The old double standard rule.

1/15/2016 8:47:24 AM	The old double standard rule.
ms_holland Danville, AL 52, joined Mar. 2014	If a woman tells a man that she only wants to be friends explains to him she is not looking for a relationship, etc. he feels insulted. Now turn it around: If the man explains to a woman he only wants a friendship, etc. she is suppose to accept it and not develop feelings. When she does, the man looks at her and says, I did tell you only friends. So why did you let yourself develop feelings for me?" Thoughts on the subject folks: Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
1/15/2016 8:59:44 AM	The old double standard rule.
grande_mamon Houston, TX 49, joined Sep. 2014	Quote from ms_holland: If a woman tells a man that she only wants to be friends explains to him she is not looking for a relationship, etc. he feels insulted. Not really, FEW men want a "friend only" woman...what's the point of that?! It would be like buying a fast car and then never driving it.
1/15/2016 8:59:52 AM	The old double standard rule.
soulflight Baltimore, MD 54, joined Apr. 2014	I don't see this as a gender specific issue either way. The person who develops feelings that are not mutual will always get their feelings hurt. Some handle it better than others. Some take responsibility for their own feelings and accept reality, while some others get angry at the other person and attack...shrug..but it's not gender related or a double standard.
1/15/2016 10:19:16 AM	The old double standard rule.
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 57, joined May. 2009	I don't think men are insulted by hearing "let's be friends". I think they're disappointed, and maybe some might hang around in the hopes she changes her mind. Just like women might do. Hang around in the hope things change. And if they (man or woman) fall anyway, even after being told it won't happen, it's on them, not on the person who was honest with them about their chances. In any case, I think most people, men or women, take steps to ensure that they don't lead someone on after having told them it's only friendship. I don't really see any double standard here.
1/15/2016 11:28:17 AM	The old double standard rule.
bumblebee7 Fort Payne, AL 61, joined Apr. 2011	Funny...I've never seen this happen myself. But kudo's for attempting to show another double standard than the same old one that is always used, while men can point out literally thousands of them. I have to admire when someone at least tries. I think in this case to feel insulted to a point is a human trait...not gender specific. Meaning, if both genders in the scenario had real interest....both would be disappointed, and get the same reaction from the other if later, they get feelings. In fact in this case, most men are far more compassionate than most women....because they feel the sting of rejection more often. Compassion is built on bad experiences.....its not an inborn trait.
1/15/2016 11:36:03 AM	The old double standard rule.
inni_dreamz Pasadena, CA 52, joined Nov. 2012	Quote from soulflight: I don't see this as a gender specific issue either way. The person who develops feelings that are not mutual will always get their feelings hurt. Some handle it better than others. Some take responsibility for their own feelings and accept reality, while some others get angry at the other person and attack...shrug..but it's not gender related or a double standard.
1/15/2016 12:00:38 PM	The old double standard rule.
amusicluvr Salem, OR 63, joined Nov. 2013	False premise. Few to no men seek a 'Friends Only Relationship' with women. Many women seek such with men. It's just one more example of the Venus-Mars stuff. Get used to it.
1/15/2016 12:02:45 PM	The old double standard rule.
grande_mamon Houston, TX 49, joined Sep. 2014
1/15/2016 12:52:55 PM	The old double standard rule.
ivaiva Goleta, CA 48, joined Oct. 2007	Quote from ms_holland: I did tell you only friends. So why did you let yourself develop feelings for me?" Maybe he considers "friends" as an abbreviated form for "friends with benefits".
1/15/2016 1:06:49 PM	The old double standard rule.
enigmaathand Leavittsburg, OH 35, joined Mar. 2013	Quote from ms_holland: If a woman tells a man that she only wants to be friends explains to him she is not looking for a relationship, etc. he feels insulted. Now turn it around: If the man explains to a woman he only wants a friendship, etc. she is suppose to accept it and not develop feelings. When she does, the man looks at her and says, I did tell you only friends. So why did you let yourself develop feelings for me?" Thoughts on the subject folks: Men are used to being reject by women, for insulting reasons, under the ruse of "just friends". This is why we get insulted. We know you are lying like usual. Women never listen to men. So, when a man finds no attraction to a woman amd only wants to be friends, her Feminist training kicks in and she begins trying to "conquer" him as a way of showing to him and everyone else, that women are superior. Not hard to figure out, really.
