Bad behavior

2/17/2016 5:59:25 AM	Bad behavior
mydearest Seattle, WA 46, joined Oct. 2013	This is my first thread on dh. My 2 yr relationship has ended, and my 14 yr old son are in the middle of moving out.Besides the emotions of devastation, loss , heartbreak and everything else that goes along when it ends. The one thing I just don't understand Is the meanness and Cruelty that comes with it from the other person.He has chosen the bottle and his" good time charlie" ways. Nevertheless Even though it was his idea for the break up, I just can't understand Why this bad behavior. Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
2/17/2016 6:27:28 AM	Bad behavior
dingobarramacus Boston, MA 88, joined Nov. 2013	That's heartbreaking. Often with alcoholics, their cruelty is a projection of their own self loathing. I hope the best for you...
2/17/2016 6:45:13 AM	Bad behavior
idliketotalk Punxsutawney, PA 53, joined Oct. 2013	Yeah it's a drag and alcohol doesn't even need to be involved. Sometimes people just take that attitude and can't see anything else. I have seen truly amicable breakups and I admire those people. Good luck to you all.
2/17/2016 7:06:09 AM	Bad behavior
rightguyforu92 Lisle, IL 38, joined Feb. 2015	Op u deserve it. You're a fool for getting in a relationship with an alcoholic and now you're going to pay the consequences. Btw ur a lousy mother.
2/17/2016 8:06:12 AM	Bad behavior
jjp184 Somerset, NJ 52, joined Jun. 2013 online now!	When one door closes......mine is always open for a hott single mommy
2/17/2016 8:07:14 AM	Bad behavior
grande_mamon Houston, TX 49, joined Sep. 2014	Two sides etc...It's pretty disrespectful to talk about someone else online who isn't here to defend themselves....bad behavior OP. NOW SHOW US DEM LUSCIOUS TITTIES.
2/17/2016 8:24:28 AM	Bad behavior
mydearest Seattle, WA 46, joined Oct. 2013	Grand,I never posted anything I implied I was perfect,nor did I get into details.Which would have been Cruel And unworthy in my part.There is nothing I said he didn't already know.Infact he knows my password for dh.Fact is, he said he likes his drinking habit. After a yr of friendship, he quit drinking and got a good job..Unfortunately Friends are coming aroundAnd he went back to his old ways that destroyed his two marriages.I did see the red flags. And that part is my own fault However Love and friendship Got in the way.The point of this thread is I am trying to part Lovingly.But I guess I'm such a shock Of the way he is treating me.I'm halfway moved out But hes drinking more and being more cruel That was the bad behavior.
2/17/2016 8:30:35 AM	Bad behavior
grande_mamon Houston, TX 49, joined Sep. 2014	Quote from mydearest: Grand,I never posted anything I implied I was perfect,nor did I get into details.Which would have been Cruel And unworthy in my part.There is nothing I said he didn't already know.Infact he knows my password for dh.Fact is, he said he likes his drinking habit. After a yr of friendship, he quit drinking and got a good job..Unfortunately Friends are coming aroundAnd he went back to his old ways that destroyed his two marriages.I did see the red flags. And that part is my own fault However Love and friendship Got in the way.The point of this thread is I am trying to part Lovingly.But I guess I'm such a shock Of the way he is treating me.I'm halfway moved out But hes drinking more and being more cruel That was the bad behavior. This thread isn't going to help you. What's the delay in moving out...just go get a motel room and organize a more permanent place from there
2/17/2016 8:36:41 AM	Bad behavior
mydearest Seattle, WA 46, joined Oct. 2013	I refuse to get into a pissing contest in my own thread.I've been apart of DH long enough to know how this goes and the judgment that comes along with it.Thank you everyone for your support.When you're not emotionally attached to something it's a lot easier to look at it with a more tangible view. [Edited 2/17/2016 8:38:46 AM ]
2/17/2016 8:44:39 AM	Bad behavior
grande_mamon Houston, TX 49, joined Sep. 2014	Not sure how advising you to move out now if you are not happy there is getting into a pissing contest...seems like a no brainer to me. As I said b*tching about him on here isn't going to achieve anything...it's just bad behavior. [Edited 2/17/2016 8:45:20 AM ]
2/17/2016 8:45:53 AM	Bad behavior
ctr916v2 Roseville, CA 53, joined Nov. 2014	depends on the reasons for the breakup. maybe he is done, but doesn't want mr.happy to "talk him back into it".
