Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go

8/2/2009 5:34:17 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	SERENITY Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied, 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. She responded , 'Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' The nice thing about being senile is You can hide your own Easter eggs. I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes I'm half blind, Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, Take 40 different medications that Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia .. Have poor circulation; Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 89 or 98. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, So I got my doctor's permission to Join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, By the time I got my leotards on, The class was over. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker. These days about half the stuff In my shopping cart says, ' For fast relief.' THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, and The eyesight to tell the difference. Always Remember This: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing!!! Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
8/2/2009 5:55:41 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
shezakeepher_2 Columbia, SC 62, joined Oct. 2008	Thanks Knight. I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me. Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
8/2/2009 6:01:54 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
alwaysalady10 Diamond Bar, CA 67, joined Oct. 2008	You both made me smile........first one today Thanks, Jeannie
8/2/2009 6:01:56 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
tcnurse Scottsburg, IN 62, joined Oct. 2008	Recently a Ft. Lauderdale advertising agency launched a billboard (including the inside and outside of buses) that included 17 different messages from God. This non-denominational campaign started in September. It was sponsored by an anonymous client. I think some of the messages are quite humorous: 1. Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before the Game - God 2. C'mon Over And Bring The Kids - God 3. What Part of "Thou Shalt Not..." Didn't You Understand? - God 4. We Need To Talk - God 5. Keep Using My Name in Vain And I'll Make Rush Hour Longer! - God 6. Loved The Wedding, Invite Me To The Marriage - God 7. That "Love Thy Neighbour" Thing, I Meant It. - God 8. I Love You...I Love You...I Love You... - God 9. Will The Road You're On Get You To My Place? - God 10. Follow Me. - God 11. Big Bang Theory? You've Got To Be Kidding. - God 12. My Way Is The Highway. - God 13. Need Directions? - God 14. You Think It's Hot Here? - God 15. Tell The Kids I Love Them. - God 16. Need a Marriage Counselor? I'm Available. - God 17. Have You Read My #1 Best Seller? There Will Be A Test! - God Numbers 3 and 7 are my favorites.
8/2/2009 6:04:38 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
flint_man1955 Houston, MS 63, joined Jun. 2009	GREAT STUFF YOU TWO HA HA HA
8/3/2009 12:11:41 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	thank you all for contributing... funny stuff.. another... WOMEN WHO KNOW THEIR PLACE Barbara Walters, of 20/20, did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan , several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked five paces behind their husbands. She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. Despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, in most parts of Afghanistan the women now seem to, and are happy to, maintain the old custom. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, 'Why do you now seem happy with an old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?' The woman looked Ms. Walters straight in the eyes, and without hesitation said, 'Land Mines.'
8/3/2009 12:20:51 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
flint_man1955 Houston, MS 63, joined Jun. 2009
8/3/2009 8:44:32 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	This is so bad.. but funny too. Sicilian Stress Reliever Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique used traditionally in Sicily . The funny thing is that it really does work. 1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. 2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water. 3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air. 4. No one knows your secret place. 5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world. 6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of Nancy Pelosi, the person you are holding underwater. There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already.
8/4/2009 5:38:50 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
flint_man1955 Houston, MS 63, joined Jun. 2009
8/4/2009 5:24:59 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
iamsaved2 Evansville, WI 77, joined Jan. 2009	CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Charismatic Only 1 Hands are already in the air. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Pentecostal 10 One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Presbyterians: None Lights will go on and off at predestined times. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Roman Catholic None - Candles only. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Baptists At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Episcopalians 3 One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mormons 5 One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Unitarians We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Methodists Undetermined Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Nazarene 6 One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Lutherans None Lutherans don't believe in change. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Amish What's a light bulb? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8/4/2009 5:53:47 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
shezakeepher_2 Columbia, SC 62, joined Oct. 2008	iamsaved -
8/4/2009 10:11:14 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
iamsaved2 Evansville, WI 77, joined Jan. 2009	One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in TROUBLE now !' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther ! I wonder, if there are any more around here ?' Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew !' says the panther, 'That was close ! That old German Shepherd nearly had me !' Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the panther with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther. The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine !' Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now ?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says... 'Where's that squirrel ? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther !' Moral of this story... Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery ! Wisdom and brilliance only come with age and experience.
8/6/2009 10:27:06 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
flint_man1955 Houston, MS 63, joined Jun. 2009
8/7/2009 8:09:39 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	Danny, that was funny.. thanks.
