of the bumper.
I guess it was a rental and he opted for the insurance on the rental agreement.. lol. A new hood, fenders front grill, and paint job you can bet, was serious money for the repair.
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| 10/3/2009 2:46:43 PM |
Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go | Page 2 |
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lisagirlheart
Lapeer, MI
66, joined Aug. 2009
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"stumbled" upon this old posting ... thank you each and every one for all the great and wholesome laughs ... 
Don't have any to add at the moment ... but hopefully someone else will... Lisa 
[Edited 10/3/2009 2:47:56 PM ]
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