2/17/2016 8:47:56 AM	Bad behavior
ctr916v2 Roseville, CA 53, joined Nov. 2014	Quote from mydearest: This is my first thread on dh. My 2 yr relationship has ended, and my 14 yr old son are in the middle of moving out.Besides the emotions of devastation, loss , heartbreak and everything else that goes along when it ends. The one thing I just don't understand Is the meanness and Cruelty that comes with it from the other person.He has chosen the bottle and his" good time charlie" ways. Nevertheless Even though it was his idea for the break up, I just can't understand Why this bad behavior. In my case, ex-girlfriends failed to get their girl friends involved to get me to give them a second chance.
2/17/2016 8:50:22 AM	Bad behavior
xray6 Jacksonville, FL 28, joined Mar. 2012	Weakmind + Drugs Just let it go
2/17/2016 8:50:24 AM	Bad behavior
flyfish77 Conyers, GA 51, joined Jul. 2014	you look nice,most are,an would be cruel mean b*tches on here,an do anything to get even,you look familiar,an i wish you the best..i,ll never understand,im past 50 now,an never drank a stinkin beer in my life,or a mixed drink,i entertain people who do,am a guitar player all around atlanta area,my dad was an alcoholic.i see plenty what it does to people an relationships............
2/17/2016 9:46:43 AM	Bad behavior
enigmaathand Leavittsburg, OH 35, joined Mar. 2013	Quote from mydearest: This is my first thread on dh. My 2 yr relationship has ended, and my 14 yr old son are in the middle of moving out.Besides the emotions of devastation, loss , heartbreak and everything else that goes along when it ends. The one thing I just don't understand Is the meanness and Cruelty that comes with it from the other person.He has chosen the bottle and his" good time charlie" ways. Nevertheless Even though it was his idea for the break up, I just can't understand Why this bad behavior. As a child of two alcoholic, abusive parents, that both went on to marry alcoholic step parents after their divorce, when I was only 4 years old, allow me to state what I know about alcoholism. Hopefully, it can give you some understanding of your situation. It is by no means going to solve your situation. However, once you understand the problem amd where it lies, you can then focus all of your time and available resources on remedies to your situation. First, a fact about alcohol, and probably the most important part about alcohol that is often overlooked: Alcohol triggers the center of our brain, that is associated with speaking honestly. This same center of the brain os only ever triggered, in the same fashion, when we are highly pissed off. Ironically, alcohol causes a multiplication of our anger, by reducing the brain's natural chemical inhibitors. So, the more he drinks, the nastier he gets with you. What he is speaking amd behaving is how he really feels. Anger, resentment, hostility, etc. The details are not needed, for what I am getting at. His anger and resentment may not even fully be a result of any actions or infractions you would have committed against him. You are human, which means that you have probably made some mistakes along the road of your relationship. We all do. None of us are perfect. Resentment occurs, when the offended party is not acknowledged as having a valid reason for feeling offended, by the offender's behavior. Resentment leads into anger and hostility, as it continues to grow, and many times the offender is unaware that their actions are even a cause of this, because the offended party fails to effectively communicate their issue. Factor into the age your are, and I would say it is safe to say that both of you have prior battle wounds. You may have behaved in manner, early on, that hit one of those emotional scars in him. Whatever the case may be, HE is still responsible for how HE CHOOSES to react. At best, you can express your lack of tolerance for his increasingly cruel words and actions, and ask that he try to be more respectful of dealing with the loss of this relationship. The chances of your request, and I urge the word "REQUEST" as opposed to the more forceful verbiage of "DEMANDING" him to behave the way you want him to, is only going to have a minimal chance of success. At which point, you have chosen to already get out of your situation. That is good, because ALL of the unresolved conflicts that have lead to this point have created a very unhealthy environment. However, an alcoholic can't control themselves, due to the lack of chemical inhibitors that are normally produced by a healthy brain. You will not be able to make him stop drinking or help him, until he is ready to help himself. Do not expect it to change, but rather continue to get worse. Find a close friend, that just listens to your venting, as you holding that negative energy in will eventually bring you down, as well. Male sure you let this friend know, that you merely need an outlet for your pain, and not a solution, because you already know the solution. I have watched alcohol destroy the lives of both my parents, and many of my friends. However, I always take what they say as an indicator of how they really feel about me, when their brandished hatred is directed at me. This helps me to realize whether they will continue to be a part of my life or not. It is important to want to be able to forgive him, not because it releases him from the responsibility of being cruel towards you, but to free yourself from the bonds of resentment hatred that will most likely begin to form. I wish you luck, and may God have mercy on him, before he destroys himself. Men have got to learn how to effectively communicate and not turn to alcohol, so much.
