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3/5/2016 8:57:41 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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bookwormtobutte
Rio Rancho, NM
36, joined Jan. 2016
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Ok, so I started seeing this man almost 7weeks ago. At first everything was great, he's funny, Charming, kind, Gentleman, affectionate, nerdy, comfortable to be around, easy to talk to, very handsome and well built. He walks with a cane but that doesn't bother me, I actually think he looks rather distinguished with it. So everything was going great we'd go to movies, & dinner, or hang out at his place, or at mine. Our schedules are pretty opposite & he doesn't drive due to his injury from serving in the military, but I don't mind doing the driving coming to him and squeezing in time to see him a few times a week. And he's always complimenting me, telling me he can't believe I'm with him, & how lucky he is to have me. But lately like the past week & 1/2 he's been kind of doing this hot & cold thing, one moment he can't get enough of me the next he seems to resent my presence. He says it's the PTSD and his brain is just tired and burnt out. I know he's under quite a bit of stress from work & a friend passing away, and I guess he hasn't been sleeping too well. A friend of mine tells me that PTSD can get even worse over time even violent, and even though I truly could never see him physically trying to harm me. I'm not sure what to do, should I give him space? if so for how long? 2-3days, a week, a few weeks, a month? Or should I try & help him, constantly reassuring him that I'm here, & that I really want to be with him? I don't want to give up or walk away but I don't want to burden him if being with me is something he's just not ready for. I know noone is perfect I have my insecurities and I'm not the most patient person. So kicking him to the curb for being a bit reclusive & hot/cold because he survived through tramatic experiences over seas serving our country seems down right heartless, & I really like him! I haven't enjoyed spending time with someone this much in years. So any advice, suggestions, honest kind opinions would be appreciated, please if you have something rude or insulting to say just keep it to yourself. Thank you
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3/5/2016 9:12:29 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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amusicluvr
Salem, OR
63, joined Nov. 2013
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Forget anyone with PTSD, or any other severe mental disorder. They are as apt to kill you, in a momentary fit of rage, as they are to fart.
Anyone who has PTSD is burdening him / her self. The PTSD sufferer has totally surrendered to Depression (which is what PTSD is...a severe form of Depression), and is doing nothing to help him / her self. As such, WTF should anyone else help him / her? You can't help an alcoholic until he wants to beat alcoholism, and you can't help a Depressed person until he wants help. When he wants help, he will do things to help himself. Being needy, whiney, angry, dependent, is NOT helping himself.
Giving up,and walking away form such a person is the best tough love medicine there is. If you won't do it, then you don't really want to help.
Imagine not setting a child's broken arm...because it will hurt. Doing that condemns the child to have the bone heal in an improper way, and makes the kid a cripple for life. That is NOT love. Love does what is needed...even when it hurts.
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3/5/2016 9:25:53 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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easttowest72
Bremen, GA
44, joined Sep. 2014
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I think needing time alone is just human nature. When he is distant give him space and let him call you. Give him time to miss you. If you push him he will become more distant. Space will make him want you more.
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3/5/2016 12:50:24 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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rocket000
Suwanee, GA
58, joined Mar. 2007
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Op, you have not been with him that long.
If he is not currently getting help for his PTSD, please encourage him to do so. He needs counseling and may also need medication. Many women like to think they can love and or fix a broken man. It is not our job and you can't fix him.
You have to decide whether you want to "sign up" for this challenge. If you were already in a long term relationship and/or were married to this man, my answer would be more involved.
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3/5/2016 1:08:51 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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enigmaathand
Leavittsburg, OH
35, joined Mar. 2013
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Now you know what it is like for a man to married, every damn day of his life....
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3/5/2016 2:06:01 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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jjp184
Somerset, NJ
52, joined Jun. 2013
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75% of woman have mental disorders, the other 25% are untreated
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3/5/2016 4:02:33 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
51, joined Jul. 2013
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Forget anyone with PTSD, or any other severe mental disorder. They are as apt to kill you, in a momentary fit of rage, as they are to fart.
Anyone who has PTSD is burdening him / her self. The PTSD sufferer has totally surrendered to Depression (which is what PTSD is...a severe form of Depression), and is doing nothing to help him / her self. As such, WTF should anyone else help him / her? You can't help an alcoholic until he wants to beat alcoholism, and you can't help a Depressed person until he wants help. When he wants help, he will do things to help himself. Being needy, whiney, angry, dependent, is NOT helping himself.
Giving up,and walking away form such a person is the best tough love medicine there is. If you won't do it, then you don't really want to help.
Imagine not setting a child's broken arm...because it will hurt. Doing that condemns the child to have the bone heal in an improper way, and makes the kid a cripple for life. That is NOT love. Love does what is needed...even when it hurts.
Gotta agree
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3/5/2016 4:49:57 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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driver406
Saint Paul, MN
64, joined Oct. 2009
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Walking away just lends the impression that you don't care and you do. First, he ought to be going to the Vet Center or the V A for treatment, it's his right. You need to find out from the same source what you can do, as a s/o, if anything and learn all you can about the disorder. If he's dangerous you need to get out of there. If not, see that he's getting treatment, DON'T move in with him, DON'T have kids with him and DON'T marry him. See how he's doing after a year or more and then decide on a long term future. If you can't wait that long, then it's best to cut your losses immediately.
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3/5/2016 5:18:17 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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pithrill
Bakersfield, CA
63, joined Oct. 2014
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Didn't read your wall of text, but I know men with that disorder, and do not recommend choosing them for a relationship.