8/7/2009 8:27:48 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
tcnurse Scottsburg, IN 62, joined Oct. 2008	thanks for this thread, Allen, it feels good to laugh. Doesn't seem to be much to laugh at anymore... Laughter is good medicine.
8/7/2009 9:12:21 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
tcnurse Scottsburg, IN 62, joined Oct. 2008	Minister couldn't stop talking. This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... and I couldn't stop talking! Ok, ok, my sisters please don't beat me over the head....but you have to admit that was funny.
8/7/2009 12:53:41 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	Quote from tcnurse: thanks for this thread, Allen, it feels good to laugh. Doesn't seem to be much to laugh at anymore... Laughter is good medicine. Nurse, I agree. God wants us to be happy. We, are the guilty ones, muddling up our lives and making ourselves miserable.
8/7/2009 6:48:14 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	This may have been around before, but worth repeating especially with Congress' MONTH long paid vacation coming up. THE INDIAN AND THE BUFFALO An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.' The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.' He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out. The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter 'Want coffee.' The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?' The Indian smiles and proudly says .. 'Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.
8/9/2009 7:59:22 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
linkitty Livingston, MT 61, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from knightnyte2: This is so bad.. but funny too. Sicilian Stress Reliever Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management technique used traditionally in Sicily . The funny thing is that it really does work. 1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that hangs out over a crystal clear stream. 2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool running water. 3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air. 4. No one knows your secret place. 5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the world. 6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out the face of Nancy Pelosi, the person you are holding underwater. There!! See? It really does work. You're smiling already. that was really good. Gotta love it. Thanks Allen.
8/9/2009 9:10:34 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	LIFE AFTER DEATH "DO YOU BELIEVE IN LIFE AFTER DEATH?" THE BOSS ASKED ONE OF HIS EMPLOYEES. "YES, SIR," THE NEW EMPLOYEE REPLIED. "WELL, THEN, THAT MAKES EVERYTHING JUST FINE," THE BOSS WENT ON. "AFTER YOU LEFT EARLY YESTERDAY TO GO TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL, SHE STOPPED IN TO SEE YOU! PALM SUNDAY IT WAS PALM SUNDAY AND, BECAUSE OF A SORE THROAT, FIVE-YEAR-OLD JOHNNY STAYED HOME FROM CHURCH WITH A SITTER. WHEN THE FAMILY RETURNED HOME, THEY WERE CARRYING SEVERAL PALM BRANCHES. THE BOY ASKED WHAT THEY WERE FOR. "PEOPLE HELD THEM OVER JESUS' HEAD AS HE WALKED BY." "WOULDN'T YOU KNOW IT," THE BOY FUMED, "THE ONE SUNDAY I DON'T GO, HE SHOWS UP!" CHILDREN'S SERMON ONE EASTER SUNDAY MORNING AS THE MINISTER WAS PREACHING THE CHILDREN'S SERMON, HE REACHED INTO HIS BAG OF PROPS AND PULLED OUT AN EGG. HE POINTED AT THE EGG AND ASKED THE CHILDREN, "WHAT'S IN HERE?" "I KNOW!" A LITTLE BOY EXCLAIMED. "PANTYHOSE !! " SUPPORT A FAMILY THE PROSPECTIVE FATHER-IN-LAW ASKED, "YOUNG MAN, CAN YOU SUPPORT A FAMILY?" THE SURPRISED GROOM-TO-BE REPLIED, "WELL, NO. I WAS JUST PLANNING TO SUPPORT YOUR DAUGHTER. THE REST OF YOU WILL HAVE TO FEND FOR YOURSELVES." FIRST TIME USHERS A LITTLE BOY IN CHURCH FOR THE FIRST TIME WATCHED AS THE USHERS PASSED AROUND THE OFFERING PLATES. WHEN THEY CAME NEAR HIS PEW, THE BOY SAID LOUDLY, "DON'T PAY FOR ME DADDY I'M UNDER FIVE." PRAYERS : THE SUNDAY SCHOOL TEACHER ASKED, "NOW, JOHNNY, TELL ME, DO YOU SAY PRAYERS BEFORE EATING?" "NO SIR," HE REPLIED, "WE DON'T HAVE TO, MY MOM IS A GOOD COOK!" CLIMB THE WALLS "OH, I SURE AM HAPPY TO SEE YOU," THE LITTLE BOY SAID TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE. "NOW MAYBE DADDY WILL DO THE TRICK HE HAS BEEN PROMISING US." THE GRANDMOTHER WAS CURIOUS. "WHAT TRICK IS THAT?" SHE ASKED. "I HEARD HIM TELL MOMMY THAT HE WOULD CLIMB THE WALLS IF YOU CAME TO VISIT," THE LITTLE BOY ANSWERED. THE MOOD RING MY HUSBAND BOUGHT ME A MOOD RING THE OTHER DAY. WHEN I'M IN A GOOD MOOD IT TURNS GREEN. WHEN I'M IN A BAD MOOD, IT LEAVES A RED MARK ON HIS FOREHEAD. THE WATER PISTOL WHEN MY THREE-YEAR-OLD SON OPENED THE BIRTHDAY GIFT FROM HIS GRANDMOTHER, HE DISCOVERED A WATER PISTOL.. HE SQUEALED WITH DELIGHT AND HEADED FOR THE NEAREST SINK. I WAS NOT SO PLEASED. I TURNED TO MOM AND SAID, "I'M SURPRISED AT YOU. DON'T YOU REMEMBER HOW WE USED TO DRIVE YOU CRAZY WITH WATER GUNS?" MOM SMILED AND THEN REPLIED..... "I REMEMBER!!" STUPID A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie ?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" COLD CREAM Little Timmy watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Timmy. "Giving up?" GRANDMA'S AGE LITTLE JOHNNY ASKED HIS GRANDMA HOW OLD SHE WAS. GRANDMA ANSWERED, "39 AND HOLDING." JOHNNY THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT, AND THEN SAID, "AND HOW OLD WOULD YOU BE IF YOU LET GO?"
8/10/2009 3:34:32 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