2/17/2016 9:57:49 AM	Bad behavior
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 61, joined Apr. 2011	Who knows? and who knows who did what? And who knows if someone did something they weren't aware of or won't admit to, that caused this? Or lead to this, or anything else.? a person would have to be an outside observer with hidden camera's following the relation all this time. I couldn't give an opinion without knowing both people and seeing things from both of their sides. But...I will say this...its way too early to be thinking about finding or dating anyone else till you get well over this in all ways. [Edited 2/17/2016 9:58:42 AM ]
2/17/2016 10:19:18 AM	Bad behavior
mydearest Seattle, WA 46, joined Oct. 2013	Yes bumble, I agree. Am not looking To date anytime soon.Ever said to raise in a business to run And I have to keep my head clear.Norma expecting This thread to solve anything,nor am I expecting This thread to solve anything .It really is a safe place to vent,And to get wonderful advise.
2/17/2016 11:41:59 AM	Bad behavior
grande_mamon Houston, TX 49, joined Sep. 2014	Alcoholism is a disease, looking on it as simply "bad behavior" isn't being realistic.
2/17/2016 12:38:40 PM	Bad behavior
pickygirl72 Barrow, AK 45, joined Sep. 2011	Find someone who doesn't drink. Alcohol=Bad behavior. Count your lucky stars you only wasted 2 yrs with him, this could of been 5-20 yrs of misery.
2/17/2016 12:54:46 PM	Bad behavior
nyythawk Denver, CO 53, joined Nov. 2010	You say he "has chosen the bottle" ...and you STILL need help understanding? Do I really need to start with stating the obvious ... do I really?...REALLY? If the guy is really an alcoholic, I wouldn't be concerned. I'm tripping on why it took HIM to decide. Think your focus should be with your 14 year olds future. If not with his father, where in the HELL would a 14 year old be moving to!
2/17/2016 12:58:32 PM	Bad behavior
blurussian Tarawa Terrace, NC 27, joined Dec. 2015	I have many bad behaviors. Some probably too intolerable for any man.
2/17/2016 4:36:40 PM	Bad behavior
enigmaathand Leavittsburg, OH 35, joined Mar. 2013	Quote from grande_mamon: Alcoholism is a disease, looking on it as simply "bad behavior" isn't being realistic. So, if I am around a bunch of "Alcoholics", that means that I will acquire this communicable "disease", right? Because last time I checked, in order to become "dependent" on alcohol, that requires the body to ingest amounts of it on a regular basis. Therefore, the "disease afflicted" addict must choose what type of beverage they are consuming, since alcohol is in its liquid form at room temperature. So, if they have a choice between Coke, Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, and Jack Daniel's, and they choose Jack Daniel's, that means they had ZERO responsibility when they become addicted, right? Alcoholism, Heroin, Cocaine, Crack addictions: Now considered "Communicable Diseases"......