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3/5/2016 5:28:15 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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thekinghasrisen
San Diego, CA
31, joined Nov. 2013
online now!
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PTSD can be treated.
Until they have done that for themselves, the last thing they should be looking for is a peice of ass.
Don't do that to yourself.
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3/5/2016 5:29:17 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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lucky_1million
Pewaukee, WI
49, joined Jun. 2013
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But lately like the past week & 1/2 he's been kind of doing this hot & cold thing, one moment he can't get enough of me the next he seems to resent my presence.
I think that a lot of men have this hot & cold thing going on with them for some reason...
even those without PTSD.
I just see this as a lesson not take someone's changing moods too personally... as though his changing moods has something to do with me or something that I am doing. It's his problem not mine.
I try to go with the flow of the relationship, do my thing as best as I can, and then give him space when he seems to want space. I don't take the early stages of dating and getting to know someone all that seriously.
[Edited 3/5/2016 5:30:15 PM ]
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3/5/2016 8:54:43 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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micheleisgreat
Pittsburgh, PA
53, joined Nov. 2013
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PTSD is treatable. It is not killing his brain. It is not depression. It can be managed. Find out what he is doing to treat it if anything before you make a decision.
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3/5/2016 10:58:36 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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Forget anyone with PTSD, or any other severe mental disorder. They are as apt to kill you, in a momentary fit of rage, as they are to fart.
Anyone who has PTSD is burdening him / her self. The PTSD sufferer has totally surrendered to Depression (which is what PTSD is...a severe form of Depression), and is doing nothing to help him / her self. As such, WTF should anyone else help him / her? You can't help an alcoholic until he wants to beat alcoholism, and you can't help a Depressed person until he wants help. When he wants help, he will do things to help himself. Being needy, whiney, angry, dependent, is NOT helping himself.
Giving up,and walking away form such a person is the best tough love medicine there is. If you won't do it, then you don't really want to help.
Imagine not setting a child's broken arm...because it will hurt. Doing that condemns the child to have the bone heal in an improper way, and makes the kid a cripple for life. That is NOT love. Love does what is needed...even when it hurts.
You're full of shit...don't speak on a topic you know nothing about...I have ptsd and am no more likely to kill someone than my kitten is....and no tough love is not the answer you moron...being there and being loving and supportive is....again please shut your big yap about something you know nothing about...op I suggest you do some research on exactly what ptsd is and familiarize yourself with it...exhaustion is part of it so your b/f may need time to rest and recharge his batteries more than most...have him tell you what he needs from you rather than guessing should you choose to stay....
[Edited 3/5/2016 10:59:39 PM ]
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3/6/2016 12:11:23 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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amusicluvr
Salem, OR
63, joined Nov. 2013
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Gotta agree
Thanks.
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3/6/2016 12:13:45 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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amusicluvr
Salem, OR
63, joined Nov. 2013
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im2 - I am not full of shit. I have lived around many with PTSD. Like anything else, cases vary by severity...but a mild case can become severe in an instant. That is when sufferers often kill themselves...or someone else.
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3/6/2016 5:09:34 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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lightbrownie1
Johnston, IA
47, joined Feb. 2016
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I agree with most comments.
PTSD can be treated, but that person has to want treatment.
Its nice that you care..but that can be done from a distance. If you keep seeing him...you might wind up being PTSD yourself.
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3/6/2016 5:17:26 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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stregaleonora
Atlanta, GA
40, joined Jun. 2014
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I think you just scared him.
If you are so into him and all anxious after 7 weeks he felt that and it made him back up.
Why don't you try to relax?
If he is destined to be with you, he will be with you.
Consider other men, keep your options open...
Don't do like most women whos world revolve around the men they just met.
This mindset is not good for you, and it will possibly push him away.
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3/6/2016 5:56:11 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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stregaleonora
Atlanta, GA
40, joined Jun. 2014
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I think that a lot of men have this hot & cold thing going on with them for some reason...
even those without PTSD.
The behavious you described is not specifically ptsd....are you sure isn't that an excuse because he want to gain back some space?
How well you know this man?
You only know what he tells you..
Don't became his nurse, don't behave like his wife, don't try to solve his problems.
You just met this man!
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3/6/2016 6:49:03 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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lucky_1million
Pewaukee, WI
49, joined Jun. 2013
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You just met this man!
No.
I have seen hot and cold behaviors in a few men that I've dated previously...
none claiming PTSD.
I'm just pointing out that when I see the behavior I don't take it personally.
I give a man space... as much as he needs.
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3/6/2016 9:53:11 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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aintmyb_tch
Ponchatoula, LA
96, joined Aug. 2015
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im2 - I am not full of shit. I have lived around many with PTSD. Like anything else, cases vary by severity...but a mild case can become severe in an instant. That is when sufferers often kill themselves...or someone else.
Yes you are full of shit and a heartless bastard to add to it.
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3/6/2016 10:27:46 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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aintmyb_tch
Ponchatoula, LA
96, joined Aug. 2015
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Yes you are full of shit and a heartless bastard to add to it.
And the reason I say that, you act like anyone who has anything at all wrong with them is entirely broken, useless and undeserving of veing loved.
In this crazy world we are all broken and deserving of knowing we are loved.
You seriously need your a** kicked and should be ashamed.
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3/6/2016 10:33:19 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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thekinghasrisen
San Diego, CA
31, joined Nov. 2013
online now!
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Yes you are full of shit and a heartless bastard to add to it.
