| 2/3/2008 10:38:57 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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classyguy333
West Fargo, ND
age: 57
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This deal could go either way. It could be innocent, but on the other hand he could be looking for a threesome, foursome or moresome. Whatever floats one's boat. I think the way it was played out at the start that I would be skeptical. If you really like him, go with him on you little Valentine escapade. If she jumps out of the closet, bail. Unless of course that action floats 'your' boat. But I'm sorta thinkin' you may want him to yourself. JMO
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| 2/3/2008 10:45:41 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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I thought I had him to myself. I thought that's what this weekend away for Valentines day was about. Now, he's telling me about other women and furthermore, calling them.
I don't want that. It makes me feel like he's still looking. I wish he would just say that, if that's the case.
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| 2/3/2008 11:00:49 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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angelleyess
Middleboro, MA
age: 35
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the best advice i can give you hun is TALK TO HIM about whats bothering you let him know how what he is doing is bothering you... good luck and remember communication is KEY in a healthy relationship
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| 2/3/2008 11:04:12 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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Thanks Angeleyes,
When I talked to him he said - he can't control what i think but, why in the hell would he call someone in my face if he had bad intentions.
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| 2/3/2008 11:10:10 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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angelleyess
Middleboro, MA
age: 35
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your right i dont think you have alot to worrie about here or he would not have called her in front of you.
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| 2/3/2008 11:16:19 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 41 online now!
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Last week he was telling me he doesn't talk to anyone at work and how the women are coming on to him. This week he has a new friend. Come on. If this was a friend he already had - that would be different.
Well at what degree does he not talk with anyone at work? Maybe when he was there at first he was shy but I'm sure he's come out of his shell a little bit since working there. When the gals in the workplace get together they gossip and usually the topic goes to guys. I've overheard plenty in break rooms to know this is a fact and sometimes they rope guys, who are in the immediate vicinity, into their chatty webs.
I know it's hard to believe that there is such a thing as platonic relationships between the sexes, especially with all the jaded people on this site, but it is a normal occurance .
The fact that his friend gave him a window to call means she's probably respecting her relationship (if she is in one with another guy) for professional consultation phone calls.
Some guys don't appreciate their integrity being questioned so I would handle this situation very delicately.
[Edited 2/3/2008 11:17:24 AM]
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| 2/3/2008 12:27:40 PM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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katiescarlett72
Plano, TX
age: 35
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Okay, seriously, let's think this through.
What could be his possible motivations for telling you that women at his workplace are COMING ON to him?
1. He feels the need for absolute, 100% full disclosure with you. I guess this is the most innocent reason, but I sure would hate to make my boyfriend needlessly nervous or jealous by telling him that I'm spending 8 hours a day with a bunch of guys who are hot for me. If *I* am 100% positive that nothing is ever going to happen with them, and I've given them a polite but very firm rejection, then that's the end of it, right? So what would be the point in going home and saying, "Hey, Bill, these guys at work were totally hitting on me, but don't worry, problem solved!" All it would serve to do, even if it was solely in the name of "total honesty," is hurt and worry the person that I supposedly care about.
2. He likes feeling as though you're jealous and off-balance in your relationship. Of course he's been on his best behavior before now - he needed to get you on the hook first. If he'd pulled this shit on your first date there wouldn't have been a second one. Now that he's feeling fairly comfortable and assured that he has you on the line, he can start to act out behaviors that I feel very certain he's acted out many times before. For people who are insecure or narcissistic, it's FUN to see their significant other flush, and their eyes narrow, and their pulse get faster, and their lips press together. They like to push your buttons and see what response comes out. More than anything, they love the fact that they feel loved and desirable and fought over and popular when you express your jealousy and possessiveness.
3. As someone else said above, he likes to multi-task romantically, and he's testing your reaction slowly. If he slowly introduces you to the idea of having an open relationship and you don't freak, then wonderful.
Personally, I think it's choice #2, but frankly regardless of which one it is I'd run screaming. This is NOT about having female friends, okay? It's not. It's about how and whether he shows respect for you as his girlfriend or date. I have guy friends. My guys have always had friends who were girls. In order for this to be successful, everyone involved has to know how to set, and how to respect, boundaries. This man does not apparently know how to set them, and his "friend" does not know how to respect them.
