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4/19/2016 9:11:35 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Contrary to what my haters believe I seriously do and have been doing relationship counseling, since 1999. Now here's the hot topic....

Dating someone your girlfriend, homeboy or relative use to date.

Three questions come to mind...
1. Yes or No? If yes...
2. How long after the breakup is TOO SOON?
3. Would there be any special circumstances to keep it from ruining the friendship?

Women usually say "Hell No where men usually don't care. Why is there such a difference in how men and women look at it? And is it better to care or not care?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Women say "NO" bcuz of their egos, greed and need to control other ppl. They can't help but to feel like they're loss is someone else's gain. Emotionally they can't get over that man no matter how long it's been. That's stalker material in the making, a psychological deficiency.

Men usually want it over and done so he can move on himself. Even if he got hurt, he may wanna see her punished for what she did but not stop her from seeing someone he knows. What's your take on it?

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4/19/2016 9:22:04 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

lovethelake17
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (34,514)
Henderson, NV
57, joined May. 2009


I started dating a friend's ex several months after they broke up. He and I were together for about 10 years.

It didn't work out for them, and as it turned out we were better suited for each other. She was probably the first to say that, as when we'd talk she'd say that she thought he and I would like each other.

I did ask her before he and I went out. She really didn't care. I don't think she'd ever really been all that invested in him.

I'm sure it makes a difference if a couple had been really invested in each other as to whether or not they're comfortable with a friend dating their ex. I also think that the person who dated the two friends would be a little uncomfortable because they might be thinking that intimate details are being shared.

4/19/2016 9:23:54 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Personally I feel like this... I don't care as long as he keep her away from me. If I wanted to continue to keep seeing her face and hearing her voice I would keep dating her myself.

Don't bring her to my house if I'm giving a cookout. Don't have her pick you up or drop you off at my house or ANYWHERE I have to be made aware of her presence. Don't even talk on the phone to her in front of me.

Don't invite anywhere she'll be either. Not to your house, a cookout, family reunion, birthday party, NOTHING! And if she dog his ass? Then I would be the last man he should come to talk about it with. Not unless he don't mind being called STUPID continuously throughout the conversation.



4/20/2016 3:26:30 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

digital_knight
Over 2,000 Posts (2,372)
Grand Rapids, MI
44, joined Nov. 2012


I have been with one my friends ex but I didnt know they were together until months after we hooked up . I usually don't get with none my friends ex's specially if they got kids by them .

4/20/2016 4:53:19 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


But see this is the conflict... If you say you're over someone and you care NOT what they do afterwards... Then get all bent outta shape if they hookup with someone you know?

Check this out everybody...

Would you feel your man or woman is over an ex and totally into you if they were going off over who they ex was sleeping with? Would you feel any kind of security with them if they were doing that?

4/20/2016 6:43:49 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

easttowest72
Over 2,000 Posts (2,788)
Bremen, GA
44, joined Sep. 2014


I dont date my friends ex. Its trashy.

4/20/2016 6:57:18 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

bumblebee7
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (64,744)
Fort Payne, AL
61, joined Apr. 2011


I don't believe I ever did...or would.



[Edited 4/20/2016 6:57:53 AM ]

4/20/2016 9:06:21 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from easttowest72:
I dont date my friends ex. Its trashy.


OK but how would you feel about your girlfriend or a family member dating one of your exes?

See there's 2 sides to this.

4/20/2016 9:09:53 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from bumblebee7:
I don't believe I ever did...or would.


So you find out that I friend, family member or a close acquaintance (like neighbor nextdoor) is dating YOUR EX, now what?

4/20/2016 9:17:18 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

digital_knight
Over 2,000 Posts (2,372)
Grand Rapids, MI
44, joined Nov. 2012


If one of my friends or family member is dating my ex I would feel like you would DR . Dont bring her around me or talk about her around me . I think that is kind of disrespectful.

4/20/2016 9:18:00 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

lovethelake17
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (34,514)
Henderson, NV
57, joined May. 2009


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
But see this is the conflict... If you say you're over someone and you care NOT what they do afterwards... Then get all bent outta shape if they hookup with someone you know?

Check this out everybody...

Would you feel your man or woman is over an ex and totally into you if they were going off over who they ex was sleeping with? Would you feel any kind of security with them if they were doing that?


