| 9/1/2015 7:31:44 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Meet singles at DateHookup.dating, we're 100% free! Join now!
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| 9/1/2015 2:44:27 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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I ALMOST PEED LAUGHING!!!
HOW DO COURT RECORDERS KEEP STRAIGHT FACES????
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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| 9/5/2015 9:51:27 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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^ 
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| 9/7/2015 8:19:39 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 9/7/2015 10:01:12 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 9/8/2015 5:21:28 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 9/8/2015 12:52:19 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 9/10/2015 1:46:35 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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When an attractive young girl returned from her honeymoon she was in a state bordering on desperation, and decided to write to the ''Aunt Marge'' page of her weekly magazine:
''I am at wit's end since it seems that the nice boy I married is really a sex-maniac. He never leaves me alone -- he makes love to me all night without stopping, and then while I'm cooking breakfast, cleaning the house, while I'm in the bath, while I'm watching TV, and so on, he just never stops! Can you please tell me what to do? Signed, Exhausted in Peoria P.S. Please excuse the jerky handwriting.''
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| 9/13/2015 10:08:48 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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^^^
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| 9/13/2015 12:56:46 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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Thinking about OJ...
 
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| 9/14/2015 8:12:17 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Nice to have a buddy during rough times.
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| 9/14/2015 10:22:31 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 9/15/2015 6:47:27 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 9/15/2015 9:52:13 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 9/15/2015 10:52:39 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 9/16/2015 10:10:33 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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^^ Meanwhile,up in a tree somewhere...
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| 9/18/2015 10:06:43 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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Smile like you have a severed head in the freezer!! 
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| 9/20/2015 9:28:39 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Oldie, but a goodie !!!
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| 9/20/2015 10:10:50 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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just me!
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| 9/20/2015 10:20:07 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 9/20/2015 10:39:42 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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^
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| 9/20/2015 10:45:28 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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Alicia...
Who thinks DH is fun...
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| 9/20/2015 10:49:51 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Kenny, Ali
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| 9/20/2015 10:57:30 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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Ray! Kenny!
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| 9/20/2015 11:02:24 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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Look out Ray and Alicia!The Doc is coming in to try and save DH!
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| 9/21/2015 6:16:59 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 9/21/2015 7:24:57 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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A police officer called the station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."
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| 9/21/2015 9:16:00 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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A police officer pulls over a car full of old women. He says "Mam, you realize you can't drive that slow on the highway. It's dangerous."
She responds "Isn't the speed limit 33?"
Laughing the cop says "No man, this is highway 33. That's not the speed limit." He looks into the back of the car and the women are frightened. He asks "What's wrong with them?"
The lady says "I don't know. We just came off of Highway 144."
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| 9/22/2015 6:22:14 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 9/23/2015 2:38:34 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 9/26/2015 10:57:18 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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Let's go river rafting!
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| 9/27/2015 5:56:24 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 9/27/2015 8:35:07 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Ha Ha
^^^
...
Sums up my week !!!
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| 9/27/2015 9:42:45 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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heart_and_soul3
Sarasota, FL
59, joined Aug. 2014
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| 9/28/2015 9:56:56 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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The squirrels are beginning to gather nuts for the winter..
I'm worried about loosing you as a friend so stay inside
and lock the door.. you are important!
(Nat)
Life is too short to be serious all the time..
can't laugh at yourself? Let me know and I'll laugh with you!
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| 9/29/2015 8:20:51 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 9/29/2015 9:25:57 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 9/29/2015 2:39:06 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/2/2015 6:25:23 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/4/2015 8:50:26 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/5/2015 10:58:42 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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'I like to play chess with bald men in the park,
although it's hard to find 32 of them.'
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| 10/6/2015 8:44:58 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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| 10/6/2015 10:58:34 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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Teddy Bears
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. He turns to her... they kiss... and then they rip each others clothes off and make love. After an intense night of passion, as they are lying there together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The woman says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf."
[Edited 10/6/2015 10:58:47 AM ]
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| 10/11/2015 8:11:50 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Get it ?
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| 10/11/2015 10:48:21 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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^
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| 10/18/2015 11:05:44 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Sometimes it's the simple things that provide pleasure.
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| 10/18/2015 12:55:32 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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ray_licious
Georgetown, DE
56, joined Nov. 2012
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Now that's funny !!!
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| 10/19/2015 5:54:28 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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cuileann
San Antonio, TX
50, joined Aug. 2015
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| 10/19/2015 8:02:14 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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Five surgeons are discussing who the best patients
to operate on were.
The first surgeon says,
“I like to see Accountants on my operating table because when
you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”
The second surgeon responds,
“Yeah, but you should try Electricians!
Everything inside them is color-coded.”
The third surgeon says,
“No, I really think Librarians are the best;
everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The fourth surgeon chimes in,
“You know I like Construction Workers.
Those guys always understand when you have
a few parts left over at the end,
and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed,
“You're all wrong! Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine,
and there are only two moving parts - the mouth and the a**hole - and they are interchangeable”
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| 10/23/2015 11:31:12 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women.
The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
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| 10/25/2015 10:53:14 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 10/26/2015 10:24:42 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
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| 10/27/2015 10:23:08 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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Free Lambo's for the FUNNY Business posters,pick one!...
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| 10/27/2015 10:23:59 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 10/31/2015 9:41:31 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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Let's go fishing...
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| 10/31/2015 10:38:55 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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findingalicia
Lexington, KY
66, joined May. 2011
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| 11/6/2015 1:14:15 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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| 11/6/2015 3:38:26 AM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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cuileann
San Antonio, TX
50, joined Aug. 2015
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| 11/6/2015 6:48:40 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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kennylooking4u
Victorville, CA
59, joined Dec. 2010
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^^cuileann,hope you're not mad about the bathroom pic...Just playing...
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| 11/6/2015 7:01:57 PM |
The FUNNY Business Thread ! LOL | Page 56 |
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cuileann
San Antonio, TX
50, joined Aug. 2015
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I didn't like it; thought you were making fun of me. It wasn't really a good photo anyway. I removed it from my profile.
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