| 1/23/2008 7:34:02 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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aurora458
Fallon, NV
age: 52
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I've heard about men and women who get into a new relationship and all they do is dwell on their past lover, be it breakup, divorce or death. Though I don't plan on always talking about my spouse, I'm not sure how much you should even bring up your past relationsip. I'm afraid that the guy will think your "stuck" on the past. What do you do when you start dating and your a widow? When is enough enough? Should you tell the person that you're sad and why?
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| 1/23/2008 7:56:10 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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faith32
Bedford, IN
age: 48
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I don't plan on dating until I can not do that, however it would probably stop them if they wanted to go on & on about how they hate their ex. It would be a sign that you aren't ready to start dating, wouldn't it? Are you dating now? Just asking because you said you have been a widow since March also.
[Edited 1/23/2008 7:57:04 PM]
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| 1/23/2008 8:21:35 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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someone4you0621
New Orleans, LA
age: 55
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Aurora,It's 2 years. I haven't dated. Trying to move forward. I think that if someone had a bad relationship it would be OK to talk about it . Just don't keep repeating it. I feel that if someone was to come into our lives that haven't experience what we have they should give some space and allow us to express our pass relationship and how it ended. I don't know if I will ever be ready to move forward. I do believe that if I did I would let the person know about my pass. If she can not understand I feel then she probably wasn't the one I would want to be with anyway.
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| 1/23/2008 8:48:29 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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annazzassi
Newport News, VA
age: 57
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I've been semi-seriously dating someone since last October (from another site). He is divorced (friendly one). We had an open discussion up front that if the other wanted to talk we would listen and I have mentioned some things about what it's like to be widowed and about the kind of man my late husband was and he has talked about how he feels being divorced and about his ex-wife. But it's not a part of our every day communication. I am thankful that if I do need to talk he is willing to listen but I have made it a point not to talk with him about the worst parts of how it feels and I think he probably does the same. We also have let the other know that we are not making comparisons against our former mates. Out of the dozen or so men I have dated in the last year, he is the only one I have discussed these things with but that is only because he understands that our past is part of who we are and who we are becoming and will always be with us. Personally, I have a hard time understanding someone who says they have 'no baggage' or wants someone with 'no baggage'. At our age I just don't think that's possible. IMO, it's really up to who you're with as to whether or not you can talk about it but you have to also be willing to let them talk too.
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| 1/23/2008 9:20:56 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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joesmom1986
Redding, CA
age: 54
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I just started dateing a few months ago. It was almost 5 years before I felt ready to date. I always say I am widowed, not single, because I think its important that they know. I don't bring up my husband unless they ask, but I do appreciate when they ask. If they don't ask its kind of a red flag for me. I was with my husband for 30 years- he is a big part of who I am today. If someone cares about me and wants to get to know me they will ask.
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| 1/23/2008 9:49:13 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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aurora458
Fallon, NV
age: 52
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No, I'm not "dating" right now - just easing into the water. I have friends that are males and have been able to go to movies, dinners, watch tv together, etc, and it's been fun. I've been able to talk freely with them, but wonder what to do when you "officially" cross the line between being friends and dating. Maybe it isn't that black and white. I am very free with my feelings and being honest, and want to always be that way in the good times and bad times. But I wouldn't want to offend anyone or hurt anyone. But I wouldn't want to walk on eggshells either. 
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| 1/24/2008 5:47:41 AM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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chooseyme
Mohawk, NY
age: 65
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my problem is very simple, I doubt, and at this point no one has proved me wrong, if anyone will ever come close to being the man I would want. The few dates I have been on have all been major disappointments as men.
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| 1/27/2008 4:07:06 AM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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kathyrm131
Sycamore, IL
age: 51
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I try hard not to bring up my husband in the conversation
but it seems i have been doing it to much.
i have accepted he is gone and my
life needs to go on.
sure i miss him.
i am ready for a relationship,friendship but he will not be forgotton.
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| 1/27/2008 10:27:23 AM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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aurora458
Fallon, NV
age: 52
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I am so sorry for your loss kathyrm. In fact, I'm sorry for anyone's loss, be it divorce or death or just going your own seperates. The grief is still the same. Kathyrm, I appreciate your decision to move forward. We have to keep moving ahead. Life doesn't stop for us and there's so much out there to explore. Good luck to you and God Bless!
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| 1/27/2008 3:15:59 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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quietgurl
Keyport, NJ
age: 56
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I feel somewhat relieved to find that I am not alone in the "long" grieving process. It has been 2-1/2 years and I find it difficult to talk about it sometimes. I went to see my kidney doctor a year after he passed and when he asked about it, I started to cry. He told me that it was almost a year and I should have been passed it already. Easy for someone who goes home to his wife every night to say. I thought I must be losing my mind or something for not being ok about it. Here I find I am not the only one. I think no matter how long it takes, it takes that long. I joined this site about 2 weeks ago to talk and make friends. I'm still not sure if I'm ready to enter into a relationship other than "friend" yet. I suppose meeting people and talking will answer that question itself. I also still find it difficult to socialize in bigger gatherings. So, I sit here hoping to make friends with people who understand what it's like. And I figured that we have extensive grieving time because of who our spouses were. and hard to replace.
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| 1/27/2008 3:51:10 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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quietgurl
Keyport, NJ
age: 56
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By the way.. I think this is a good topic, and I would like to know how others who are single for different reasons feel about it. How much would they tolerate before getting annoyed and what they would rather not know.
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| 1/27/2008 3:53:59 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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weaimtoplease
Donalsonville, GA
age: 59
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Quietgurl - I'm glad that you found this group but I'm sorry that it was necessary. This group has the kindest, most friendly people that will always be there when you need them. I was in bad shape when I found them and they have helped more than they know. I hope that you will find the comfort that I have found.
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| 1/30/2008 7:15:16 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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libraryliz
Martinsville, VA
age: 58
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As I have said before don't let anyone tell you how to grieve or how long it takes to
"get over it". Everyone is different!!!!! You will know when it is time. Take your time to heal. Email me.
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| 2/1/2008 8:36:21 AM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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chooseyme
Mohawk, NY
age: 65
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I think it will come up after a while....but to start off dating someone and bring it up...no, and if they do, I usually say I would rather talk about what I am doing now and learn about what they are doing, now.
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| 2/6/2008 7:38:28 PM |
Talking about your deceased spouse when dating |
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justed57
Willoughby, OH
age: 58
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WOW !!
Certainly everyone heals differently. ...and I don't know if we will ever heal really. It has been 2.5 years ......and
I was on a date last Sunday evening. and as much as I tried ...not to mention what "we" did in the past. I did it....three times that I can remember.!!!!!
as far as I'm concerned .......we are a product of our past and it can not be denied.
I make it a point to remember only the good things.......
All those memories are what we are. It does not mean that there isn't pleanty of love another ..........just need to make more good memories.
It will happen.
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