| 11/24/2007 5:23:22 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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sebzalive1
Sebastian, FL
age: 50
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Your question was a fair one and I admit, I didn't read your profile before posting. There is nothing wrong in questioning that. Acting on it though, would only bring happiness for the moment.
Personally, while I think it is important to have contact with the outside world when you are the caregiver, it is not the time for dating.
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| 11/24/2007 6:08:57 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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lynn456
Martinsburg, WV
age: 38
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stay commited to the end,if you need relief buy a pocket p*ssy.
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| 11/24/2007 6:26:22 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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exfirefighter
Inverness, FL
age: 55
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slow thats the most disgusting form of cheating! Anyone that cheated on a terminally ill partner is a scumbag! Did you really have to ask a stupid question like that? Slow remain faithful to her and youll feel better in the long run. I wish you well.
[Edited 11/24/2007 6:31:20 AM]
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| 11/24/2007 7:08:32 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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lovemekay
Flint, MI
age: 19
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I don't feel that its ok. I think that you should make her time left the best it can be...besides, I don't know her situation but people who have been insanely ill get better...weirder things have happened. Life is an amazing thing but she needs you no matter how sick she is.I wish you all the best in your choice because in the end it is your choice and no one elses.
*kay*
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| 11/24/2007 7:26:27 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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iamddoubleu
Fayetteville, NC
age: 51
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I am new here but I do bring a little insight to this question. I am a widower now for over a year. My wife died of a long term illness. I couldn't imagine dating during that horrible time. Your emotional guilt will far out way any joyful moments you may want. My advice, don't do it!
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| 11/24/2007 7:31:50 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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chrisk1974
Bowling Green, OH
age: 33
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the first person you need to take care of is yourself. if you're not healthy then you cant truly be there for anyone else. not that you should "date" someone else, ut you do need to have someone to talk to about you. maybe you could just keep posting in here, or maybe it would be better to get ahold of some of your freinds that seem to be having difficulty with the situtaion, and ask them not to be there for her, but to be there for you.
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| 11/24/2007 7:32:47 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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sandbagger2u
Cochecton, NY
age: 61
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Not OK. But OK for terminally ill person to change will and policy beneficiaries. Come on man. Buck up and fly right.
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| 11/24/2007 7:37:51 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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peachess
El Reno, OK
age: 40
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I hate to sound all Judgemental and crup but, Seriously...That sounded to me like a bunch of BS, Whining and Self Pity...Where is the love and Concern for the one who's Actually Dying? 
xoxoPeaches.
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| 11/24/2007 7:41:25 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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v2_1
McHenry, IL
age: 45 online now!
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Slowhand, I've read through this all very carefully before deciding to respond. I too, have been where you're at. I lost my husband to cancer. Unlike your wife, his illness progressed quickly and he was gone within a year of diagnosis.
I understand completely what you are feeling. You begin the grieving process when you hear the terminal diagnosis. To go through it for a year was horrible. To go through it for three like you have would be a nightmare. My heart breaks for you, truly. In a really odd way, cancer gave us a gift. It allowed us to spend that last year genuinely living our love. To have done it any longer than a year would've probably broken me permanently.
One of hardest and smartest things that we did was to involve hospice with his care. Not only did we have daily nurse visits, but we also had nurses aides, volunteers to clean the house, massage therapists, and a chaplain who became my rock. They can help you find others to talk with, or simply give you the opportunity to get out of the house for a while. Please check into whether they can help you. The people involved in hospice care are truly angels walking the earth.
I think you already know that you'd never really forgive yourself if you broke your vows at this point in your marriage. And be honest: would you want to be with the kind of person who would knowingly date you right now? We won't even get into lying about it. Companionship is fine, but that's all it should be. There are so many people who have walked in your shoes. You made a great choice by talking about it here. You'll have friends and support if you want and need them.
Count me as one of them. I'll be keeping you in my prayers.
And folks, if you haven't been there, you don't know how you'd feel or act. Stop judging what you don't know.
[Edited 11/24/2007 7:43:21 AM]
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| 11/24/2007 7:44:14 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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carolinabrat
Summerville, SC
age: 56
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Slow did post in this thread that he probably used a poor choice of words and that he shouldn't have used "date". He is more wanting to be able to have someone to talk to and give him support. As a caregiver myself (mother with Alzhiemers)you crave someone to talk to as you too become a shut in. When I was able to get out and meet for coffee, I always came home a better person. Caregivers need help too. His profile is very clear that he is not here searching.....the man is trying to keep his sanity! Hats off to him for the 3yrs he already has under his belt standing by his woman.
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| 11/24/2007 7:46:17 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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peachess
El Reno, OK
age: 40
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I try very hard not to Judge but, You know there is a Billboard up in Corpus Cristie Texas right now for one of the Aunt's I just lost...That was her Husband's Idea. Life is Precious and Everyday is Valuable and Borrowed. but, I'd kick myself in the ass if I'd thought about me instead of her while she was fighting.
xoxoPeaches.
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| 11/24/2007 7:55:47 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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heraldsunshine
Huntersville, NC
age: 47
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No, I don't think it would be right. I wonder if the children you have are yours and hers; think about how they would feel with their Mother dying and they show up somewhere and you are with another woman. The damage to your relationship with them would be enormous!
Even if she is the type of woman who would tell you to find someone to take care of things she can no longer give to you, your children would never understand.
Take care, I know it's a difficult time but I agree with all these others, that you need human interaction - not a date.
What type of woman would date a man whose wife was dying? Would you really want that type of woman in your life?
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| 11/24/2007 7:56:26 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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stellablue
Saint Louis, MO
age: 49
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slow...I understand more now. The sentence of friends don't come often, don't know what to say, people are uncomfortable. I've been through hospice with my Dad, nothing compared to a partner, but I know what you're saying now. Often, when I ask for help...it comes out all wrong.
Another friend (not FWB LOL) here.. Sorry you couldn't get the words out and I didn't listen sooner. Hope today is a good day for her, then yours will be easier.
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| 11/24/2007 7:58:30 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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heraldsunshine
Huntersville, NC
age: 47
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PS I'm not trying to chase you away from datehookup - you can find lots of folks to interact with here; but there are on-line forums for others in situations like yours who may provide comfort to you as well. Google for caregiver support.
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| 11/24/2007 8:10:05 AM |
is it ok to date if your partner is terminally ill |
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klassykitten
Toccoa, GA
age: 50 online now!
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Thanks V2 and carolina....You echoed what I said.
And for sure people you got to be in those heavy brogan boots to know about this one...I know what he meant...he rephrased it wrong but if he wasn't committed he would not be there.
It is one of the hardest and most heartbreaking and devestating situations you will ever be in...to watch someone you love literally rot away before your eyes. It is not for the weak and only the strong survive. Three years in that world is like 30 in the fires of hell. The sites, the sounds, and the the smells.
And funny how people friends, family, and the ones that were there in the beginning...sort of drift off and disappear after a while and you are solo. But they'll be back with that casserole for the wake or funeral...
No matter how much you love that dying person, at some point you have to check it and some what turn off. It will drive you crazy if you don't.
Slow I have no doubt of your commitment or trouble really understanding your meaning. Like I said and you can see from these post...you can have a leaning post on DH forums.
May God be with you and give you strength...
Klassy
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