1/15/2016 1:29:50 PM	The old double standard rule.
iheartidiots Grove City, OH 39, joined Feb. 2012	It's not a double standard at all. He clearly spells it out in black and white. It's the women who get upset about it."Oh I thought I could change your mind" bullshit... And if a man gets hurt bc I tell him just friends, that's on him. If he wants to retaliate in ignorance, so be it. I got two legs to walk away. [Edited 1/15/2016 1:31:05 PM ]
1/15/2016 2:55:41 PM	The old double standard rule.
thekinghasrisen San Diego, CA 31, joined Nov. 2013	Quote from ms_holland: If a woman tells a man that she only wants to be friends explains to him she is not looking for a relationship, etc. he feels insulted. Now turn it around: If the man explains to a woman he only wants a friendship, etc. she is suppose to accept it and not develop feelings. When she does, the man looks at her and says, I did tell you only friends. So why did you let yourself develop feelings for me?" Thoughts on the subject folks: The difference is this - a man's female friend could probably catch a c*ck in a drought. A female's 'platonic friend' is basically just there for entertainment and emotional support (basically everything she WISHES a she'd find in a guy who was actually bangable). I don't waste time on female friends. That's time I could be spending on a woman with actual interest in me. [Edited 1/15/2016 2:56:41 PM ]
1/15/2016 5:13:00 PM	The old double standard rule.
SadisticSienna AñatuyaNew South Wales Australia 23, joined Nov. 2015	I think anyone that gets rejected is gonna feel rejected
1/15/2016 5:19:18 PM	The old double standard rule.
packersbabe920 Green Bay, WI 51, joined Jul. 2013 online now!	Quote from lovethelake17: I don't think men are insulted by hearing "let's be friends". I think they're disappointed, and maybe some might hang around in the hopes she changes her mind. Just like women might do. Hang around in the hope things change. And if they (man or woman) fall anyway, even after being told it won't happen, it's on them, not on the person who was honest with them about their chances. In any case, I think most people, men or women, take steps to ensure that they don't lead someone on after having told them it's only friendship. I don't really see any double standard here. agree
1/15/2016 6:28:04 PM	The old double standard rule.
ms_holland Danville, AL 52, joined Mar. 2014	Quote from iheartidiots: It's not a double standard at all. He clearly spells it out in black and white. It's the women who get upset about it."Oh I thought I could change your mind" bullshit... And if a man gets hurt bc I tell him just friends, that's on him. If he wants to retaliate in ignorance, so be it. I got two legs to walk away. @Iheart, I sometimes think the problem is that a man will clearly spell out he only wants friendship and it is like you said, a lot of women think, I could change his mind. I myself, when a man says this, take him for his word. Why would I want to set myself up for false hope? The complication though comes in with the fwb situation. I don't believe it is a reasonable expectation for both parties to think that neither one would develop feelings. Again, I would not enter into a relationship like this. I think it is intersting that men are not ok with just friends, but yet the ladies are. Wonder what the difference is?
1/15/2016 6:29:50 PM	The old double standard rule.
SadisticSienna AñatuyaNew South Wales Australia 23, joined Nov. 2015	I think it is intersting that men are not ok with just friends, but yet the ladies are. Wonder what the difference is? Men want the sex anbd get mad when they can't have any of it etc
1/15/2016 6:34:34 PM	The old double standard rule.
ms_holland Danville, AL 52, joined Mar. 2014	Quote from SadisticSienna: Men want the sex anbd get mad when they can't have any of it etc Blunt but true @Ms Sadistic
1/15/2016 6:39:02 PM	The old double standard rule.
alls_fair Thorlákshöfn Iceland 96, joined May. 2011	A woman discoursing on double standards is ALWAYS a lead in for her MEGO...
