Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) 76

2/7/2008 2:15:18 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
katiescarlett72 Dallas, TX age: 35	You don't trust men very well do you? It shows. Bassman, no, not really. I'm not exactly trying to be sneaky about it, either. Why should I? Because of the old line about how you should trust people until they give you a reason not to? Bullshit. You should be cautious with people until they demonstrate that they will handle you with care. I don't owe it to any man to throw open the door to my mind, my heart or my home and say "waltz on in!" Either he wants to be there enough to be patient, earn my trust (as I should also have to earn his), and let it happen the right way, or he can move on down the road to the chick that doesn't mind instantaneous tantric attachment. Works for me either way. If you had a newborn, obviously you would not hand it to the first stranger you saw on the street and say, "hey, watch this for me, I trust you, you've given me no reason not to." You'd do your due diligence, find a childcare provider that met the needs that were important to you, compromise on a few minor issues if necessary, and then be watchful and wary for a while until you were certain that they were taking good care of what was precious to you. Hell, most people wouldn't even hand their LAWNMOWER over to someone that they didn't know and trust to take care of it and return it unharmed LOL. IMO, it's just plain retarded to do any less with your heart. You don't have to treat people like they're potential axe murderers until they earn your trust, but you certainly don't have to hand over everything you have and cross your fingers. I think it's better to start off slow and hopeful, see how things go, and give trust in increments as it is earned. If warning bells go off, or your gut says something is wrong, then you need to take a few steps back and reassess. You know all the people who are broke, in custody fights, lost jobs, houses, kids, friends, family, sometimes all of the above, because a relationship went sour? They could probably have done with a healthy dose of distrust going into things. God knows I could have in my last outing. :: shrug :: Being alone may not be a blast but it beats the heck out of trying to disentangle emotionally, physically, financially or mentally from a bad situation that's gone too far.
2/7/2008 2:35:30 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
bassman1959 Santa Rosa, CA age: 48	Katie, No one says you should trust anyone right away. However, it is very clear in all your posts that you don't trust men at all. That might have been fine when you were younger. A lot of younger men see that in a woman and they want to show her that they are better then that. So they try to save her. When you get older most of us men have been through all that. A woman that can't trust men won't open her heart to them......ever. Men learn that with time and experience. You have been hurt before, I understand that. But what you seem to forget is that for every woman out there that has been hurt there is a man that has been hurt as well. If you want to attract decent men you have to learn to trust and stop blaming every man for what a few might have done. The guy that this woman is talking about has not shown any signs of being a player. He is imature and inexperienced....but not a player. A player won't date a woman for as long or as often as she says they have been dating.
2/7/2008 2:58:51 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
katiescarlett72 Dallas, TX age: 35	"No one says you should trust anyone right away. However, it is very clear in all your posts that you don't trust men at all." Not true. It's an overgeneralization and kind of a goofy remark to make about someone that you don't know jack about. You can certainly state that it's your opinion, but to try to make it sound like fact is just ... yeah. Not smart. Being determined to be careful the next time around is not the same as blaming men for what happened in my past. If any guy has a problem with that because he's been through all that before, then, as I said in my previous post, I'll pay his cab fare. In any case, attracting decent men is not one of the challenges I'm coping with at the moment, but thank you for your concern. "The guy that this woman is talking about has not shown any signs of being a player. He is imature and inexperienced....but not a player. A player won't date a woman for as long or as often as she says they have been dating." GAH. What many, many of the women in this thread have told you, and you seem to refuse to understand, is that this is NOT TRUE. There is no time limit on how long a player will spend playing. Most of them will play until they get busted, because it's absolutely no skin off their nose. Maybe the problem here is that you have a limited definition of the word player. If you think it means someone who is just trying to get into her pants and then leave, please read these other definitions from urban dictionary - A guy who is sustaining supposedly exclusive relationships with multiple girls simultaneously. A male who is skilled at manipulating (playing) others, and especially at seducing women by pretending to care about them, when in reality he is only interested in sex. Female or male who has several long term (aka I love you) relationships, and tricks each into thinking she/he is the one. A high status male who makes dating many women a game. The best players don't hide the fact they are desired by many women, because a true player realises that women are attracted to guys that already have lots of women attracted to him. I am so curious as to why on earth you think he's immature and inexperienced. Where are the signs for that? She's 35 so I would assume he's around the same age - why are you talking like he's some goofy 20 year old who doesn't realize that it's bad form to make cell phone calls on dates or call married women while on a date? My 13 year old son would know better than that LOL.
2/7/2008 3:08:07 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
thebestman Alpharetta, GA age: 34	LMAO - a true player has his game in tip top form. But what separates a true player from a wanna be player is that a true player is HONEST. He doesn't have to lie in attempts to achieve his player goals. Secondly, there isn't a time table that a player uses lmao lmao. A player can be with a woman for as long as he chooses. A true player doesn't have to hide shizzle. He can talk on the phone without feeling guilty or lying who he is speaking to because he has his game together with the females and he is HONEST. If a man has to lie, deceive etc... and try to run game, he is not a player. He is a wanna be player and doesn't even have rookie status. [Edited 2/7/2008 3:08:34 PM]
2/7/2008 3:24:12 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
karie1970 Springfield, IL age: 37
2/7/2008 3:37:00 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
magtag East York, ON age: 41	You are soooo right Katie...my 12 year old son knows WAY better than that and has for a year or two already!!
2/7/2008 3:50:15 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
wolffdream Billerica, MA age: 57	Wooooo Bestman, you got that down pat.. Sounds like you know from experience...
2/7/2008 3:57:36 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
thebestman Alpharetta, GA age: 34	@ wolf
2/7/2008 3:59:39 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
wolffdream Billerica, MA age: 57	You know, there are "players" on both sides of the gender fence. I think you girls are being a 'widdle' bit to serious. Hey, the've only been dating a few months. Lifes a journey, enjoy it. Real love cant be stopped, if it's gonna happen, no one phone call is gonna make or break it. Hey, I am sure glad Im not a guy dating any of you girls...... whewwwwwww couldnt handle the pressure. Remember, have a good time, and if you can lose someone, they were not worth having in the first place. Give the guy a break, he may not be a kid, but I know lots men who are pretty immature, and don't think sometimes. Man, are all you girls born with bull whips in your hands? No wonder so many relationship die, you dont give them a chance to bloom naturally. No one is perfect.
2/7/2008 4:14:39 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
thebestman Alpharetta, GA age: 34	Of course there are players on both sides You made some good points wolf [Edited 2/7/2008 4:15:18 PM]
2/7/2008 4:23:12 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
wolffdream Billerica, MA age: 57	oooooooowwwwwwwwwwww.... I fear for you my man. I see now what you guys have to deal with. (can get ugly) Everyone forgets to have fun, laugh and enjoy life. I think your cool bestman... Play safe....
2/7/2008 5:04:04 PM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
thebestman Alpharetta, GA age: 34	thanks wolf... you are an excellent voice of honest and unbiased reason, hence a wise woman.
2/8/2008 6:06:25 AM	Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions)
wolffdream Billerica, MA age: 57	I knew I liked you bestman........... Nice to see a guy with his head on straight. Handsome one too...

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