| 12/26/2012 11:44:37 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
Here's a fun place for the Bull to post his stupid jokes and for the rest of us to post our own...in self defense of course. I'll start out with a few and we'll see if it catches on!!
Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth?
A: The funnel cake line at the Texas state fair.
A Texas fan and a Minnesota fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas fan said "We Texans never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Minnesota fan, "Your turn"...
So the Minnesota fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
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| 12/26/2012 11:50:50 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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tadpole923
Raleigh, NC
65, joined Mar. 2011
|
Madame don't care what nobody says "that funny right there"
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| 12/26/2012 12:00:22 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
Bend Over Madame and Get ready for a LOAD of This... 
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| 12/26/2012 12:06:39 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
Two Smokers
Edith and Marie were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain.
Edith pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
Marie: What's that?
Edith: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Marie: Where did you get it?
Edith: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Marie hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Marie: It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel.
The pharmacist fainted.
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| 12/26/2012 12:07:26 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
Bend Over Madame and Get ready for a LOAD of This...
You don't scare me....I can handle anything for 8 seconds! hahahahahaha
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| 12/26/2012 12:08:24 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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tadpole923
Raleigh, NC
65, joined Mar. 2011
|
HOLY CRAPP now that'll add more fuel to the fire GO Madame, GO Bull
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| 12/26/2012 12:33:55 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
Have no Fear the BULL is Near....
..Get ready for your 8 second ride...
......"Stop your Grinn'in and Drop your Linen ...
..........Going to Slip and Slide...
.............Hump and Jump
................Jerk and Squirt"
Next rider Please... the BULL
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| 12/26/2012 1:58:32 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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stargazzer
Creighton, NE
69, joined Feb. 2007
|
I want a fresh heffer 
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| 12/26/2012 2:12:39 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
I want a fresh heffer
Define "fresh" 
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| 12/26/2012 2:17:20 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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stargazzer
Creighton, NE
69, joined Feb. 2007
|
No riders sence the last dush  
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| 12/26/2012 2:25:56 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
No riders sence the last dush
dush? I've been asking "what the hell is that" a lot today! hahahahahaah
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| 12/26/2012 2:26:45 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
Define "fresh"
No Rider since the Last Flush Out... Geeeze Will'gers...
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| 12/26/2012 2:28:19 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
Old People!! Sheesh!! LOL
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| 12/26/2012 2:35:28 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
"We better get some support before someone thinks we're nuts!"
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| 12/26/2012 3:04:23 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
You OLD BOOB>... Geeezee 
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| 12/28/2012 8:52:09 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
Here's a fun place for the Bull to post his stupid jokes and for the rest of us to post our own...in self defense of course. I'll start out with a few and we'll see if it catches on!!
Q: What is 20 feet long and has 5 teeth?
A: The funnel cake line at the Texas state fair.
A Texas fan and a Minnesota fan were driving along when all of a sudden the Texas fan slams on the brakes.
There was a sheep with her head stuck in the fence and the Texas fan said "We Texans never pass up an opportunity like this!" And he gets out and has his way with the sheep.
Then he says to the Minnesota fan, "Your turn"...
So the Minnesota fan bends over and sticks his head in the fence.
what do bulls love most...women must-have their legs shaved...so the bull still reigns here...lol
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| 12/30/2012 2:25:58 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
A gal would have to get all gussied up if she was going to the comedy club to listen to all that bull!
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| 12/31/2012 2:19:43 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
Picture this ....
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| 12/31/2012 5:12:15 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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newlady2
Goldsboro, NC
78, joined Apr. 2008
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Madam yu never fail us ..lol Thanks..
.........................................................................................
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| 12/31/2012 11:26:07 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
Happy New Year everyone
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| 1/1/2013 9:08:17 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
Happy New Year Cup!!!!!
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| 1/1/2013 9:09:45 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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madmadame
Burnsville, MN
69, joined Jun. 2011
|
GHOST SEX
A professor at Auburn University was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asked:
'How many people here believe in ghosts?'
About 90 students raise their hands.
'Well, that's a good start.
Out of those who believe in ghosts,
do any of you think you have seen a ghost?'
About 40 students raised their hands.
'That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously.
Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?'
About 15 students raised their hands.
'Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?'
Three students raise their hands.
'That's fantastic.
Now let me ask you one question further...
Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?'