1/15/2016 7:43:33 PM	The old double standard rule.
soulflight Baltimore, MD 54, joined Apr. 2014	I gotta with Alls on this one...lol
1/15/2016 8:05:45 PM	The old double standard rule.
lovethelake17 Henderson, NV 57, joined May. 2009	Quote from ms_holland: @Iheart, I sometimes think the problem is that a man will clearly spell out he only wants friendship and it is like you said, a lot of women think, I could change his mind. I myself, when a man says this, take him for his word. Why would I want to set myself up for false hope? The complication though comes in with the fwb situation. I don't believe it is a reasonable expectation for both parties to think that neither one would develop feelings. Again, I would not enter into a relationship like this. I think it is intersting that men are not ok with just friends, but yet the ladies are. Wonder what the difference is? I think you're confusing totally different concepts and coming up with false conclusions. I've come to understand that men and women can be friends with no sexual aspect to the relationship, but I think in the scenario that you suggest one of the two of them wanted more from the get-go. They were not looking for a friend, they were looking for a date. I really don't think that many men, when looking, actively look for friends. It just happens organically as they go about their day. Women, on the other hand, I don't think actively seek out either dates or friends as an agenda. If they're attracted, then it's date time. If they're not then it's friend zone. I guess maybe men are sort of this way, too, but are more open to a non-attraction being more than friend zone. At least, for a time, anyway. But how did FWB come into this? I mean it wasn't part of your OP, and it does change things. Was that what you meant in the first place? If so, I can see why someone might become hurt if their feelings changed during the relationship. And why someone else might be perplexed that someone violated the ground rules.
1/15/2016 8:14:00 PM	The old double standard rule.
ms_holland Danville, AL 52, joined Mar. 2014	@Love, I put in the fwb because the poster @Ivavia mentioned it. And yes, I have just male friends. I believe it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex. Just see on the forum comments that a lot of the men do not want women just as a friend.
1/15/2016 11:02:59 PM	The old double standard rule.
driver406 Saint Paul, MN 64, joined Oct. 2009	That's life. That's what all the people say! It IS silly for a woman to develop feelings for a man if he stated he only wants something platonic. If she wants a relationship she should dump him and look for someone more willing to be caught. If the woman puts the guy in the just friends then he ought to dump her for the same reason. You can't always get the other person to change as well I know.
1/15/2016 11:37:35 PM	The old double standard rule.
packersbabe920 Green Bay, WI 51, joined Jul. 2013 online now!	Quote from lovethelake17: I think you're confusing totally different concepts and coming up with false conclusions. I've come to understand that men and women can be friends with no sexual aspect to the relationship, but I think in the scenario that you suggest one of the two of them wanted more from the get-go. They were not looking for a friend, they were looking for a date. I really don't think that many men, when looking, actively look for friends. It just happens organically as they go about their day. Women, on the other hand, I don't think actively seek out either dates or friends as an agenda. If they're attracted, then it's date time. If they're not then it's friend zone. I guess maybe men are sort of this way, too, but are more open to a non-attraction being more than friend zone. At least, for a time, anyway. But how did FWB come into this? I mean it wasn't part of your OP, and it does change things. Was that what you meant in the first place? If so, I can see why someone might become hurt if their feelings changed during the relationship. And why someone else might be perplexed that someone violated the ground rules. [Edited 1/15/2016 11:40:34 PM ]
1/16/2016 3:38:17 AM	The old double standard rule.
SadisticSienna AñatuyaNew South Wales Australia 23, joined Nov. 2015	Lol FWB. I put the Friend in FWB
1/16/2016 6:46:13 AM	The old double standard rule.
enigmaathand Leavittsburg, OH 35, joined Mar. 2013	Quote from SadisticSienna: Men want the sex anbd get mad when they can't have any of it etc Women want money. Amd they get mad when you tell them to get their "equal" asses a job and work for it. But, they are always willing to lay on their backs to get you to spend it on them.