python66 Warren, OH 75, joined Jan. 2009	THIS IS CUTE--'OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES!! Children in Church A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, ".....I was being the Ring Bear." One Sunday in a Midwest City , a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out...Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the boy called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" One particular four-year old prayed, ".....And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets." A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time just like I am. A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "....Because people are sleeping." A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit". The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?" Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers." My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo, while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied. A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin.
8/10/2009 8:35:55 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
sun_shine51 West Monroe, LA 65, joined May. 2008	ya'll crack me up!! I needed these laughs...
8/11/2009 4:49:33 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
python66 Warren, OH 75, joined Jan. 2009	Cell phone vs. Bible Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone? What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets? What if we flipped through it several time a day? What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? What if we used it to receive messages from the text? What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it? What if we gave it to our kids as gifts? What if we used it when we traveled? What if we used it in case of emergency? This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible? Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill. Makes you stop and think, where are my priorities? And no dropped calls!
8/11/2009 4:52:35 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
shezakeepher_2 Columbia, SC 62, joined Oct. 2008	Python .... so right.
8/11/2009 5:36:10 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	python66, I like that one, and it's not even a joke. Many of us do treat our Bibles as jokes though. thank you
8/11/2009 6:51:27 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
sharedmercy Fort Wayne, IN 61, joined Sep. 2008	Quote from python66: Cell phone vs. Bible Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone? What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets? What if we flipped through it several time a day? What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it? What if we used it to receive messages from the text? What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it? What if we gave it to our kids as gifts? What if we used it when we traveled? What if we used it in case of emergency? This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible? Oh, and one more thing. Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill. Makes you stop and think, where are my priorities? And no dropped calls! OH, what a blessing this one is! Thank you
8/13/2009 1:10:43 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	I thought some of you would get a kick out of this old repeat... Someone asked the other day, 'What was your Favorite fast food when you were growing up?' 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.' 'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?' 'It was a place called 'at home,' I explained. 'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it : Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died. My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 5. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people. I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had. We didn't have a car until I was 4. It was an old black Dodge. I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home...but milk was. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. They delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which they got to keep 2 cents. They had to get up at 6AM every morning. On Saturday, they had to collect the 42 cents from their customers. Their favorite customers were the ones who gave them 50 cents and told them to keep the change. Their least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day. Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it? Memories from a friend : My Dad was cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons Man, I am old. How many do you remember? Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the dashboard. Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall. Real ice boxes. Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. Older Than Dirt Quiz : Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles 5. Coffee shops or diners with table side juke boxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines on the telephone 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P.F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels, if you were fortunate. 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S& H green stamps 16. 20 Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19 Blue flashbulb 20. Packards 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age, If you remembered 16-25 = You're older than dirt! I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
8/14/2009 4:48:48 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
terryclothe Tupelo, MS 26, joined Aug. 2009	you guys are good. thanks for the laughs, i wish i could tell something funny.
