| 8/8/2014 3:43:27 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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Thursday night I gradually woke up stiff as a plank in a hospital's ICU, tubes up my nose & down my throat. Hell of a pain over my left ear, and a drop dead gorgeous nurse hovering over me. It was obvious I'd been in a serious accident. She looked at me with a deep & steady concern and I heard her slowly say, 'You may not feel anything from the waist down.'
I managed to mumble in reply, 'Can I feel your t*ts, then?'
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 8/8/2014 7:40:14 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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How did Barack propose to Michelle?
He got on one knee, pulled out a ring, and said "I don't wanna be obamaself"
...
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| 8/10/2014 7:59:51 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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Better to go out wrinkly than get the iron too hot! 
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| 8/11/2014 8:51:41 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 8/11/2014 9:19:46 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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^^^
 
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| 8/11/2014 11:10:02 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/11/2014 1:40:51 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Here's some funny business:
(woman to her insurance agent)
Know that policy I have had all these years?
 (insurance agent) ...ummm... Yep!
Wull-- what is the worst that can happen to a person who dies without insurance to pay their last expenses?
...ummm...the family must accept the burden of the expenses.
You mean, like, I saddle my kids with my last expenses?
Exactly!
...hmmmmm ....and if they don't pay do I just lay around and go stiff and start to stink?
No, silly! The state would step in and cover the expenses and bury your body in a pauper's grave (pretty nice digs--pardon the pun).
But what is the worst my kids could do? The cheapest? Could thy, like, have me burned and throw my ashes off a cliff?
Yes. They could do that.
 Cash me out -- I want to live!
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| 8/11/2014 6:20:43 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Good Bye Robin Williams, you will be missed!
...
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| 8/11/2014 6:51:22 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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R.I.P. Robin Williams..........nanu nanu
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| 8/12/2014 10:02:05 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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RIP...
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| 8/13/2014 9:53:48 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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^^^
 
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| 8/13/2014 10:08:45 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Robin Williams said: "Cocaine, is God's way of saying you have way too much money."
R. I. P. Robin Williams
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| 8/13/2014 7:43:04 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/14/2014 5:20:25 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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^^^
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| 8/14/2014 8:08:27 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
67, joined Jul. 2008
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That should say "Help, I've fallen and can't get up".......
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| 8/15/2014 1:09:12 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/16/2014 5:21:29 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Adam Antt?
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| 8/17/2014 10:41:07 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/17/2014 5:54:12 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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I didn't know Chinese was a sexual orientation?
...
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| 8/18/2014 1:16:44 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/18/2014 3:17:06 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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I didn't know Chinese was a sexual orientation?
...
Must be doing it Wong. 
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| 8/18/2014 5:51:19 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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nascarchamp6tim
Hansen, ID
61, joined May. 2014
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I didn't know Chinese was a sexual orientation?
...
Know wonder I'm still single 
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| 8/18/2014 5:22:11 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 8/18/2014 6:35:20 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part.
I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.
I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.
After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw it, soldier on!"
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
My Mrs. packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!". "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
A government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to this country so that they can see their own doctor.
I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.
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| 8/18/2014 7:19:52 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 8/18/2014 8:59:18 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
67, joined Jul. 2008
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| 8/18/2014 9:53:44 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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eastfoot
Bossier City, LA
61, joined Jul. 2012
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 Never miss the chance to read a child a story!
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| 8/18/2014 10:37:18 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/19/2014 6:42:39 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 8/19/2014 1:34:58 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/19/2014 2:11:17 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Hey man, pull over I have a take a wizz!
Oh okay, so do I!!!
...
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| 8/19/2014 2:36:29 PM |
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laffwimme
Bent Mountain, VA
66, joined Jul. 2012
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LMAO @ Ray.....
[Edited 8/19/2014 2:36:46 PM ]
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| 8/19/2014 5:14:06 PM |
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gentlebear1949
Apple Creek, OH
67, joined Jul. 2008
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| 8/20/2014 11:47:26 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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.... me, too.
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| 8/20/2014 11:57:40 PM |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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| 8/21/2014 12:19:02 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/22/2014 6:54:43 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Honey, it appears your father will no longer
be residing in this house with us!!!
