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| 5/13/2017 1:17:51 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
SEX!!!!
SEX is like math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply!
Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 5/13/2017 1:19:33 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
THE RULES
---------
The FEMALE always makes The Rules.
The Rules are subject to change at any time, without prior notice.
No MALE can possibly know all The Rules.
If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all The Rules she must
immediately change some or all of The Rules.
The FEMALE is never wrong.
If the FEMALE is wrong it is due to misunderstanding which was the
direct result of something the MALE said or did which was wrong.
The MALE must apologies immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
The MALE is always wrong.
The MALE may be right if he agrees with the FEMALE unless she wants
him to disagree.
The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
The MALE may never change his mind without the express written consent
of the FEMALE.
The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
The MALE must retain calm at all times unless the FEMALE wants him to
be angry and/or upset.
The FEMALE must, under no circumstances, let the MALE know whether she
wants him to be angry and/or upset.
The MALE is expected to mind-read at all times.
The FEMALE is ready when she is ready.
The MALE must be ready at all times.
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| 5/13/2017 11:06:21 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
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That's right  
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| 5/14/2017 5:33:28 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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SEX!!!!
SEX is like math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply!
Oh
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| 5/14/2017 5:34:22 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
|
 To the females rules
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| 5/15/2017 5:06:47 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning.
The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath.
The 80-year-old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87-year-old said "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."
So, on the way home, the 80-year-old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be hard"
He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the world knows about this schitt but me."
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| 5/15/2017 5:41:50 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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| 5/15/2017 11:14:51 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
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| 5/16/2017 5:32:57 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
A woman went to her shrink because she was having severe problems with her sex life. The psychiatrist asked her many questions but did not seem to be getting a clear picture of her problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your husband's face while you are having sex?"
"Well, yes, I actually did once."
"And how did your husband look?"
"Angry, very angry."
At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.
Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your husband's face once during sex; that seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw his face that time?"
"He was looking through the window at us!"
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| 5/16/2017 5:33:42 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
A trucker who had been out on the road for three straight weeks stopped at a brothel outside Vegas.
He walked straight up to the Madam, plopped down $500.00 and said, "I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich."
The Madam was astonished. She said, "OK, sir, but do you know that for that kind of money you could have two of my finest ladies, plus a three-course meal??"
The trucker replied, "Listen, sweetie. I ain't horny, ..... I'm homesick!"
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| 5/16/2017 11:37:27 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
|
Good ones sorp 
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| 5/17/2017 2:10:24 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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purplesky56
Pearcy, AR
64, joined Nov. 2010
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SEX!!!!
SEX is like math: add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray you don't multiply!
noooo multiplying around here lol
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| 5/18/2017 1:30:55 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldy pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.
"I've got 2 of these." He said, "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button.
So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his penis. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her til she ran home to her mommy.
She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face. She said, "My mommy told me that when I am 15 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!"
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| 5/18/2017 4:29:40 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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Like the other ones to
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| 5/19/2017 8:34:40 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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Always makes me think
When a Woman gets pregnant her girlfriends rub her belly and say "congratulations" but they never rub her Man's "Unit" and say "Nice Job" ??
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| 5/19/2017 8:36:52 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
There was a blonde sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a grassy field along side a highway. She was in this rowboat rowing and rowing away.
Another blonde comes driving along and sees the blonde in the rowboat rowing and rowing away in the grassy field.
The blonde in the car gets out of her car mad as hell at the blonde in the rowboat and shouts, " It's blondes like you that give us a bad name and if I could swim I would go over there and kick your ass!"
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| 5/20/2017 12:47:21 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
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| 5/20/2017 1:40:59 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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Always makes me think
When a Woman gets pregnant her girlfriends rub her belly and say "congratulations" but they never rub her Man's "Unit" and say "Nice Job" ??
Not
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| 5/20/2017 1:41:44 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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There was a blonde sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a grassy field along side a highway. She was in this rowboat rowing and rowing away.