I think I'd be thinking that. If someone I was dating became really upset because their ex was dating I'd be thinking they're not over them yet. It wouldn't matter who it was they were dating.

However, I do get it that dating a friend's ex may seem like a betrayal of a friendship, but doesn't that sort of seem as though there is some sort of ownership thing going on? Like any exes are forever owned by the person and they can never be touched or talked to or anything?


I really do think that if some guy and I didn't work out and I was never in love with him and he didn't hurt me terribly in a breakup and wasn't some kind of jerk during our relationship, I'd be happy if he made a friend of mine happy. I mean that I care about my friend and her happiness would be important. If some guy that didn't make me happy but did make her, then sure. I'd be OK with her dating him. lol...you know, as long as I hadn't been madly in love with him and hadn't wanted to break up.

Even so, there would probably have to be some time between my breakup and her dating him.



[Edited 4/20/2016 9:19:08 AM ]

4/20/2016 9:30:58 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

soulflight
Over 7,500 Posts!! (9,044)
Baltimore, MD
54, joined Apr. 2014


What lake said



[Edited 4/20/2016 9:31:19 AM ]

4/20/2016 10:39:22 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

easttowest72
Over 2,000 Posts (2,788)
Bremen, GA
44, joined Sep. 2014


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
OK but how would you feel about your girlfriend or a family member dating one of your exes?

See there's 2 sides to this.
There are so many men in the world. Its never happened. Its sounds like a person is being passed around. Like a door knob everyone has had a turn.

4/20/2016 12:36:34 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
flyfish77
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (20,913)
Conyers, GA
50, joined Jul. 2014


people dont care about others or feelings,,sometimes it works,i have seen it happen an work more than once,i know a woman up noth i allways loved her in some way,allways laughed with her on txt,an phone,many years ago,in person..now shes ben divorced from her ex a long time an years later they remarry..go figure..its chemistry and all that i guess......i love em all till they show a sign of craziness,or a bad temper..to quote david keith in heartbreak hotel,there all girls till i make women out of them.its a mad crazy world.i remember a short skinny friend,an meetin his girlfriend..she immediately started likin me,and i said o ..no..and i got away from her.

4/20/2016 12:42:10 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

raisedred
Over 2,000 Posts (2,759)
Louisville, KY
29, joined Mar. 2016


No thanks!

That's like your brother marring your ex to keep it in the family.

4/20/2016 1:44:04 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

pickygirl72
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (17,198)
Barrow, AK
45, joined Sep. 2011


No thanks.

4/20/2016 6:35:11 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

packersbabe920
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (55,558)
Green Bay, WI
51, joined Jul. 2013


No, there's a reason she not dating him

4/20/2016 6:45:05 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dark_gable0585
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,547)
Sacramento, CA
31, joined Feb. 2014
online now!


@dr that is a very touchy subject....usually I don't date my friends exes because it is kinda a good conflict of interest

4/20/2016 9:58:36 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
pagal17
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,089)
Lancaster, PA
51, joined May. 2012


There are exes that you are perfectly ready to let go and have no inner conflict. heck, you set them up on dates.
Then there's the ex that you still love.
A good friend would recognize that and never ever think about dating that ex out of loyalty to the friendship.

4/20/2016 10:03:57 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
flyfish77
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (20,913)
Conyers, GA
50, joined Jul. 2014


i remember a girl i was gonna date an teach to flyfish also,but she told me her an her ..ex..were still great friends,an a few other things too etc.an i thought..why is this an ex..and no thanx on the date and possible anger and competition. an ex....is posed to be..just that,,or stay with them married etc..an ex is a free bird..

4/20/2016 10:20:35 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

driver406
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (48,411)
Saint Paul, MN
64, joined Oct. 2009


I did that for awhile, but she went back to him eventually. My mother said they deserved each other. FOR ONCE she was right!!!!!!

4/20/2016 11:01:23 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
badpuditatt
Over 2,000 Posts (2,371)
Paris, VA
30, joined Aug. 2014


yuk...

im not attracted to my friend's ex's. we have different tastes.

4/20/2016 11:25:49 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

davobegood
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,035)
Des Moines, IA
53, joined Jul. 2012


Your a bad puddy tat.