1/16/2016 6:50:58 AM	The old double standard rule.
flyfish77 Conyers, GA 51, joined Jul. 2014	they tell me there inboxes are overflowing with...dudes...allways..so they got t he whole ..dude..world at there dispense and by the balls etc,an they taake advantage of it too...dudes are like dogs in heat maybe,and of course all women are decent and want none of that o of course not...........i dont want no one that dont show me..first..that they like me........ [Edited 1/16/2016 6:52:05 AM ]
1/16/2016 7:22:30 AM	The old double standard rule.
jjp184 Somerset, NJ 52, joined Jun. 2013	When a man says "it's not you, it's me" that usually means I find you and your busted vagina repulsive
1/17/2016 1:06:50 AM	The old double standard rule.
lucky_1million Pewaukee, WI 49, joined Jun. 2013	If things are unrequited between me and someone I've dated... they are pressuring me for a relationship when I don't want one... I will usually STOP spending time with them but still be friendly towards them in conversation. I don't like to hurt or mislead people. I think it is confusing for the other person if we continued seeing each other once feelings are revealed. However, I think it is natural to develop feelings for someone the more you spend time with them, but this doesn't always translate into a "relationship". I don't think that I've ever been mad at someone for caring about me. And... If I enjoy spending time with someone and like them...it's really not as big of a blow to the ego as some seem to make it out to be.
1/17/2016 1:23:58 AM	The old double standard rule.
flyfish77 Conyers, GA 51, joined Jul. 2014	im allways real never fake or childish,say it,what you mean an be real, women like tall friendly dudes that make them feel good an treat them right,never no worries...but i will not by no one whiskey etc.......
1/17/2016 2:16:58 AM	The old double standard rule.
cavie59 Enid, OK 57, joined Feb. 2010	Quote from ms_holland: If a woman tells a man that she only wants to be friends explains to him she is not looking for a relationship, etc. he feels insulted. Now turn it around: If the man explains to a woman he only wants a friendship, etc. she is suppose to accept it and not develop feelings. When she does, the man looks at her and says, I did tell you only friends. So why did you let yourself develop feelings for me?" Thoughts on the subject folks: Well here is the problem with what you described. Women never listen to what men say, they ALWAYS hope they can change things to get what they want.
1/17/2016 3:23:14 AM	The old double standard rule.
ranconteur2012 Richmond, TX 56, joined Sep. 2012	Quote from grande_mamon: Not really, FEW men want a "friend only" woman...what's the point of that?! It would be like buying a fast car and then never driving it. This is a myopic view of men and womens relationships. the underlying assumption is men define their relationships with women solely on the basis of sexual relations. If so then sex is their primary function and that is insulting to all men and women who appreciate all other qualities they both bring into a relationship. A genuine friendship is enough that would not require sexual expression. I do agree some men are not capable or willing to explore the possibility that women have much to offer,but are not willing and or able to see their relationship potential unless couched in sexual terms- this I find sad and somewhat troubling too..
1/17/2016 3:35:31 AM	The old double standard rule.
mr_imperfect Philadelphia, PA 54, joined Sep. 2011	Quote from ms_holland: If a woman tells a man that she only wants to be friends explains to him she is not looking for a relationship, etc. he feels insulted. Now turn it around: If the man explains to a woman he only wants a friendship, etc. she is suppose to accept it and not develop feelings. When she does, the man looks at her and says, I did tell you only friends. So why did you let yourself develop feelings for me?" Thoughts on the subject folks: You obviously havent been dating men but little boys. Real men dont get upset when a woman says she only wants friendship. A real man respects her wishes and moves on. As for double standards there are lots of them. The world isnt always fair. What about the one where a middle aged woman can get away with chasing a man 20 years her junior and gets called cutesy names like cougar or sugar momma but when a middle aged man wants to date a woman 20 years younger he is a pervert child molestor pedophile dirty old man etc. So dont get on your high horse preaching about unfair double standards to me.