Another blonde comes driving along and sees the blonde in the rowboat rowing and rowing away in the grassy field.
The blonde in the car gets out of her car mad as hell at the blonde in the rowboat and shouts, " It's blondes like you that give us a bad name and if I could swim I would go over there and kick your ass!"
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| 5/22/2017 1:25:32 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot by that robber, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right there.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I think you're bad luck... Get the hell away from me!!'
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| 5/22/2017 1:27:52 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
It's a combo car - They're starting with the Renault "Clio", then adding luxury features from the Ford "Taurus".
The result will be sold as the "Clitaurus". It only comes in pink.
The main benefit of the new hybrid: the average car thief won't be able to find it, even if someone tells him exactly where it is.
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| 5/22/2017 1:28:40 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
To make it stand. You wet it!
To make it wet.......... You suck it!
To make it stiff........... You lick it!
To get it in................. you push it!
What is it?????????
.
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.
.
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Threading a needle when you're old, ain't no joke !
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| 5/22/2017 5:33:29 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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It ain't
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| 5/22/2017 5:34:02 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
|
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot by that robber, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right there.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I think you're bad luck... Get the hell away from me!!'
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| 5/25/2017 3:45:33 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
Do you have a vagina?
Sally is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to
the door and opens it to see a man standing there.
He asks Sally, 'Do you have a vagina?' Shocked, she slams the door in
disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door & it is the same man. He
asks the same question 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door
again.
Later that night when her husband gets home, she tells him what has
happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving
and concerned voice, 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in
case this guy shows up again'.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door & both run for the door.
The husband whispers to the wife, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the
door & listen. If it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to see where he is going with it'. She nods to
her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same
question. 'Do you have vagina?''
"Yes' she says.
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave
my wife's alone and start using yours?
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| 5/25/2017 3:46:58 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
He didn't like the casserole,
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right,
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks,
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer,
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his mother used to do.
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| 5/25/2017 3:49:41 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. When HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
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| 5/25/2017 4:48:56 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
|
Do you have a vagina?
Sally is at home when she hears someone knock at the door. She goes to
the door and opens it to see a man standing there.
He asks Sally, 'Do you have a vagina?' Shocked, she slams the door in
disgust.
The next morning she hears a knock at the door & it is the same man. He
asks the same question 'Do you have a vagina?' She slams the door
again.
Later that night when her husband gets home, she tells him what has
happened for the last two days. The husband tells the wife in a loving
and concerned voice, 'Honey I am taking tomorrow off to be home just in
case this guy shows up again'.
The next morning they hear a knock at the door & both run for the door.
The husband whispers to the wife, 'Honey, I'm going to hide behind the
door & listen. If it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the
question because I want to see where he is going with it'. She nods to
her husband and opens the door.
Sure enough the same fellow is standing there and asks the same
question. 'Do you have vagina?''
"Yes' she says.
The man replies.. 'Good! Would you mind telling your husband to leave
my wife's alone and start using yours?
Told him right
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| 5/25/2017 4:50:25 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
|
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed,
I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. When HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
lawdy
at the other one
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| 5/25/2017 11:50:23 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
|
He didn't like the casserole,
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right,
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks,
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer,
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and smacked him...
Like his mother used to do.
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| 5/25/2017 11:53:00 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
|
A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, 'You know what? 'You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot by that robber, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right there.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side... You know what?'
'What dear?' she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
'I think you're bad luck... Get the hell away from me!!'
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| 5/26/2017 11:23:28 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
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| 5/26/2017 11:24:50 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
The Sweetness of Married Life
The newlyweds were only married two weeks, when the husband said to the wife, 'Honey I'm going to Hank's Tavern to have a beer, I'll be right back'.
'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.
'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. 'I'm going to have a beer...'
The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany , Holland , Japan , India , etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop... But at the bar.... You know....they have frozen glasses........ '
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the
bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long.. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?'
'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and little quiches.
'But my sweet honey.... At the bar... You know there's swearing, dirty words and all that...'