4/21/2016 12:08:17 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

jagged_lil_pill
Over 1,000 Posts (1,641)
Hogansville, GA
49, joined Feb. 2016


This is one thing I won't do. But that's just me.

4/21/2016 12:16:29 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


@ Lake:

I agree, if I was dating someone who got all bent outta shape over their ex it would NEVER go any further than sex, bcuz I STILL might be attracted to her but her continued involvement with her ex is a CLEAR SIGN that anything with her other than sex will FALL!

But I can understand still having some emotional attachment afterwards. That's the reason for NOT bringing it in your face EVER. Bcuz even Years later it can STILL be a problem. Let's look at some negative possibilities.

1. He could try coming on to you AGAIN while with your friend.

2. Your friend might think you're going behind her back with his advances toward you.

3. She could simply take your being civil as you wanting him back without him trying his hand with you.

4. He could put crazy ideas in her head about you as a cover for him cheating on HER. Divert the attention?

5. You could really STILL have unresolved emotions for him that being around him and seeing him with her makes them come out.

I mean... Women are emotional.

4/21/2016 12:35:24 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
kungfu_candy
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,175)
Alsónémedi
Hungary
27, joined Aug. 2013


Feels too close to incest.

There's too many chips out there to double dip.



4/21/2016 12:40:44 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from raisedred:
No thanks!

That's like your brother marring your ex to keep it in the family.


See here's where DKnight and I see eye to eye. I don't give a damn WHO my ex dates, sleeps with, suck off, marry or whatever. As long as I don't have to see, hear, talk to or hear about her in any way, shape or form. Bcuz if I cut her loose it's not to keep seeing and dealing with her.

When I say I'm done then I'M DONE FOR REAL! My emotions will NEVER outweigh my better judgement or the standards I live by.

Besides, if I EVER met someone else who gives me the love and respect I believe I deserve... I don't need NO EXES hanging around for my lady to have "I'll thoughts" and questioning WHY I'm still in contact with her. You're a complete failure if you ALLOW your past to ruin present and future.

4/21/2016 12:55:38 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from kungfu_candy:
Feels too close to incest.

There's too many chips out there to double dip.



It's funny you should say...

This is kinda off topic but... When I was in my late teens to early 20's I started dating women twice my age and a few old enough to be my grandmother but they were all HOT and VERY attractive. Needless to say... There were a few that said "Boy I'm old enough to be your mother or grandmother!"

Well realistically I would reply... "You might be right but YOU'RE NOT my mother and we're both grown adults!"

I just don't see how women can turn ages into incest???? I can have a sister or niece only 2 years younger than me. So I shouldn't have sex with someone 2 years younger than me without thinking I'm doing it with my sister????

How the hell does that work?

4/21/2016 1:19:39 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

digital_knight
Over 2,000 Posts (2,372)
Grand Rapids, MI
44, joined Nov. 2012


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
See here's where DKnight and I see eye to eye. I don't give a damn WHO my ex dates, sleeps with, suck off, marry or whatever. As long as I don't have to see, hear, talk to or hear about her in any way, shape or form. Bcuz if I cut her loose it's not to keep seeing and dealing with her.

When I say I'm done then I'M DONE FOR REAL! My emotions will NEVER outweigh my better judgement or the standards I live by.

Besides, if I EVER met someone else who gives me the love and respect I believe I deserve... I don't need NO EXES hanging around for my lady to have "I'll thoughts" and questioning WHY I'm still in contact with her. You're a complete failure if you ALLOW your past to ruin present and future.







4/21/2016 1:32:52 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

digital_knight
Over 2,000 Posts (2,372)
Grand Rapids, MI
44, joined Nov. 2012


See that's why I don't get with a woman that is still friends with her ex . If they are getting along there is high possibility they will get back with each other .

There is a reason why they say absent makes the heart fonder.

4/21/2016 2:56:47 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
kungfu_candy
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,175)
Alsónémedi
Hungary
27, joined Aug. 2013


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
It's funny you should say...

This is kinda off topic but... When I was in my late teens to early 20's I started dating women twice my age and a few old enough to be my grandmother but they were all HOT and VERY attractive. Needless to say... There were a few that said "Boy I'm old enough to be your mother or grandmother!"