8/14/2009 10:36:20 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	THIS OUGHT TO MAKE ALL GRANDPAS FEEL WARM &FUZZY.... A six year old goes to the hospital with her grandmother to visit her Grandpa. When they get to the hospital, she runs ahead of her Grandma and bursts into her Grandpa's room... "Grandpa, Grandpa," she says excitedly, "As soon as Grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!" "What?" said her Grandpa. "Make a noise like a frog - because Grandma said that as soon as you croak, we're all going to Disneyland!!!"
8/14/2009 10:43:07 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
shezakeepher_2 Columbia, SC 62, joined Oct. 2008	I hated those "Metal ice trays with a lever" Adding to Knights list if I may: I remember the drug store with a soda fountain in it and getting a banana splits. Going to a hamburger drive in, they came to your care and you turned your lights on for service. Sometimes they were on roller skates. We had an old truck and to start it you steped on the button on the floor board. And I sure hoped it started or we would have to roll it down the hill and pop the clutch to get it started. Always parked it backwards up in the drive because it had enough rise of a hill if we needed it. Glass Baby bottles Cloth diapers edited to add ....... and the rubber pants to go over the cloth diapers. Diaper pens, the fancy one's had little animals on them. [Edited 8/14/2009 10:44:37 PM ]
8/14/2009 11:12:53 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
flint_man1955 Houston, MS 63, joined Jun. 2009	I must confess,,,I'm older than dirt,,I got 50 on your quiz. LoL What about riding bikes without helmets. Being gone allday until supper and not be worried about someone getting as a kid. Carrying peoples groceries to thier house. Vincent Price Bella Lagosi actually playing marbles tag kick the can 2 for a penny candy real vanilla used in everything ironing all clothes no plastic alcohol for all wounds(oh the pain) I'll stop----see I'm truely too old to be alive. Great Thread
8/15/2009 9:32:53 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
flint_man1955 Houston, MS 63, joined Jun. 2009	The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.' I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?' The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.' Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.' The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.' Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops. Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.' Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous. 'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.' The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again. Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands. Are you okay?' the auditor asks. 'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!' Don't Mess with Old People!! I hope this doesn't seem nasty and offend anyone.
8/16/2009 8:10:54 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
shezakeepher_2 Columbia, SC 62, joined Oct. 2008	flint ..... OMG, I have not heard that one. tu shay
8/16/2009 9:17:08 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
sun_shine51 West Monroe, LA 65, joined May. 2008
8/17/2009 8:52:03 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
flint_man1955 Houston, MS 63, joined Jun. 2009	LSU 20,, OLE MISS 35,,,,,, ALABAMA 16,, OLE MISS 35,,,,,,FLORIDA 31,, OLE MISS 35 OLE Miss Wins SEC OLE Miss Number -1- in the NATION
8/17/2009 8:55:29 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
justsayingit Bellevue, WA 54, joined Aug. 2009	LSU 20,, OLE MISS 35,,,,,, ALABAMA 16,, OLE MISS 35,,,,,,FLORIDA 31,, OLE MISS 35 OLE Miss Wins SEC OLE Miss Number -1- in the NATION What a joke. I really laughed at that! (just teasing you)
8/17/2009 9:01:16 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
nanigrad Laurel, MS 55, joined Aug. 2009	$5.37. That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount." I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4..68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 48, not even 50 yet a mere child! Senior citizen? I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me? I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler? "Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!" I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard. Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found. I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits. Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time." All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast. As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky. The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
8/18/2009 4:54:28 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
flint_man1955 Houston, MS 63, joined Jun. 2009
8/18/2009 6:40:11 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
shezakeepher_2 Columbia, SC 62, joined Oct. 2008	nani ,,,, good chuckle this morning before I head into work. OH, I think the average age of people I primarily work with is 27.
8/18/2009 9:08:24 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	This isn't exactly a joke, but it made me chuckle...