Way in the back, Ahmed raises his hand.
The professor takes off his glasses & says:
'Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture,
no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost.
You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience.'
The Middle Eastern student replied with a nod & a grin
& began to make his way up to the podium.
When he reached the front of the room,
the professor asks:
'So, Ahmed, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?'
Ahmed replied:
'Shit, from way back there
I thought you said goats !!'
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| 1/3/2013 2:11:40 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
Madame Thanks.
^^^^ very funny
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| 1/4/2013 2:58:15 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
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| 1/5/2013 2:55:26 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
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| 1/6/2013 11:58:00 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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orz
Portage, WI
67, joined Jul. 2010
|
Did you hear what the blonde said to the butcher? hmmmmm............I forget...........
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| 1/9/2013 3:35:57 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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hellifino51
Mansfield, AR
66, joined Dec. 2011
|
Did you hear about the butcher who backed in to the meat slicer?...
He got a little behind in his work.
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| 1/9/2013 4:21:22 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
His name was Ole,
He was from da Minne sota... And he needed a loan.
So... He walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer.
He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International
redneck festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was
not a depositor of the bank.
The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security
for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The
car was parked on the street in front of the bank.
The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out.
The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and
apologized for having to charge 12% interest.
Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at
the Swede from Minnesota for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a
$5,000 loan.
An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private
underground garage and parked it.
Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest
of $23.07.
The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business,
and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little
puzzled.
While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found
that you are a Distinguished Alumni from The University of Minnesota, a
highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and
financial interests all over the world.
Your investments include a large number of oil wells around Williston, ND.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car
for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
His name was Ole... .
Keep an eye on these Minnesota boys!
Just because we talk funny does not mean we are stupid.
.....................................
the BULL...
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| 1/9/2013 4:26:04 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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jadedo
Mendon, MA
70, joined Apr. 2010
|
 No flies on Ole 
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| 1/9/2013 9:46:24 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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ashadeofred
Lansing, MI
66, joined Dec. 2007
|
A blonde and her friend were talking.....
The friend asks the blonde, "Do you smoke after sex?"
The blonde replies......"I don't know, I never looked."
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| 1/15/2013 6:35:05 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
The biggest joke about a bull is its balls. Rah Rah Rah ~~ Go Chicago
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| 1/15/2013 7:19:22 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
68, joined Jul. 2008
|
A woman asked her Blonde friend if she talked to her hubby while having sex.
Her friend replied "Well,I guess I could since we both have cell phones".
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| 1/17/2013 8:27:39 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom.
......................It makes these OLD HEN's look like they are moving during sex. 
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| 1/17/2013 8:35:00 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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igayle
Marshfield, MO
78, joined Jun. 2010
|
And what does it do for the old Geezers???
Gee, sounds like a fun evening...........sigh
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| 1/17/2013 8:37:53 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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lovetoplay642
Beaverton, OR
71, joined Apr. 2011
|
An old bull and a young bull were on a hill looking down at several lovely lady cows. The youngster said, "Bull, why don't we run down there and get us one of them lovely ladies. And the Bull said, "Son, let's walk down there and get allll them lovely ladies".
Geez I hate to encourage him like that
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| 1/18/2013 10:17:01 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, these OLD HEN's call it
"foreplay" .
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| 1/18/2013 7:46:28 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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tadpole923
Raleigh, NC
65, joined Mar. 2011
|
Yes BULL I heard that,,but the last one I tried to defrost,wound up getting"FROSTBITE" on three fingers HAA HAA
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| 1/18/2013 8:26:41 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
Haha Tad is Bad....
During a Old Hen's medical examination today,
..the doctor says, "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine.
......Now, let me see that little thing which gets you Old Hen's into all kinds of trouble."
The Old Hen starts taking off her clothes but is interrupted by the doctor.
............."No! No! Please don't remove your clothes; just show me your tongue!"
...........................................................
the BULL...
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| 1/19/2013 8:02:10 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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misty_4you2
Leamington, ON
65, joined Oct. 2012
|
Turkey and the Bull...
Chatting with a bull, a turkey sighed and said, "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, the turkey reached the second branch. Finally, after a week, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree.Soon, though, the turkey was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey from the tree.Moral of the story:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!
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| 1/19/2013 9:23:19 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
Good one Misty...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Men Rules in Numerical Order of "important's"..