Well realistically I would reply... "You might be right but YOU'RE NOT my mother and we're both grown adults!"

I just don't see how women can turn ages into incest???? I can have a sister or niece only 2 years younger than me. So I shouldn't have sex with someone 2 years younger than me without thinking I'm doing it with my sister????

How the hell does that work?


Have you seen Autumn Leaves with Joan Crawford? That movie covered something similar. A middle aged woman being pursued by a younger man.

Anywho, I've been interested in men older than my father before. Men closer to my grandma's age back when she was in her 50's. She said she had the same problem when she was my age. Men her age didn't like her, only older men did.

I don't like men younger than me because I already feel like pedophile when I notice that a lot of my friends are much younger than me. When I was 26 and back home from college. I had 13 year olds knocking on my door asking my grandma could I come out and play.

Even now my students find me far more attractive and appealing than any man my age.

Now that I'm officially not much of a spring chicken anymore I don't mind looking at older men but I would never capitalize on it because once he's had me for what's left of my youth, what's to stop him from dumping me out with the rest of the old bags and getting a newer model?

All middle-aged women were once young themselves before they were cast away as used goods. I know the only thing appealing about me to an older man is my age.

4/21/2016 7:59:35 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
aintmyb_tch
Over 2,000 Posts (3,644)
Ponchatoula, LA
96, joined Aug. 2015


Quote from digital_knight:
See that's why I don't get with a woman that is still friends with her ex . If they are getting along there is high possibility they will get back with each other .

There is a reason why they say absent makes the heart fonder.


So totally agree.

4/21/2016 11:26:04 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
caringforuisbac
Hovland, MN
51, joined Jun. 2015


Sloppy seconds

No thanks

4/21/2016 11:48:07 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

lovethelake17
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (34,514)
Henderson, NV
57, joined May. 2009


Well, what about if a person's relationship broke up when they both went away to different colleges. No big heartbreak and you don't think of each other with any regret, remorse, or anger. Years later, your friend meets him, and they hit it off and start dating.

Do you really feel betrayed by that?

Do you care that someone else is dating what once was yours?

Do you wish them both happiness?

Do you care one way or the other?

Do you really believe that because you once dated them, no matter for however long or short, they're yours always and no one you know can ever even talk to them so they're totally off-limits?


Not all exes are exes because they were rotten people.

I guess I think it's on a case-by-case basis. No one blanket answer.



To be honest, except for that one example I gave earlier, I cannot imagine being interested in anyone a friend of mine dated. We just don't generally like the same type. In fact, I sometimes cannot understand why they're with them in the first place.

4/21/2016 11:57:12 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

soulflight
Over 7,500 Posts!! (9,044)
Baltimore, MD
54, joined Apr. 2014


Quote from lovethelake17:


Not all exes are exes because they were rotten people.

I guess I think it's on a case-by-case basis. No one blanket answer.

To be honest, except for that one example I gave earlier, I cannot imagine being interested in anyone a friend of mine dated. We just don't generally like the same type. In fact, I sometimes cannot understand why they're with them in the first place.


This.

I think there are just always going to be some number of people who see and or create drama everywere.

There will also always be some who feel the need to cast judgement on others who simply see things differently than they do.



[Edited 4/21/2016 11:57:37 AM ]

4/22/2016 2:40:01 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from digital_knight:
See that's why I don't get with a woman that is still friends with her ex . If they are getting along there is high possibility they will get back with each other .

There is a reason why they say absent makes the heart fonder.


Women who keep exes as friends when there's no kids between only do it for the sex. Which is often part of some twisted, unrealistic fantasy she has in her head about how they will be the last 2 when the world ends.

So since she allows herself to be used for sex then that's what I'd use her for. Now we might be mad cool, even hang out with the ex and all. lol But nothing serious could Ed vet be between us. But I'd tell her this up front so she'd know.

4/22/2016 3:01:32 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from kungfu_candy:
Have you seen Autumn Leaves with Joan Crawford? That movie covered something similar. A middle aged woman being pursued by a younger man.

Anywho, I've been interested in men older than my father before. Men closer to my grandma's age back when she was in her 50's. She said she had the same problem when she was my age. Men her age didn't like her, only older men did.