2/17/2016 5:14:15 PM	Bad behavior
mydearest Seattle, WA 46, joined Oct. 2013	I certainly do not need to convince anyone As to why it took me so longRy I don't just stay at a hotel. When you are not emotionally invest It is so much easier to take a look on the outside And give the best advice.I guess a family and kids its not what he wanted And you wanted to go back to doing what he was doing And that's okay.Like I said before I nor my son I'm going to stick around And watch his shenanigans Or watching him try to kill himself.I'm not bitter I am just hurt .My love for him is great but I know I deserve better The heart just hurts
2/17/2016 5:15:03 PM	Bad behavior
mydearest Seattle, WA 46, joined Oct. 2013	I certainly do not need to convince anyone As to why it took me so longRy I don't just stay at a hotel. When you are not emotionally invest It is so much easier to take a look on the outside And give the best advice.I guess a family and kids its not what he wanted And you wanted to go back to doing what he was doing And that's okay.Like I said before I nor my son I'm going to stick around And watch his shenanigans Or watching him try to kill himself.I'm not bitter I am just hurt.And disappointed And him and also my self.My love for him is great but I know I deserve better The heart just hurts
2/17/2016 6:22:11 PM	Bad behavior
lucky_1million Pewaukee, WI 49, joined Jun. 2013	Sometimes it is just easier to love someone from a distance than to spend all of your days with them. Thank God! I have one friend who is an alcoholic and she's really quite messed up. She has been mean and cruel to various people in our social circle to manipulate and to control them...vent her frustrations... and to sometimes gain sympathy. She is not a happy person. I don't take anything she says personally. Good luck with the move! [Edited 2/17/2016 6:23:12 PM ]
2/17/2016 7:24:05 PM	Bad behavior
packersbabe920 Green Bay, WI 51, joined Jul. 2013	Op u deserve better, u put up with it for two years, which is to long and he's mean cause he drinking and has a problem, u don't need a explanation u just said he chosen the bottle so he don't need u
2/17/2016 9:12:45 PM	Bad behavior
driver406 Saint Paul, MN 64, joined Oct. 2009	Quote from dingobarramacus: That's heartbreaking. Often with alcoholics, their cruelty is a projection of their own self loathing. I hope the best for you... Quite true. He's addicted, he needs treatment, but for now he had to choose between you and booze and booze won. Someday he may change his mind, but that's for another day.
2/17/2016 9:49:28 PM	Bad behavior
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 61, joined Apr. 2011	Either way....sorry you went thru this. Its never easy and a person adding anger to it, just makes it worse. I think sometimes people ad the anger, because they see it as the other persons fault, and not their own at that time..... and men in general were taught to hide certain emotions and sometimes anger fills the gap I suppose. The thing is, if a person goes thru several heart aches, many tend to be less and less tolerant in the future, sometimes going overboard with that, and not staying longer than they should have, and missing out on a good person. and before they reach that point in life....sometimes we stay too long.
2/17/2016 10:39:34 PM	Bad behavior
sadlsticsienna AñatuyaNew South Wales Australia 23, joined Jan. 2016 online now!	Well be thankful that you can get away from the alcoholism now since you're not with him. Take a breather
2/18/2016 8:23:10 AM	Bad behavior
lynyrd80 Wood River, NE 54, joined Jan. 2014	Quote from dingobarramacus: That's heartbreaking. Often with alcoholics, their cruelty is a projection of their own self loathing. I hope the best for you... You're close. I'm sober 26 yrs. The "bottle" is only the tip of the iceberg. I was sober with my 2nd. wife and she didn't really let me run a good program, this didn't help. Now, OP, I am not implying anything towards you. I am speaking about him. There are several factors that come into play, from intimacy to whatever else. Pray he changes for the sake of your son, and go from there.
2/18/2016 1:48:26 PM	Bad behavior
legaleye Columbus, OH 64, joined Mar. 2008	Just a couple words here. We don't have a lot of background, but you talk about a two year relationship and the proverbial bottle. If it is a trend, i.e. it has happened before, then you also need to be a bit introspective and figure out what else you need to do to prepare for the future. I remember dating a very nice younger lady many years ago and once I learned about the rest of her past, one could immediately see the handwriting on the wall as she was just repeating the same choices with slight differences. I was introduced to her by a mutual friend who hoped she could break the cycle, but the guy after me was back in the same mold. There is hope, eventually she did figure it out, which made me happy to hear. Alcohol and substance abuse (yes I know you didn't mention that) is a disease that takes down not only the individual, but people all around them. It is hard to recover to a state of stability and relapses occur in the general population with regularity. It is difficult to comprehend sometimes that its them, not you. Things should go civilly and without drama, but well, we are human. Move on, take time to figure yourself out and make sure your child is stable, and then put your feet back in the water. Good luck.

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