I hate to break it to you luv...he's not wrong.
PTSD comes in too many degrees to classify. Maybe he was being snarky, but not everyone with PTSD is fit to date. Some are; they're effects are minuscule to mild. Some however are severely unkempt. I did 8 1/2 the hard way in the Marines and Navy. Do I have PTSD? Probably to some degree; my involvement in the Iraq war costed me my family. However, there is a certain violent reality that speaking to someone one day and burying them the next has on the human psyche. We aren't designed to process loss in that way, so it shocks the system.
In many ways, it's more merciful to give people like that time, space and friendship than it is to give them a 'ride'. The implications of being close to someone like that are considerable. I won't go into all of the ones I've seen, but lets just say that it is far to much for the casual dater to invest.
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3/6/2016 11:25:16 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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im2 - I am not full of shit. I have lived around many with PTSD. Like anything else, cases vary by severity...but a mild case can become severe in an instant. That is when sufferers often kill themselves...or someone else.
Wellllll I apologize for going off on you like that....yes that can happen they can end up hurting themselves if they dont get a handle on it over a prolonged period usually though..as for hurting others...I think its rare like the guy at the shooting range shooting his friends that were trying to help him with his ptsd...I don't think he was ready to be there...I think he got triggered and probably acted out a flash back....that's the danger in pushing someone to do something before they're ready....as far as tough love goes...people who have been traumatized have had it tough enough what they need is what they didn't have during and after the initial trauma...someone to support them...understand...to listen and to be comforted...they came from tough and through tough...this is the time for compassion....and as for mild going to severe..that just doesn't happen...you may be thinking of triggers and flashbacks which can appear scary but is simply the person reliving their original trauma and are symptoms of ptsd and have nothing to do with severity....the severity generally escalates with the number of traumas throughout ones lifetime and can turn into what's called cptsd which is what I have....the problem these days is there is not enough understanding of just what ptsd really is...its not a mental illness it is in fact a brain injury that acts no different than if your brain has been traumatized physically...that is why just medication doesn't work...all it can do is help manage some of the symptoms...
[Edited 3/6/2016 11:27:38 PM ]
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3/7/2016 9:31:14 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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aintmyb_tch
Ponchatoula, LA
96, joined Aug. 2015
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I hate to break it to you luv...he's not wrong.
PTSD comes in too many degrees to classify. Maybe he was being snarky, but not everyone with PTSD is fit to date. Some are; they're effects are minuscule to mild. Some however are severely unkempt. I did 8 1/2 the hard way in the Marines and Navy. Do I have PTSD? Probably to some degree; my involvement in the Iraq war costed me my family. However, there is a certain violent reality that speaking to someone one day and burying them the next has on the human psyche. We aren't designed to process loss in that way, so it shocks the system.
In many ways, it's more merciful to give people like that time, space and friendship than it is to give them a 'ride'. The implications of being close to someone like that are considerable. I won't go into all of the ones I've seen, but lets just say that it is far to much for the casual dater to invest.
I have a child with PTSD, so I dont need it defined or explained to me. I have lived with it long enough to know what it does to those with it and those who love them. I just simply wont tolerate those who are judgemental, harsh and lack compassion. I am not saying the OP should dive right into a heavy relationship either. The way I see her situation is that she needs to step back long enough to search herself and find out whether or not she has the qualities and strength to deal with this before deciding to go further. I interpreted the opening statement as this was the perfect man, her dream come true UNTIL she found out he had PTSD, and then it sounds as if her hopes and dreams were blanketed in a cover of doubts. So as far as I am concerned, she has been given an opportunity regarding self discovery and its not really about what is wrong with him. He is still all those wonderful things she mentions, but now she just knows something else about him and needs to search herself about what to with that information.
Amusiclovers post just makes it sound like anyone with the disorder should be put down like a lame horse. And that is not true. Our veterans with this disorder deserve better attitudes than that.
I know from what I have to deal with as the mom of someone with it, that it can be controlled with medication, counseling, excercise, avoiding alcohol and illegal substances (those things make it worse), learning what the triggers are and avoiding them (we had to leave church because the opening music was so loud and the stage lights created a smokey fog appearance and it all just created a bit too much anxiety that threatened to bring on an episode), then a blow up in a crowded restaraunt which he yelled at a server 'that he was giving her a direct order' and was extremely embarrassing, I have had my life threatened with knives, been barricaded in my house, had an iron thrown at me, had to coax him out of sleep walking fits, been attempts to run me over with a vehicle, All before he was diagnosed!
The last thing needed is a relationship with someone who cant handle the episodes, they are few and far between when medication is being taken properly and counseling ongoing with a proper therapist that is a good fit for that individual. My child went back to school after being diagnosed and got a degree, has an awesome job, is a very loving human being. So in my opinion there is hope for PTSD sufferers, its a matter of learning how to live with it and having a support system.
The OP just needs to decide if she is strong enough to deal with it and if he is worth the risk. As in any situation when it comes to dating, the risk in how much is it going to hurt and how much one will need to give is a factor we all have had to decide at one point or another because there is no soul alive that is absolutely 100% without some flaw.
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3/7/2016 11:28:42 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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soulflight
Baltimore, MD
54, joined Apr. 2014
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You're full of shit...don't speak on a topic you know nothing about...I have ptsd and am no more likely to kill someone than my kitten is....and no tough love is not the answer you moron...being there and being loving and supportive is....again please shut your big yap about something you know nothing about...op I suggest you do some research on exactly what ptsd is and familiarize yourself with it...exhaustion is part of it so your b/f may need time to rest and recharge his batteries more than most...have him tell you what he needs from you rather than guessing should you choose to stay....