I don't like men younger than me because I already feel like pedophile when I notice that a lot of my friends are much younger than me. When I was 26 and back home from college. I had 13 year olds knocking on my door asking my grandma could I come out and play.

Even now my students find me far more attractive and appealing than any man my age.

Now that I'm officially not much of a spring chicken anymore I don't mind looking at older men but I would never capitalize on it because once he's had me for what's left of my youth, what's to stop him from dumping me out with the rest of the old bags and getting a newer model?

All middle-aged women were once young themselves before they were cast away as used goods. I know the only thing appealing about me to an older man is my age.


OK I didn't see Autumn Leaves but I enjoy listen to Autumn Leaves by Les Fueilles Mores. She sings it in French.

Now when you were 26 you weren't old enough to be attracted to younger men. There's a 10-15 age difference attraction once ppl get around 35. But it's only sexual usually on the part of the older person. Bcuz they have a more in depth understand of how relations work than someone 10-15 their junior.

Now the younger party usually feel THEY ARE ready for a real commitment bcuz they're experiencing something they never had before, IT'S GOOD AS SHIT and they'd say anything to keep it. Almost like getting a really cute puppy who licks and cuddles with you. You THINK you can care for responsibly ONLY BCUZ you want it so badly.

4/22/2016 6:24:44 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

lucky_1million
Over 1,000 Posts (1,305)
Pewaukee, WI
49, joined Jun. 2013


It's complicated.

What do you do when your best friend wants their ex back?

I'm JUST friends with my best friend's ex. So, it's no big deal to me.

I was sort of the place filler and I am aware of that.

But now that her last relationship has ended... she sort of wants her ex back... at least as a temporary filler until she finds someone she likes better.

It just gets you tangled up in drama.

If you add romance to the mix, it's double the drama.



This is why I will not introduce anyone I date to my friends.

Live and learn.

4/23/2016 3:12:39 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

digital_knight
Over 2,000 Posts (2,372)
Grand Rapids, MI
44, joined Nov. 2012


Quote from lucky_1million:
It's complicated.

What do you do when your best friend wants their ex back?

I'm JUST friends with my best friend's ex. So, it's no big deal to me.

I was sort of the place filler and I am aware of that.

But now that her last relationship has ended... she sort of wants her ex back... at least as a temporary filler until she finds someone she likes better.

It just gets you tangled up in drama.

If you add romance to the mix, it's double the drama.



This is why I will not introduce anyone I date to my friends.

Live and learn.




I think most relationships could've have last longer if women thought the same as men . Most guys don't have a problem if his g/f doesnt want him to meet her friends . Now if a guy were to act like that not wanting her to meet his friends they feel like he is a shame to be seen with her.

4/23/2016 5:44:53 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
kungfu_candy
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,175)
Alsónémedi
Hungary
27, joined Aug. 2013


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
OK I didn't see Autumn Leaves but I enjoy listen to Autumn Leaves by Les Fueilles Mores. She sings it in French.

Now when you were 26 you weren't old enough to be attracted to younger men. There's a 10-15 age difference attraction once ppl get around 35. But it's only sexual usually on the part of the older person. Bcuz they have a more in depth understand of how relations work than someone 10-15 their junior.

Now the younger party usually feel THEY ARE ready for a real commitment bcuz they're experiencing something they never had before, IT'S GOOD AS SHIT and they'd say anything to keep it. Almost like getting a really cute puppy who licks and cuddles with you. You THINK you can care for responsibly ONLY BCUZ you want it so badly.


Yeah, when I was googling the movie I noticed there's a lot of old and new songs with that title.

I like old films. I recently re-watched "Gone With the Wind" because Rhett Butler is my kinda man. The older I get, the more I understand some of the humor that went over my head when I was younger. My cousin is as close to her granny as I am to mine she we exchange oldies that our grannies watch with us. She got me hip to Doris Day's "Calamity Jane" and I got her hip to Doris Day's "Pillow Talk".

I'm trying to find good, old, light hearted romances that don't end in tragedy that come from the Golden Age of Hollywood. Sunset Blvd is definitely a no. So is Double Indemnity with good ole Barbara. I want to watch "All About Eve" but I'm not ready to see it yet.