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Only Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us..
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
If one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we...
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don't want to hear..
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...REALLY.
1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.
1. You have enough clothes.
1 .. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know some of us will have to sleep on the couch tonight..
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...
the BULL..
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| 1/19/2013 9:26:05 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
|
misty_4you2
Leamington, ON
65, joined Oct. 2012
|
Good one Misty...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Men Rules in Numerical Order of "important's"..
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Only Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1.. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us..
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways
If one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we...
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings..
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
Expect an answer you don't want to hear..
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...REALLY.
1.. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or motor sports.
1. You have enough clothes.
1 .. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1.. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know some of us will have to sleep on the couch tonight..
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping...
the BULL..
The toilet seat one gave me a chuckle
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| 1/21/2013 12:03:25 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
~Your kids are becoming you......but your grandchildren are perfect!
~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!
~You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything.... especially Golf.
~The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do,
.........but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
~You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed.
.............It's called "pre-sleep".
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" Switch..
~You tend to use more 4 letter words ... "what?"..."when?"... ???
~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
~You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless"?!!!
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers.
~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.
~But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies,
.............and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
..................TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN,
.......................YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE -
......................................SO
...........................ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.
the BULL...
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| 1/27/2013 5:29:06 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
|
cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
The only bull joke I know has a birdy durd in it so .... pass.
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| 1/27/2013 6:32:05 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
God Bless us Cowboys... this should bring a tear to your eyes..
Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."
Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"
Cowboy: "Nah... She's not that UGLY....."
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| 1/27/2013 7:11:11 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
With a face like that, the gal needs to put the bag over HIS face.. I've seem road maps with less lines.
Now Now Miss SLK... He maybe a bit rough around the edges but he is Stud Muffin...
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| 1/27/2013 7:17:14 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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igayle
Marshfield, MO
78, joined Jun. 2010
|
Thank you but................that's not on my diet
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| 1/27/2013 7:26:06 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
|
morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
There you two OLD HEN's go again thinking of "FOOD"
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| 1/27/2013 7:29:29 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
68, joined Jul. 2008
|
Now Now Miss SLK... He maybe a bit rough around the edges but he is Stud Muffin...
This lady sure thinks so......
|
| 1/27/2013 8:06:43 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
|
gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
68, joined Jul. 2008
|
They must be from West Virginia.............
|
| 1/27/2013 9:12:55 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
You old acting crotchety folks still breathing over here? Do I need to call for the mobile resuscitator? 
|
| 1/30/2013 5:57:03 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
Today's Short Reading from the Bible... from the book of Genesis:
"And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth".
Then he made the earth round... and He laughed and laughed and laughed!
the BULL
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| 1/30/2013 6:17:10 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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shellfishguy
Storden, MN
70, joined Mar. 2009
|
Better yet, change ONE letter in the last line . . . .
Then SHE made the earth round . . . .
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| 1/30/2013 6:54:06 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
.... and did she have a hand in creating man?
[Edited 1/30/2013 6:54:28 PM ]
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| 1/31/2013 12:06:40 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
|
| 1/31/2013 12:20:10 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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igayle
Marshfield, MO
78, joined Jun. 2010
|
If he's such a meat and tatters man why is he eating a carrot?
|
| 1/31/2013 1:16:02 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
|
gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
68, joined Jul. 2008
|
|
| 1/31/2013 1:40:33 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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orz
Portage, WI
67, joined Jul. 2010
|
I can see that gal has a career as a model for making molds for basketballs! lol
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| 1/31/2013 11:05:15 PM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
|
Had a bull named Daisy
Like to have drove him crazy
Till he met a gal
Went by the name of Sal
Now they are both fat & lazy.
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| 2/1/2013 11:24:39 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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morles
San Antonio, TX
73, joined Nov. 2007
|
...........NO WIN FOR MEN
All men will attest to some real wisdom in this analogy....
In the world of romance, one single rule applies:
MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a non-exhaustive guide to the point system:
SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer. (-5)
PROTECTIVE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has breast implants. (-40)
HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)
THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You give any other response. (-20)
COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)
Like I said.... NO WIN FOR MEN....
the BULL...
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| 2/1/2013 11:34:05 AM |
Bull's Jokes...Sometimes Funny, Sometimes Not!! |
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jadedo
Mendon, MA
70, joined Apr. 2010
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