No two cases are alike.
Get educated, be open to listening to him and letting him know you want to be a part of his healing as much as is comfortable for him. That doesn't mean pester him..it just means tell him you are there for him and then leave it in his lap. Do not pressure.
Hopefully he works with professionals that are trained to address his needs and help him to develop tools for living/dealing with his challenges.
If it is becoming too much for you, be honest and talk about it with him.
Relax..7 weeks isn't really that long. Don't "create" challenges and problems. Enjoy each day and don't worry about the next. Breathe. Good luck
[Edited 3/7/2016 11:30:08 AM ]
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3/8/2016 5:47:00 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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amusicluvr
Salem, OR
63, joined Nov. 2013
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PTSD is a severe form of Depression. It is treatable, and anyone who has it can damned well get it cured before they try to become involved with me. I don't have the time, or inclination, to dole out pity 24-7, and look over my shoulder, constantly, for The Big Blow Up. I won't be anyone's unpaid Shrink+Nurse+Surrogate Mommy just because they are too lazy to grow the f**k up, and get over it. I have been through much worse than most people have, and I do NOT have PTSD...because I choose to not have it. I moved on, and got a life, and I live it. Anyone else can do likewise...IF they WANT to. Those who don't want to-who prefer to wallow in pity, fear, etc-can damned well do so without me.
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3/9/2016 12:56:42 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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pickygirl72
Barrow, AK
45, joined Sep. 2011
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Stop guessing and ask him whats up. Or move. No wonder your date is acting funny...u are still on a dating site with those huge boobies hanging out of your dress.
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3/9/2016 2:27:50 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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amusicluvr
Salem, OR
63, joined Nov. 2013
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And the reason I say that, you act like anyone who has anything at all wrong with them is entirely broken, useless and undeserving of veing loved.
In this crazy world we are all broken and deserving of knowing we are loved.
You seriously need your a** kicked and should be ashamed.
Some forms of 'broken' are forever. There is NOT ONE documented case of a child molester ever being 'cured'.
Those forms of 'broken' which can be cured-PTSD, Alcoholism, Drug Addiction, etc-CAN NOT be cured by ANYONE but the one who is 'broken'. That person MUST WANT to get fixed, and MUST make a MAJOR EFFORT to get fixed. Others can then help them, along the way, but can NOT fix it for them. UNTIL the 'broken' one wants to get fixed, and is willing to make the effort to get fixed, and does make that effort, NOTHING CAN BE DONE fix wise. The 'brokens' who sit around: whining, seeking pity, blaming someone / something else, refusing to make an effort, skipping their meds, skipping counseling sessions, etc, are hopeless, worthless, pukes who deserve nothing but a trip to the hereafter.
It is not my job to fix every broken in the universe. They have to fix themselves. If they won't make the effort for themselves, they won't make the effort for me. I have better things to do than be their crutch, b*tching post, punching bag, etc. If you want to be the punching bag, crutch, etc, of some whining 'Broken', be my guest. There are always enough suckers like you, in this world, to give the worthless the love they don't deserve. When you get tired of the: screaming, arguing, false accusations, physical attacks, verbal assaults, lost opportunities, wasted time, etc,and are finally ready to leave the loser, remind yourself that I told you so.
More than a few people have tried to kick my ass. Those who are still alive will never try again. Their 'kickers' don't function so well any more.
'Brokens' who are willing to get fixed can do so without me around. They will have enough help from Shrinks, etc, and won't need me. Once they are fixed, I will be happy to deal with them. Until they are fixed, they can remain Someone Else's Problem.
I am not heartless, and do know what I am talking about. I have been through far worse than what 99% of typical PTSD sufferers have been through....mental, verbal, physical, and sexual, abuse as a child...so intense that it constituted torture on a scale which would make Gestapo officers proud of my torturer. I do not have PTSD, because I chose to not have it. I dealt with my problems, and moved on. I have also been a drug addict. After dental surgery-for wisdom teeth-I became medically addicted to Codeine. My jaw pain was hanging on longer than it should, so I had my oral surgeon X-ray my jaw. All was nicely healed, so the pains were 'Phantom Pains'...meaning I was addicted to the pain killer. I went 'Cold Turkey', and suffered intense pain for days...and then was cured. Since I could do it, so can others....IF they want to.
Sometimes, REAL Love involves Tough Love. You often do more to help 'Brokens' by doing less to help them, and so encouraging them to do more to help themselves. When you grow up, mentally, you will begin to understand such things.
[Edited 3/9/2016 2:29:56 AM ]
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3/9/2016 9:07:10 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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aintmyb_tch
Ponchatoula, LA
96, joined Aug. 2015
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Forgetanyone with PTSD, or any other severe mental disorder.
You said FORGET them! Your word choice there, was it not?
Guess you skipped over the post that I am the mother of someone with it. Yes I understand tough love. I agree with using it to get those with issues that they think are beyond their control to stand on their own 2 feet and take responsibility for their own lives. Ive had to use it in as far as moving and not even letting my son know my whereabouts back in the day after he threatened my life.
But forget him? NO! NEVER!
TODAY HE PRAISES ME FOR DOING WHAT WAS NEEDED SO THAT HE GOT THE HELP HE NEEDED.
Watch using negative words if you dont want others thinking you are full of shit.