Anywhoooooooo

If I was rich, wicked, old b*tch I'd date younger. I'd probably have to pay good money so I'd want the finest model. Something Italian with the stamina of bull. But then I definitely wont be worried about "love" and all that bullshit. I wouldn't be surprised if I decided to hit porn and let my freak flag finally fly in my golden years.

Who knows?

But as it is, I'm merely a poor, wicked, young b*tch. So I still have too much pride to pay for d*ck which is fine because I can't afford to splurge on it anyway.

When I'm debt free, and can afford to go on a makeup/wardrobe shopping spree and I still have money to have a sugar baby, then I'd arrived.

But the men my age suck f**king d*ck at sex so I highly doubt they'll improve as I get older.

4/23/2016 7:46:07 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

markjetson
Over 7,500 Posts!! (9,054)
Albuquerque, NM
60, joined Jan. 2013


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Contrary to what my haters believe I seriously do and have been doing relationship counseling, since 1999. Now here's the hot topic....

Dating someone your girlfriend, homeboy or relative use to date.

Three questions come to mind...
1. Yes or No? If yes...
2. How long after the breakup is TOO SOON?
3. Would there be any special circumstances to keep it from ruining the friendship?

Women usually say "Hell No where men usually don't care. Why is there such a difference in how men and women look at it? And is it better to care or not care?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Women say "NO" bcuz of their egos, greed and need to control other ppl. They can't help but to feel like they're loss is someone else's gain. Emotionally they can't get over that man no matter how long it's been. That's stalker material in the making, a psychological deficiency.

Men usually want it over and done so he can move on himself. Even if he got hurt, he may wanna see her punished for what she did but not stop her from seeing someone he knows. What's your take on it?
Well I don't think you could be more wrong dr. first the answer to the question from the mans prospective- Men always say No! Always been that way, always will be. Once you've moved in, on even just a friends ex, let alone a best friends main squeeze, you are no longer friends and you are banished from the tribe, forever, so I hope she's worth it-------------------------------------------------but you're spot on about the womens point of view and they'd rather die first than see their ex in a new, happy relationship or just happy, and would do anything to sabotage that relationship up to and including "doing the deed" one last time and in a fashion, so as to leave no doubt that he had cheated on the new relation--aka: a woman scorned............................................Butttt, also on the other hand, women would drop their drawers in a heartbeat, if their ex. ever muttered those magic words-"Oh baby I still love you!, I never stopped loving you bla bla bla, because the woman ego tells them, "Ahhh Haaa I k,new it!, I am desirable, and hot!, I'm never wrong, I k,new he still loved me bla bla bla.................................... So, men are dogs & women are crazy.



[Edited 4/23/2016 7:48:30 AM ]

4/23/2016 7:51:12 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

lj_on_dh
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,474)
Beaumont, TX
38, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from packersbabe920:
No, there's a reason she not dating him



Or your friend could just prefer to date dumb asses, don't always put it on the guy lol

4/23/2016 1:59:03 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from lovethelake17:
Well, what about if a person's relationship broke up when they both went away to different colleges. No big heartbreak and you don't think of each other with any regret, remorse, or anger. Years later, your friend meets him, and they hit it off and start dating.

Do you really feel betrayed by that?

Do you care that someone else is dating what once was yours?

Do you wish them both happiness?

Do you care one way or the other?

Do you really believe that because you once dated them, no matter for however long or short, they're yours always and no one you know can ever even talk to them so they're totally off-limits?


Not all exes are exes because they were rotten people.

I guess I think it's on a case-by-case basis. No one blanket answer.



To be honest, except for that one example I gave earlier, I cannot imagine being interested in anyone a friend of mine dated. We just don't generally like the same type. In fact, I sometimes cannot understand why they're with them in the first place.


Well your changing the circumstances a little bit but let's look at it anyway...

In your scenario the best friend never knew y'all were dating or even knew each other. The rule to that is... "You can't hold someone responsible for what they DON'T KNOW! That's a BIG difference from KNOWING they dated, hung out with them, drinking, cookouts, B-Day parties, holidays, etc.

Now if college or career is what separates them in the first place then there would still be romantic feelings between them.