1/17/2016 4:57:07 AM	The old double standard rule.
enigmaathand Leavittsburg, OH 35, joined Mar. 2013	Quote from ranconteur2012: This is a myopic view of men and womens relationships. the underlying assumption is men define their relationships with women solely on the basis of sexual relations. If so then sex is their primary function and that is insulting to all men and women who appreciate all other qualities they both bring into a relationship. A genuine friendship is enough that would not require sexual expression. I do agree some men are not capable or willing to explore the possibility that women have much to offer,but are not willing and or able to see their relationship potential unless couched in sexual terms- this I find sad and somewhat troubling too.. Allow me to truncate the list of things, that women today have to offer. 1. Vagina 2. Breasts 3. Hips 4. Ass And that is really about it...
1/17/2016 11:24:59 AM	The old double standard rule.
dr_i_got_answer Gwynn Oak, MD 49, joined Jun. 2014 online now!	See that's easy... Women live playing mind games bcuz it's fun and very entertaining to them! Women will give a word, term or phrase 100 DIFFERENT MEANINGS! So she can pick which ever BENEFITS her at the moment. Example....?? Generalizing! Yes! When a man generalized and she don't like what he or it's exposes their bullsh¡t, they use the meaning "ALL" and accuse him of saying "All" to make him STFU, to silence him from making his point. But when women generalize it's just a generalization and now it has its proper meaning. When a man say he wanna be friends it ONLY MEANS no commitment that you'll use to make his life a pure living HELL! But he STILL wanna fu€K, suck, hangout, have some laughs, do lunch, catch a movie and ALL without you torturing to death with your mouth and the illogic that comes out of it and drama. When a woman says it? It could mean sex with no commitment (most likely not) or just when she chased away another man with her mouth. Or could mean NO SEX but you'll pay for all her as if you are having sex. Or I'm punishing you somehow by coming to you (my friend) to discuss ALL THE OTHER MEN she let toss her like a cup rag knowing damn well he's attracted to you but you won't give none. Or I'll just use to fanicially to fill in where other men wise up. Or you want him just as much as he wants you but you get kick outta watching him chase bcuz you're too stupid to know when to quit the minds games and grow up. So of course I can see a man being upset. Women know where we stand pretty much.
1/17/2016 12:56:03 PM	The old double standard rule.
micheleisgreat Pittsburgh, PA 53, joined Nov. 2013	I have many male friends. I don't see the problem.
1/17/2016 2:50:34 PM	The old double standard rule.
ms_holland Danville, AL 52, joined Mar. 2014	Quote from cavie59: Well here is the problem with what you described. Women never listen to what men say, they ALWAYS hope they can change things to get what they want. Don't diagree with you on this statement @Cavie. Most women are fixers and changers. We see a man we are interested in. He lets you know just friends only. In the back of the woman's mind she thinks, "I can change his mind". So she doesn't and gets all mad about it. This is an illogical way to act in my opinion. A few years ago I dated this guy from a big church. It just was not there. I let him know it wasn't. He threw a fit to the point I thought he was going to wreck his car while driving. I think this also applies to when you are dating someone and you realize it is not going to work. You need to be honest and let the person know. There is no need to get upset if a person tells you they are not attracted to you, etc. It just means they are not right for each other.
1/17/2016 3:02:51 PM	The old double standard rule.
ladybugruth58 Patton, PA 57, joined Feb. 2014	depends on how long they have dated, a resemblance of a relationship.. as a woman, if a man said he was looking for a nsa or fwb, well not my kind of guy.. so it ended fast.. if after dating and sex happened and the fwb or nsa card was brought up, of course there would be hurt feelings..
1/17/2016 4:24:00 PM	The old double standard rule.
enigmaathand Leavittsburg, OH 35, joined Mar. 2013	Oh, but if I had said what Cavie did, I would just be a woman hater and bitter....