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3/9/2016 9:14:07 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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gothygoogoo
Red Bluff, CA
59, joined Feb. 2015
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A buddy of mine has been dealing with the VA for decades...
Last year they sent him home with a PTSD questionaire that had something like 25 questions that he was supposed to answer before his next doctors appointment...
He asked me all of them and it turns out that I have more PTSD than he - and he is a vietnam combat vet!!!
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3/9/2016 6:11:25 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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enigmaathand
Leavittsburg, OH
35, joined Mar. 2013
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Wow. That is kinda strange. PTSD is a legitimate condition. I agree with music, that sometimes you have to make a choice to recover, because the ailment is mental.
I also know for a fact, that at least two people I talk to personally, have faked PTSD so they could go on disability and not have to worry about getting a job.
So, it does make me wonder what was on that questionnaire. Any chance he still has it and you could photo it on here?
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3/10/2016 2:33:46 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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PTSD is a severe form of Depression. It is treatable, and anyone who has it can damned well get it cured before they try to become involved with me. I don't have the time, or inclination, to dole out pity 24-7, and look over my shoulder, constantly, for The Big Blow Up. I won't be anyone's unpaid Shrink+Nurse+Surrogate Mommy just because they are too lazy to grow the f**k up, and get over it. I have been through much worse than most people have, and I do NOT have PTSD...because I choose to not have it. I moved on, and got a life, and I live it. Anyone else can do likewise...IF they WANT to. Those who don't want to-who prefer to wallow in pity, fear, etc-can damned well do so without me.
Ohhhhhh please you cant choose not to have ptsd....and you think you've been through worse...just because you don't have it doesn't lessen other people's pain and trauma that do have it and certainly doesn't make them any less of a person...I gotta call bullshit on this one...sorry...ptsd is not a severe form of depression that is also bullshit its a symptom of ptsd that's it....
How does PTSD develop?
Most people who go through a trauma have some symptoms at the beginning. Only some will develop PTSD over time. It isn't clear why some people develop PTSD and others don't.
Whether or not you get PTSD depends on many things:
•How intense the trauma was or how long it lasted
•If you were injured or lost someone important to you
•How close you were to the event
•How strong your reaction was
•How much you felt in control of events
•How much help and support you got after the event
Symptoms of PTSD
PTSD is diagnosed after a person experiences symptoms for at least one month following a traumatic event. However symptoms may not appear until several months or even years later. The disorder is characterized by three main types of symptoms:
•Re-experiencing the trauma through intrusive distressing recollections of the event, flashbacks, and nightmares.
•Emotional numbness and avoidance of places, people, and activities that are reminders of the trauma.
•Increased arousal such as difficulty sleeping and concentrating, feeling jumpy, and being easily irritated and angered.
Diagnosis criteria that apply to adults, adolescents, and children older than six include those below. Read more details here.
Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violation:
•directly experiencing the traumatic events
•witnessing, in person, the traumatic events
•learning that the traumatic events occurred to a close family member or close friend; cases of actual or threatened death must have been violent or accidental
•experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic events (Examples are first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). Note: This does not apply to exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures, unless exposure is work-related.
The presence of one or more of the following:
•spontaneous or cued recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic events (Note: In children repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the traumatic events are expressed.)
•recurrent distressing dreams in which the content or affect (i.e. feeling) of the dream is related to the events (Note: In children there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.)
•flashbacks or other dissociative reactions in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic events are recurring (Note: In children trauma-specific reenactment may occur in play.)
•intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic events
•physiological reactions to reminders of the traumatic events
Persistent avoidance of distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic events or of external reminders (i.e., people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations)
Two or more of the following:
•inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic events (not due to head injury, alcohol, or drugs)
•persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted,” "The world is completely dangerous").
•persistent, distorted blame of self or others about the cause or consequences of the traumatic events
•persistent fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame
•markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
•feelings of detachment or estrangement from others
•persistent inability to experience positive emotions
Two or more of the following marked changes in arousal and reactivity:
•irritable or aggressive behavior
•reckless or self-destructive behavior
•hypervigilance
•exaggerated startle response
•problems with concentration
•difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep
Also, clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning not attributed to the direct physiological effects of medication, drugs, or alcohol or another medical condition, such as traumatic brain injury.
Again get your facts straight amusic....
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3/10/2016 2:39:37 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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Enig..im not sure why anyone would want to fake a disability....you barely get enough to survive on something like 13000.00 per year is what I get...they make it low so people wont want to be on it...but in doing so they punish the ones who need to be on it and force them to live in poverty....
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3/10/2016 7:56:03 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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enigmaathand
Leavittsburg, OH
35, joined Mar. 2013
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Ohhhhhh please you cant choose not to have ptsd....and you think you've been through worse...just because you don't have it doesn't lessen other people's pain and trauma that do have it and certainly doesn't make them any less of a person...I gotta call bullshit on this one...sorry...ptsd is not a severe form of depression that is also bullshit its a symptom of ptsd that's it....
How does PTSD develop?
Most people who go through a trauma have some symptoms at the beginning. Only some will develop PTSD over time. It isn't clear why some people develop PTSD and others don't.
Whether or not you get PTSD depends on many things:
•How intense the trauma was or how long it lasted
•If you were injured or lost someone important to you
•How close you were to the event
•How strong your reaction was
•How much you felt in control of events
•How much help and support you got after the event
Symptoms of PTSD
PTSD is diagnosed after a person experiences symptoms for at least one month following a traumatic event. However symptoms may not appear until several months or even years later. The disorder is characterized by three main types of symptoms:
•Re-experiencing the trauma through intrusive distressing recollections of the event, flashbacks, and nightmares.