8/18/2009 10:01:45 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
python66 Warren, OH 75, joined Jan. 2009	Do you know your hymns? Dentist's Hymn..................Crown Him with Many Crowns Weatherman's Hymn...There Shall Be Showers of Blessings Contractor's Hymn..............The Church's One Foundation The Tailor's Hymn......................Holy, Holy, Holy The Golfer's Hymn............There's a Green Hill Far Away The Politician's Hymn...............Standing on the Promises Optometrist's Hymn..........Open My Eyes That I Might See The IRS Agent's Hymn.................I Surrender All The Gossip's Hymn.....................Pass It On The Electrician's Hymn.................Send The Light The Shopper's Hymn....................Sweet Bye and Bye The Realtor's Hymn. . . . . . I've Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop The Massage Therapists Hymn . . . ......He Touched Me The Doctor's Hymn......................The Great Physician AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns: 45mph....................God Will Take Care of You 65mph....................Nearer My God To Thee 85mph....................This World Is Not My Home 95mph....................Lord, I'm Coming Home 100mph.... ........ ....Precious Memories +++ Give me a sense of humor, Lord, Give me the grace to see a joke, To get some humor out of life, And pass it on to other folk. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8/18/2009 10:05:36 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
justsayingit Bellevue, WA 54, joined Aug. 2009	Python Very Good, i liked that. Mine is, 7 days without prayer makes one weak!
8/18/2009 10:50:39 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
sharedmercy Fort Wayne, IN 61, joined Sep. 2008	Pat, TY, I just got home from surgery, and I needed those.
8/18/2009 11:11:25 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
python66 Warren, OH 75, joined Jan. 2009	Sharedmercy I hope everything went well with your surgery. God Bless
8/18/2009 6:15:15 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
sun_shine51 West Monroe, LA 65, joined May. 2008	THE POTTY A Little 3 Year old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what's up. The little boy is sitting on the toiler reading a book. But every 10 seconds or so, He puts the book down, grips the toilet seat with his left hand, and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand. His mother says: "BILLY, Are you all right? You've been in here for a while. Billy says: "I'm fine, Mommy. I just haven't gone 'Doody' yet." Mother says: "Ok, You can stay here a few more minutes. But, Billy, Why are you hitting yourself on the Head?" Billy says: "Works for Ketchup."
8/18/2009 6:34:57 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
shezakeepher_2 Columbia, SC 62, joined Oct. 2008	Another Kid and Potty story. As with children that age, they want to come in the restroom with you when YOU go pee. The Daddy not wanting to confuse his daughter while in "potty training" would sit to pee. And during one of these visits she looks him in the eyes and points her little finger at him and says "Try, now TRY Daddy". ok, maybe it's just funny to me cause it was my granddaughter and son.
8/19/2009 8:43:06 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
justsayingit Bellevue, WA 54, joined Aug. 2009	The Pentecostal preacher lived next door to the Baptist preacher in a nice suburb.One day the Pentecostal preacher met the Baptist preacher by his front sidewalk while taking his dog on a walk. They greeted each other and complimented each other on their Dogs. The Pentecostal preacher said yeah, i sent my Dog to this obedience school and it learned all kinds of tricks. So he said sit and the Dog sat,the Baptist preacher said yes my Dog can do tricks also and asked his dog to sit and it sat, they went thru all the normal tricks, with the yeah my dog can do that too, sit, lay down, fetch roll over, play dead, shake hands, speak. Finally they started walking together down the sidewalk in silence and the Baptist preacher said oh yeah watch this, his dog had gotten out ahead of him and he firmly said heel and the dog resumed its place next to the Baptist preacher. At this moment the Pentecostal preacher smiled, and said did i tell you i sent my dog to the Benny Hin school of dog obedience? Watch this, and he firmly snapped heal to his dog, the dog wagged his tail walked over to the Baptist preacher laid its paw on his leg, bowed his head and murmured in gentle doggy speach and said a prayer.
8/22/2009 9:40:01 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
shezakeepher_2 Columbia, SC 62, joined Oct. 2008	.. .... whoooooo's there??
8/23/2009 4:33:52 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
linkitty Livingston, MT 61, joined Sep. 2008	this is a true story, a little girl and her mother were talking, the mother asks the little girl. Jen where does God live? The little girl replies He lives in my heart, pauses, puts her hands on her hips and says smuggly. He needs to come out of there and play with me. As they say out of the mouths of Babes. I know both the mom and the child.