'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?
"LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR SORRY A** DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS D'OEUVRES RIGHT HERE BECAUSE YOU'RE FREAKIN' MARRIED NOW AND YOUR SORRY A** IS SOO NOT GOING TO A BAR! THAT SHIT IS OVER! GOT IT, DUMBASS?"
And they lived happily ever after.
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| 5/27/2017 1:59:06 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
|
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| 5/27/2017 1:59:38 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
|
A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."
It was fun while it lasted
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| 5/27/2017 8:20:00 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins.
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.
The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.
"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."
So they wiggled up close to each other. "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.
Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY - BOTH OF US?"
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| 5/27/2017 8:22:21 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith, and questioned him about implants.
Dr. Smith explained that 'before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients.' Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say, "Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies."
She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger. She was very impressed...
One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she had forgotten to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says, "Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies."
The man standing next to her says, "You go to Dr. Smith?"
"Yes," she says. "How did you know?"
He replies, "Hickory d*ckory dock!"
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| 5/28/2017 12:24:03 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
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| 5/28/2017 5:20:45 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
|
to all
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| 5/29/2017 5:38:38 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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stareye1
Osage Beach, MO
58, joined Sep. 2009
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| 5/30/2017 12:35:42 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lynyrd80
Wood River, NE
56, joined Jan. 2014
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| 5/30/2017 8:18:32 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
|
A Cow, an Ant and an Asshole...
A Cow, an Ant and an Asshole are debating on who is the greatest of the
three of them.
Cow: I give 50 liters of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!!
Ant: I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own
weight and that's why I am the greatest!!
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Why are you scrolling down? It's your turn to say something....
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| 5/30/2017 5:36:17 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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| 5/31/2017 12:24:34 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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purplesky56
Pearcy, AR
64, joined Nov. 2010
|
...
lol don't get here often..been really busy
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| 6/2/2017 12:09:48 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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Medical problems and questions
I sent my wife for plastic surgery-----they cut her credit cards in half
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The registrar of the local hospital stopped the Irish Intern as he was about to enter the ward with a jug of boiling water.
"No, No" shouted the agitated registrar, "I told you to prick his boil!!"
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After much soul searching and having determined that the husband was inferftile, the childless couple decided to try artificial insemination. The woman made an appointment at the clinic, where she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table, and place her feet in the stirrups.
She was feeling awkward abouot the whole procedure, and when the doctor came in, her anxiety was not diminished bu the sight of him pulling down his trousers.
"Wait a minute! What;'s going on here?", she yelled pulling hersel up into a sitting position.
"You want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor breezily.
The patient nodded, wide eyed.
"Well, we're out of the bottled stuff, so you'll have to settle for draught!"
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There's a new operation where they change a woman into a man----It's called Addadictome
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The young country doctor thought his wife would be embarrassed if he had told her that the lecture he was giving to the Young WOmen's Club on sex in marriage, so he told her he was giving them a lecture on sailing.
The following day, a bright young lady who was at the meeting stopped his wife in the street and congratulated her on her husbands lecture.
"You're lucky having such an expert for a husband" she said.
"An expert" replied the doctor's wife, "He's only done it twice. First time he got sea sick and the secong time blew his hat off!"
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| 6/2/2017 12:11:32 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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One Sunday morning an old cowboy, luck's friend, entered a church just before services were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible.
The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the largest and most beautiful church the old cowboy had ever seen. The people of the congregation were all dressed with expensive clothes and accessories.
As the cowboy took a seat, the others moved away from him. No one greeted, spoke to, or welcomed him. They were all appalled at his appearance and did not attempt to hide it.
As the old cowboy was leaving the church, the preacher approached him and asked the cowboy to do him a favor.
"Before you come back in here again, have a talk with God, and ask him what he thinks would be appropriate attire for worship." The old cowboy assured the preacher he would.
The next Sunday, he showed back up for the services wearing the same ragged jeans, shirt, boots, and hat. Once again he was completely shunned and ignored.
