| 2/3/2008 8:41:15 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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I've been dating this guy every week for about 2 1/2 months. We are planning to go away for Valentines Day weekend together and he says he loves and adores me. However, something recently happened that has kind of made me pull away.
Last night we were on a date and he called a few friends. One was a male who he introduced me to over the phone and we chatted for a few minutes. The other was a female co worker. He asked her does she know where they play Raggae at on Saturday Nights? At the time she didn't know but she texted him later with a place. Before he hung up he said "maybe we can go sometimes on a friday night." Now, we didn't go to Raggae last night although he called her and asked.
Later, he told me that she is a friend from work who likes raggae. He said, he can call her at 8 or 11 pm if he needs any help with anything - workwise. Now, I can't see what he can possibly need to talk to her about at 11 pm or even 8 for that matter. He says it nothing - and if he had any bad intentions he wouldn't call her in front of me.
Now, last week he told me how bold the women at work are and that a few have told him that he is a very attractive man. But, they say he's an introvert because he doesn't talk to anyone. Now, all of a sudden he has a friend from work. He's a teacher - just in case you wanted to know his profession.
What do you think? Should I leave this alone? Or am I over reacting?
[Edited 2/3/2008 9:36:28 AM]
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| 2/3/2008 8:42:38 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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nashoba_miko
Bethany, OK
age: 38
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He has some kinda issue going on....i'd dump him.
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| 2/3/2008 8:59:24 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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Thank you for your input.
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| 2/3/2008 8:59:27 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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incredulous
Greenville, SC
age: 58
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I think he needs to tell you he wants either an open relationship or a wife/girlfriend-swapping relationship.
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| 2/3/2008 9:00:47 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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katiescarlett72
Plano, TX
age: 35
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Buh-bye.
There is something weird with people who have to demonstrate to their partner how attractive the opposite sex finds them. I don't know if it stems from insecurity or just being a jerk or what, but men and women alike can be guilty of this.
Unless you want to spend the rest of your life in constant worry about the next woman who finds your man irresistible (because believe me, he'll tell you about EVERY one, IN detail) and whether this is the one he'll decide is more attractive than you, take a hard right turn and send him to the left.
Would YOU ever disrespect HIM by planning an evening out with another man while he sits there and listens? If this was happening to a friend of yours, what would you tell her?
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| 2/3/2008 9:02:17 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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He says, she's married and just a group of them spoke about maybe going to a raggae club sometimes. He's african and funny you mention that but,he says wife swapping is against his culture. We were watching a movie where this happened.
Why would he ask me to go away on valentines day weekend if he still wanted to talk to other people? I thought that was a next step in a relationship.
He says, i'm overreacting...He wouldn't call someone in my face if he had bad intentions.
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| 2/3/2008 9:04:37 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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katiescarlett72
Plano, TX
age: 35
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If you're just going to make excuses for him, and buy the ones he's handing you, then why did you post the question here?
Your gut is telling you that there's something wrong with his line of BS or you never would have started this discussion. Listen to that gut. Women's instincts about things like this are rarely wrong. The place where we go wrong is that we ignore them or reason them away because we don't want to be alone, or he's so damn cute, or gosh he just has such a reasonable explanation for everything.
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| 2/3/2008 9:04:51 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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fatalbambi
Camden, NJ
age: 37
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I wouldn't trust him. Should you decide to keep him....keep your ears and eyes open.
[Edited 2/3/2008 9:10:30 AM]
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| 2/3/2008 9:08:23 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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I will keep my eyes open. My plan is to start letting some of these other guys into my life who i've met on line and then see where it goes.
I strongly believe in the gut thing as well. So, I'm going to think things over a little before I move forward with him.
Thanks
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| 2/3/2008 9:21:41 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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magtag
East York, ON
age: 41
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First..one question..were you prompted to start this post because you are feeling a little suspicious of his intentions with you? gut feeling something is wrong? Because you should really listen to your own instincts first and foremost, because they are usually right in these situations.
And a couple of comments...
"Last night we were on a date and he called a few friends. One was a male who he introduced me to over the phone and we chatted for a few minutes. The other was a female co worker. He asked her does she know where they play Raggae at on Saturday Nights?"
My question/comment on this is if he introduced you over the phone to the male friend, why did he not introduce you to the female friend over the phone? Did he mention that he was with you at the time? What were you feeling at that moment? It seems a little odd to me that he would be the type to introduce you over the phone, yet did not do so with the female friend.
"Later, he told me that she is a friend from work who likes raggae. He said, he can call her at 8 or 11 pm if he needs any help with anything - workwise. Now, I can't see what he can possibly need to talk to her about at 11 pm or even 8 for that matter. He says it nothing - and if he had any bad intentions he wouldn't call her in front of me."
In some professions a call outside of business hours to a colleague may be necessary, this happens to me occasionally when trying to meet a deadline, but the calls are very clearly work related and last long enough to discuss the business at hand...you said he is a teacher...I don't see what a teacher needs to be dealing with outside of school hours with a collegue?
Also, be careful...I've known a several men who have used that line...I wouldn't call her in front of you if there was anything to worry about...yeah that one...that shouldn't need to be spoken, and usually if it is, it's because there is a need to worry!
There is no way to know definitively if this is anything to worry about or not. As I said earlier, trust your own instincts and your gut feeling...if you feel uncomfortable or like there is something wrong here, there likely is. Ask him to introduce you to this woman and see what the response is. If he is willing to introduce you to one friend, there should be no reason he shouldn't introduce you to this one.
Good luck with this and all the best...I hope it all works out for you!
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| 2/3/2008 9:41:10 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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Thank you for your opinion Mag. So many of you are right. I would also like to hear male opinions to see what they think of the situation.
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| 2/3/2008 9:47:24 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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bullphourg
Perry, MI
age: 31
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I agree with magtag. Have him introduce you to her. I have woman friends that I spend time with occasionally because I enjoy the company. That does not mean there is anymore to it then that. If they are truly just friends he should have no problem introducing her to you.
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| 2/3/2008 10:21:11 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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craftygirl002
Tacoma, WA
age: 39
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Most people are still on their best behavior a couple months into a new relationship. If you're feeling this way so early in the relationship, I would think it's a red flag. I totally agree that someone who feels the need to show you how attractive he/she is to the opposite sex has issues. He may even enjoy having a partner who is jealous. If that's the case, he will continue to push your jealousy/insecurity buttons as oftens as possible to keep getting that reaction. Some people seem ok living like that, but I personally think it's way too much drama.
It might be an interesting lesson for him if you turned the tables & had a man call you while you're out with him to arrange a date. When you get off the phone, you can tell him that you've decided this other guy is more interesting.
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| 2/3/2008 10:30:16 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 41 online now!
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So we are supposed to forsake our friends just because you come along in our life? I have lots of gals who I'm friends with. I would never date them especially if i worked with them. And even if he did date her before you and became friends afterward what is the big deal? I get this feeling that everyone thinks life begins when a couple meets. Don't be so insecure. It's a poison that will effect your relationship in a negative manner. I believe you are over reacting.
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| 2/3/2008 10:30:43 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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You are so funny but true.
Was he trying to push me away? Why try to make me jealous? Things were going fine.
geo:
Last week he was telling me he doesn't talk to anyone at work and how the women are coming on to him. This week he has a new friend. Come on. If this was a friend he already had - that would be different.
[Edited 2/3/2008 10:32:37 AM]
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