8/25/2009 1:16:30 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
terryclothe Tupelo, MS 26, joined Aug. 2009	Good laughs
8/26/2009 12:33:06 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
python66 Warren, OH 75, joined Jan. 2009	His request approved, the Fox News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go.' The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off. Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.' 'Why?' asked the pilot. 'Because I'm a photographer for Fox Cable News,' he responded, 'and I need to get some close up shots.' The pilot was strangely silent for a moment. Finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me is .... You’re NOT my flight instructor??’ -------------------------------
8/27/2009 9:48:12 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
justsayingit Bellevue, WA 54, joined Aug. 2009	Python thats a funny one. My friend who was a die hard Baptist, but he really loved the Lord it was awesome. Anyways we would have mens fellowship at various restaurants,the waitress would come over and take our order's, everyone would order coffee, he was always the last to Order, he would say oh no coffee for me im a Christian! Is coffee an addiction? Does it destroy the temple of God?
8/31/2009 11:34:04 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
bleweyes2 Minneapolis, MN 64, joined Aug. 2009	What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them. -Sarah, age 7
9/2/2009 10:20:54 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
python66 Warren, OH 75, joined Jan. 2009	Hope you enjoy this: Subject: Acts 2:38 A woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church Services, when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the Act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled: 'Stop! Acts 2:38!' (Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ, so that your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and Explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar: 'Why Did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.' 'Scripture?' replied the burglar. 'She said she had an Ax and Two 38s!'
9/4/2009 11:40:45 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
iamsaved2 Evansville, WI 77, joined Jan. 2009	AFTER BEING , I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID, '44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL". NOW I HAVE A$1,500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.' MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN... SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV. AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR mid-life crisis.
9/6/2009 11:51:15 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
dcomic Beaumont, TX 59, joined Sep. 2009	When I was entering criteria on this site to do a match/search for me; you would Not Believe the results I got!!! I was sent 84 of the UGLIEST profiles, beyond your imagination. These were consistently so bad; I almost needed a pain killer! After I emailed the 6th one, I realized that when I entered my search criteria, I ACCIDENTLY clicked on; "WOMAN SEARCHING MAN ". Those were 84 of the UGLIEST guys I've ever seen in my life; and talk about rude, not 1 of 'em emailed me back! David
9/7/2009 3:43:27 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
dcomic Beaumont, TX 59, joined Sep. 2009	They're trying to get a point across?
9/7/2009 10:34:48 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	Absolutely True Fish Story? You know that fisherman are known to spin yarns on a massive scale; however, this one has come down as an ABSOLUTELY truthful one....It's told by Bubba..... "I finally got around to goin' bass fishin' this mornin', but after a while, I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth snake with a frog in its mouth, and frogs are good bass bait. Knowin' the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog out and put it into my bait bucket. Now my dilemma was how to release the snake without gettin' bit. I took out my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey into the snake's mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishin' with the frog as bait. A little later I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth! And that's the truth."
9/7/2009 11:04:55 AM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
knightnyte2 Spring, TX 64, joined Jul. 2007	Married humour Wife: "What are you doing?" Husband : Nothing. Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour." Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Wife : "Do you want dinner?" Husband : "Sure! What are my choices?" Wife : "Yes and no." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?" Hubby: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears." Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?" Hubby: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?" -------------------------------------------------------------------- Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden." Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles." Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet." -------------------------------------------------------------------- Son: " Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady." Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing." Son: "But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap." ________________________________ A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?" "Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!" -------------------------------------------------------------------- Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever . The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning." -------------------------------------------------------------------- A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor." When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would have not a single bit of talent left and could say, "I used everything you gave me." erma bombeck
9/9/2009 2:26:40 PM	Can't find the old humor threads, so here ya go
python66 Warren, OH 75, joined Jan. 2009	I thought this was cute, enjoy. Little Zachary was doing quite badly in math. His parents had tried everything.tutors, mentors, flash cards, Special learning Centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Zachary down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. After the first day, little Zachary came home with a very serious look on his face. He didn't even kiss his mother Hello. Instead, he went straight to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Zachary was hard at work. His mother was amazed She called him down to dinner. To her shock, the minute he was done, he marched back to his room without a word, and in no time, he was back hitting the books as hard as before. This went on for some time, day after day, while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. Finally, little Zachary brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table, went up to his room and hit the books. With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her great surprise Little Zachary got an 'A' in math. She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said, Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?' Little Zachary looked at her and shook his head, no. 'Well, then,' she replied, 'Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms?' Little Zachary looked at her and said, 'On the first day of school when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they weren't fooling around. God Bless

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