•Emotional numbness and avoidance of places, people, and activities that are reminders of the trauma.
•Increased arousal such as difficulty sleeping and concentrating, feeling jumpy, and being easily irritated and angered.
Diagnosis criteria that apply to adults, adolescents, and children older than six include those below. Read more details here.
Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violation:
•directly experiencing the traumatic events
•witnessing, in person, the traumatic events
•learning that the traumatic events occurred to a close family member or close friend; cases of actual or threatened death must have been violent or accidental
•experiencing repeated or extreme exposure to aversive details of the traumatic events (Examples are first responders collecting human remains; police officers repeatedly exposed to details of child abuse). Note: This does not apply to exposure through electronic media, television, movies, or pictures, unless exposure is work-related.
The presence of one or more of the following:
•spontaneous or cued recurrent, involuntary, and intrusive distressing memories of the traumatic events (Note: In children repetitive play may occur in which themes or aspects of the traumatic events are expressed.)
•recurrent distressing dreams in which the content or affect (i.e. feeling) of the dream is related to the events (Note: In children there may be frightening dreams without recognizable content.)
•flashbacks or other dissociative reactions in which the individual feels or acts as if the traumatic events are recurring (Note: In children trauma-specific reenactment may occur in play.)
•intense or prolonged psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic events
•physiological reactions to reminders of the traumatic events
Persistent avoidance of distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic events or of external reminders (i.e., people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations)
Two or more of the following:
•inability to remember an important aspect of the traumatic events (not due to head injury, alcohol, or drugs)
•persistent and exaggerated negative beliefs or expectations about oneself, others, or the world (e.g., “I am bad,” “No one can be trusted,” "The world is completely dangerous").
•persistent, distorted blame of self or others about the cause or consequences of the traumatic events
•persistent fear, horror, anger, guilt, or shame
•markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
•feelings of detachment or estrangement from others
•persistent inability to experience positive emotions
Two or more of the following marked changes in arousal and reactivity:
•irritable or aggressive behavior
•reckless or self-destructive behavior
•hypervigilance
•exaggerated startle response
•problems with concentration
•difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep
Also, clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning not attributed to the direct physiological effects of medication, drugs, or alcohol or another medical condition, such as traumatic brain injury.
Again get your facts straight amusic.... This describes pretty much everyone on the entire planet. I have PTSD, with the list of symptoms there.
And U.S. Federal Poverty level, for a family of 1 is $10,500/year.
PTSD disability comes from the U.S. Social Security funds, which every working American is taxed at 7.65% of all earned income.
However, the benefit amount you get each month is determined by how much you have paid in or your legal guardians have paid into the fund, in the event of a minor child.
So, you can never pay into SSI and have never worked, but if your mom amd dad have paid in, you can be awarded their benefits if they passed away or have not retired.
Disability income is not taxed. The one girl, who sits around all day just making babies(she has 5 of them, now), collects over $1,200/month for PTSD. That is the equivalent of working a $10/hr job, after taxes are taken out. And she doesn't have to spend 40 hours per week actually working.
She was awarded the benefits her dad had paid into, when she was 15, and she has been bleeding the system dry ever since. No desire to work. But, she sure demands that the father get his a** to work everyday and criticizes HIM anytime the financial issues arise. She tells him what to do, when to do it, how to do it.
Needless to say, me and her may not get along. She seems to think I hate women.....
Not really. I just hate typical women like HER.
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3/10/2016 8:01:35 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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gothygoogoo
Red Bluff, CA
59, joined Feb. 2015
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"...And U.S. Federal Poverty level, for a family of 1 is $10,500/year..."
i
get
just barely over that...
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3/10/2016 8:26:34 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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Im not in the u.s. enig and I call bullshit on everyone on the planet having those symptoms...anyway it doesn't matter...I know what I have...I know what I go through..i don't really care what other people think or don't think and I certainly don't need anyone's validation of whether they think its bad enough or not for me to work...my doctor know and I know..that's enough...and I worked all my life from the time I was 14 up until about 7 yrs ago so I don't think anyone could ever accuse me of not wanting to work...plus I raised two kids while working....
[Edited 3/10/2016 8:26:55 AM ]
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3/10/2016 8:33:23 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
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This describes pretty much everyone on the entire planet. I have PTSD, with the list of symptoms there.
And U.S. Federal Poverty level, for a family of 1 is $10,500/year.
PTSD disability comes from the U.S. Social Security funds, which every working American is taxed at 7.65% of all earned income.
However, the benefit amount you get each month is determined by how much you have paid in or your legal guardians have paid into the fund, in the event of a minor child.
So, you can never pay into SSI and have never worked, but if your mom amd dad have paid in, you can be awarded their benefits if they passed away or have not retired.
Disability income is not taxed. The one girl, who sits around all day just making babies(she has 5 of them, now), collects over $1,200/month for PTSD. That is the equivalent of working a $10/hr job, after taxes are taken out. And she doesn't have to spend 40 hours per week actually working.
She was awarded the benefits her dad had paid into, when she was 15, and she has been bleeding the system dry ever since. No desire to work. But, she sure demands that the father get his a** to work everyday and criticizes HIM anytime the financial issues arise. She tells him what to do, when to do it, how to do it.
Needless to say, me and her may not get along. She seems to think I hate women.....