...
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| 8/22/2014 8:40:53 PM |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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but ... but ... but Mooooooooooooooommmmmmm
Daddy was only window shopping --- he wasn't going to buy.
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| 8/22/2014 10:03:42 PM |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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People born before 1946 are called - The Greatest Generation.
People born between 1946 and 1964 are called -The Baby Boomers.
People born between 1965 and 1979 are called - Generation X.
And people born between 1980 and 2010 are called - Generation Y.
Why do we call the last group -Generation Y ?
Y should I get a job?
Y should I leave home and find my own place?
Y should I get a car when I can borrow yours?
Y should I clean my room?
Y should I wash and iron my own clothes?
Y should I buy any food?
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| 8/23/2014 6:45:36 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Okay, yesterday I tried this on my wife and
she kicked me out of the house. So today I'll
try on my son! Here goes nothin'...
...
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| 8/23/2014 8:13:50 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Subject: Computer Hard and Software:
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system>activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User. (KEEP READING)
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag, Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0! WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
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| 8/24/2014 12:19:10 AM |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 8/24/2014 5:51:50 AM |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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A sign that maybe you drink too much?
...
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| 8/24/2014 7:52:29 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 8/24/2014 8:58:36 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Scientific Research
Heard about the scientist that boiled his own penis in the name of science?
OUCH!
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| 8/24/2014 9:40:59 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 8/24/2014 10:18:08 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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A redneck had become a major buyer of a furniture company in Alabama.
The company sent him to buy some new lines of furniture in France, they gave him three days to buy the furniture.
The redneck went over there on the first day and closed the deal with a furniture manufacturer, so he had two days left.
He decided to go to a bistro and have some wine, he sat down had a glass and he sees a very good looking woman across the room and motions her so come over there, and the woman started to speak to him in french so put his hand up to hush her up, and he drew a picture of a wine glass and she nods her head and he orders her a glass of wine and they continue to talk this way, he then draws some food and she nods her head so they go to restaurant and he orders two plates of pasta and they continue to talk through drawing.
When the redneck hears some music playing he draws a picture of two stick figures dancing, and she nods her head and they start dancing.
So when they stop dancing the woman draws a picture of a four post bed, and till this day that redneck does not know how she knew he was in the furniture business.
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| 8/25/2014 4:49:20 AM |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Did someone say redneck?
...
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| 8/25/2014 8:18:01 AM |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Yep
Wanna swaller?
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| 8/25/2014 8:24:42 AM |
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laffwimme
Bent Mountain, VA
66, joined Jul. 2012
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Nope
Do you?
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| 8/25/2014 9:25:14 AM |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Q: How many rabbit surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to change the bulb, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored bicycles.
Fixed it.
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| 8/25/2014 1:37:30 PM |
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bigbogiman
Corpus Christi, TX
64, joined Feb. 2011
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Being nervous, and embarrassed about my upcoming colonoscopy on a recommendation I decided to have it done while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly more gentle and accommodating.
As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure.
"Don't worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me. "I haven't got an erection," I replied.
"No, but I have," replied the nurse.
Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco
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| 8/25/2014 3:08:03 PM |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Am I the only one who did not know this?
...
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| 8/25/2014 3:13:14 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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 ^^^ You are the only one who didn't know that.
Did you know that that little tab has more aluminum in it than the rest of the entire can?
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| 8/25/2014 3:18:08 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 8/25/2014 3:24:54 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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An anti-abortion ad, eh?
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| 8/25/2014 3:32:24 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Dang, we forgot the cat!
...
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| 8/25/2014 3:40:08 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Thank gawd! They have gone for a family outing. Maybe I can shovel some of the chyt out of here now.j/k
[Edited 8/25/2014 3:40:26 PM ]
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| 8/25/2014 6:17:58 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Dance it up Santa, you only got four
more months of vacation left!!!
...
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| 8/25/2014 8:20:47 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 42 |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
68, joined May. 2010
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Business Cliche
I want you to run with this = I just threw you into the deep end of the pool and you’re on your own to figure it out
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