The preacher again approached the man and said, "I thought I asked you to speak to God before you came back to our church."
"I did," replied the old cowboy.
"If you spoke to God, what did he tell you the proper attire should be for worshiping in here?" asked the preacher.
"Well, sir, God told me that He didn't have a clue what I should wear. He said He'd never been in this church."
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| 6/2/2017 12:14:25 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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A young Texan grew up wanting to be a law man, formerly the boyfriend of luck, b4 she found DH. He grew up big, 6' 2'', and strong as a longhorn and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally became of age he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: the West Texas Sheriff's Department.
After a big mess of tests and interviews the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. The Chief Deputy says, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good. But we have what you call an 'attitude suitability test' that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge son."
Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief says, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six ACLU lawyers, six Democrat senators, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit."
"Why the rabbit?"
"Great attitude," says the Chief Deputy. "When can you start? Luck was never to be seen or heard from again..lol
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| 6/2/2017 6:46:58 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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| 6/3/2017 5:43:06 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.
She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s not there standing for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.”
He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”.
She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE thingy
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”
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| 6/3/2017 5:44:28 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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Can't Beat an Iowa Girl!
A guy meets a beautiful girl and decided he wanted to marry her right away, she said, "But we don't know anything about each other. He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool when he got off his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel. She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn about each other as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Sioux City, Iowa, and I worked both sides of the river!
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| 6/3/2017 9:10:00 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
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Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.
She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s not there standing for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.”
He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”.
She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE thingy
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”
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| 6/3/2017 9:10:56 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
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Just how HUGE was his thingy?
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| 6/4/2017 3:08:17 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she’ll become a hooker.
She’s not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, “Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you got a question, I’ll be parked around the corner.”
She’s not there standing for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, “How much?” She says, “A hundred dollars.”
He says, “All I got is thirty”. She says, “Hold on,” and runs back to Harry and asks, “What can he get for thirty?” “A hand job”.
She runs back and tells the guy all the gets for thirty is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his pants, and out pops this HUGE thingy
She stares at it for a minute, and then says, “I’ll be right back.” She runs back to Harry, and asks, “Can you loan this guy seventy bucks?”
lucky i wanna know to
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| 6/4/2017 3:08:55 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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Can't Beat an Iowa Girl!
A guy meets a beautiful girl and decided he wanted to marry her right away, she said, "But we don't know anything about each other. He said, "That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented and they were married and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool when he got off his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, followed by three rotations in a jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and laid down on the towel. She said, "That was incredible!"
He said, I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn about each other as we went along." So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps, she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
"No." she said, "I was a hooker in Sioux City, Iowa, and I worked both sides of the river!
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| 6/4/2017 6:45:45 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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A lady walked into a pharmacy and spoke to the pharmacist. She asked, "Do you have Viagra?"
"Yes," he answered. She asked, "Does it work?" "Yes," he answered. "Can you get it over the
counter?" she asked.
"I can if I take two," he answered.
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| 6/4/2017 6:47:42 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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What is the square root of 69???
Ate Sumthin!!!
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| 6/4/2017 10:24:31 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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lu777ck
Pardeeville, WI
51, joined Dec. 2013
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| 6/5/2017 11:19:20 AM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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stareye1
Osage Beach, MO
58, joined Sep. 2009
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[Edited 6/5/2017 11:19:57 AM ]
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| 6/5/2017 7:23:12 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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packersbabe920
Green Bay, WI
52, joined Jul. 2013
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| 6/5/2017 8:24:11 PM |
PURP"S comedy club | Page 21 |
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sorpstar
Little River, SC
65, joined Oct. 2009
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A little koala bear wanders into a wh*rehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.
She wakes up shocked and sees this koala bear going down on her, and she decides that since it feels so good she'll let him finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him "Hey, you have to pay for that".
The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.
The prostitute yells at him again, "Hey you have to pay for that. I'm a prostitute". She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition.
PROSTITUTE
(n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.
The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.
KOALA
(n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.
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