Not really. I just hate typical women like HER.
Define: typical, please (male or female) TY
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3/10/2016 8:36:04 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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enigmaathand
Leavittsburg, OH
35, joined Mar. 2013
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Thexy, I am in full awareness, that PTSD DOES occur. Perhaps you seem to have forgotten, I get to see the brains and blood of one of its victims everytime I walk into my garage.
What I am saying, the symptoms listed, effect most people. Hell, my flawed perception and generalizations about women could be used to qualify me as PTSD. If you read the terminology used, it is very vague.
Stop being defensive, because I am not your enemy regarding the topic.
Mental illnesses can range from minimal symptoms to severe. They are not always a scenario of "You have it or you don't", like say a physical illness.
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3/10/2016 8:42:44 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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enigmaathand
Leavittsburg, OH
35, joined Mar. 2013
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"...And U.S. Federal Poverty level, for a family of 1 is $10,500/year..."
i
get
just barely over that...
You would get more, but the funds are bankrupt from always handing it to people that don't deserve it(like the baby maker I previously described). Talk to your Democratic party about NOT giving people handouts they don't deserve.
I laugh, every year when SSI sends me my letter, with my estimated benefits I can receive upon retirement age. I just want to write them a letter:
Dear U.S. Social Security Administration,
I would like to take the time to thank you, for creating a false sense of financial stability contained in your letter. You have apparently done this as means of providing peace of mind, that I will be able to stop slaving away at my job, upon actually reaching the age of 69. I think you should try policing your policies, instead of handing them out to illegals that can't speak any English amd to single women that are already getting state and federal funded healthcare through welfare programs. You could try revising your policies to prevent abuse, so the people that are working legally and paying into this fund will actually have something to collect, before we die.
Thank you
Sincerely,
E
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3/10/2016 8:52:53 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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Thexy, I am in full awareness, that PTSD DOES occur. Perhaps you seem to have forgotten, I get to see the brains and blood of one of its victims everytime I walk into my garage.
What I am saying, the symptoms listed, effect most people. Hell, my flawed perception and generalizations about women could be used to qualify me as PTSD. If you read the terminology used, it is very vague.
Stop being defensive, because I am not your enemy regarding the topic.
Mental illnesses can range from minimal symptoms to severe. They are not always a scenario of "You have it or you don't", like say a physical illness.
I just get tired of people thinking they know what we go through and what we need when they haven't walked a day in the shoes of someone with ptsd...its horrific to live with...absolutely horrific and even more so when you go through it alone because people simply don't get it....so if I sound defensive that's why...I've heard it all over the years....im also aware there is a severity scale..im at the worst end having what's known as cpst or complex ptsd...
[Edited 3/10/2016 8:54:47 AM ]
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3/10/2016 6:31:36 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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enigmaathand
Leavittsburg, OH
35, joined Mar. 2013
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I don't know what the hell you need. You are a woman. I have been trying to figure out what the hell women want, from about the age of 15. I am convinced God doesn't even know what women want.
And I don't know what severe PTSD is. I know what I handle with Tyler's suicide and I have gone from being an extrovert to an introvert. Hell, I could have the symptoms of it, because I avoid people. But, my situation hasn't put me in a position of suffering physically from it, so I'll be damned if I am going to be like the ones that claim it just to get a free ride.
I have too much pride for that, one, and two: I would be taking from those that actually NEED help. Help is something I rarely need.
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3/10/2016 9:08:52 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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flyfish77
Conyers, GA
51, joined Jul. 2014
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everything in life is also..mental.
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3/11/2016 12:03:10 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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I don't know what the hell you need. You are a woman. I have been trying to figure out what the hell women want, from about the age of 15. I am convinced God doesn't even know what women want.
And I don't know what severe PTSD is. I know what I handle with Tyler's suicide and I have gone from being an extrovert to an introvert. Hell, I could have the symptoms of it, because I avoid people. But, my situation hasn't put me in a position of suffering physically from it, so I'll be damned if I am going to be like the ones that claim it just to get a free ride.
I have too much pride for that, one, and two: I would be taking from those that actually NEED help. Help is something I rarely need.
Ahhhhhhh I thought a lot like you did until I ended up in the hospital...when the mind is stubborn the body relents...and my body just couldn't take it any more....and welllll there is only a few things I have ever really needed and that's to feel loved...safe and supported and I don't mean financially either...
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3/11/2016 7:17:25 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
61, joined Apr. 2011
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I don't think everyone with this...suffers it in the same degree or will become a terrible problem.....In fact I know this is the case.
But, you have to be careful, and not fall into a bad situation.
I think its great you considered him, considering this.
But, if it turns out not to be a good thing....be easy on him and don't kick him to the curb.
as far as timing....just wing it, according to what seems to work.
Everyone's different.
As for those who say he will become violent....well, there are many of there that do, who don't have this.
Also...there is nothing better than communication with the person in question.
[Edited 3/11/2016 7:18:16 AM ]
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3/11/2016 10:25:33 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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soulflight
Baltimore, MD
54, joined Apr. 2014
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Awful lot of judgement going on in this thread...
It's always easy to identify ignorance, it's usually the voice that is most critical of others.
be well thexy!
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3/11/2016 1:09:32 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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bumblebee7
Fort Payne, AL
61, joined Apr. 2011
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Op...what you could do is talk to the V.A. and other sources likewise and get the scoop from them.
Getting advice here can be good at times, other times, its like spinning wheels in the mud and based on opinions, without real life experiences and even if it was, its with one person or here say from others.