Now again... If the breakup was not drama, cheating and betrayal related FINE, your ex and you can still be cordial and civil to each other. But that can STILL create a problem with someone NEW you or your ex start seeing. They're not gonna care WHY y'all broke up or y'all feelings toward each other.

But I do agree on case by case.

4/23/2016 2:08:42 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from soulflight:
This.

I think there are just always going to be some number of people who see and or create drama everywere.

There will also always be some who feel the need to cast judgement on others who simply see things differently than they do.


Now here you go with your usual sarcastic, sly, out the side of your face, slick mouth bullsh¡t. You speak more out your a** than out your mouth anyway. But if you need something to occupy that dead space between your teeth I have a meat package that'll pack it full and give your mouth something else to do other than talk sh¡t.

BTW, I just happen to agree with Lakes post you c*nt.



5/4/2016 9:47:44 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

testsignup
Over 7,500 Posts!! (8,642)
Springfield, VA
62, joined Sep. 2009


Quote from dr_i_got_answer:
Now here you go with your usual sarcastic, sly, out the side of your face, slick mouth bullsh¡t. You speak more out your a** than out your mouth anyway. But if you need something to occupy that dead space between your teeth I have a meat package that'll pack it full and give your mouth something else to do other than talk sh¡t.

BTW, I just happen to agree with Lakes post you c*nt.



My my. SOMEONE has steamer trunk sized baggage.

Anyway.

This is one of those situations where there are too many factors involved, to make any kind of policy declaration.

I suggest another way to think about it/ view it.

Look at the thinking BEHIND why the people who are trying to get together with each other are doing so.

Such as, I have seen situations where the "friend" demonstrated that they were both true about their affection for their friend's ex, AND were true about their respect for their friend. The way the situation was worked out between the three of them, showed that they all had class, a sense of honor, and full respect for each other.

I have also seen too many instances where either the ex, or the "friend," or both, demonstrated the opposite: that they had no sense of personal honor, and really were lying about being "friends" from the beginning.

All sorts of stuff like this, comes down to WHY people do whatever they do. There are reasons someone could give for why they WONT mess with my ex, that would make me decide that they were scum, just as there are reasons why I would decide the opposite.

5/4/2016 10:50:20 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
chairman_drth
Over 1,000 Posts (1,434)
Toronto, ON
46, joined Dec. 2015


I guess I'm lucky that I have good friends that I trust and values friendship.

Ive been in that situation twice in my life and both times I told the woman and my friend that I'm not interested because I value the friendship.

My best friend told my ex girlfriend the same thing, he told her that He valued our friendship over a possible relationship

the point is something its not worth it, relationships come and go, friendships ( the right one ) last for ever.

5/4/2016 10:54:17 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
hbhealthy
Over 2,000 Posts (2,238)
Stamford, CT
38, joined Apr. 2016


I dated my BFF's ex yrs after they broke up. She had only dated him for 3 weeks or so. He asked me out. I conferred with her before going out with him. She was cool with it. He and I were together for almost 2 yrs.

5/4/2016 11:14:45 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
kungfu_candy
Over 4,000 Posts! (4,175)
Alsónémedi
Hungary
27, joined Aug. 2013


If my friend even asked me we wouldn't be friends anymore.

You're helping him do all he can to hurt your friend.

There are too many men in the world to be that desperate.

5/5/2016 2:58:21 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

chris3357m
Ashley, OH
29, joined Dec. 2012


i agree that if your friend just broke up, maybe you could give them a second to get over it. if it was a relationship your friend was vested in, definitely not if you want to keep that friend. i know i've had a 'best friend' that is no longer a friend after counseling my ex right after we broke up. sucks too, that was a really good friend of mine i thought lol. i really loved that girl thou and was pretty torn up.
i think you should probably ask and make sure it's cool with them before proceeding. i think if it ended decently they'd most likely give you the okay.

5/7/2016 12:21:02 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
hbhealthy
Over 2,000 Posts (2,238)
Stamford, CT
38, joined Apr. 2016


In my case they had only dated for a few weeks (no vested interest). He and I ran into each other yrs later, exchanged numbers and I called my BFF to ask her permission before preceding.

5/7/2016 4:13:20 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

sadlsticsienna
Over 2,000 Posts (2,912)
AñatuyaNew South Wales
Australia
23, joined Jan. 2016
online now!


