| 10/11/2013 12:32:56 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 10/11/2013 2:20:24 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/11/2013 2:57:19 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
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| 10/11/2013 3:55:44 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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mrusedup
Boss, MO
66, joined May. 2012
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| 10/11/2013 8:02:07 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kitty97
West Palm Beach, FL
61, joined Aug. 2011
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Holiday joke
Why don't witches ever get pregnant?
v
v
v
v
v
v
v
Because their men have "hollow wienies."
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| 10/11/2013 8:11:07 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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What do you get when you cross a Centipede and a Parrot?
A Walky Talky
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| 10/11/2013 9:11:35 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kitty97
West Palm Beach, FL
61, joined Aug. 2011
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What do you get when you cross a gorilla and a canary?
No one really knows, but you darn well better listen when it sings!
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| 10/11/2013 9:17:43 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/11/2013 9:20:19 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kitty97
West Palm Beach, FL
61, joined Aug. 2011
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Sad and funny at the same time. Unfortunately all too true.
The Obituary Of Common Sense
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend by the name of Common Sense.
Common Sense lived a long life but died from heart failure at the brink of the millennium. No one really knows how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals, homes, factories and offices, helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and foolishness.
For decades, petty rules, silly laws and frivolous lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of the rain, the early bird gets the worm, and life isn't always fair.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn), reliable parenting strategies (the adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in second.
A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense survived cultural and educational trends including feminism, body piercing, whole language and "new math."
But his health declined when he became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-it's-worth-it" virus. In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the ravages of overbearing federal regulation.
He watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking lawyers and enlightened auditors. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly implemented zero tolerance policies, reports of six-year-old boys charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student. It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student but cannot inform the parent when the female student is pregnant or wants an abortion.
Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal judges stuck their noses in everything from Boy Scouts to professional sports.
As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but was kept informed of developments, regarding questionable regulations for asbestos, low flow toilets, "smart" guns, the nurturing of Prohibition Laws and mandatory air bags.
Finally when told that the homeowners association restricted exterior furniture only to that which enhanced property values, he breathed his last.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers: Rights, Tolerance and Whiner.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone
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| 10/12/2013 11:45:08 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/12/2013 11:47:45 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/12/2013 11:57:44 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/13/2013 10:30:10 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/13/2013 11:41:10 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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mrusedup
Boss, MO
66, joined May. 2012
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Hey Nat, ya need ta watch this
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| 10/13/2013 12:15:25 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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nat_now
Ocala, FL
58, joined Jul. 2013
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Hey mr u.. sheesh, he's toopid.
 bet he won't try that again.
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| 10/14/2013 1:44:11 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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if him toopid din him prolly will willn't he?
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| 10/14/2013 7:00:15 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/14/2013 7:18:25 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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New iPad...
...
...
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| 10/14/2013 7:49:55 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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A woman marched into the doctor's office with a tiny miserable baby that was howling at the top of its lungs and demanded, "Do something about this baby." After a quick examination, the doctor realized the baby was malnourished. "He's obviously not getting enough milk," he said sternly. "Is he being breast fed?" "Yes," replied the woman. "Then the milk supply isn't adequate. Please take your blouse off." The woman obliged, and the doctor proceeded to give her a very thorough breast exam, kneading, rubbing, massaging and sucking each breast at great length. Finally, perplexed, he announced that he could see why there was a problem. "You aren't producing any milk at all." "Of course not," she responded." It's my sister's kid," "Why on earth did you come?" asked the doctor in amazement. "I didn't," she replied, "until you started sucking on the second tit."* --
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| 10/14/2013 9:51:32 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/14/2013 10:01:00 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bluesrule
Marshalltown, IA
60, joined Jul. 2011
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Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie.
"Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!" she exclaimed.
"No," said the genie, "You have been very bad this year, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."
"Let's see," says Monica, "I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews, I'll have all the money I could ever want. I would like to get rid of these love handles, though. Yes, that's it, for my one wish I would like my love handles removed."
"Poof!"
And just like that... her ears were gone.
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| 10/14/2013 10:02:26 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 10/16/2013 12:27:39 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bluesrule
Marshalltown, IA
60, joined Jul. 2011
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| 10/16/2013 12:30:36 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/16/2013 10:37:03 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'
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| 10/16/2013 10:59:48 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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LMAO
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| 10/16/2013 3:13:16 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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stareye1
Osage Beach, MO
58, joined Sep. 2009
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| 10/16/2013 3:23:26 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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stareye1
Osage Beach, MO
58, joined Sep. 2009
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| 10/16/2013 3:41:00 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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stareye1
Osage Beach, MO
58, joined Sep. 2009
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| 10/17/2013 9:21:17 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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| 10/17/2013 10:50:17 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/17/2013 12:27:19 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bluesrule
Marshalltown, IA
60, joined Jul. 2011
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| 10/17/2013 12:31:32 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bluesrule
Marshalltown, IA
60, joined Jul. 2011
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| 10/17/2013 12:41:06 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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Stareye..Hey girl, how ya doing?
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| 10/17/2013 1:31:45 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/17/2013 5:47:51 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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| 10/17/2013 8:54:22 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bluesrule
Marshalltown, IA
60, joined Jul. 2011
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| 10/17/2013 9:49:28 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/17/2013 10:05:40 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bluesrule
Marshalltown, IA
60, joined Jul. 2011
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| 10/17/2013 11:24:41 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/17/2013 11:31:31 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/17/2013 11:41:08 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/18/2013 1:39:02 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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| 10/18/2013 8:24:22 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/18/2013 8:40:11 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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fishingmom
Lake Alfred, FL
63, joined Aug. 2008
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NEW CHURCH INSTRUCTIONS (Coming soon)...
This is funny now, but can you actually see this happening some day!
PASTOR:"Praise the Lord!"
CONGREGATION:"Hallelujah!"
PASTOR:"Will everyone please turn on their tablet,
PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13.
And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon."
P-a-u-s-e......
"Now, Let us pray committing this week into God's hands.
Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God"
S-i-l-e-n-c-e
"As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready."
"You can log on to the church Wi-Fi using the password 'Lord909887.'
The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers:
a.. Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church.
b.. Those who prefer to use iPads can open them.
c.. Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cell phones to transfer your contributions to
the church account.”;
The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!
“;Final Blessing and Closing Announcements...
a.. This week's ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don't miss out.
b.Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out.
c. You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers.
d. God bless you and have nice day
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| 10/18/2013 11:36:25 PM |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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^ Funny,,but not so funny..ya know? Be doing that soon.
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| 10/18/2013 11:48:52 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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Wait! That's not Funny...
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| 10/18/2013 11:51:11 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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^^And so many drink his kool-ade. Not funny either
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| 10/19/2013 12:08:58 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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I'm sure someone might find a use for this..
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| 10/19/2013 2:19:47 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/19/2013 9:23:25 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/19/2013 2:35:04 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/19/2013 3:10:32 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/19/2013 4:15:46 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/19/2013 4:27:31 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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redrver
Sedalia, MO
69, joined Aug. 2010
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| 10/19/2013 4:44:53 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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^
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| 10/19/2013 11:25:03 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/20/2013 9:53:10 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/20/2013 4:01:36 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/20/2013 9:47:53 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 13 |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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