1/17/2016 4:45:11 PM	The old double standard rule.
blurussian Tarawa Terrace, NC 27, joined Dec. 2015	I don't see where there is any room for error if one is honest and upfront with each other. If someone gets frustrated with the 'arrangement' later on... that is something they need to contend with and not hold the other person responsible for 'their own' change in feelings.
1/17/2016 6:39:48 PM	The old double standard rule.
ms_holland Danville, AL 52, joined Mar. 2014	Quote from blurussian: I don't see where there is any room for error if one is honest and upfront with each other. If someone gets frustrated with the 'arrangement' later on... that is something they need to contend with and not hold the other person responsible for 'their own' change in feelings. I can remember when I entered the dating world again that I had decided to do a little research on it since it had been so long since I had dated. The rule that stuck out to me the most said: If you go out with someone and you know right away that it will not work because of (whatever your reason may be), then there is no purpose in going out with them again. The reason being very simple: Why put yourself in the position of getting feelings for that person when you know it won't work? Seems like common sense to me.
2/6/2016 1:33:48 PM	The old double standard rule.
viper1e Jeannette, PA 58, joined Dec. 2013	Quote from ms_holland: If a woman tells a man that she only wants to be friends explains to him she is not looking for a relationship, etc. he feels insulted. Now turn it around: If the man explains to a woman he only wants a friendship, etc. she is suppose to accept it and not develop feelings. When she does, the man looks at her and says, I did tell you only friends. So why did you let yourself develop feelings for me?" Thoughts on the subject folks: The very worst double standard can be found at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WaSy8yy-mr8 Song goes something like: That I dug my key into the side Of his pretty little suped up 4 wheel drive, Carved my name into his leather seats... I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, Slashed a hole in all 4 tires... Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats. And the girls go wild! Imagine if a guy wrote a song something like: I killed her cat and left on the lawn. Set her house and car on fire, and shit in all her shoes. Went to her work and killed her boss, and left her panties for police to find a clue. Would the girls cheer? Or would the old double standard kick in? Women always get a free pass on their criminality. [Edited 2/6/2016 1:36:29 PM ]
2/6/2016 9:30:30 PM	The old double standard rule.
flyfish77 Conyers, GA 51, joined Jul. 2014	one allways gets to havin feelings though,usually the man,but who knows,an then theres trouble unless they agree that they both are havin felings near the same time,then,both have to trust each other etc...
2/6/2016 9:32:32 PM	The old double standard rule.
cupocheer Assumption, IL 67, joined May. 2010	Women develop emotional attachments first.
2/6/2016 11:29:15 PM	The old double standard rule.
im2thexy Belleville, ON 48, joined Dec. 2014	Quote from enigmaathand: Allow me to truncate the list of things, that women today have to offer. 1. Vagina 2. Breasts 3. Hips 4. Ass And that is really about it... And the problem is?....
2/7/2016 7:34:05 AM	The old double standard rule.
enigmaathand Leavittsburg, OH 35, joined Mar. 2013	Quote from im2thexy: And the problem is?.... Women seem to think men actually care about any other parts of them. That is the problem.
2/7/2016 7:47:19 AM	The old double standard rule.
sadlsticsienna AñatuyaNew South Wales Australia 23, joined Jan. 2016 online now!	Allow me to truncate the list of things, that women today have to offer. 1. Vagina 2. Breasts 3. Hips 4. Ass and what do men have to offer? : P
2/7/2016 8:01:46 AM	The old double standard rule.
enigmaathand Leavittsburg, OH 35, joined Mar. 2013	Well, I don't know. I don't offer anything, anymore. I could tell you what women WANT men to offer, but these posts are limited to 5000 total characters.
2/7/2016 8:08:08 AM	The old double standard rule.
sadlsticsienna AñatuyaNew South Wales Australia 23, joined Jan. 2016 online now!	Awww Ok I was just curious what you would say thats all
2/7/2016 8:34:04 AM	The old double standard rule.
ctr916v2 Roseville, CA 53, joined Nov. 2014	i expect women to be honest with me, when it is my turn.

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