You do relationship counseling? lmao

Bad idea because it puts the friendship into conflict.

5/8/2016 11:00:38 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

starrbabby
Over 7,500 Posts!! (7,794)
Danville, IL
32, joined Feb. 2016


There are too many men in the World to be hoppn on a d*ck that your best friend rode..
Kissin the lips that ate her cootie ..holding the hand that fingered your bff.


Da f**k is wrong with people

5/8/2016 11:04:00 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

Mercedes_02
Over 10,000 Posts!!! (10,993)
AñatuyaAñatuya
Australia
101, joined Dec. 2014


My mother taught me to give used toys to the needy.

5/8/2016 11:05:59 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

starrbabby
Over 7,500 Posts!! (7,794)
Danville, IL
32, joined Feb. 2016




5/9/2016 2:59:11 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from testsignup:
This is one of those situations where there are too many factors involved, to make any kind of policy declaration.

I suggest another way to think about it/ view it.


WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! And now imma tell you why.

1. You have those who give a shit about a friend/fam dating an ex regardless of the break.

2. You have those who feel like I said in #1 ONLY they refuse to see or talk to their ex. That's me!

3. You have those who have certain / special circumstances for it to be OK. Circumstances that's based on the break up.

Then you have some WHO'LL JUST SO NO and there are NO circumstances that'll make it OK for ANY reason.

My point is....

THERE'S NOTHING TO THINK OVER OR RECONSIDER bcuz there are a multitude of feelings and emotions based on personal experiences and upbringing that produces a multitude of difference way of dealing with it.

This is simply an open discussion to discuss all the different ways ppl feel about. There's no right or wrong way "across the board" to consider.

5/9/2016 3:18:47 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from starrbabby:
There are too many men in the World to be hoppn on a d*ck that your best friend rode..
Kissin the lips that ate her cootie ..holding the hand that fingered your bff.


Da f**k is wrong with people


OMG! OMG!

If that man (after the breakup) is STILL walking around with your girlfriends coochie juices on his Di€K to mix with your own, STILL have her cupcake juices on his lips for you to taste if kissing him and STILL on his fingers to wipe in the palm of your hands....

Then he's a nasty muf**ka who doesn't take baths and shouldn't be with ANY woman friend or not!

Plus having coochie juices on him that he never wash off to be dried up with his own funk... He would stink all to be damned!



5/9/2016 3:22:51 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

sadlsticsienna
Over 2,000 Posts (2,912)
AñatuyaNew South Wales
Australia
23, joined Jan. 2016
online now!


If they broke up theirs probably either something wrong or not good with either the friend or with the guy lol.
Going with your friends ex would call your own friendship with the friend into question.
I reckon only do it if your friend isn't a very close friend

5/9/2016 3:55:30 AM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  
windy_rider
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,678)
Aspen, CO
40, joined Nov. 2014


I'm with sadlsticsienna on this one. Just a plain bad idea. It will put a strain on your friend's relationship.

5/10/2016 1:06:17 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

dr_i_got_answer
Over 4,000 Posts! (6,561)
Gwynn Oak, MD
49, joined Jun. 2014


Quote from windy_rider:
I'm with sadlsticsienna on this one. Just a plain bad idea. It will put a strain on your friend's relationship.


Let's pretend for a second you and I are very good friends, like brothers for 30 years. You would know my rules about that. Even if you forgot and wanted to get with ex (just for sex OR something serious) I would tell you....

1. Don't bring her to my house ever....

2. Don't ever have her pick you up or drop you off at my house....

3. Don't ever bring her to public events I attend such as B-Day parties, movies, restaurants, parks, etc....

4. Don't ever have her call my house looking for you....

5. Tell her NOTHING about what's going on with me. Good, bad or otherwise.

I don't want to see her ever, hear her voice ever and want EVERYTHING about me kept from her forever.

5/10/2016 1:09:41 PM Dating Your Best Friends Ex??  

sadlsticsienna
Over 2,000 Posts (2,912)
AñatuyaNew South Wales
Australia
23, joined Jan. 2016
online now!


what if you're friends with your ex, would that make it more complicated or less?
My best friend is my ex lol
so what if my ex's friend started dating me?
(I actually hate his friend so I wouldn't but for purpose of this)