The bottom line here is, you found someone in your opinion like no other before ....in a good way...so, its worth pursuing from more credible sources.
I wish you well...
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3/11/2016 1:54:52 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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sinceresammy
Dayton, OH
61, joined Mar. 2014
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Getting any advice from Scarecrow is similar to addressing a cow's a**hole awaiting a response!
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3/11/2016 2:56:52 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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enigmaathand
Leavittsburg, OH
35, joined Mar. 2013
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Ahhhhhhh I thought a lot like you did until I ended up in the hospital...when the mind is stubborn the body relents...and my body just couldn't take it any more....and welllll there is only a few things I have ever really needed and that's to feel loved...safe and supported and I don't mean financially either... Thexy, every person NEEDS to feel what you want to feel, in terms of love, security, stability.
We don't promote those values in society, anymore, and as such we are causing more mental harm than before, imo.
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3/11/2016 11:42:37 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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d_voted
Winnipeg, MB
63, joined Sep. 2008
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PTSD is a severe form of Depression. It is treatable, and anyone who has it can damned well get it cured before they try to become involved with me. I don't have the time, or inclination, to dole out pity 24-7, and look over my shoulder, constantly, for The Big Blow Up. I won't be anyone's unpaid Shrink+Nurse+Surrogate Mommy just because they are too lazy to grow the f**k up, and get over it. I have been through much worse than most people have, and I do NOT have PTSD...because I choose to not have it. I moved on, and got a life, and I live it. Anyone else can do likewise...IF they WANT to. Those who don't want to-who prefer to wallow in pity, fear, etc-can damned well do so without me.
Your ignorance of the facts ie: your stupidity can be forgiven.
Your mean spiritedness added to your lack of knowledge is repulsive.
PTSD is NOT a severe form of Depression and the rules of engagement in treatment are significantly different.
You have NO idea what you are talking about so perhaps you should simply go away.
D
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3/12/2016 4:19:24 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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Awful lot of judgement going on in this thread...
It's always easy to identify ignorance, it's usually the voice that is most critical of others.
be well thexy!
Thanks g/f...I certainly have come a long way in healing...that's the main thing....
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3/12/2016 4:21:02 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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Thexy, every person NEEDS to feel what you want to feel, in terms of love, security, stability.
We don't promote those values in society, anymore, and as such we are causing more mental harm than before, imo.
Yeah I agree but just because society doesn't promote them doesn't mean we cant...its gotta start somewhere....
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3/12/2016 5:56:07 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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flyfish77
Conyers, GA
51, joined Jul. 2014
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thats cruel an harsh,you got things your not over yet...thats for sure though we all wish we were perfectly ..stable..in all ways...none of us are...
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3/12/2016 11:59:03 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
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As long as he was stable... Possibly.
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3/19/2016 8:49:24 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
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3/19/2016 8:52:02 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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bluecougareyes
Chelan, WA
72, joined Nov. 2008
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Ok, so I started seeing this man almost 7weeks ago. At first everything was great, he's funny, Charming, kind, Gentleman, affectionate, nerdy, comfortable to be around, easy to talk to, very handsome and well built. He walks with a cane but that doesn't bother me, I actually think he looks rather distinguished with it. So everything was going great we'd go to movies, & dinner, or hang out at his place, or at mine. Our schedules are pretty opposite & he doesn't drive due to his injury from serving in the military, but I don't mind doing the driving coming to him and squeezing in time to see him a few times a week. And he's always complimenting me, telling me he can't believe I'm with him, & how lucky he is to have me. But lately like the past week & 1/2 he's been kind of doing this hot & cold thing, one moment he can't get enough of me the next he seems to resent my presence. He says it's the PTSD and his brain is just tired and burnt out. I know he's under quite a bit of stress from work & a friend passing away, and I guess he hasn't been sleeping too well. A friend of mine tells me that PTSD can get even worse over time even violent, and even though I truly could never see him physically trying to harm me. I'm not sure what to do, should I give him space? if so for how long? 2-3days, a week, a few weeks, a month? Or should I try & help him, constantly reassuring him that I'm here, & that I really want to be with him? I don't want to give up or walk away but I don't want to burden him if being with me is something he's just not ready for. I know noone is perfect I have my insecurities and I'm not the most patient person. So kicking him to the curb for being a bit reclusive & hot/cold because he survived through tramatic experiences over seas serving our country seems down right heartless, & I really like him! I haven't enjoyed spending time with someone this much in years. So any advice, suggestions, honest kind opinions would be appreciated, please if you have something rude or insulting to say just keep it to yourself. Thank you
BIG WALL OF TEXT....
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3/19/2016 11:55:50 PM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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cupocheer
Assumption, IL
67, joined May. 2010
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3/20/2016 10:20:12 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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leaddawg
Metter, GA
52, joined Oct. 2007
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I have a guy that i served with on my team who has ptsd. The VA has done great with him. Maybe he will get the counseling he needs. Let's hope.
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3/23/2016 1:06:20 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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bluecougareyes
Chelan, WA
72, joined Nov. 2008
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PTSD = smoke some POT !
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3/23/2016 1:58:47 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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im2thexy
Belleville, ON
48, joined Dec. 2014
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Yep...they're actually doing a study on that as we speak...but I can tell ya it helps....
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3/28/2016 11:19:10 AM |
Dating a man with PTSD |
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sinceresammy
Dayton, OH
61, joined Mar. 2014
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Keep his gun locked away or get a bullet proof bra!
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