BTW, going on a Valentine's day weekend means nothing if he's a player. It means he wants a weekend of getting laid. If he's a player (I said if) then it could be you or one of half a dozen other girls; the point is he gets a fun filled weekend. It has nothing to do with romance.
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| 2/3/2008 12:39:43 PM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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katiescarlett72
Plano, TX
age: 35
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Couple more random things.
Last night we were on a date and he called a few friends.
I can't believe it took me so long to pick up on this, but
W
T
F?
He's on a date with you and chatting on the phone with friends? Are you KIDDING me? What kind of crap is that? If you're still at the point of your relationship where you're dating, then that's just rude and disrespectful and I can't tell you what all else. When you've moved in together or been with each other so long that you no longer know whose chapstick is whose, then fine. But in the dating stage, that's just INSANE.
I know it's hard to believe that there is such a thing as platonic relationships between the sexes, especially with all the jaded people on this site, but it is a normal occurance .
Of course there are. As long as there are boundaries set and respected, no problem. Calling one of your female friends while on a date is retarded and is not about friendship. The guy could have asked her about a "reggae place" Monday at work, since he apparently was not serious about going to one last night.
The fact that his friend gave him a window to call means she's probably respecting her relationship (if she is in one with another guy) for professional consultation phone calls.
WTF? What window? The guy said he can call her any time, 8 pm, 11 pm, whatever. That's not a window, and it's sure not a harmless relationship between a guy who's in a relationship and a married woman. And I'm sorry, what exactly is there about "hey, give me the name of a Reggae club" that indicates "professional consultation" to you?
[Edited 2/3/2008 12:40:21 PM]
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| 2/3/2008 12:41:29 PM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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chopperbabe
Selah, WA
age: 47 online now!
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he told me that she is a friend from work who likes raggae. He said, he can call her at 8 or 11 pm if he needs any help with anything - workwise. Now, I can't see what he can possibly need to talk to her about at 11 pm or even 8 for that matter. He says it nothing - and if he had any bad intentions he wouldn't call her in front of me.
A teacher needing help workwise at 8 pm or 11 pm??? Booty call is what I am thinking. I think another class is in session 
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| 2/3/2008 12:46:35 PM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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katiescarlett72
Plano, TX
age: 35
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LOL that's what I was thinking. My mom's been a teacher for 22 years. Since my dad passed in 1995, I'm pretty sure that she's never needed a "professional consultation" past the hour of maybe 4 pm.
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| 2/3/2008 12:59:41 PM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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lue1488
Upper Marlboro, MD
age: 19
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Why dont u jus ask him. It only takes a minute. cuz if u listen to wat others have to say (no offense to anyone) but u might be messing something up good for yourself and jus see on how he reacts.
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| 2/3/2008 1:15:42 PM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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tfun
Henderson, NV
age: 35
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Thanks everyone for responding. I have had a lot to think about today. I do think it's a matter of respect. And mind games. I don't play games if you want someone else tell me and i'm gone.
Lue:
I did ask him and he said it's nothing she's just a work friend. He says, he wouldn't call her in front of me if he had bad intentions.
He also said he can't control what i think.
So for now, i'm just going to let it rest. For some reason he has the need to make me feel like he's got these options. Let him have them.
[Edited 2/3/2008 1:16:28 PM]
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| 2/3/2008 2:11:09 PM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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bouquet
Temecula, CA
age: 62 online now!
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I know how you feel (been there) but if you over react you can really turn him away with that ~ show confidence in your-self , and him . Don't throw the baby out with the bath water ! theres plenty of time to give the relationship a chance ~ I think . .
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| 2/3/2008 11:38:41 PM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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eagleeyes7
Fort Myers, FL
age: 60
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I think you have had some Xlnt advice from magtag, crafty, angel, katie, and a few others. They sense that this guy has an ego/socio problem. He seems to need to display that he is attractive to others, and will continue along the same lines long into any kind of actual "relationship" with anyone. He is insecure, and needs to feel important and accepted by you and others. This will not work out in my opinion, and you will likely see that he can't do without putting out an ad for his popularity with you, or anyone else. Cut and run, girl, he's not mature enough to give his attention to just you.
This "Teacher" needs to learn a lesson in life about sincerety and commitment. He's a boy.
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| 2/4/2008 4:00:27 AM |
Should I be Offended (Can I also have male opinions) |
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jbnoosaheads
Queensland
Australia
age: 55
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GO with ANGEL i do bealive she is wright.
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